Cartlidge: Rise of the Imperfect Flame

by Devon Loos

  “Sapphire?”

  “I’m sorry.”

  I set down the beacon and thought hard for a minute about what she could mean with those words. “If you mean the ship falling apart back there, that was just as much my fault as it was yours. Heck, I’m the one wearing 25 kilos of armor plating.” That was an exaggeration, but it seemed unwise to correct myself at this moment.

  Without warning, Sapphire collapsed, and began to cry. “I… I remember… everything; where I’m from, what I’ve been through, this stupid gem, everything!”

  I kneeled down beside her. “Hey, it’s going to be ok.”

  “No it’s not! Don’t you get it? I have been a burden on everyone my entire life! I’m still a burden to you!”

  “No you’re not. You’ve saved me several times! If it weren’t for you, I would’ve been killed long ago!”

  “One of those times was my fault in the first place! You wouldn’t even be stuck here in the first place if it weren’t for me!” She looked up at me, her ocean colored eyes blurred with tears. “There are so many people who have died so that I could be here now. Do you know what that’s like? To know that every day that you live is one that was taken away from someone else? To know that the only reason you’re alive, is because someone else isn’t?”

  I did know. The face of the man I murdered still haunted me to this day. Yet we were still different, Sapphire and I. From the sound of it, those men and women willingly gave their lives. The one I have is stolen, and I had to live with it.

  “And you know what makes it worse?” She continued. “They didn’t die for me, they died for this stupid thing in my chest! Without this gem, I am worthless to everyone!”

  “That’s… not true,” I was not sure if I believed myself. “You’re a wonderful person. I’m sure a great many of them gave their lives for you, and not the life gem.”

  She looked back at me with a blind rage. “Are you even listening to yourself?! You don’t even believe what you just said! How could you expect me to?”

  “What do you mean? Of course I believe it.”

  “Really? Wasn’t it your mission to bring the life gem to the Rovanekrens? Find the strange item and bring it back? Even if someone else had possession of it? It didn’t matter what condition the bearer was, just that you brought the item back?”

  “Wait, how did you even-”

  “Wasn’t it?” She interrupted.

  “Yes,” I admitted, “but that doesn’t-”

  “Then why? Why do you still protect me then? What’s the point? If you just killed me in my sleep, the life gem would still be close by and you would have twice the supplies!”

  I froze before I could say anything. Why did I protect her? Did I feel like I owed her for saving me? No, it went deeper than that. I’ve been protecting her from the beginning. Did I really want to complete my mission that badly? Impossible; I haven’t thought about it since the crash. I thought about what we had been through since then: the shelter, finding food, the storm, the flood, the serpent, the ship, now. I thought about what it would have been like if I was alone, if she had died in the crash.

  “I protect you because you’re my friend.” She remained silent, and fixed her deep, ocean blue eyes on me, the same pain filled eyes I saw behind the rock when we first met. A few remaining tears reflected her eyes like sunlight, and small trails were left on her face where tears had washed away a thin layer of dirt. I looked back down, ashamed. Why? Was my answer a lie? How could it be? I would be lying to myself, unless… I remembered the first time we met; how beautiful I thought she was, and how fragile she seemed. I remembered how terrible I felt when they tied her down in the cargo hall, how I shielded her with my own body during the emergency stop, and how I freed her and brought her to safety without a second thought. I remembered hunting diligently for a food source that she could eat, and the many conversations we had. I remembered how peaceful the world was when she slept close to me.

  No, she was not my friend. She was something else entirely to me.

  “You should have just let me fall off the cliff.”

  I looked up, shocked.

  “I’m a walking curse. Everyone I’ve cared about has died because of me. You will too.”

  She stood up, wiped her tears away, and began to walk off. I let her words sink in, then got up as well. I had an idea. A stupid, reckless, idea. I went with it.

  “You want to the real reason why I still protect you?” She turned to hear what I had to say. I silently walked over to her and held her. Immediately she froze, her teary eyes filled with surprise. I closed my own and kissed her.

  Time stood still. The only sound was of the wind blowing across the grass. I waited for Sapphire to react; to push me away, to kick me, punch me, slap me, or claw me, something After an eternity, I let go and stepped back. Slowly she opened her eyes, looked at me for a moment, then slapped me across the face.

  “That’s for touching me!” She then struck me with her knee, causing me to double over.

  “...And that?”

  “For stopping.” She wrapped her arms around me and kissed me back. I tripped on something and fell backwards, taking Sapphire with me. Our kiss did not break in the fall. The world stood frozen for a little while longer.

  The walk back was silent. We did not realize that we had forgotten the beacon until after we had reached our shelter. By then, we figured it more reasonable to go back later to get it.

  “So how do people court each other on Earth?” Sapphire asked abruptly. I sat down and began the long and arduous explanation of dating and marriage, and the wonderful insanity that goes on in-between. I then asked her the same question.

  “Well, for starters, Anths don’t marry.” This took me by surprise. How could such a seemingly modest race could exist without any form of bonds, like marriage.

  “What do you mean?” Sapphire took a deep breath, and began to explain. When Anths reach maturity, they spend incredible amounts of time and effort, carefully picking their mate. Often, Anths will mate with their childhood friends, if they have one.

  “So, eventually two Anths ‘choose each other’ and fall in love!” She rolled onto her back to emphasize the importance of the last sentence.

  “How is this any different from humans?”

  “Because we only choose once. We don’t jump from person to person like it’s some sort of game.”

  “What happens if the relationship doesn’t work?”

  “Well on the rare occasion that a couple can’t work things out, they’ll usually separate and stay celibate for the rest of their lives.”

  “That’s kind of depressing.” An understatement, at best.

  “It is, but no child should have to live with a broken family.” There was a moment of uncomfortable silence.

  “So then what happens?” I shifted onto my side. “If it does work out, I mean.”

  “Well, the new couple tells their families and the next day they hold a huge gathering called Yenevilk Tevyin, or in Gaia, Unity Day.” She rolled across the floor. We now faced each other. “When the couple’s families aren’t around, the man is usually the one who sets everything up.” A wide grin ran across her face.

  “You want me to set one up for us?” I joked.

  “Could you?” She replied happily.

  I sighed and rolled onto my back. “What do I need to do?” Sapphire shot up, making a small squeal of delight. She claimed that Anths didn’t have marriages, but I had a sinking feeling that this was the equivalent.

  “Ok! So what we need is…”

  I adjusted my robe in the dark. It was one of the grey blankets I used as a robe, since that was the sort of attire Anth men were supposed to wear. The air was cold against my skin. I shivered. I had to wait until the sun’s light had disappeared. Then I would go and light the candles. The sky changed from red, to indigo, to black, signaling me to start. Slowly I walked to the camp. At the center of our clearing was a table and chairs, improvised from our
larger and smaller crates. Situated around the table were the “candles”. We couldn’t find any real candles so we used the battery powered lanterns instead. It was as close as we could get, and the lanterns gave off more heat than any small candle would. I walked around, switching each one on as I walked. Then, I sat down on my side. Normally, there would be a great feast for the two families. Instead, we only prepared enough for ourselves. I waited. Sapphire climbed down the ladder and walked over. She wore a dress made from blankets and tarps carefully stitched together. Her feet were wrapped in bandages. Her hair was bound at its ends, and rested on her shoulder. Her eyes seemed to glow in the dark. She was beautiful. She smiled silently and sat down across from me. I quickly recalled the greeting I was supposed to say.

  “Sapphire?”

  “Yes?”

  I hesitated. The ceremony felt like a marriage. Was it? Was I even ready for this? No, I couldn’t just back out. This was a bonding ceremony rooted deep in her culture. I had to do it. I shook away the doubts and continued.

  “I have chosen you as my one and only, and therefore I hope that I am yours.”

  She smiled. “And I have chosen you, Jacob Cartlidge, as my one and only, and I will forever be yours.”

  I took her hands and smiled. “Then let us face the world together, for we are linked… linked…” There was a pause. I had forgotten what to say.

  “In spirit.” Sapphire laughed.

  “Thanks.” I replied, embarrassed at the blunder. “... Now what?”

  “Well, normally one of the fathers would then signal us to begin the feast.” She reached for one of the fruit. “So, let’s eat!”

  “Is that it?” It seemed too simple to me. She had already taken a bite.

  “No... norma-ee people woud give a cheer, den shtart tawk-ing-” She paused to finish chewing, “About what we were like growing up, or other family things. You know, mothers reminiscing with mothers and fathers bragging to fathers. That sort of thing.”

  “But is the ceremony part over?”

  “Pretty much… Oh, and you get to sleep closer to me without fear of losing an eye.” She snickered at her own joke. I began to eat, myself.

  “What was your childhood like, now that you remember?” I asked, hesitantly. It was clearly a sensitive topic.

  “I’m sorry, I don’t want to talk about it just yet.” She replied.

  “That’s fine.”

  “What about yours?”

  I began speaking about my own childhood. Life was difficult without a father, but not impossible. Supposedly he left a small fortune with us when he died. I was never very social, and grew up with few friends. These circumstances eventually drove me to games, where I began to favor swordplay over that of more advanced weaponry. I then summarized the events that led to this moment. By now the food was gone.

  “Hmmm… interesting.” she got up. “Well, maybe I’ll tell you what my life was like someday, but not today. I’m not ready.” I nodded. “We should get some rest.” I got up and moved to follow, but Sapphire stopped me.

  “You have to wait a minute. Just because we’re together now doesn’t mean you get to watch me change.” She smiled and climbed up the tree. “By the way this dress is the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen!”

  I laughed. “Well maybe next time I’ll just walk over to the nearest dress store to get a better one.”

  “You should! And bring some of that ‘prime rib’ that you were talking about!” I smiled and waited, then proceeded to climb up.

  Time began to fly by, and days became weeks. We never bothered to move the beacon, since it had a better signal in the open field. By the third week, the storms became nonexistent. The animals had all but disappeared, either migrating or burying themselves in the mud. Water levels lowered until ponds and creeks dried up completely. The trees no longer bore fruit. The air grew colder. We had entered the planet’s winter season.

  As supplies began to dwindle, we started limiting ourselves to one meal a day. We were always exhausted. In the midst of this, another issue arose. The air’s bitter sting blew easily through our blankets and clothes. We no longer simply rested near each other, but actively cuddled to keep warm, but we still shivered greatly as the cold drained our health. If we didn’t starve to death, or die from dehydration, hypothermia was certainly going to kill us both. I began to resist the urge to sleep, in great fear that I would not wake up. I began to encourage Sapphire to do the same, but she often ignored my advice. Many nights I found myself gently shaking her awake. She never showed any contempt for this repeated action. We were both too tired.

  I opened my eyes. This was the fourth time I fell asleep. I silently swore. An overwhelming urge to travel north swept over me. It was my sense again. Immediately I cursed myself in my mind for not learning more about this “sense” when I was at New Rov. I wondered where it would lead me now. I looked down. Sapphire was fast asleep next to me. Her body was cold. I gently pushed her to wake her up. She did not move. I felt a sense of panic. Shaking her again she still did not respond. I shouted her name. Finally her eyes slowly opened.

  “Why is it so hot?” She muttered. Hypothermia. I quickly got up and began to gather our blankets.

  “It isn’t hot, you’re sick.” I stuffed some of our food into a bag and slung it over my shoulder.

  “Sick?” Her speech was slow.

  “You’ll be fine, I just need to get you somewhere warm.” I began to wrap her in the blankets. She tried pushing them away, weakly, but soon began to submit. “I think I know where we can go to do that.” I had her climb onto my back. Carefully I climbed out of the tree. Once I reached the ground, I took hold of her legs and began to walk.

  “Just stay awake, ok?”

  “Mmhmm” She began to fall asleep anyway. I shook her awake. “Mmm!”

  “Stay awake!” I changed my walk to a run.

  Sweat dripped down my face. Sapphire did not weigh much, but I didn’t have much energy in the first place.

  “The first storm of the season and it had to be a snowstorm!” I tripped in the slowly rising snow, but caught myself before almost dropping Sapphire. Her breath was shallow and forced. I could no longer see through the thick snowfall, but I knew I was going the right way. I tripped again. My mind fell under attack, sieged by doubt. This was a terrible idea. I had no clue where I was going. We would have been better off if I tried starting a fire. I forced myself to get up. There was no turning back now. Either I found something out here, or we both die.

  I began climbing a hill. We were probably in the mountain range now. A third slip caused me to fall face first into the snow. I became furious and cursed the snow and my own exhaustion. After all that has happened, dying was no longer an option for me, Sapphire even less so. I was not going to die. I refused to die.

  “We are not dying here!” I forced myself up and sprinted up the hill. I collapsed upon reaching the top, not only from exhaustion, but also joy.

  “Hot springs!”

  The ground underneath me was warm, the snow melting as it touched. Three pools of steaming water welcomed us. Sapphire, now awake, freed herself from her blankets and began crawling towards the pool. I pulled her back.

  “You can’t dunk yourself. You’ll go into shock.” I instead dipped one of the blankets in the pool, then wrapped it around her torso. Taking some of the water in my cupped hands, I held out the makeshift cup and encouraged her to drink. Her markings did not glow. The water was safe. I gave her some more water and took a drink myself. I dunked a few more blankets and wrapped them around her arms and legs. She began to cough.

  “My throat hurts.” I smiled and switched some of her blankets. This process continued for a few more hours until Sapphire felt better. By now the storm had stopped but the snow remained. I could see our camp. It was actually fairly close.

  “Do you think I can get in the pool now, Doctor Cartlidge?”

  “Depends, how do you feel?”

  She flexed her hands and toes. “
No frostbite.”

  “Alright. I’m going to go get a tent to bring up here.” I slid off the side of the hill and began running towards the camp. I had to take large, awkward steps to overcome the snow. We had a few spare tents that we kept for camping overnight far from our tree. I grabbed one from its crate, along with more of our food, and returned to the hot springs.

  I reached the top, panting, and dropped the supplies. Sapphire was already in one of the pools, hiding herself behind one of its walls.

  “Don’t sit in there too long, you’ll dehydrate yourself.”

  “I can’t get out.”

  “What do you mean?” She glared at me. I sighed in reply and began unpacking the tent. “I’ll leave once this is done.” A few minutes later I sat on the side of the hill, shivering.

  “Okay!” I heard her call and raced up the hill, stopped just before the far left pool, then slowly submerged myself. We had decided that the center pool was for drinking only, while the left one was mine and the right, hers. Sapphire sat comfortably in the tent, wrapped in one of the blankets. She had already gotten into the bag I brought and was eating one of our last pieces of bread. My overwhelming hunger made me envious. I soon got out, dried off, joined her, claiming one of the dried fruits.

  Though that was the only snowstorm of the season, the snow never melted. We spent most of the time near the hot springs, only leaving to get supplies. We were still exhausted from famine, but at least we were warm and hydrated. After several weeks our food was dangerously low. To compensate, I began digging through the mud to find the half frozen fish buried within. I usually didn’t find very many, but they made a difference. A month passed by, then another month. We did very little in that time. Life grew simple. Peaceful. We spoke often, and slept often. Sometimes we would play in the snow. Our tent was upgraded to an igloo. I taught Sapphire to fire a rifle, and in turn, she promised to teach me her fishing technique once the weather turned. She also took an interest in memorizing my favorite song, and would sing it whenever I seemed out of earshot. When the skies were clear we would wait until nightfall, dip our feet into the hot springs, and stargaze. Nothing else mattered to us but those moments. For a time I forgot about the war. I forgot about my past life. I was happy.