Those Heartless Boys

by E. M. Moore

  Yes, I can be kind of morbid. And weird.

  Every car had a different story, and that’s what fascinated me so much. Each of us have a different story to tell. One we’ll pass on to our loved ones. We’re all different, and that’s what I always wanted to get through the heads of the small-minded people who live here. My family hunts for treasure. So what? There are plenty of shows out there right now where people are doing the same thing. One of them was even about the gold hidden in the Superstition Mountains, but the Jacobs got that shit shut down really quick.

  It was fine by us, we didn’t like it either. That was one of the only times my father was happy that the Jacobs had that kind of pull, so they could demand it.

  And now, here I am, heading up to Leedsville with three guys. Ever since we passed the Leaving Clary sign, my heart’s been in my throat.

  I’ve never left Clary before. Only just outside the small town to go to the mountains. Clary and the Superstitions are my home. I’ve made up a thousand different stories about going different places, but they were never true. My father didn’t like to go out, but even when he did, I wasn’t allowed to go with him.

  My heart beats rapidly. I rub my palms down my shorts, and my foot starts tapping the floor of the car. Excitement and nerves burn through me like I’m made of the driest brush.

  Wyatt is in the backseat with me. He does a double-take just as he finishes talking about how he made Meghan’s whole table move in the lunchroom, even though we decided not to sit there anyway. We headed outside to sit by ourselves so we could talk about what supplies we were going to buy in Leedsville. The prospect of leaving Clary had thrilled me then. Now? I’m not so sure.

  Wyatt knocks his knee into mine. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah,” I say, planting a fake smile on my face. There’s no way on this earth I’m telling them what’s going through my head right now. I’m walking a tightrope with these guys. They were picking on Meghan today, but it could so easily be me tomorrow. Right?

  I don’t know. Maybe not.

  I sit back in the seat and take a deep breath, closing my eyes. I want to open them. I want to take in the scenery. I want to be in the driver’s seat of my life for once. I always chalked up Dad never letting me go anywhere to being a bit overprotective, but it’s hard to fight those feelings. If he was overprotective, what was he trying to protect me from?

  I guess I didn’t even need to leave Clary to have something bad happen, but still. I’m rattled.

  Wyatt puts his hand on mine. “Dakota?” Fuck. My real name? He must be worried about me.

  I’m so screwed. Why can’t I just fucking relax? Act like this isn’t a big deal. Going to Leedsville? Sure. Easy. Done it a hundred times.

  “Pull the car over,” Wyatt instructs Stone.

  “No,” I shout. “I’m fine.” My voice is high and tight, cracked with fissures so that anyone listening can clearly tell I’m not alright despite me saying otherwise.

  Because they are listening, Stone pulls over.

  I growl. “I’m fine.”

  Wyatt gives me a look. He knows I’m full of shit.

  Fuck. So do I. I just need to get over it though.

  Lucas turns around from the front seat. He takes one look at me and frowns. “You’re white as a ghost.”

  “I don’t know why,” I say. I rub my arms to try to warm them. “Maybe I’m still tired. Or it’s an effect from the drugs.”

  Stone turns in the seat now, too, and I’d rather claw his eyes out than have him see me like this. I close my eyes, pretending that if I can’t see him, then he can’t see me.

  “Maybe I’ll just get out and walk around for a bit,” I say, throwing the door open. It opens up onto the sandy side of the road. Cacti of all different sizes dot the landscape. Seeing them instantly puts me at ease. That’s normal. They’re familiar.

  I shut the door and stretch my limbs. I walk out across the dirt, my feet kicking up dust clouds as I go. Behind me, cars pass the Audi making a vroom, vroom noise. A door opens and closes, and I already know it’s going to be Lucas who comes out to check on me. The peacemaker. The silent one who observes. Plus, I’m fairly certain Stone doesn’t give a fuck and that Wyatt is on the fence about me. Well, he likes to make comments about my body, but that’s about it. Who even knows if Wyatt is capable of having girls who are friends?

  “Hey,” Lucas says in a sure voice.

  I kick the dirt in front of me, sending up a plume of brown.

  “Wyatt says you’re freaking out. Are you?”

  “I’m fine,” I say, stretching my lips into something I hope resembles a smile.

  Lucas moves in front of me, dipping his head to look me in the face. I wish he wasn’t so nice—and I really can’t believe I’m saying that—but he makes me want to tell him stuff. I’ve never had someone who I could talk to before. Well, besides Dad, and I really couldn’t have said anything to him. If I asked about going places, he just told me there was no reason I needed to go. He didn’t get that I was so sick of living in my head or through books. He didn’t get that I wanted something real.

  That’s why I don’t understand why I’m freaking out right now. I want this. I’ve been wanting it for so long.

  “A truth for a truth?” Lucas asks. He’s posing it as a question, but he doesn’t waste time waiting for my answer. “My parents died when I was young. I was in and out of homes until the Jacobs took me in. Five years ago, they adopted me. Sometimes, I have this weird thing that happens where I feel like I don’t belong anywhere. I recognize that in you too. I think that’s why I like you.”

  My brain gets hung up on the words, I think that’s why I like you. No one has ever said that to me before. Ever. Not a boy, not a girl. Not a friend. Not my father or Dickie. Literally no one.

  My walls start to crumble. I’m completely fucked with people like Lucas. How many guys are there like him in the world? He told me once that I might realize there were more people like me in the world, and maybe he was right. I’ve just never met someone like me because... Well, I’ve barely met anyone new.

  “Your turn,” he prods.

  The earnestness in his gaze peels me open. I already know I’m going to talk. “It’s dumb.”

  “Nothing you feel is dumb.”

  I groan up at the sky, watching the hawks fly overhead, circling their prey. It’s kismet that Lucas and I have come to this moment. Like, maybe this is how we were supposed to end up all along. Him and his lost puppy, yet gorgeous features. His haphazard style of not looking like he cares, but also that he totally does. His truth clicks a lot of his personality into place for me. Maybe if I give him my truth, he’d be able to help me. “So, I’ve never actually been out of Clary.”

  The words hang in the air like the humidity, clinging to us like weights. I wait for him to laugh. I wait for him to tell me that that makes me a loser. He doesn’t. Instead, he says, “Wow. I had no idea, Dakota. None of us did. If we did, we would’ve...” He trails off. “I don’t know. Tried to make it easier on you somehow. Is that why you’re freaking out? Because you’re leaving Clary?”

  I gaze into his eyes. “I think it’s a combination of being excited and worried. There’s just a lot of shit in my head that my dad has said in the past, and even though I don’t agree with it, it’s still there. I guess I actually don’t know what I’m feeling.”

  Lucas takes my shoulders, his thumbs rub circles into my skin. “One thing Stone has had to learn is that you are not responsible for your father’s issues. Okay?” Before I can ask him what he means by that, he continues. “Now, I’d say leaving Clary for the first time is cause for celebration. We’re going to get back in that car, we’re going to turn the radio up and party, and maybe after we spend all of Lance Jacobs’ money on supplies, we’ll go out to eat to celebrate.”

  A smile tugs at my lips. Excitement burrows a hole in my stomach and opens, letting out butterflies that tickle my insides. He’s right. It’s not something to be afra
id of. Sure, I can feel the fear, but that doesn’t mean I have to let it stop me. If I let it stop me from doing these things, I might as well just resign myself to staying in Clary my whole life, and I’ve never wanted that. Ever. “Okay,” I say, smiling.

  Lucas gives me a quick shake then turns me around, pointing me back toward the car. Stone and Wyatt aren’t even trying to hide the fact that they’re curious about what’s going on. I settle the nosedive my stomach makes and brush it off. It doesn’t matter.

  Lucas opens the backdoor for me, and I slide inside. He closes it after me and then gets in the passenger seat. “Let’s go,” he says, but his voice doesn’t have the same amount of cheer it just did. He reaches over to turn on the radio, and his jaw feathers. He scrubs at his cheek like he has a festering wound there. When he turns to look at me, though, he winks, a broad grin tugging his lips that should be on display behind a glass case if it wasn’t so fake.

  It’s the switch between anger and happiness, and they all wear it so damn well.

  With the radio on and Wyatt deciding to serenade us all the way into Leedsville, the rest of the ride is better. It also helps that I know where the fear is stemming from. I can deal with it as it breaches the surface, telling myself that living in my father’s bubble was never the way to go. I always wanted much more than that, and now I’m finally getting it.

  In reality, the car ride doesn’t take that long at all. We pull into Leedsville fifteen minutes later which is much more modern and boasts a sleeker Welcome sign than Clary has ever thought of having.

  I press against the glass as I watch the houses give way to modern buildings. A town only fifteen minutes away, and I’ve never been to it. I tell myself I’ll unpack that later because I don’t want to miss anything. Their downtown area is bigger than ours, and more people are out on the streets here than there ever is in Clary. “Jeez, if this is Leedsville, I can’t imagine what Phoenix is like.”

  “Wait, what?” Wyatt asks. He pushes up the brim of his cowboy hat to get a better look at me.

  Lucas turns in his seat, eyeballing his friend. “Don’t.”

  Wyatt’s eyes flash. He looks like he wants to say so much more, but he doesn’t. I look back out the window, but Stone catches my gaze in the rearview mirror. His eyes are narrowed as he watches me, and I realize I’ve just given myself away.

  I shake it off and narrow my gaze right back at him before turning away. The last thing I need is to hear Stone Jacobs’ thoughts on me growing up so sheltered. Someone like him wouldn’t get it.

  25

  We get out of the car at the sporting goods store, and Lucas entwines our fingers. I feel like a fish out of water next to all these people, and I guess I really am one. It doesn’t matter how much I’ve experienced through books, being out with other people is both thrilling and daunting. Lucas’s quiet strength helps though.

  Wyatt and Stone take note of our joined hands but don’t say anything. I’m glad for that because I don’t want to give it up.

  The automatic doors open before us as soon as we cross the parking lot and approach the sporting goods store. We step inside, and I stop. Wyatt runs into me from behind. He immediately grabs my hips, tugging me against him. “You can’t just stop in the middle of the walkway, Tits.”

  “Sorry,” I say in awe while I gaze around at everything. There are things everywhere. Shirts. Pants. Shoes. Kayaks. I’m in a sea of stuff. New stuff. Bright and shiny and just waiting to be purchased and taken home by their new owner.

  Lucas tightens his hold on me, spurring me to move. “Boots, right?” Stone asks, voice thin.

  I nod but as soon as we get into that section, I freeze again. My eye is immediately drawn to the price tags on everything. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it before but there’s no way I can afford a pair of boots. I don’t have any money. Zero money. And if I did, I probably wouldn’t spend it on a pair of boots. Surely there’s something less frivolous I could purchase with it. And I’m certainly not going to let Stone Jacobs buy me boots, right? He’ll think he owns me even more than he already does.

  “What’s wrong?” Lucas asks. “You don’t know your size?”

  The fact that he asks that is even more humbling and humiliating. I’ve always worn my father’s hand-me-downs and stuffed socks in the heel and in the foot to make it work. “No. Well, yes. That, too. But I—” I drop my voice to a whisper and lean toward him. “I don’t actually have any money.”

  Apparently, I didn’t do that great of a job of whispering because Stone steps in front of me. He pierces me with one of his stone-cold gazes, and it hits me then that I can’t help but wonder if his parents named him Stone because he came out of the womb looking like this. Or maybe they were just preparing for the kid they wanted. The one with the heart of stone who would be just like them.

  He takes my chin in his hands, making me look into the bottomless pit of his eyes. “I am buying you what you need. I will buy you the whole damn store if you want. Do you hear me?” He steps closer, making my neck arch back. “Anything. Everything.”

  My breath gets lost somewhere between my mouth and my lungs. It just disappears into a void until he steps back, then I gulp in air easily. The way he controls my body is disconcerting, and it makes me salty. “I don’t need you to do that.”

  “Dakota Wilder.” The look he gives me slices me to my core. It feels like he wants to say so much, but instead, he drops his stare to my shoes. “You want to walk up into the mountain with those? You want to follow the trails with the clothes you’re wearing? Put aside the stupid pride bullshit for one second. You know you need those things. Get out of your damn head and let me do it for you.”

  Everything in me is telling me not to give in to him, but I really don’t have a choice. I don’t have the money. I probably never will have the money. What’s most important now is that we find my father and the treasure. “Fine,” I seethe.

  “Follow me,” he demands. We all do as he says because, well, he’s Stone Jacobs. He stops in front of a bunch of shoe boxes that all look the same. “This is a good brand. Find the style and the fit you like, and we’ll get those. And actually, get a couple of pairs. Lucas, come with me. We’re looking at tents.”

  Lucas’s hand tightens around mine as he gives Stone a perplexed look. “I thought you said—”

  “Just fucking come with me,” he growls out.

  A woman who walks past us at that exact time places her hands over her son’s ears, as the son gazes up at Stone wide-eyed. Stone has the decency to apologize in his most well-mannered good boy voice, and the woman smiles back. Stone just has that kind of look when he wants to. He can turn on the charm in an instant which makes him almost like a snake in the grass. Just biding his time.

  I shake my head as I watch Stone and Lucas walk away in the opposite direction of the mother and son. Their heads are together as they walk through the store like they own the place.

  Wyatt gazes at my feet in my ratty pair of sneakers I’ve had for at least five years. I’m good to my things. I wash them when I get them dirty, but it’s obvious they’re old as shit. They’re just clean, old as shit shoes that are out of style and fraying along the edges. “Do you know what size those are?”

  I sit on a nearby bench and take them off, feeling the loss of Lucas next to me. I peel the tongue back and look but the label is faded. “Nope,” I say. “And in any case, these have always been a bit too tight.”

  Wyatt’s jaw ticks. He points at an employee and crooks his finger at him, beckoning him toward us. The guy comes right over, and Wyatt says, “We need her sized. Also, I need a cart.”

  “Excellent,” the guy says. He’s all smiles. “I can size her, and the carts are at the front of the store.”

  “I said I need a cart,” Wyatt snaps.

  The guy, who already dropped to his knees, preparing to put a metal contraption on my feet, glowers. “Of course,” he says through clenched teeth. “I’ll get you a cart when I’m through.
” He slides my foot on to the metal then makes me stand. “Looks like you’re about a seven and a half. Depending on what you’re getting, the sizes could run up or down, so just make sure to try everything on. After I’m done getting your cart,” he says flatly. “I can get any size in the back that you need.”

  Wyatt nods at him, and when he walks away, he gleams at his back. I switch my gaze between the two. “You’re such a jerk.” My first experience in a store like this and it isn’t going all that well.

  Wyatt shrugs. “With the amount of money we’re going to drop today, they should be handing us a fucking gold cart, Tits.”

  I shake my head and scour the line of hiking boots at the top of the brand Stone picked out. I pick out a pair I like and try on the seven and a half. I take them back to the seat with me and slip them on. I almost cream my underwear when my feet slide inside. They fit like a glove. And the cushion? It’s like I’m walking on a cloud.

  Wyatt chuckles. “If you like them, wait until you try on sneakers.” I take the boot off to throw it back in the box, but Wyatt stops me. “Whoa, whoa. You’re missing the most important part of trying on shoes.”

  “I’m not buying sneakers, too,” I snap.

  He narrows his gaze at me. “No partner of mine is walking around in frayed shoes that are too fucking tight for her, so yes, Tits, you’re going to suck up your pride and accept the fact that you’re getting new shoes.”

  “Stone—”

  “I don’t give a fuck about Stone. I’m buying you the shoes, okay? Me.”

  I gaze over at Wyatt, who dropped to his knees like the store clerk did and is now forcing my foot back into the boot. “You don’t—”

  “I know I don’t have to,” he says, sliding my heel into the boot and then moving his hand up my calf to set my foot back down on the ground. He stares up at me. “I want to.”