Two-Man Tent
Page 8
me: I like chatting with you too, you know that.
1:38 PM G______: The majority of gays are liberal, especially those in the arts. There’s no reason for us to discuss politics because there is no middle ground, doesn’t mean we can’t kid around and tease.
1:41 PM me: For sure. I agree.
1:44 PM me: But as you say it’s unlikely we’d be friends face to face. right?
1:47 PM G______: We live on opposite ends of the continent.
1:48 PM me: Yes this is true.
1:49 PM me: Yes, you’re right.
me: Sorry:)
1:54 PM G______: Whatre you doing tonight? I’m paying bills and online browsing.
1:55 PM me: Haha. what are you browsing online (wink wink nudge nudge)
1:56 PM G______: Bibles
1:59 PM me: Are you religious? (did I ask you that before?)
2:01 PM G______: No. I was joking about the bibles.
2:02 PM me: I think we’ve established that sometimes I’m not sure when youre joking. :-p
Dec. 25, 2012
7:31 PM me: I’m donning my gay apparel.
7:32 PM G______: Merry merry.
7:33 PM G______: I hope we meet in person some day.
me: Yeah? You want to?
7:35 PM G______: Yes dumbass,
7:37 PM me: In Korea maybe right?
7:40 PM G______: That’s a squizillion years away.
7:42 PM me: How are you?
7:44 PM G______: I’m pretty good, all things considered for being alone on baby jesus day.
me: :(
me: you’re alone? Really?
7:46 PM G______: Whatevs.
G______: We should meet up in nyc or dc.
7:48 PM me: Ive never been to dc.
G______: I’ve never been to nyc. we should do both?
me: maybe.
7:52 PM G______: Maybe. Maaaybe.
7:54 PM G______: Gosh I hope im not bored by you.
me: I have an eyebrow problem. Full disclosure.
7:56 PM G______: On second thought we should probably end this now.
me: As I get older my eyebrow hair gets longer. I figure by the time I’m fifty I’ll be able to upcomb into some toupee like business.
8:01 PM G______: How are you not suicidal?
8:02 PM me: You have tiny little perfect eyebrows don’t you?
G______: Uh no, they are caterpillary
8:06 PM me: can I say…
me: I hate that you’re alone on xmas Panda. I really do.
8:10 PM me: Hello?
8:12 PM G______: You should go have fun or something. Talk to you later.
8:13 PM me: maybe call you tonight?
G______: Maybe. Maaaaaybbe
January 8, 2013
Look what I found in Toronto!
Five guys!
Jan. 8, 2013
10:33 AM me: See what I found in Canada?
10:45 AM G______: What?
10:46 AM me: You get pic I sent?
G______: Nope. Must have been rejected at the border.
10:48 AM me: Yeah, it’s saying they weren’t sent. Weird.
10:50 AM G______: What was in pic.
me: A slobber inducing pic of a five guys burger.
10:52 AM G______: mmmm. what kind did you order?
10:53 AM me: Cheeseburger and a bag of too many fries.
G______: Sexy.
10:59 AM me: Thank god I hate eating alone, or this could be dangerous, being this close to a five guys.
11:02 AM G______: I don’t mind eating alone.
11:04 AM me: I used to do it all the time when I travelled more. Not so much anymore.
11:07 AM me: I spend so much time alone with work now I crave social eating.
11:10 AM G______: I let other diners know that I don’t mind eating alone by having a conversation with an imaginary diner seated opposite.
11:12 AM me: If I had someone to go to five guys with im afraid of what I would become.
11:15 AM G______: I still have some chocolate cake, but it’s all the way over in the kitchen.
11:18 AM me: I’d be one of those people who end up on maury crying their eyes out with richard simmons holding their hand.
G______: you’re maury’s biggest fan aren’t you?
11:20 AM me: I like hardly ever watch that show daily or whatever.
11:22 AM G______: Imma buy you a Richard simmons outfit
11:25 AM me: I already have those loose fitting tank tops. Now I just need the polyester gym shorts cut WAY too high.
G______: Done and done.
11:28 AM me: Oh jesus, I shouldn’t joke.
G______: And I’ll throw in some sweat bands.
11:31 AM me: And I’ll send you that obama t-shirt I bought you.
me: Oh snap!
11:35 AM G______: if America survives.
me: Lol
11:38 AM me: This is us joking around about a insurmountable political divide, right?
11:40 AM me: This is what we do now, right?
G______: Sure.
11:44 AM me: Did you eat your cake?
G______: I have to get off the sofa first.
me: The suck of the sofa. Strongest natural force in the universe.
11:49 AM G______: I hope I find some chocolate cake in my sofa
Jan. 21, 2013
2:03 PM G______: we have a new black president. Everything will be better. Its as if the last four years didn’t happen.
2:06 PM me: I think i heard of him. Oh yeah, hes on that T-shirt I bought for you.
2:07 PM G______: But I think in his third term he’ll really hit his stride
2:10 PM me: You wont care if I wear my obama shirt if we go to nyc or dc right?
2:12 PM G______: Not at all. Both are very liberal. As evidenced by DC being the worst in the nation with public education
2:15 PM me: perhaps we shouldn’t talk about our politics huh?
2:16 PM G______: Don’t be silly. Hope and change is alive and well. You’re so full of hate.
2:20 PM me: If I start talking politics in DC just stuff a burger in my face, k?
G______: You’re projecting.
2:23 PM me: Mayhaps. But this doesn’t sound like joking anymore.
2:26 PM G______: My phone is dying, as is my soul
me: Cheer up G______ C______. help me out here.
2:29 PM G______: gotta go.
January 23, 2013
January 24, 2013
Let’s go to DC. Next month.
:)
Feb. 1, 2013
10:01 PM me: I wish I was ethnic. Look at my pasty white skin, my dull mid-colour eyes. Sigh.
10:04 PM me: course I do get to skip all the racial subjugation, so there’s that.
10:07 PM G______: I like whitey.
10:10 PM me: Most of us are just trying our best. Ultimately we’re just jealous because we’re genetically not as predisposed to beauty.
G______: i only have boners for whitey
10:12 PM me: really?
me: I only have boners for a nice ethnic mix.
10:15 PM G______: Yes only attracted to white men. I’m also attracted to five guys burgers.
me: Lots of white guys at five guys burgers
10:18 PM G______: I don’t understand why it isn’t a whites only establishment.
10:21 PM me: But then you wouldn’t be allowed in panda.
G______: Halfway in.
10:23 PM me: They’d have to throw the burger out to you.
10:25 PM G______: That works, my rugby skills put to use.
10:28 PM me: Do you play rugby? Swoon! Those tight pants.
G______: We went to the gay games in Sydney Australia.
me: Are you for real right now?
10:32 PM G______: Yes. We didn’t play well but it was great fun.
10:34 PM me: If you have a picture of you in the cute uniform I would pay money for it for reals.
10:40 PM G______: Oh will probably be able to do 3 nights in dc. But
will book a redeye or evening flight to make the most of the travel days.
10:43 PM me: I am watching Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter.
me: I want to the learn the history of your people before I visit DC.
10:45 PM G______: lol
G______: I liked it better than Abraham Lincoln vacummer.
10:47 PM me: Yeah I hear that one really sucked.
me: Badabump.
10:51 PM me: According to this movie vampires killed Lincoln’s mother. Did you know about this?
10:54 PM G______: All the useful info has been scrubbed from our education system by greedy teachers unions.
11:00 PM G______: Arg hoping we could see the ai weiwei art exhibit in dc but it ends in late feb.
Feb. 5, 2013
11:52 PM G______: Oh I signed up for facebook messenger using my phone number, I guess it’s a new feature
11:55 PM me: Can you stalk me on facebook now? Can I stalk you?
G______: Try a search for G______ C______
11:59 PM me: So many G______ C______s!
me: Including like a million with no profile pic.
G______: Really?
G______: I added the same photo.
12:02 AM me: Still looking. So many!
12:04 AM me: There you are.
G______: Yours came up straight away.
12:07 AM me: Are you sure you wanna add me? My political posting might make you mad. For realsies.
G______: Oh puhleeze.
12:09 AM me: Lol
me: Don’t say I didn’t warn you.lol
me: Look at your sweet little face!
12:12 AM G______: I’ve heard it all / thanks
12:15 AM me: Are you going to have other friends? It’s an incredible weight to bear being your one and only.
12:17 AM G______: I just signed up. I want to keep in better touch with my rugby buddies.
12:20 AM me: We are really multi-platform chatters now, eh? How can I keep up?
12:22 AM G______: Heehee, you are cute in your photos.
me: There are more than a few bad ones there. Jeez.
12:25 AM G______: Heehee you are super cute. You should be married or something
me: I know right! What the hell is wrong with people?
12:29 AM me: God some of these photos of me are awful. You got me looking at them now!
G______: Uh yah, some one likes to post photos of themselves.
12:32 AM me: This room is freezing and this bed too big. That is all. Goodnight.
12:35 AM G______: Awww
B-)
February 8, 2013
Worst storm in decades here a few weeks ago. Power out in half the city. Everything was closed.
You get snow. We get earthquakes. And brush fires.
You get a lot of forest fires?
California? Are you kidding? It should be on our state flag.
Last fall, Angeles National Forest was burning. Some days when the wind was right we were getting smoke all the way up here. Valley was covered in it.
Snow days not so bad then. :)
We enjoy snow days, truth be told. Good excuse to do nothing.
February 10, 2013
Hey, hows the day going?
Accomplishments: 0
Exactly how a day off should be.
Why the tears Panda?
I’m a failure.
But an exceptionally cute one. :)
I just finished some work. Eating some salsa-less nacho
That’s two accomplishments
Are you all relaxed and cozy and enjoying doing nothing?
Nah. I feel yucky.
Ah hon, really? I thought you were kidding. Sorry. :(
Hey, I gotta go.
Ok.
xo
Feb. 12, 2013
11:12 AM me: we are meeting in person in a few weeks and the only pics ive seen of you have been your super cute head and shoulders. You have a torso right?
11:14 AM G______: I have no torso
11:15 AM me: No biggie
11:17 AM G______: Your most prominent trait on social media: suspicion
me: Lol you find me suspicious?
11:19 AM G______: I find you: delightful
11:22 AM me: I have coffee breath now.
G______: Youre also breath obsessed
11:24 AM me: really? Do I talk about it a lot? If so what does that say about me?
me: (that I want to kiss you probably)
11:26 AM G______: awesome. I’m a lousy kisser. Also I am awful at the sex
11:27 AM me: that’s alright. I am spectacular at both. Almost too good. we will meet in the middle as “fine”
G______: I love balance.
11:30 AM me: I also have excellent balance. Which is part of the reason I’m so spectacular at the sex.
me: #settingfalseexpectations
11:32 AM G______: sex ruins everything
11:35 AM G______: Omg haha drudge report is crazy this morning. The headline are hilarious.
11:38 AM me: You read the drudge report and I read huffington post. Are we gonna be a romantic comedy in DC or an episode of Law and Order?
February 13, 2013
I was six inches away from getting slammed by an SUV on a crosswalk. And my first thought was: my God, if I’d ben hit I wouldn’t get to go to DC.
I’m happy that you’re alright. :)
February 15, 2013
Are you okay?
Was feeling a bit melancholy but I have a selection of highly processed snacks now.
Sorry you’re down. Any particular reason?
No chocolate or flowers I guess. How was your Valentines?
It was ok. Hung out with a friend.
Was thinking of you. hoping you had some company.
Nopes. Probably why I’m melancholy.
Hey wanna call me?
Ok. If I have to.
Feb. 15, 2013
11:17 PM me: Is it something I have said or done?
G______: Huh?
11:21 PM me: Well our chats have been a little strained as of late. And that phone call was no exception. Ouch.
11:24 PM me: Or is it just me?
11:26 PM G______: No. I was apologizing for just being a grumpy mcpoopypants on the phone.
11:27 PM me: I know. and thanks.
me: Just want to make sure I haven’t done or said something to cause it.
11:31 PM G______: Uh no. I didn’t know our chats had been like that.
11:33 PM me: Maybe its just me. Ive been feeling like maybe you were changing your mind about DC
me: Which you know is fine. But I trust you’d just tell me. :)
11:35 PM G______: Of course I would say so. I thought you got to know how sarcastic my sense of humour was by now.
11:38 PM me: I do. I know. but given how we are getting to know each other, forgive me if I misread or misinterpret things sometimes.
11:41 PM me: Glad to hear you’re still into the trip. :)
11:43 PM G______: Yes, I’m as enthusiastic about DC as I was when we first started planning it (not being sarcastic)
me: :)
me: good me too
11:47 PM G______: but now that we are having this trust mini crisis I better run to the convenience store again to double up on highly processed snacks
11:49 PM me: god don’t stress eat on my account!
11:52 PM me: I can’t wait to meet you in person. Its been great getting to know you on here, but it has its limits and confusions for me I admit.
11:54 PM G______: I’m already looking into five guys gift cards for the stress level peak we’ll experience in DC
G______: And for the record, I don’t feel weird or confused about any of it.
11:57 PM me: Im really glad to hear that. and I don’t mean to imply negativity with that. just…well my insecurity has been given free reign a few times. That I suspect will end when we actually meet.
11:58 PM G______: Uh, we’ll see
me:
Lol.
me: Five guys gift cards. Great idea.
Feb. 20, 2013
10:28 AM me: What’re you doin now?
10:31 AM G______: Diner breakfast. You?
10:32 AM me: Nothing. Wishing I was eating a diner breakfast
10:35 AM G______: Oh, I forgot…
G______: I’m prefacing each chat session by declaring:
G______: Non sarcastically, im as excited now about our DC trip as I was when we first started talking about it.
10:36 AM me: Oh god . what have I done.
G______: shhhh
10:38 AM G______: one week to DC.
me: One week!
10:41 AM me: I ate my weight in ice cream this week. Thereby undoing everything I did at the gym.
10:42 AM G______: Sorry bubba, I love you just the way you are.
10:44 AM me: Ice cream gut and all?
10:46 AM G______: I love it and live it.
10:49 AM me: How are you?
G______: Back pain, but alright.
10:51 AM me: I have a bad back too.
G______: Lifting all those heavy plays?
10:53 AM G______: When I can’t work anymore I will become your cowriter. I hope it pays well.
10:55 AM me: Are you kidding. What could possibly pay better than being a Newfoundland playwright.
10:58 AM me: I’ll take care of you.
me: I’ll bring home the bacon if you wrap it around stuff and deep fry it.
February 23, 2013
Soon we’ll be hanging in DC!
:)
You there?
February 24, 2013
I emailed you a map of sights of interest.
You are so on top of this. :)
February 25, 2013
January 24, 2013
At the airport. Leave in 45.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We are really doing this!
I will meet you at Reagan Airport tomorrow. I will text if I am delayed.