Lena continuously shook on the table from her nerves.
“Are you doing okay?” I asked. She had to be nervous. I didn’t want her to be scared.
“Don’t worry about me.” She gave her fakest smile. “The table is just a little cold.” Holland didn’t meet her gaze, and after a few moments, Lena closed her eyes.
She slowly moved up as the tabletop transformed into a seat for her from the button Holland pushed. Holland approached Lena while holding a tube, and I stiffened.
“Okay. This will numb the pain for the most part.” Holland bit down on her lip as she said this. “It’s going to hurt.” Lena opened her eyes to Holland. Holland nodded to her in reassurance. Lena laid her head back down and tensed up. Holland rubbed a white, goopy ointment onto her forehead. She closed her eyes as she got to the hole in Lena’s head. I didn’t think it was because she was repulsed, but instead she might have been scared to let Lena see how badly it hurt her to see her hurt. Holland was like that. She didn’t want to see anyone hurt on her accord.
I was lucky to have spent as much time as I had with Lena, which still wasn’t enough for me. I wished I’d had more time with her. She made my soul wake up when she walked into the room and even when she was sick, or close to dying, she woke my heart up when she spoke. I didn’t know my feelings were this strong, but once I finally admitted them to myself, the emotions flooded through me.
Lena left her eyes closed as Holland lathered her forehead with the ointment. Gabe paced back and forth like he always did. He didn’t seem as confident as normal, which worried me.
Holland warned her that the needle was long and would sting a lot. Lena didn’t as much as jump when Holland stuck the needle in to numb her even more. Holland held her hand, but Lena seemed to feel nothing in her body anymore. Her hand went limp as it fell to her side and out of Holland’s hand. I jumped up and ran to her. I placed mine over hers and asked if she was okay. Then I realized she wasn’t breathing anymore. She wasn’t moving at all.
“Is she okay?” I half shrieked.
Holland didn’t seem to hear me. She turned around and spoke quietly. “She’s been put to sleep, so she doesn’t feel this.” She turned to Gabe and nodded. He walked to the table and started typing feverously.
“Then why isn’t she breathing?” I shouted over the typing.
“Listen again. Her heartbeat should be back now,” Gabe called back carelessly. “Damn, I wish we had an EKG machine,” he muttered to himself.
I moved my hand to her neck to feel her pulse. Nothing. I closed my eyes and prayed it came back. I jumped in place as I felt her heartbeat beneath my hands. She looked peaceful, and I was glad that she wouldn’t experience any pain from this. I kissed her hand and I found Gabe still typing. “What are we doing?” I asked calmly. “How can I help?”
“We have to get this inside her head.” He picked up a wire without looking up from his typing. “It has to go in until it touches where the hospital inserted the disease. It won’t be easy at all.” Gabe pointed to the end of the log wire where a tiny round shape was. “This here is a camera. On this big screen, we’ll watch for the blackness. On the inside there should be a red dot where they inserted the disease. In the camera, I built a zapper, as I call it. I’m going to try to zap the target site, thus getting rid of the disease. Hopefully. Sounds simple, but it really isn’t. We could destroy something in the frontal lobe. She could lose memories or her personality could change just like Phineas Gage. I think that’s the point of putting the disease in her forehead because they want them to forget their memories and not have the same personality as before.” He stopped talking as he typed something again. “Jared, I would just try to hold the wire up so it goes in at the right angle. Holland, you know what to do. Guide it in, and I will work on the zapping when the time comes. Holland, remove the stitches and make the incision a bit bigger.”
“Wait, why bigger? I don’t want to make it worse.” Holland deliberated and searched frenziedly between Lena and I.
“Well, it will be easier to move around the camera if the hole is bigger. It’s okay. We can stitch it back because it might bother her. Also, let’s brace ourselves. She could explode like our last friend.” Gabe chuckled under his breath and reminded Holland and I that it was a joke when neither of us laughed. The last person who exploded had the cure and not just Dermadecatis like Lena. “Everyone ready now?” Gabe looked to me for approval, forgetting his sick joke, and I just gaped back unable to move.
Holland observed me for approval since Gabe didn’t give the okay. I shrugged because I wasn’t ready. I didn’t want Lena to change, but I didn’t want to hurt her either. This outweighed anything; her hurting or being in pain, I couldn’t bear it.
Holland took the stitches out with ease and made an incision, but Lena didn’t bleed like a normal body would. Instead, the blood was black and chunks of skin seemed to come off as the cut got longer. Holland’s eyes began to water from the smell erupting from Lena’s skin. I began to breathe from my mouth, because I didn’t want to be grossed out, especially by someone I cared deeply about. Even if it was a few days, I wanted to be with her. I wanted to stop it right then, but I knew we could be saving her life right now. Or could be making it worse. Lena wasn’t conscious, but I wondered if she knew we were working on her.
I looked down to her forehead and saw that there were flaps to the opening in her head. Her skin lay opened with dried up black blood coming out. Gabe didn’t seem to be repulsed, but I knew Holland was, because she continued to cough into her arm while covering her mouth after she placed the camera carefully into Lena’s head.
“Let me take over,” I told her quietly. She acted as if she didn’t hear me, probably out of pride. “Holland, it’s okay. I can take it from here. We’ll just swap jobs.”
“I was going to be a nurse. I can handle this,” she said without moving.
“You weren’t going to have to deal with this I am sure. It’s okay. Switch,” I said once more.
She didn’t look sure, but she moved out of the way, and I began to insert more wire into Lena’s head. “Okay,” Gabe told me slowly. “Steady. Don’t want to do anymore damage than is already done.”
I moved with extra care as I inserted the wire now, and it wasn’t as easy as it looked when Holland did it. The cord was incredibly thin, and guiding it inside Lena’s head was hard, because I didn’t know where to move the wire. My only guidance was by watching the screen with the camera on it, and even then I had to watch her head at the same time. I kept peeking between the two, but it was difficult. I steadied myself and was surprised at how calm I felt. My focus was making her better. I watched her face to make sure she was out of it and couldn’t feel any pain from this. I didn’t survey it going into her head anymore, because her face was so beautiful, even now. She was expressionless, and she looked peaceful still. I didn’t want to see how much went in, so I continued to watch her face as I pushed the cord little by little. Finally, I turned to the screen to make sure I was going in the right direction. Gabe moved slowly away and left me to keep putting it in deeper.
“Stop,” Gabe barked loudly, making me jump. I saw from the corner of my eye that Lena was stirring. Her eyes began to flicker, but she stopped suddenly. I hesitated, but Gabe gave me thumbs-up, and I continued to move the wire down.
Holland walked forward from her job of holding the wire at the right angle. “I’m ready to continue now. I had to just collect myself.” When I didn’t move, she continued calmly but sternly. “Move, Jared. Now. I want to do this.” I moved out of the way, but made sure she had a tight grip on the wire before releasing it.
As Gabe observed the screen for a while, he said, “I’m disappointed. All we can see is darkness. I don’t think we’ll be able to find the red dot like I suspected. Jared, I’m glad Holland has it now, because we have no idea where to go. So now we can blame Holland when we mess up.” Holland didn’t look up but scowled.
“Maybe the rotting is de
eper than we thought,” Holland suggested as I looked to the screen and came to the conclusion that nowhere in her brain looked healthy anymore. That wasn’t the worst part; we couldn’t find the target area due to so much darkness, thus we wouldn’t be able to help her.
“They didn’t attack the occipital lobe or the parietal lobe. But the frontal lobe is completely destroyed. She has her memories still, but what has changed then?” Holland asked no one. “I don’t see a difference in her. Have you noticed a difference?” she asked me directly this time.
“None. She is the same person as before. I haven’t noticed her acting strangely either.” I stopped myself. “But I didn’t know her that well before either. Just from class.” I felt silly, because I felt as if I knew her for so long. Holland looked at me with understanding eyes.
“What’s the plan of action?” Holland tested Gabe.
“We’ll try to shock out the blackness in there. It’s rotted, and I think it’s beyond being saved.” He went straight to the truth, always. No ounce of hope and no apologies. He didn’t meet my eyes. He had no control of what happened to her.
“We have to try. For Jared,” Holland voiced to Gabe. Gabe shook his head in agreement, but I could tell he didn’t completely agree.
“I’m sorry, Jared. I mean that. I want her to be okay. For you.” I gawked back at Gabe in amazement and nodded slowly. Gabe gave a weak smile and strode to the computer again. “Holland, hold her down just in case she jumps a little.” Holland braced herself and held Lena down. Gabe hit a button, and I watched the screen. I didn’t want to see if it hurt Lena. I would rather be in oblivion.
The screen lit up all around as soon as he hit the button. The blackness returned and Gabe hit the button for a third time, but this time, Lena reacted. And not how we expected.
Lena screamed. It was a loud shrill of a scream. It made my ears feel as if they were bleeding. She opened her eyes and screeched even louder than before. She shrieked as they had rolled to the back of her head, and I was far from calm.
“Lena, look at me. Everything is okay.” Holland had backed away, leaving me alone by her side. She didn’t even want to look at what she had done. I beheld Gabe and his head was in his hands.
Then I was screaming, “What’s wrong? What happened?” No one responded so I searched the screen. Lena’s brain was pulsing. I regarded her and saw her head moved in weird waves and directions. I began to yank out the wire. Lena began to convulse and throw up black smelly vomit.
“Do something!” I shouted to Holland while she was screaming some odd prayer. Gabe continued his position, and I halted in place while Lena made a snarling sound. She turned slowly, and I saw that the whites of her eyes were black now. I started to shout and closed my eyes for a second to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. Gabe ran forward and yanked the remaining bit of wire out, along with the camera, finishing my previous job. Lena returned lying down and her eyes closed. She was silent. I put my head to her chest and felt her breathing. I turned my face into her, where no one could see me.
In my mind, I was slowly attempting to pull myself together. Holland touched my arm, but I didn’t budge. Then Holland pinched me as a sob erupted from her, so I brought my head up. The wires along with the camera were steaming. Lena stirred, and her eyes crept open.
“What happened?” a soft voice asked. She looked sleepy, and I touched her cheek in silence.
The wires along with the camera were singed beyond repair, and it had come from Lena’s brain.
Chapter Seventeen: No Clue
AFTER THAT DAY, I didn’t let Gabe touch her. After he used thirteen stitches vertically to close the cut, I grabbed her into my arms and carried her upstairs, leaving Holland to clean up the mess. Not that I was mad at Gabe or Holland, but I just didn’t trust them with her anymore. Three days had passed, and if Holland were alone with Lena, I would check on her constantly. I was afraid they would try something new without asking her or me.
Lena probably could see that I didn’t look at her the same way. I was terrified for her. She was dying, and there was nothing to do but watch. Holland continued to plead with me to just try to help her by going back into her head, but I refused to let them. They didn’t want to hurt her, but they had unintentionally. I was haunted by her screams, and I hadn’t slept in three days. I couldn’t forgive them for not testing their theory out before they worked on her.
She didn’t look as happy or uplifting as before, and I couldn’t help but feel sad whenever I saw her. She cooked breakfast every morning, and went to hide in her room every afternoon. She only communicated with Holland. I knew I had to talk to her, but I didn’t know what to say.
My mind was clouded by demons, and I couldn’t get away from them. My father had successfully ruined my life, and I had let him. I wasn’t going to let him ruin her soul. He could take her mind or make her rot, but he wouldn’t change who she was. I wasn’t going to let him.
***
I walked to her room and knocked, but she didn’t answer. I opened the door. Lena was on her back across her bed. She had a book up to her face as she laid in her sweatpants. I smiled to her, and she looked up embarrassed.
We didn’t speak for a while, and I let the silence transcend through my body. I felt heat run through me, because the way she looked at me was a way that no one else had before. She looked away, breaking the connection, and I gazed down timidly. I was not shy, but she made me that way. She finally spoke to me after a moment of more silence.
“Where have you been lately?” she asked warily. She sat up while crossing her legs and patted the bed for me to sit down. I sat beside her, feeling inferior all of a sudden. “I mean, I guess I wouldn’t want to be around me either.” She punched me in the arm in a playful way.
“You’re so weak, little girl.” I smiled, because I used to mean this in an unkind way, now I teased her, but she wasn’t weak at all. “I thought you’d want to be alone, I guess.”
“Why would I want to be alone? I really need and want company all the time.”
“I didn’t know. I’ll work on that.” Her face was frustrated. She saw me staring and grinned a little.
“Good. So, I was wondering if we could play a game.” I laughed, and she looked embarrassed. “I mean, the question game. I never got a chance to ask more things. I got sick, if you remember.”
How could I forget the day I found out about her being sick? I couldn’t believe that I missed all the signs. She was so distant, and I didn’t think anything of it. She was so much like her father; he never let anyone know if there was anything wrong. She had a quick mind, and made me feel as if I could do anything with her help. I wanted to make her even better than she was, because she made me better than I was. If she wanted to know the truth about me, then I was going to tell her. “Well, what do you want to know?” I asked, testing.
“I want to know what your life was like before this. I want to know how you felt when you first saw me. I can remember that day so clearly,” she added.
I hesitated, and she closed her book and sat up for good measure to show me that she was ready to listen. Her face was full of excitement and wonder so I smiled and started. “My life before was full of heartbreak and I wasn’t a happy guy. My father was a monster, and I couldn’t bear to be near him anymore. I met your father by mistake. He had come over to the house to discuss their project, and I was a nosey kid. I used to sit by the door and listen to my dad’s meetings. It was forbidden, and my mother used to spank me if she found me, but I never stopped. I never stopped believing he was evil, and I was right. Your father and mine got into a heated argument. I didn’t understand what it was about, so I lingered by the door, and your father nearly knocked me over when he threw it open. I started to run, and he caught up to me. He was so gentle, but I was afraid of him, because I thought he was just like my father. He told me to meet him later that night, which I thought was odd, but he said if I wanted to know the truth, I would have to trust him. I was fifteen then. Your d
ad saw a strength in me that I didn’t know I had.” I paused. Lena’s eyes looked glassy and distant. She missed her father. “He didn’t tell me about you until I was about seventeen. He didn’t tell me, because he didn’t know if he could trust me yet with you. He told me that if he ever were to pass that I had to promise to protect you. I was supposed to protect you, and I didn’t.” My voice broke, but she held me in a tight hug. She was the one who needed comforting, yet there she was giving it to me.
“It’s okay,” she said soothingly to me. “Keep telling me more.”
I paused for a second as I caught my breath but continued. “Your father created the disease itself about four years ago. He thought if he could cure such a deadly disease that the cure for cancer would follow. He created a cure for Dermadecatis after my father stole it from him. My father started giving the disease to people. We tried to find out how he gave it to them, but we didn’t know. Your father had the disease locked away in a vile in his lab, but my father found a way past the layers of the lab. Your father went out and died before he could start giving the cure to people. He told me he created the true cure and the answer lies in you. The cure my father created was something far worse than what we anticipated. Your father just thought he would give the disease to the entire world, and that it was up to me to stop it from happening. Your father expected a lot of me. He expected to cure cancer and give the cure to the poor first and then the rest of the world. He was a good man. He didn’t want to harm people. He didn’t make the disease to hurt people. He thought they would never see Dermadecatis. My father wanted to kill, and I thought that was all. But he really wanted to destroy the human’s will to live with the disease and then control human beings with his cure. I didn’t think it would ever get this far. He’s won, and there is nothing we can do about it.”
Antidote Trilogy: The Complete Box Set Page 13