Beyond Eighteen

by Gretchen de La O

  “You didn’t have to get off the phone because of me.”

  “No problem. You okay?”

  “I’m not too bad. My head hurts, and I kept having nightmares about Candi. Was that Nick?” I asked.

  “Yeah,” she replied. I waited for her to say more, but she didn’t.

  “Well, it sounded like he…did something…romantic, huh?”

  “Naw, he just teased me about coming out here,” she said in a casual tone.

  J struck a match on the side of the stove and started the newspaper on fire before she tossed the match into the flames and closed the door, leaving a crack to let the oxygen in. I could feel my shoulders tighten and every protective instinct in me rear its head. I didn’t want to be jealous or even envious of Joanie and Nick. I wanted her to be happy. But for some reason, if Max wasn’t here for me, I didn’t want Nick here for her. Is that terrible? God, I would never tell her that, even though she saw every emotion flood my body.

  “Don’t worry, Wilson, I don’t think he’ll come out. He was just teasing me,” she huffed, trying to hide her disappointment. “Besides, we need to find that deed.”

  “Yeah, I guess we should do that,” I answered slowly. J’s conversation with Nick still weighed on my mind, especially the part about Max. I couldn’t help asking her about it. “Do you really believe Max isn’t coming?”

  J stood for a moment, tangled in her thoughts of how to answer me. She shifted her weight back and forth on the balls of her feet, trying to collect the right words to use.

  “Oh, honey, I don’t know…how. It just seems like he’s taking care of some serious business; the kind of stuff that can affect hundreds of people. It’s like real world, big deal shit. Stuff you and I have no clue about…Maybe it wasn’t fair of me to assume. I’m sorry if I upset you,” Joanie apologized before she wrapped her arms around me. She often did that to defuse an uncomfortable moment.

  “You’re right. He’s drowning in his father’s business. Besides, he told me three days…it hasn’t even been a full twenty-four hours yet. I’m just sad because I wanted Max here with us for New Year’s.”

  “I know, sweetheart, but it won’t be long. Let’s get through the meeting with your lawyers and we’ll figure out the rest later. As a matter of fact, why don’t you try and make an earlier appointment with the lawyers? That way it will give us the rest of the day to hang out and celebrate New Year’s…just the two of us.”

  “Maybe we should find the deed first before I call,” I suggested.

  J stood up and looked around the house. “Great idea, where do you want to start looking?” she asked.

  “Well, in my grandfather’s desk,” I said as she walked behind me to where it was sitting on the other side of the room.

  It was a humongous, dark brown, chunky desk with eight matching drawers—four on either side and a large, wide, shallow center drawer with two round, black metal handles on each side. J took the left side I took the right. We looked for anything that might resemble a deed…even though I’d never seen one in my life.

  Then it dawned on me—J got me off the topic of Max. She was the world’s greatest subject changer. She could single handedly get anyone off subject by using one word. It wasn’t even a specific word. Any word she’d say would lead you off topic. So instead of wasting time trying to get back, to talking about Max, I just let it go.

  It only took about fifteen minutes to find a manila envelope labeled with my name in my grandpa’s handwriting. Inside was the signed deed, a life insurance policy on both of my grandparents, a declaration of homeowner’s insurance, his extra check book, and a letter with my name written across the front of a white legal-sized envelope with the flap folded under.

  I felt every cell in my body betray me and I couldn’t move. I don’t know if I could handle one more letter written to me, even if it was from my grandpa. I took the deed out and stuffed the rest back in the manila envelope before tossing it on the desk. J didn’t ask. She knew I’d come back to it when I was ready. I just wasn’t up for it at that particular moment.

  “Okay, let’s call Dax Fuller and hope he will take us this morning,” I said, trying to sound upbeat.

  ****

  Sure enough, not only did my grandparents’ lawyer take us right away, but the meeting with him lasted only forty-five minutes. It was actually quite lame. J drove me five minutes across town to this little dark blue house with white trim. There was a big white rectangular sign with the lawyers’ names in black. It was right next to the cement walkway, stuck among the drought-resistant, saltwater-loving, coastal succulents.

  J and I pushed through the white sea-spray–battered front door into the antiquated house. The floors were covered in gray indoor/outdoor carpeting. The desks all matched—light brown— hugged by cream-colored walls plastered with accolades and certificates. Each desk was set back and separated by cubicle walls that matched the gray carpeting. The front desk was bare except for a small dieffenbachia soaking up the sun, a black multi-lined phone, and a desk calendar used for making appointments. Nobody sat waiting to greet us as we made our way in. The small bell on the door jingled, warning Dax Fuller that we were already here.

  Mr. Fuller was an average-sized man with snow gray hair slicked back and glistening from whatever he used to hold it in place. His eyes were sunken just enough to cast a shadow and exaggerate the dark rings under his eyes. His nose was too big for his face, and the tip of it looked like it had suffered constant exposure to the sun. He walked with a limp, or maybe just an exaggerated swagger, and his arms seemed to swing like the English soldiers you see on TV at Buckingham Palace. Maybe it was the light gray suit he wore that made him look a little awkward in his own skin.

  Mr. Fuller invited J and me back to his cubby. On his desk, my life described on paper was spread out and facing me. I handed him the deed…he talked…I listened…he told me where to sign…I did. And that was kind of it. We shook hands, and without much excitement, we left forty-five minutes later, knowing that the next time I walked into my grandparents’ house, it was going to be mine. Legally.

  J and I stopped at the grocery store on the way back to the house and stocked up on enough food for the week. By the time we got back it was lunchtime and J’s phone was blowing up with text messages. She’d stop between shuffling bags of groceries back and forth to reply to whoever was texting her, every so often letting out a slight chuckle. I had to admit, even though I assumed it was Nick, I was curious about the conversation she was having.

  “Who’s that?” I asked as she leaned against the kitchen counter answering another text.

  “Nick.”

  “What’s so funny?” I asked as I put away the groceries in the fridge.

  “He keeps texting me different places I should visit while I’m here. Places that you and I would never go,” Joanie giggled just as another text came through.

  “What type of places? Like thrift stores and pawn shops, or touristy places?”

  J was focused on answering him back before she looked up at me. “No, like biker bars and strip clubs.”

  Her phone chimed again and she read it out loud: “Well, then I am on my way.” Joanie laughed as she typed back a response.

  “What did you say to him?” I asked with a sense of urgency.

  “Well, I told him the only way I would end up in a strip club or biker bar is if he got his ass out here and took me.”

  I wanted to respond to her. I really wanted to work at forgiving Nick and seeing my best friend happy, but there still was this tiny, ugly monster that reared its head when I thought about Nick and what he did to Max and me. I know people need a second chance, and truthfully, I knew I was going to need to give Nick one…just not right then. Besides, I was exhausted. Last night was so intense, I didn’t sleep soundly with all the nightmares that took over my mind and on top of that, the actual act of going and signing all the papers, I just couldn’t find any place on my body that wasn’t aching to curl up and sleep.


  “I’m super tired, I think I’m just gonna head upstairs and take a nap, especially if we are going to stay up for New Year’s.” I folded the empty paper bags and shoved them into the space between the cabinet and the side of the fridge.

  “Good idea, I’ll make some lunch and bring it up,” Joanie answered as she slipped her phone back into her front pocket.

  Out of habit, I pulled out my phone. Why hasn’t Max called or texted me yet? I knew he had to work, but I thought he’d find a moment to text me or something. I meandered up the stairs and with every step I could feel myself become more and more upset that I hadn’t heard from him. It wasn’t like I had to talk to him every hour of the day, but come on, it was past noon and there wasn’t even a text from him. No message or missed call…nothing. As I reached the top of the stairs, I didn’t head for my grandparents’ bedroom; instead I turned to the left and went down the hall to my room.

  I pushed open the door, and instantly I could feel the familiar warmth of my memories as they swallowed me up. Posters of my favorite bands were pinned across every coverable space on the white walls. I swear I could smell the chocolate chip cookies that Gram would have for me every time I came home from Wesley. Nemo, my teddy bear, was looking stately, propped across my pillow. God, my bed was calling me. The plush dark green and brown comforter lay perfectly centered on my full-size bed.

  It wasn’t long before events of the last couple of days really began to catch up to me. I just needed to close my eyes for an hour or two. I needed to regroup, rethink, and maybe even rejuvenate. I hurled myself onto my bed and heard the box spring recoil with the demand of my weight. It was something familiar that I needed; the sounds and smells of my life before it evolved into something laced up with the responsibilities of being on my own.

  I closed my eyes, hoping to dream of rainbows and magical ponies; instead my head wouldn’t stop running with memories of growing up. Moments I’d missed with Candi and yet cherished with my grandparents; events from my life that I will always have to recall from a childish mind. There’d been so many times I wanted to reminisce with someone but couldn’t, because the only two other people who’d experienced the memories with me were gone. After these waves of I wish and if only, I felt my muscles relax and my heartbeat slow down as my visions changed from what could have been into what I want, with the most amazing man I’d ever met.

  ****

  Max stood with me at the main gate of this huge mansion. There was no snow on the ground but instead bushes, lush with dark green shiny leaves, lining the driveway. It had to be summer. He was in shorts and a t-shirt and I was in a soft, flowing purple-and-white sundress with spaghetti straps. He collected my hand and we went up to the keypad and pressed the microphone. I looked back, no car, nothing but the asphalt of the mountainous road that snaked behind us.

  “Where are we?” I kept asking.

  He would just smile and say, “You’ll see.”

  I kept staring down the long, narrow, winding road that descended toward the massive, bright white mansion with pillars of marble supporting arches made of aged brick and Spanish tile. It looked like an impossible driveway to walk down. When I glanced down at my feet, blood red stilettos shone back up at me, hidden below a little bulge protruding from my belly. My heart pinballed down through my chest as Max’s hand rubbed circles across my stomach.

  “It’s the perfect place to raise him…or her,” Max said as he leaned down and kissed my belly through my sheer cotton sundress. He then proceeded to drag his lips up between my breasts and kiss right where they swelled. I felt my legs go weak and the space, always reserved for him, dampen. With his arms wrapped tight around me, I leaned back and his lips tracked their way to my mouth. My breathing sped as my lungs raced to catch what little breath I had left.

  I pulled at his hair, pushed and wedged my fingers behind his ears, and dragged my hands across the sharp build of his jaw line. His hair was cool and smooth, his jaw rugged with a day or two growth—sensual thorns crawling across my palms.

  Max’s mouth vacated mine I heard him take in a deep, slow breath.

  “Wilson, babe…I am here,” he whispered as I felt him press his lips to my temple.

  I felt the space behind me push against my back and the landscape in front of me disappear. Black swallowed my eyesight as I became lost somewhere between my dreams and awakening. I felt soft pressure against my lips, and something delicate tickle across my cheek.

  “I’ve missed you.”

  Forgetting where I was, confused by being lifted from a dream, and consumed by the moment of semiconsciousness, my mind adjusted. I rectified where I was and reality claimed me. I was in Mendocino, in my bedroom and…all alone. I never opened my eyes, but I fell back to sleep.

  Chapter Thirty-five

  ~ Max ~

  Knocking on a door knowing I had somewhere else to be, fucking sucked. I felt my blood flush through my body fast. My heart pushed and pounded, sending every anxious moment into overdrive. Maybe I should’ve just walked in, but I didn’t want to intrude. I needed to end the anxiety and finish what I started. I checked the door knob, cold to the touch, but it turned and I was in. I noticed a fire blazing in the fireplace and the smell of good food filling the air. I guess the hectic meetings had taken precedence over my need to eat. I didn’t realize until then how hungry I really was. I pushed the door and it closed with a slight click. I expected it to be just a bit louder so I wouldn’t have to announce myself.

  I heard a voice in the kitchen having a one-sided conversation. Maybe if I walk heavy they’ll know I’m here. Kicking a chair or table leg announcing my arrival probably would have been good. Instead, I crept around the corner and scared the shit out of her.

  She screamed. I jumped. I didn’t expect such a high-pitched shriek to come out of that girl.

  “Holy shit, you scared me!” Joanie said without realizing she was still on the phone. “Hello, Nick? I need to call you back…No—everything is fine…we’re okay. Max just showed up…I know!” She pushed the button on her iPhone and dropped it on the counter.

  “Oh my God, how in the hell did you get here?” she asked.

  “I flew into the local airport and caught a cab.”

  “Wilson is going to be so happy. She’s just been a mess without you,” Joanie said as she picked up a wooden spoon and stirred whatever was in the pot.

  “I didn’t get to talk to her today. Between meetings and getting here…where is she? Is she okay?” I asked.

  “She’s had a couple of intense days. But she’ll be much better now you are here. She’s upstairs sleeping in her room.”

  “Maybe I should let her sleep.”

  “Shut up! She would be pissed to find out you were here and you didn’t go up there and wake her up. Get your ass up there now,” Joanie said as she swung her hands and pushed me out of the kitchen.

  My heart thrashed in my chest as I took two stairs at a time. I couldn’t wait to get Wilson. I remembered that her room was to the right of her grandparents’. All the doors were closed except hers. It was opened just a crack, like it was inviting me in. When I pushed on the wooden door, it creaked a tone until the door slowed to a crackle. I sneaked in and pushed the door closed. It creaked louder than when I pushed it open. But Wilson didn’t even move, so I twisted the lock on the door.

  I walked over to the bed. I could feel the pressure build in my chest. Wilson lay there, more beautiful than ever before. The edge of her shirt pulled up just high enough to expose her navel and her blonde hair swirled around her head, tangled with her fingers. I stood frozen, watching her heart beat in her neck, her breath enter her nose as her chest rose and fell. Everything was peaceful with her, so right. She mumbled something under her breath I couldn’t understand. Every hair on the back of my neck stood erect.

  Damn, I want to wake her up. I want to see her expression when she sees that I’m here. I felt the urge to kiss her build in my gut. I could’t take it anymore, watching h
er there and not touching her. I leaned down, pushed my lips to her stomach. I inhaled the delicate scent of her skin through my nose. I dragged my tongue along her flesh, tasting everything I’d ever wanted with her. I traced my mouth up her chest before kissing the curve of her breast.

  She twisted her hands into my hair and gave me a quiet moan, the same moan that affects my body and always makes me hard. Her fingers curved around my ears before she dragged them down across my face. I took a slow, deep breath and pushed my mouth against her temple.

  “Wilson, babe…I’m here,” I whispered.

  Her eyes moved back and forth under her lids and her lashes danced, trying to get her eyes to open. I pushed my lips to hers and kissed her delicately as I dragged my fingers across her cheek.

  “I’ve missed you,” I growled against her lips.

  Her gorgeous, deep blue eyes opened. They took me in before seeming to explore the room.

  “Max?” she whispered in a raspy voice as she looked back at me.

  She grabbed the outside seam of my jeans and pulled me closer, then wrapped her arm around the back of my leg before she sat up and pressed her head to my stomach. Her hands pushing against my ass, I felt her lean into me.

  “You’re here,” she said.

  “Yeah, babe, I’m here,” I answered as I tangled my hands in her hair.

  “I can’t believe you were able to leave. Is everything okay? Cal, Dan?—Is your mom—” She rapidly fired the words as she leaned back and found my eyes.

  I caressed her lips with my fingers, keeping her from saying another word. I pushed my knee up between her legs and nudged her back against the bed. My eyes soaked up every curve and angle of her face. Her eyes glistening with her excitement to see me, her lips quivering for me to taste them again, I hovered above her. Taking her hand, I pulled her wrist to my lips and kissed the thin flesh separating me from her heart beat. I pressed my nose to her skin and inhaled. She smelled like the salty ocean breeze swirled with a hint of Aspen Pine.