Inconvenient Relations

by Simi K. Rao

  “Didn’t I tell you to stay put?” he demanded furiously when he found her in the bookstore half an hour later. “Do you have murder on your mind?”

  She remained silent.

  “That’s a good one,” he remarked on seeing Khalid Hosseini’s A Thousand Splendid Suns in her hand. “Read it…” He himself picked up a copy of Kite Runner. “…since we are in no mood to talk.” And rushed her to the gate just as the final boarding for the flight departing to Las Vegas was announced.

  “Vegas! Are you mad! I’m in no mood to gamble or watch risqué adult shows!” she muttered indignantly as they took their seats.

  “Neither am I…or come to think of it, a show may not be a bad idea after all,” he said, his eyes sweeping over her thoughtfully.

  She flushed. “Don’t play games with me. I’m warning you.”

  “I’m not. Will you just shut up for a while and let me concentrate on my book?”

  They didn’t talk anymore nor did they get through more than a dozen pages of their respective novels; the stories struck too close to home.

  ***

  Las Vegas: the city of sin where anything goes, where people come to indulge in their wildest fantasies and forget for once who they are supposed to be.

  It didn’t look particularly sinful to Ruhi as they drove along The Strip, the main boulevard, in the early morning. It looked dead…a ghost city.

  “They are all sleeping off their respective nights of indulgence,” Shaan said, guessing correctly what was passing through her mind. “Past midnight is when all the action is. C’mon, let’s rest up a bit.”

  The Venetian Resort and Casino.

  Ruhi’s mouth dropped open; she had never expected to come across the Italian city in the midst of the desert—architecture, shops, restaurants, even gondolas with singing gondoliers plying on a miniature Grand Canal; everything bathed in an aura of unimaginable luxury—it felt almost surreal.

  “What do you think?” Shaan asked with a smile as they rode the glass-enclosed elevator.

  “It’s stunning!” Ruhi said.

  “There you go, sir, madam, have a pleasant stay,” the uniformed bellhop said, opening the door to their room. He bowed extra low when Shaan tipped him generously.

  “So what do we have here?” Shaan asked.

  “You conniving rogue! What do you take me for?” Ruhi spluttered with anger as she pointed a shaking finger at the huge king size bed which occupied pride of place in the large, extravagantly-appointed suite.

  Shaan was nonplussed. “What do you mean?”

  Once he gets what he wants from you…

  Her bosom heaved while her mind worked up a delirium. “Don’t put on an act,” Ruhi said. “You know very well what I mean! You brought me here under false pretenses so you could impose your will on me. You want to have your cake and eat it too? I won’t let that happen. I…I will jump off the balcony before I let you touch me!” She raced toward the French double doors.

  “I have no interest in making the headlines tomorrow!”

  He grabbed her by the waist, scooped her up as easy as a feather, before flinging her on the bed and throwing himself right on top. “Does the very thought of me making love to you sound so repulsive?”

  She shook her head. “No.”

  “Then I’m willing to remain celibate for the rest of my life if it’d prevent even a single tear from escaping your eyes. Oh, Ruhi, when…when will you realize that I’m not your worst enemy?” He sighed, lowering his head beside hers, wanting to drink in her loveliness and erase her fears the best way he could.

  Then getting up abruptly, he said, “Enough of this lunacy! Let’s get something to eat. There is another place I want us to go.”

  ***

  He had rented an olive-green jeep.

  The long solitary four-and-half-hour drive took them through some of the most desolate environs she had ever seen. The lonely highway meandered through miles upon miles of barren yet stunning landscape, of sprawling desert, towering cliffs, and huge rock clusters in brilliant shades of red, orange, and brown that hemmed them in on either side and held her in speechless awe.

  He stole a glance at her and relaxed a little. At last he could see a glimmer of the old Ruhi, the girl who by the very force of her personality had changed the entire course of his life, the one he loved with a passion almost close to madness.

  He hoped this journey they were taking together would help get rid of some of the bitterness they had landed themselves in and instead replace them with good memories.

  Grand Canyon National Park is a geological marvel encompassing more than a million acres of rock formation cut by the Colorado River into a 277-mile long and a mile-deep canyon over a period of a billion years.

  It was twilight by the time they reached their destination. “We shall come back tomorrow for a better look at the canyon, but the views by night are equally breathtaking,” he said, obviously excited while she was simply blown away.

  Afraid to speak lest it disturb the profound quietude, she clambered down on to an outcrop of ancient rock. Solitude had never appeared so appealing to her; this was the ultimate piece of heaven. She stood on tiptoe and peeped over the ledge where she could see almost nothing but a deep never-ending chasm, the walls of which had been eroded over millions and millions of years.

  There was the culprit river snaking like a silver thread far, far below.

  What would happen if I stepped off the edge? Would everything be over in a second or would it take as long as a minute? Death is a very attractive prospect right now. To end it all then be dug up a million years from now like a dinosaur and be exhibited in a museum for people to gawk at. What would my legacy be? What would they label me as?

  “A unique specimen of a married virgin.” She almost laughed out loud. Yes, that would be my sole claim to fame!

  With her hands trembling, she clutched hard onto the safety railing and closed her eyes and saw the face that had been haunting her. Damnit!

  How to shut the mind’s eye? How to ward off the taunts, the shame, the embarrassments, so I can have some peace?

  “Ruhi, come over here.”

  Snapping out of her disturbed musings, she looked over to where he was standing as he perused the brilliant night sky over the canyon with the help of his portable telescope.

  “This is one of the best places on earth for stargazing,” he said, the enthusiasm in his voice palpable. “Look! You can even see the Andromeda galaxy with your naked eye!”

  “Where? I don’t see anything.” Andromeda galaxy? He has gone loco!

  “Look for a little cloud of stars. Here, let me help you focus,” he said, handing her the telescope, his head bending close, fingers brushing against hers.

  A stinging burn…

  He walked away quickly. I can’t lose control, not now!

  “Shaan?” She found him standing next to the jeep, lost deep in thought.

  “Hmm?” He kept his face averted.

  “You walked away…why?” she asked.

  “Just a calf cramp, no big deal.”

  A wild thought struck her, a rash gamble. “Will you kiss me, Shaan?”

  “What?”

  “You heard me right. Will you kiss me right now?”

  He stared at her as though beholding an apparition, a pulse hammered haywire in his throat. Could it be true?

  “You see, I have never been kissed before. So why not now? And it would make more sense to be kissed by my husband than by a complete stranger, don’t you think?”

  Gawd! This can’t be for real. She would never say that, especially now.

  “Is it too much to ask for? If so I…” She looked down at her feet.

  “No, of course not!” he said.

  With a shaking hand, he removed her ranger’s hat, allowing her hair to cascade
down to her shoulders. She looked uncommonly bewitching.

  Holding her face in his hands, he stroked her cheek, then gently ran his thumb across her chin. Yes, she was for real. Still unsure, he bent down and their lips met. She didn’t cower or move away.

  Now more certain, driven by an unfulfilled hunger, his mouth pressed down on her full lips, imbibing them, relishing their softness and flavor. They tasted of berries, ripened in the summer sun, sweet and a little sour, just perfect.

  He felt her hands spread on his hips, the pressure of her fingers communicating her desire. Encouraged, he pressed her back against the door and boldly invaded her mouth with his tongue, exploring those pearly whites, drinking her warm nectar, claiming her for his very own.

  She moaned, weaving her fingers through his hair, kissing him back with an equal ardor.

  The heat spread up his body and threatened to consume him.

  He opened the rear door of the jeep and laid her down gently while covering her face with gentle passion; he wanted their union to be immaculate. She responded, nipping his neck and pulling his body down hard on hers so he could feel her rounded softness crushed against his chest.

  He whispered into her ear, “I love you, Ruhi. I love you so much!”

  Her eyes snapped wide open.

  It’s all just physical…

  She pushed him away. “No, don’t say that!”

  “Say what?”

  “That you love me! You don’t know what love is. It’s all but a physical thing for you!”

  He withdrew from her, infuriated. “Did that godforsaken bitch tell you that? And you trust her more than me, your husband who for the past two months hasn’t demanded his marital rights when he could have done so quite easily? Not that I didn’t find you attractive. In fact, I find you extremely alluring right now. Hence, if you wish to call it physical, then so be it!”

  He kissed her again, but this time with a vehemence. He was driven by a vengeful madness. Did she consider him a fool? Someone in front of whom she could dangle the carrot of temptation over and over then withdraw at the last moment?

  She thinks she can get away with it all! Does she not feel anything? Does she not have any cravings or desires? How can she be so cruel and cold?

  His teeth came down on her lip hard, enough so she let out a short cry, and he felt her recoil and struggle under him; her hands pushing against his chest frantic to get away, but he subdued her easily with his weight and superior strength.

  Gradually, her movements ceased. She countered kissing him back with a new passion that fed into his hunger. Letting go of her hands which he had imprisoned behind her back, he let his own roam deliriously over her nubile body, something he had been wanting to do for as long as he could recall.

  Feeling remorse, he gently licked her bruised and broken lips wanting to allay the pain. Then encouraged by her moans, he let his mouth travel down to her chin, her throat, and to the hollow at the bottom of her long neck. Urgently stroking the smooth lines of her thighs, his hands dug inside her shorts and cupped her backside hard. She gasped in surprise but didn’t attempt to pull away.

  He could feel her fingers caressing the back of his neck as her body responded, arching closer to his. She was game, ripe, and ready; his for the taking. He reached up to undo the buttons of her shirt then paused, breathing hard.

  “Don’t stop now, please!” She moved forward, burying her head into his shoulder and tightened her arms around his neck.

  He groaned in anguish, desperate to carry out her bidding.

  No, I can’t do this. I know I can have her now, and she won’t stop me. But I don’t want that kind of victory. This isn’t a war that needs to be won. This is a lasting relationship between two souls that needs to be built on trust and not deceit. There has been enough of that in our marriage, but not anymore. I won’t allow my wife to demean herself in her own eyes.

  With great difficulty, he wrenched himself away and gazed deep into her dazed orbs. “You think I don’t really love you, that I mentioned the word just so I could have you in the physical sense? That’s not the truth.”

  She didn’t want to let him go. All she wanted right now was to belong to him; she could care less about anything else. She pulled him closer. “I regret what I said earlier.”

  “You may regret it, but you meant every word you spoke and it hurt me deeply. There’s nothing more tempting for me right now than to make you mine, but then I won’t be able to prove my integrity. I don’t want to just say I love you, I want to show you. And more than that, I want you to feel it.”

  He caressed her lips with his thumb. “Ruhi, we have played enough in our lives together. It’s time to move on, leaving all the misunderstandings and distrust behind.”

  Then taking a deep breath as though he had made up his mind, he said, “So until you come to me of your own accord, I will not take the next step. I will not force your hand in any way, and as I said before, I will wait.” He drew away after placing a soft peck on her cheek.

  She sat stunned in the backseat, her feet pulled up to her chest, hugging her knees, fighting back tears of frustration. No, I won’t cry, I can’t! He has rejected me again, and I have become the biggest joke of all. He has played with my feelings, caused me to lose my self-control, and then callously flung me away because he can do so. He has broken my heart into a million pieces.

  “I hate him. Oh how much do I hate him!” she muttered to herself as he drove into the darkness.

  Innuendo

  “I want to go home.”

  Back at the Venetian, Shaan tried to coax her out of the jeep. “Yes, we shall, the day after. For now, let’s get some dinner and check out some entertainment.”

  She kept her gaze rigidly fixed on the back of the driver’s seat. “I don’t want to see any darn shows! I want to go home!”

  “Ruhiii!” Blast her. “I told you already!” His hands gripped the hinges of the door as he paused to breathe. “Fine! We’ll leave here tomorrow, but not tonight. I’m dreadfully tired, and I need to catch up on some z’s. You too.”

  She twisted around to face him. “No… I don’t need to sleep. I need to leave! And by home I meant ‘home’ home, like Chandigarh!”

  “What?” He stared at her astounded. “You didn’t hear even a single word I said?”

  “What word? Oh…those!” Her laugh was wry, dismissive. “A very nice attempt indeed on your part to pacify me and make me feel better. Your way of saying, ‘Honey, you don’t measure up!’”

  “Ruhi, you’ve got it all wrong. It’s not like that. I…I wanted you so bad but—”

  She continued, oblivious, “Oh my god! What came over me? To ask you to kiss me. Utter insanity! Too much oxygen, or was it the effect of the place? It’s so weird, it’s hysterical! But now I know for sure we weren’t meant to be, you and I.” Her voice was filled with bitter regret.

  “It was a dream I had, but it’s shattered now. It’s better we part ways amicably before we tear each other to pieces! I want to go to the airport, get back home to some peace and quiet. Do they have flights from here? I’m sure they do. Can you get me a ticket?” she asked, her wild eyes probing his face. “No? You won’t? But then why am I asking? I have your credit card, don’t I?”

  She scrambled for her purse. It had fallen under the seat, and she dug inside. “There,” she said, pulling out her wallet with a smug smile. “I will have Dad pay you back when I get there. Now I need to get a cab.” She moved to get out of the SUV.

  “No way!” He caught her by the shoulders and yanked her back. He had a long reach. “You aren’t going anywhere without me! I won’t let you destroy us, destroy what we have!”

  “What do we have? Nothing!” She winced as his hold grew tighter. “I’ve tried. Oh God how I’ve tried, but this is the last straw. No more! If I stay any longer, I’ll forget who I am. I’ve got to
leave now!” She struggled harder.

  “Snap out of it, Ruhi!”

  She kicked out with her legs and connected.

  “Ouch! You hellcat!”

  His jaw worked as he controlled an irresistible urge to hit her. Then thrusting his face up close, he blurted, “Don’t provoke me. I think you have a very good idea by now of what I am capable of!”

  Her eyes widened with alarm at his intimation.

  “I’m not a saint. I have some basic needs and a gorgeous wife who can fulfill it,” he stated in a more measured voice and a devilish smile. His gaze raked down her body slowly taking in her trembling lips, the long smooth lines of her throat, coming to a deliberate stop on the deep hollow exposed by her disheveled shirt that her fingers fumbled to rectify.

  “Nobody will blame me, not even you,” he said quietly.

  “You won’t!”

  “I can and I will.”

  He could perceive her mind racing amok, searching for ways to escape but not finding any. She gave up, her shoulders drooping; the wild fire doused quickly, leaving behind cold embers of resigned defeat.

  He wanted to scoop her up in his arms and say, Darling, I’m the last person on this earth who would wish to harm you.

  But then, he opted for a sterner approach. “We will talk later when you are in a friendlier mood. But let me tell you one thing. You may be willing to quit, but I’m not ‘cause I can see us spending the rest of our lives together and relishing every bit. I won’t rest till I prove it to you,” he declared with firm determination. “As for leaving, don’t ever mention it again.”

  She wasn’t exactly sure how they got to their room or how she changed into the cocktail dress, being only conscious of the shock of ice-cold water burning her skin and the blood-red of her dress contrasting with the pale white of her face as she ran a brush through her hair.

  If you try to leave, then there won’t be anybody worse than me.

  She didn’t care; she couldn’t stay in the same room with him. She was more fearful of how she’d react if he touched her again. She would more likely than not lose it completely.