I somehow got through the morning that I realized that the end of the double life I was living was near. I felt shell shocked, and I hoped against hope that my suspicions were incorrect. That it was something else was making me detest the coffee I couldn’t bring myself to drink anymore.
“Are you okay, darling?” Bill looked at me from across the table over the top of his morning paper. “You look a little peaky.”
“I’m sure it’s nothing. Just a tummy bug.” I kept my face as smooth as possible as I told what I hoped was the truth.
“Well take it easy and get some rest. I don’t want you tiring yourself out and making yourself worse.” He folded his paper, set it to the side and gulped down the rest of his coffee. “Well I’m off. I’ll see you when I get home, darling.”
He stood and walked over to where I sat at the breakfast table. He kissed the top of my head, and I closed my eyes at the thought that such casual intimate between us would soon be at an end.
I don’t know how long I sat there staring at the top of the table. I couldn’t sit here like a dummy forever, so I set about clearing the breakfast dishes. The smell of the last bit of coffee in Bill’s cup hit me, and I dropped the dishes with a clatter onto the floor. I bolted for the powder room just off the kitchen, and lost the meager amount of breakfast that I’d eaten.
Once the nausea had passed, I stood on shaky legs and went to the sink. My face was white, just like my knuckles as I gripped the edge of the porcelain sink. I turned on the tap, and rinsed away the bitter taste my betrayal of my husband from my mouth.
I stood there for several moments, wishing that what I suspected wasn’t true. But I knew that I couldn’t deal with the fall out of my affair with James unless I knew exactly what I was dealing with.
I walked out of the powder room and went to the telephone. I looked for the number that I needed to dial and a heavy feeling settled in the pit of my stomach as I waited for the call to connect. Once it was answered, I took a deep breath and braced myself for what I had to say.
“This is Mrs. Valentine, and I’d like to book an appointment with Dr. Lewis as soon as possible. I think I might be pregnant.”
10
“Thank you for calling.”
I put the phone receiver back in its cradle and buried my face in my hands. What I had feared for days, what I hoped with every part of me hadn’t happened was a reality. I was pregnant with James’ baby.
I looked at the clock in my kitchen. I had four hours until my husband was home and my marriage exploded. I had to tell him, and it would be better to do it tonight, while the news was still fresh. A baby wasn’t something I could hide for long, and the longer it dragged it out, the worse my nerves would fray.
There was one thing I needed to take care of before Bill came home. James had to be out of the house for good, before I broke the news to Bill about my affair and the baby. I was certain that Bill would not physically harm me, but I did not have that same certainty about James. My husband was not a violent man, but even the mildest of men could be pushed into a crime of passion with the right leverage. I think James taking what was his by right and by law was the right inducement for my husband to commit murder. Having my husband rot in prison would only compound this current disaster.
So step one of dealing with this disaster was evicting James.
I stood up and let out a slow breath. I could do this. I had to do this. I’d had almost two months of sleeping with James, our affair had lasting consequences and it was time for it to be over.
Fortunately he was home and I marched up the stairs with my resolve in place. His door was closed, and normally I would open it and walk in, but this time I knocked. I needed to set the tone of this meeting. I needed to say goodbye to him and get him out of my house.
He pulled the door open with a surprised look on his face. The corner of his mouth turned up and he grabbed me by the arm and pulled me into the bedroom. I landed against his body, and despite knowing it was over between us I wanted to be with him one last time. Although I needed to let him go I wasn’t ready to do it just yet.
“This is a pleasant surprise.” He ducked his head and kissed me, which was a rare occurrence between us. It was usually a reward he dealt out when I behaved in a way that pleased him. I didn’t want his kisses, I didn’t want anything but to be fucked by him one last time to fully purge him from my system.
I pulled back and stroked my hand down his erection which was already pressing against the front of his jeans. “This is the last time we can be together. I want to fuck you one more time and then I want you out of my house.”
He held my wrists in an iron grip as he pulled them away from his body. A scowl smashed his eyebrows together. “What do you mean it’s over?”
I yanked my wrists away from him and took a step away. “We can’t be together anymore. Something has happened and I have to tell Bill what’s been going on. So you can pack your bag and get out now, or you can fuck me one more time before you go. What are you going to choose?”
To help him on the way to his decision I pulled my dress off over my head, and took my bra off and threw it to the side. I stood facing him, my body naked and unchanged from the first time he’d seen it. I didn’t have much time left before my body ripened with my pregnancy and this man had to be miles away before that happened. I should have just told him about the baby and watched him run for the hills, but I wanted one last time with him.
“Goddamn you.” He seized my arms, pulled me hard against his chest and his mouth came crashing down on mine. I yanked at the hem of his shirt, pulling it up over his head as I pulled my mouth away from his.
“Just fuck me.” I didn’t want a built up, I didn’t want it to be gentle. I wanted it to be over and done with so I could get him out of my system and out of my house. This obsession with him, which had consumed me since the beginning of September, had destroyed everything and even now with the end of my marriage looming I wanted him one last time.
He took me at my word, turning my toward his bed and shoving his jeans off his body. “Kneel on the edge.”
I did as he commanded, kneeling on the bed and bracing my hands further on the mattress so that I was on all fours. He gripped my hips, his fingers bruising and he shoved his cock inside me. Fortunately I was wet, so his entry was smooth but it would have torn me if I wasn’t ready for him.
I closed my eyes, trying to concentrate and focus on what he was doing to me. But a funny thing happened to me while I was positioned like a bitch in heat on my lover’s bed. It wasn’t James that was in my head, it was my husband. The only face I could see was his, and as James movements got faster, it was like a repeat of the night of the day we’d met, only in reverse.
Instead of fucking Bill while fantasies of James brought me release, it was fantasies of my husband fucking me while James stroked my clit and pumped his cock into my pussy that made me orgasm. I bit my lip to keep from calling out my husband’s name and in the moment before I felt James come inside me I knew that my obsession with him was truly over. Whatever was between us had run its course, at least for my part and I could now say goodbye to him.
“Do you want to tell me what this is all about?” James was still naked, sitting on the edge of his bed while I pulled my dress back on. “Why does this have to be over? Bill doesn’t need to know anything.”
I looked at him and I could see for the first time just how young he was. There was only ten years difference in our ages, but in that moment it felt like an eternity stretching out between us. He was like a child, thinking that the could have his fun without consequences and that it would stretch on forever.
“It’s over James. I have to tell Bill.” By the look of stubbornness on his face I knew he wouldn’t go unless I told him all of it. “I’m pregnant. That’s why you have to go. I’m pregnant and I need to tell Bill.”
“What does that matter? Pregnant women can still play. It’s not like Bill will know what we’ve been doing.” He l
ooked at me, and his mouth pulled down in a frown. I could see the gears turning in his head and knew the exact moment when it dawned on him that the baby was his. “Wait. You’re not saying this is my baby?”
“It is your baby. Do you see now why I you have to go? You can’t be here when I tell my husband.”
“So pass it off as his. I’m sure there are women who do it all the time.”
I was sure there were women like that, but even if my husband was capable of fathering children I didn’t know that I could be one of them. I’d already lied enough to my husband by taking another man into my body. I didn’t know if I could make it that much worse by trying to convince him that he was the father of a baby that wasn’t his.
“I can’t pass it off as Bill’s.” I hesitated for a second. My husband’s sterility was a source of great shame for him, and if he found out that I told James, it would only compound my crimes against him. But James was not going to leave unless he knew that there was no possibility of Bill thinking the baby was his. “My husband can’t father children. There is absolutely no doubt that the baby is yours. Do you want to raise this baby together?”
I could see his face pale, and I knew what I needed to say to him to get him to move. By the time I was done he would running from this house so fast that his feet would be on fire.
“Oh James. It hadn’t occurred to me until just now. I can leave Bill and we can have this baby together. You can get a steady job, and we can buy a house. It will be wonderful, with me waiting for you at home every night, our children waiting for the moment you step in the door.”
His face was as white as the sheets on his bed. “Children?”
“Well of course children, silly. I want at least four. You’ll have to put in long hours to support that large a family, but I’m sure a man as young as you has many years of work ahead of you and that you can do it.”
He stood with a suddenness that would have surprised me if I hadn’t seen it coming. He reached for his jeans, pulling them onto his body with jerky movements. “I didn’t sign up for this. You’re crazy if you think that I’m going to support the bun you have in the oven. I’m definitely not signing on to have more.”
His T-shirt was on so fast it was a blur of motion, and he went to the closet, pulling his duffle bag out and unzipping it.
“But are you sure, James? I think you’d make a wonderful father.” That was the biggest lie I’d ever told. I knew by the haste with which he was throwing his clothes into his bag that he was not the kind of man who wanted to have a settled life.
As I watched him pack to leave, it was like an epiphany. There was a reason that he’d targeted me. I was married, I was safe to fuck and carry on with because there would be no lasting consequences for James. Even a pregnancy caused by him would be someone else’s responsibility. I wondered for a moment how many other women he’d done this to, and after a few seconds of thought, I realized it didn’t matter.
James may have come into this house with an agenda, but I was the one who’d fallen in line with what he wanted with absolutely no protest. I had a wonderful marriage with a good man, and I’d deliberately thrown it away with little thought because a restless young drifter with little going for him but an attractive face and body had wanted me. The destruction of my marriage was all my own doing, and I was the one who had to deal with the fall out. I could resent the young man who was walking to the bedroom door with his bag slung over his shoulder if I didn’t realize that he’d pushed me into nothing I hadn’t been willing to do.
“Good bye, James.” My voice was quiet, and I didn’t think he’d stop and turn around but he did. He looked at me, and for once he didn’t have that smirk on his face.
“I’m not the settling down type. You know that, right? I only wanted to have some fun.”
“I know. Now you’ve had your fun and it’s time for you to go.” I could have railed and cried, I could have screamed at him that he’d ruined me and my marriage, but there was little point to that. I’d ruined myself, and blaming him wouldn’t undo it.
“He won’t hurt you, will he? When he finds out about the baby?” His voice was hesitant, and I think that if I’d told him that my husband was the sort of man who would take his anger out on me with his fist, that perhaps he would have stayed with me. Fortunately for all of us, I knew without a doubt, that no matter how angry my husband would be with me, the last thing he would do was hit me.
“My husband has never hurt me. I wish I could say that I have never hurt him. Good bye, James.”
He looked at me for a moment more, the corner of his mouth pulled up and there it was, the smirk that I’d found so irritating. Now it didn’t make me feel anything at all. “Good bye, Mrs. Valentine.”
11
I still hadn’t worked out exactly what I was going to say to Bill by the time he got home. I debated on whether or not I should wait until dinner was over, but like ripping off a bandage, I wanted to get the pain of this over with as quickly as possible. Beside, I doubted that I would be able to eat and maintain the facade of normalcy required to have a routine evening with my husband.
I was waiting for him in the living room when he got home, and the closer I heard him get to where I was the harder my heart pounded. I wasn’t afraid of him, because there was nothing in this world that would ever make me fear Bill, but what I had to tell him would kill any love he had for me. I had to clamp my jaw tight to keep my teeth from chattering.
He paused in the doorway to the living room and I looked up at him. The easy smile on his face fell away, and I knew the cause. This was out of our normal routine, and if there was one thing that my husband like above all else, it was his routine. I would usually be waiting for him in the kitchen, to take his coat and hat, to have his dinner prepared as soon as he got home. None of that was happening tonight, because tonight was not going to be a normal night.
“Darling, what’s the matter?” He walked slowly into the living and sat on the sofa beside me. He took my hand and I knew he could feel that it was as cold as ice. I had to say something, but how was I going to tell him what I’d done. How could I explain to him that it wasn’t because I didn’t love him anymore that I’d done it? What reason could I offer that wouldn’t devastate him when I couldn’t explain it to my own satisfaction? “Marie. Your face is pale and your hands are ice cold. Has something happened? Has James done something?”
I pulled my hand out of his, wrapped both my arms around my waist and hugged myself as a hysterical laugh came bursting out of me. Oh God, James had certainly done something but it was much to late for my husband to put a stop to it.
“Darling, you’re scaring me. Whatever it is we’ll deal with it. Please tell me what is the matter.”
Scaring him was not what I needed to do. I needed to tell him, and I had to calm down in order to do that. I forced my arms to relax, drew in a deep calming breath and blew it slowly out.
“James is gone. I asked him to leave today and he left. He is not coming back.” I had to get that out of the way first, otherwise he’d tear the house apart looking for him once I confessed to what I had done. “The reason I asked him to leave is because we’ve been having an affair and I knew that I had to tell you.”
I raised my eyes to his as I watched the blood drain from my husband’s face. He recoiled from me as if I was a viper that had lunged at him and tried to infect him with its poison. In a way I was, except there was no antidote for the poison I was giving him.
“What?” Bill’s voice was a strained whisper, and disbelief and denial was written all over his face. “This is some kind of joke, isn’t it? If it is, it’s in poor taste and I don’t think it’s at all funny.”
“You’re right, it’s not funny and it’s not a joke. I’m so sorry Bill, I have nothing to say for myself except that I was weak and out of my mind. It wasn’t something I intended to happen, and I tried to fight it but I slept with James.”
Bill’s nostrils flared and the muscle in his
jaw worked. It would take a moment for what I was telling him to sink in, but I knew the moment that it happened. His eyes narrowed and he drew his hand back. I closed my eyes and braced myself. If he was going to hit me it was nothing less than I deserved but the hit never came. He turned and walked out of the room.
I sat on the sofa, trembling as I waited for the door in the kitchen to open and close. I waited for several moments when it dawned on me that he wasn’t leaving, at least not yet. I swallowed hard and stood up. Should I go to him? Should I try to explain or should I wait? There was still the pregnancy to share with him, but how many hits could my husband take before the rage I could see inside him boiled over?
I walked to the kitchen on cautious feet and Bill was standing facing the kitchen window, his head bent, his hands braced on the edge of the counter and there was a bottle of whisky and a glass near his hand. The bottle was open and a small amount of liquor remained in the glass. Bill was not a drinker, but even the most hardened teetotaler would be tempted to get blind drunk after hearing what he’d just heard.
“Bill?” I stayed where I was, just inside the archway between the kitchen and the dining room. Right now my husband was like an angry bear and I knew I was about to poke him with a stick. It would be best if I stayed out of firing range.
“Not now, Marie. You’ve told me and I get it, you fucked another man. Leave me alone so I think about what I want to do about it.”
“I will leave you alone, but there is something else I need to tell you.”
He straightened up and turned to me, with fire in his eyes. “What the hell else do you have to say? Did you fuck every man in the neighborhood? Humiliating me with one man wasn’t enough for you? Did you line them up and fuck them like some cheap whore?”
The Seduction of Mrs. Valentine: Complete Series Page 8