Coming Home for Christmas

by RaeAnne Thayne

  “He does. He’s a really good dad.”

  “The best,” Bridger piped up. “Except when he makes us do chores, which is every day.”

  “We are Hamiltons,” Cassie said. “And Hamiltons take care of business.”

  “I just wish we didn’t have to care of business all the time,” Bridger said. “Plus, this summer we have to put a yard in, so we’ll be working a lot more.”

  Elizabeth was filled with a deep ache, wishing she could be there with them to create a new yard at their home. She would love designing it from the start. Creating flower beds, bringing in soil, choosing plants. It was her very favorite thing.

  She used to work in the garden with her mother. While they weeded and pruned and harvested, they would talk about life. School and friends, faith, boys. Whatever was on her mind. She had loved those chats in the sunshine while the bees buzzed across the blossoms and a breeze danced in the treetops.

  Maybe that was why working the soil brought so much peace to her soul, because it was her way of carrying on and connecting to the parents she had loved.

  “Are you putting in a...vegetable garden?”

  “Yes,” Bridger answered. “I want only peas and potatoes because that’s all I like, but Dad said we have to plant more stuff, like tomatoes and carrots and maybe even broccoli. Yuck.”

  She smiled, both at her son’s funny face and at the promise of spring. It seemed a long time away now, a few days before Christmas, but she knew the seed catalogs would be coming right after the holidays and soon she could start to page through them and imagine.

  That was another reason she loved growing things. It taught patience, the peculiar joy of watching something you planted reach a little higher toward the sun until it fully reached its potential. A heavenly smelling rosebush, a plump, ripe tomato, a bright, cheerful sunflower. They were all miracles.

  She supposed there was a metaphor there about parenting. You sowed the soil, tended religiously and kept your fingers crossed that what you were doing was enough and that your little miracles would grow up healthy and strong, able to withstand the inevitable hardships of life.

  “What vegetables do you like, Cassie?”

  Her daughter shrugged. “I like all of them, except asparagus.”

  How funny, especially since she had craved asparagus when she was pregnant with Cassie.

  Before she could answer, the door from the garage opened, and their little dog, Finn, jumped up and headed in that direction.

  “That must be Dad!” Bridger exclaimed, shoving his chair back and following after the dog.

  It took all her self-control to keep from following after them. Oh, she had it bad for her husband.

  She hadn’t seen him since the party the night before. He had called her that morning to explain he was in the middle of trying to fix a problem at a job site and would be tied up all day. He had arranged for one of his workers to pick her up and take her to his house.

  Of all the things she had lost in the accident, the ability to drive herself places was probably the most life-changing. She missed the days when she could hop in a car and take a drive for the sheer fun of it.

  When he walked into the kitchen, his gaze immediately found her, his expression making her insides buzz as if a hundred honeybees had found a home there.

  He looked dark, rugged, gorgeous in his work clothes. And dusty. He had obviously been working around lumber all day.

  “How’s the styling going?” he asked.

  “She’s really good at hair,” Cassie said. “What do you think?”

  She twirled around in front of her father, who gave her an admiring smile. “You look great. Wow. So that’s how those curls are supposed to look. Did you tell Elizabeth thank you?”

  “Thanks,” Cassie said dutifully. “You did a great job.”

  To Elizabeth’s shock, she approached her a little shyly and gave her a quick hug. It lasted only a moment before Cassie returned her arms to her sides, but it was enough to send thick emotions clogging Elizabeth’s throat.

  She cleared them away to smile at her child. “You’re welcome. It was my pleasure.”

  Luke studied her carefully and she knew he had not missed her reaction.

  “Do you need a...sandwich or something?” she asked him.

  “We had PB and J after school. Mom makes really good PB and J sandwiches,” Bridger said.

  He had called her Mom. She didn’t know how to contain all these emotions.

  “I’m good for now but I’ll be starving after the show. Right this minute, I need to take a quick shower,” Luke said. “Do we have time for that?”

  “I’m supposed to be there in a half hour, so it has to be really quick,” Cassie said, tone bossy.

  “Got it.”

  “I need...a few minutes, too,” Elizabeth said.

  “And I need to get in my dress for the show,” Cassie said.

  “Everybody meet back here in fifteen minutes, then,” Luke said.

  “I’m all ready, so I’ll just sit here and eat all the Christmas cookies,” Bridger said. Elizabeth smiled, her heart overflowing with love for him.

  He had called her Mom!

  She hurried to the guest room Luke had told her to use for the next few days, the beautiful master suite on the main floor.

  She had been able to change her flight and had a new departure the day after Christmas. The idea of it filled her with dread. She didn’t want to go back. But how could she stay?

  She pushed away the worry as she quickly changed into a Christmas sweater, brushed her own hair and applied more mascara and lipstick.

  Though she hadn’t wasted a moment, when she returned to the kitchen, she found Cassie ahead of her, dressed in a beautiful burgundy dress edged with white fake fur.

  “Wow. Gorgeous dress!”

  “My friend’s mom made them for all of us.” Cassie twirled around.

  “You still have fifteen seconds,” Bridger told Elizabeth with a grin.

  She smiled back, loving this boy with his funny sense of humor and his unique way of looking at the world.

  “In that case, maybe I’ll go...read a book. A Christmas Carol or something.”

  He giggled. “Too bad. Time’s up now. Where’s Dad?”

  “Right here.” Luke hurried in, hair still wet. He was wearing a blue oxford shirt and a sport coat along with jeans and cowboy boots.

  Her insides whirled and danced and she wanted to kiss the hard curve of that freshly shaved jaw.

  Something of her wayward thoughts must have reflected in her expression. Luke’s eyes darkened and he almost took a step toward her but Cassie spoke first.

  “We better go or we’ll be late,” she said.

  “Let’s do this, then,” Luke said with a smile. “On with the show.”

  * * *

  Luke always enjoyed the holiday extravaganza put on by the school.

  It was a fun little small-town tradition, like the Lights on the Lake Festival and the summer boat show and Lake Haven Festival. He had been in the show when he was in elementary school and so had Megan.

  His dad hadn’t ever come, he remembered now. Paul Hamilton would never have been caught dead at something like this. Good thing, too. Luke would have hated having to perform in front of his father.

  This one seemed special, somehow. Anticipation zinged through him as he settled into the uncomfortable chairs that were made for elementary-school-size rear ends and not adult men.

  Part of that was because of Cassie’s part, the special musical number she had prepared with her friends.

  The rest had more to do with the woman beside him. Elizabeth’s eyes were bright, her color high, and he knew she couldn’t wait for the performance.

  She loved their children.

  And he was beginning to realize he loved her. />
  He let out a sigh. What the hell was he going to do? He wasn’t ready to jump back into things with her. Was he?

  She had left him. When trouble hit, as it no doubt would again, she had turned away from him instead of to him. How could he open his heart completely to her when some part of him would always be afraid she might run away again?

  “Thank you,” she said softly.

  “For what?”

  “For being...open enough to let me come tonight with you. While I was fixing Cassie’s hair, I was thinking that this all...seems like the most wonderful dream. I have been looking forward to this program for weeks but thought I would be sitting in the back, as I’ve done before. This is...so much better.”

  “I’m glad.”

  He wanted to reach for her hand but the moment didn’t feel right. That would be a declaration he wasn’t quite ready to make yet.

  “I... It means the world that you would...be willing to let me spend time with them. They are wonderful children. You’ve...you’ve done an amazing job of raising them.”

  “I don’t know if I had much to do with it. They came out pretty amazing.”

  “You did. Trust me. You’re a wonderful father, Luke. I always knew you would be.”

  How could she have known that, when his own father had been such a piece of work? He hadn’t wanted kids when they first started dating. In fact, they’d almost broken up over it, he suddenly remembered.

  She had finally told him that he had every right not to want children, that people made that choice every day, often for very sound reasons. But she said he had to make that choice for himself, not out of fear because of the poor example his own father had been.

  “You’re the exact opposite of your father in every other way. You work hard to prove that. What makes you think fatherhood will be any different?” she had said.

  What if he hadn’t taken her words to heart? What if he had let fear control him and had pushed away the possibility of having children? His life would have been very different.

  Cassie and Bridger were the joy of his life. Everything he did was for them.

  He was in danger of repeating that pattern with Elizabeth—allowing fear to keep him from the possibility of joy with her. He still loved his wife, had never stopped. Did he have the courage to let her into his heart completely?

  “We need to talk about where we go from here,” Luke said.

  He hadn’t meant to blurt that out so abruptly but it was out there now.

  “Did you...want to go somewhere for dinner?” she asked, misunderstanding him.

  “I didn’t mean after the show. I meant what happens between us after Christmas.”

  “Oh.” Her cheeks suddenly turned rosy. “I don’t...”

  Whatever she was going to say was cut off by a commotion in the aisle. With reluctance, he shifted his gaze and found Megan and Elliot heading toward them at the very moment the lights in the school auditorium began to dim.

  “Just in time,” he said.

  Megan winced. “I know. Sorry.”

  “Blame your sister. She was working on a photo and you know how she can lose track of time,” Elliot whispered, looking much more clean-cut than he had the night before.

  They settled into the seats Luke had saved them, on the other side of Elizabeth, just as the principal of the elementary school came up to announce the program.

  He would worry about the future later. Right now, he intended to enjoy this fleeting, magical moment in time.

  * * *

  She thought her happiness jar was full to the brim earlier, when she had been spending time with her children at Luke’s house. But being here with him while they watched the performance showed her she had an endless capacity for joy.

  It was a delightful variety show featuring each grade at the elementary school, focused on the true spirit of kindness during the holidays. There were Christmas songs, Hanukkah dances, a Kwanzaa skit.

  Cassie and her small group of girlfriends did a lovely a cappella rendition of “Away in a Manger” that had Elizabeth and more than a few around her in tears.

  Anyone who didn’t feel the warm spirit of community, no matter what holiday they celebrated or if they observed none at all, had to be coldhearted and small.

  When they finished, she rose along with the crowd and clapped enthusiastically for all the children. She swayed a little, the beginnings of a headache pressing in. Oh. She had been so busy doing Cassie’s hair, she hadn’t taken one of her anti-seizure pills on schedule, she suddenly realized.

  She did not want to have one here, in front of the whole town. “Excuse me,” she said abruptly to Luke, grabbing her purse with her emergency pill supply. “I, um, I need to use the restroom.”

  “Now? The kids will be coming out.”

  “I’ll find you...in a moment.”

  She found a drinking fountain and had taken the necessary medication when the crowd started filing out of the auditorium.

  Needing a moment to gather her composure, she turned her face to the wall, pretending to look at a spelling bee trophy case. She heard people behind her but didn’t see their faces.

  “Did you see that woman sitting beside Luke Hamilton?” one woman said. Elizabeth froze, keeping her face averted.

  “Yes. She was pretty. I hope he’s finally dating again.”

  “You haven’t heard? That’s his wife, Elizabeth.”

  “His wife? I thought she was dead!” the second woman exclaimed.

  “Everybody did. But apparently she ran off with another man, became addicted to plastic surgery, completely altered her appearance and changed her name, too.”

  “Wow! I always liked Elizabeth. That’s hard to believe.”

  “I heard she might have even worked as a stripper for a while.”

  A stripper? That was a new one.

  “What’s she doing here? I hope he’s not thinking of taking her back. He’d be a damn fool to do that.”

  The women moved back into the crowd, still talking, but Elizabeth had heard enough.

  Luke had been living with the same sort of whispers for seven years, gossip and hearsay he could do nothing to combat.

  Most people in Haven Point were kind, good-hearted people, but there were the few outliers. They must have made life hell for him.

  The women were right, though. Luke would be a fool if he took her back. Why would he want her now? She didn’t struggle with depression anymore. Funny, how a brain injury could have one bright spot. But in its place were a hundred other medical problems with far more complicated side effects.

  Luke and the children came out of the auditorium. He scanned the crowd in the foyer and she saw relief on his features when he found her.

  Did he think she might have escaped again into the night?

  That worry would always be there between them, she realized grimly.

  The noise in the foyer became deafening as excited children and parents talked about the performance. It was a very good thing today had been the last day of school until after the New Year because none of the children in Haven Point would be able to focus on schoolwork right now.

  “Did you like it?” Bridger asked her.

  “You were fantastic,” she told him. “I couldn’t stop laughing at the motions you did to your song.”

  Cassie didn’t ask her opinion, but she could tell her daughter wanted to know what she thought. “And your song was beautiful,” Elizabeth said softly. “It made me cry.”

  “Really?”

  “I was so proud of you both.”

  They beamed at her and Elizabeth was deeply grateful she had been here to see them. No matter what happened, she wouldn’t have missed this for anything.

  We need to talk about where we’re going.

  Luke’s words echoed in her head. She knew where she had
to go. Back to Oregon. She would visit again and try to maintain a relationship with the children long-distance but that was the best place for her.

  Luke had done a wonderful job raising the children without her. None of them needed the complications she brought along, a wife and mother who couldn’t drive herself to the store, who fumbled with her words, who couldn’t walk long distances without the aid of a cane.

  It wasn’t the future she wanted but she didn’t see any other choice.

  Chapter Nineteen

  “What was your favorite part?”

  Despite her lingering sadness, Elizabeth had to hide a smile at her son’s question. She had answered the same thing from him at least a half dozen times. “I have two favorite...parts. One was your class song, of course, and the other one was Cassie’s...special musical number. No comparison. They were the...the very best parts of the entire show.”

  “You really think so?”

  “She wouldn’t have said it if she didn’t mean it,” Luke said, giving Bridger an exasperated look. “Give it a rest now, kid.”

  “Can I have another piece of pizza?”

  “One more, then I’m cutting you off. If you have more than that, you’re going to be sick.”

  Luke had the great idea to pick up pizza for them on the way home from the school program but apparently everyone else in town had the same idea. It had taken him nearly an hour to get their order while Elizabeth waited in the pickup truck with Bridger and Cassie.

  The wait had been worth every minute, she had to admit. Serrano’s still had the most delicious crust she’d ever enjoyed.

  “I thought the show this year was much better than last year. Didn’t you, Dad?” Cassie asked. She had changed out of her lovely dress so she didn’t drip tomato sauce on it and was wearing red-striped leggings and an oversize sweater that made her look like an elf.

  “Every year seems better than the one before.” Luke diplomatically took a sip of his beer.

  “I don’t know how they can possibly make it any better next year,” Cassie said.

  “Those teachers are pretty good. I’m sure they’re already thinking about it.”