Lawful Heart

by Amity Lassiter

  A rush of cool air hit her as she pulled the door open. She’d taken her lunch break to walk over for the appointment and with the sun high in the sky, the day was already getting warmer than she expected at the beginning of June.

  “Hey Norah!”

  “Layla,” Norah said, with a breath of relief.

  “I saw you were coming in today,” her friend replied. “This is a big day, isn’t it?”

  Norah nodded, feeling an anxious flutter of butterflies in her belly—or maybe that was just Jellybean. She had no idea what to expect—whether things were okay or not, or whether she’d gone and screwed up the whole being-a-mom thing already. It helped to see a friendly face behind the receptionist’s desk.

  “First prenatal appointment. Banks helped me set it up.”

  Layla slid a clipboard over her desk to Norah and handed her a pen.

  “Just fill this out. It’ll be pretty straight forward—blood draw for bloodwork, some questions about your health. Pretty easy.”

  Norah took the clipboard and a seat near the desk and started to fill out her information. It felt like less than five minutes before an elderly gentleman opened a door she hadn’t noticed to her left and called for her.

  “Norah Clarke, come on in.”

  She rose and gathered herself, following him into an exam room that hadn’t been updated in some time.

  “I’m Dr. Fields. Have a seat.” He ushered her toward an arm chair across the desk from him, and took his seat behind it. He held up a manila folder, and said with a chuckle. “Not much in your folder.”

  Norah smiled, relaxing at the discovery that he was every bit as kind and humorous as everybody else in this town.

  “I’m new in town.”

  “So I’ve been told. And,” he paused, opening the folder. “16 weeks pregnant?”

  “Today,” she said with a nod. “At least that’s what the app on my phone tells me.”

  “Well, we’ll send you out to the hospital for an ultrasound and we’ll get a good idea then,” he said, scribbling in her file. “You don’t smoke, and rarely drink, according to our questionnaire.”

  She nodded again. “And not at all since I found out I was pregnant.”

  “Good. Now, the only place we have to deliver is 45 minutes away, in Johnston, where you’ll be going for your ultrasound. It sounds like a long drive, and it can be when you’re in labor, so I recommend that, if you have any kind of contractions at all—basically, anything that feels stronger than a menstrual cramp, you ought to consider high tailing it to the hospital. There’s a Car Club in this town.”

  “A Car Club?”

  “Women who waited too long and gave birth in the car on the way to Johnston,” he said, shaking his head and chuckling. “It’d be wonderful to have some sort of medical center closer, but the population doesn’t support it. The way women have babies here, though, I’ve been asking for a midwife to support me for decades. Nobody wants to relocate. But that’s not any of your concern. Your concern is keeping healthy during this pregnancy and…” he waited for her to supply the words.

  “Hightailing it to the hospital,” she repeated, knowing it wouldn’t take any convincing for her to do so. While she was apprehensive about the idea of being in the hospital, she was even more apprehensive about giving birth in Nan’s little apartment, or her car, or worse.

  “You’re a quick learner,” he said, laughing.

  “I have no intention of joining the Car Club anytime soon.”

  “Good girl. Now, let’s get you up on the table and have a look.”

  She followed his direction, at ease as he talked her through his next actions; measuring her belly to confirm how far along she was, and then he whipped out a wand and some jelly.

  “We’ll have a listen.”

  The doctor eased the device onto her belly, and she heard nothing but static for a few minutes, until he stopped and smiled. It sounded like a herd of galloping horses.

  “You hear that?” he asked, looking like someone who had just stumbled on a treasure. He had to have heard hundreds of babies in this job, for as long as he’d been doing it, but he still had an expression like it was pure magic. And it was.

  Norah swallowed hard, blinking back tears. She felt Jellybean do a cartwheel and heard a corresponding whoosh on the machine.

  “Active little one,” Dr. Fields commented. Norah closed her eyes and listened, her heart swelling, tears tracking down her cheeks unbidden. “Sounds very good.”

  “There’s actually somebody in there,” she marveled.

  “There’s actually somebody in there,” Dr. Fields confirmed.

  Too soon, he removed the doppler and wiped her belly with a towel. He helped her resume a sitting position and then down off of the table.

  “If you think that was special, just wait until the ultrasound. That’s when you really know there’s somebody in there.”

  The Norah that got down off the table was not the same Norah who had gotten up there. She had been a pregnant woman when she walked into Dr. Fields office but now she was a mom and that was something far different. She thanked the doctor profusely and stepped back out into the waiting room. She wondered if Layla could tell the difference in her.

  Her friend lifted her head and offered a smile.

  “How’d it go?”

  “There’s actually a baby in there,” Norah said with wide eyes. Layla laughed.

  “No kidding?”

  “Either that or my gas has a heartbeat.”

  “Well that’s awesome.” She scribbled onto a business card and handed it over the desk to Norah. “Here’s your appointment for your ultrasound at Johnston. It’s a bit of a drive.”

  “So I heard.”

  “He tell you about the Car Club?” Layla asked, tipping her head with a smile.

  Norah nodded.

  “Not as common as he implies, I promise. But the drive does feel like a million years when you’re in labor.”

  “I’ll find out when I go…” Norah paused, flipping the card over. “Next week. Anyhow, I’d better get back before Banks gives me grief.”

  “Wait. You have to tell me how the date went. If he gives you trouble, I’ll give him trouble.”

  “It went great,” Norah blushed, thinking of the date. The food, the fishing, the feelings. She wasn’t quite ready to give up all the details. She was still absorbing all of them, too greedy yet to share. And there were details she wouldn’t share, like the way he’d sent her flying, that burning in his eyes as he watched her. She had to work hard to U-turn her thoughts back to her friend, waiting expectantly for details on the date. “He’s a real gentleman.”

  Layla must have picked up the unspoken cue because she smiled and nodded. “Good. But if you ever need me to keep him in line…”

  “I know where you are,” Norah filled in, heading for the door. “I’ll see ya around, Layla.”

  “Have a good day.”

  *

  On the walk back to the office, Norah considered the text from Rob. He didn’t deserve it, but she was feeling generous, and charitable now that she knew everything was as good as they could tell at this point with the baby. And it was his baby too, as much as she hated to admit it.

  She paused at the crosswalk, looked both ways and pulled her phone out of her pocket. On the other side of the street, she unlocked it with a swipe and opened the texting app.

  How’s it going? Make it back to Denver?

  Norah couldn’t tell if the bastard was mocking her or if he was really playing off their altercation as if he hadn’t laid hands on and then abandoned his pregnant girlfriend in a town he had no idea she had roots in. Either option made her tremble with rage she hadn’t expected. Resisting the urge to throw her phone onto the sidewalk and smash it with her heel, she exited the texting app and locked the phone, sliding it back in her pocket, her body heated with anger. He was lucky she and Jellybean weren’t dead on the side of the highway, and he’d waited until he was good a
nd sure she wouldn’t still be reeling to try and wiggle his way back into the picture. No. He didn’t get to play it cool. He didn’t get to mock her. He didn’t get to have a part in her life, either, if she chose.

  Her heart raced as she paused outside the office door, trying to put off going inside long enough to calm down, but she couldn’t manage to get herself under control and she was going to be really late if she didn’t go in. She let out a long, slow breath, drew another in, counting to three. Being this upset couldn’t be good for Jellybean, so she needed to calm down regardless. She clenched her fists and then released them ten times, counting under her breath, focusing on the movement, the pressure, and then the release. When she thought she had evened her breathing out sufficiently, she pushed the door open and stepped inside.

  She must have still looked shaken when she passed his office because Banks got up from his desk immediately, meeting her at the door. His face folded into a concerned expression, big wrinkles of worry on his brow. She wanted to smooth them out. He’d already done so much for her—emotionally and otherwise. This didn’t need to be his issue to carry. She’d made the mistake of hitching her wagon to someone as deplorable as Rob, she needed to be the one to unhitch it, as seamlessly as possible. She’d always have the connection of their child with him, but she aimed to make that as negligible as possible. He had no redeeming qualities—especially if she compared him to Banks, and she was really just scratching the surface with him—so it was hard to see what had kept her with Rob all along.

  “Is everything okay?” Banks asked, touching her elbow and knocking her out of her thoughts. “Is it Jellybean?”

  She shook her head, realized she was literally biting her tongue—so hard she could almost taste blood. Working hard, she consciously coaxed her features to relax, working first on her brow, then her jaw, opening her eyes a little wider. There, that feels better. And it did. She put her hand on Bank’s shoulder and felt even better—just being near him, touching him, knowing he was concerned with what concerned her, it all made her feel a little better, made the burden lighter.

  “Yes, everything’s fine. It was so neat, I got to hear the heartbeat.” She drew a breath, remembered the pleasurable feeling of wonder that had coursed through her at that, brought herself back to that moment. She shouldn’t let Rob steal the miracle of the moments she’d spent in the doctor’s office from her. “There’s really somebody in there.”

  The earnest happiness covering Banks’ features made her happier still; all of the adrenaline from her anger drained out of her. This man wasn’t even the baby’s father and he was already more enthusiastic than the sperm donor was. Even if nothing came of their relationship, she suspected he’d be a better and more consistent father figure than Rob would have been.

  “That’s so neat. Did he say anything else?”

  She handed him the card. “I’ve got to figure out how to get to Johnston next week. I’m thinking maybe Nan will let me borrow her car.”

  He flipped the card over a couple times, focusing on the writing, and then handed it back to her.

  “We’ll make sure you get there.”

  —TWENTY-TWO—

  “So how are things going at the office?” Nan asked, settling in across from Norah with a tall glass of iced tea. She’d made the same for Norah and it was all she could do not to chug the whole thing. Jellybean liked it. A lot.

  “Oh good. We got the new computer in and I’m teaching Banks how to use the new system.”

  She might have imagined Nan’s brow quirking up when Norah mentioned Banks. She knew they’d gone on a date, but so far, she hadn’t asked too many questions. Norah was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. There didn’t seem to be much around here Nan didn’t know, so she expected a barrage of questions.

  “He can sometimes be stubborn. Hard to teach an old dog new tricks, they say.”

  “Well, he seems to be figuring it out pretty quickly. He’s still not convinced it’s better than the old way, but he’ll change his mind soon enough. I can’t even imagine how anyone ever found anything in those stacks of paper.”

  “I’m glad it’s working out,” Nan replied, taking a sip of her drink. “You really seem to be settling into Three Rivers. Almost like you never left. How are you liking it? Do you think you’ll stay on?”

  “It’s always more than I expect.” She didn’t know if that meant something about the town or something about her expectations, but so far, that ‘more’ had been good, every single time. “The people are so welcoming and warm. Everybody knows everybody. Everybody helps one another. It’s not like Denver. I didn’t know any of our neighbors. I’ve gotten more sun in the last week than I would in a month out there. I feel good. I like it. And…I’d love to stay, but I don’t want to impose.”

  “Nonsense, you know I love having you here. And it sounds like Banks is coming into the twenty first century thanks to you being here, too.” Nan paused, as if she were parsing out her next worse carefully before she said them. “I heard you had an appointment at Dr. Fields’ today.”

  Norah froze up, her throat feeling tight. She hadn’t told Nan about the pregnancy, and what would she think? With her courtship with Banks so new, would Nan think Norah’s intentions were motivated by looking for a baby daddy? Had Layla broken her trust?

  “Did Layla…?”

  “Oh heavens, no,” Nan said with a chuckle. “She would never. I forget sometimes you’re not used to this small town thing. Someone mentioned they saw you going in while I was at Turner’s picking up some groceries this afternoon. Everybody knows everybody, but everybody also knows everybody’s business. I’m sorry, maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned it. I just wanted to make sure everything is okay.”

  Norah breathed a sigh of relief, but felt anxious on the inhale. She wasn’t going to be able to hide it from Nan forever, and if this was her home for the foreseeable future, she might as well get it out of the way now.

  “Nan…you should probably know…I’m pregnant.”

  Nan’s brows lifted and her whole face lit into a smile.

  “Oh honey, I knew.”

  “You knew? I didn’t tell anyone…”

  “Oh that wasn’t the rumor mill. Call it women’s intuition, I guess. I’ve just noticed a few things and put two and two together. I mean, my cooking is good, but it’s not that good.” She gestured, with a nod, to Norah’s midsection, making her blush. She covered her bump with one hand. And then smiled back at Nan. Banks had promised her there wasn’t much Nan loved more than babies, and she’d be thrilled to know there’d be one joining her household, but after Rob’s response, she still didn’t expect anyone to be joyous about her little passenger. It made it easier that Nan was. “Either way, I’m so happy you’re ready to tell me and we can stop skirting around the issue and get busy preparing for that little miracle’s arrival.”

  Norah’s smile felt like it would split her face. She let out a sigh and took a swig of her iced tea.

  “Nan, you’re not family but you sure feel like it.”

  “I’m glad. If this terrible thing had to happen, at least it happened here, where we are here to take care of you. I don’t know if you still think of this as home, but I hope you will see Three Rivers that way moving forward.”

  *

  He’d seen her not a few hours earlier but Banks was happy to hear the knock on the door signaling Norah had arrived. He probably could have rustled himself up something to eat but Nan was always happy to feed him and he was happy to have a few moments alone with Norah. Since their date, there had only been a minute here and there in the office—definitely not an appropriate space for the things that kept crossing his mind.

  “Special delivery from Nan,” she said, when he opened the door. She held up three Tupperware containers.

  “Excellent,” Banks said, taking the containers from her while Crash weaved around their legs like that scene from 101 Dalmations, just minus the leash, thankfully. “Crash, I know you like he
r, but would you go lie down? Do you want to come in, Norah?”

  She smiled all big and sweet, closing her teeth on her bottom lip with a hopeful expression in her eyes.

  “Do you think I could see Sailor?”

  He raised a brow. “Of course you can see Sailor.”

  He shooed Crash out the door and then followed her down the porch steps, toward the barn. Once there, he pulled the door open for her and led her down the hall to his foaling stall, where the pair would reside until Sailor was old enough to wean.

  “How’s she doing?” she asked.

  “Just fine. Getting strong and sassy,” Banks said, opening the stall door. Dixie’s attention redirected from her foal to the new visitors, lowering her head and nickering a proud greeting. Some mares wouldn’t have enjoyed a visitor but Dixie was always happy to show off what she had made, and that was what made last year’s loss much harder. He’d spent a lot of the time in the barn with her in the days and weeks afterward, the pair of them grieving.

  “Hi there,” Norah said, holding her hand out, palm down, to the foal. Her ears pricked forward with interest, Sailor approached, expressing a little high pitched nicker to match her mom’s. “How are you doing?”

  When she saw the filly was clearly a bit hesitant, Norah crouched, putting the foal at ease. She came all the way over, touching Norah’s fingers with her long-whiskered muzzle. Norah looked over her shoulder at Banks and flashed him a million watt smile that made his heart flutter. This woman…

  Annoyed that there wasn’t any attention being paid to him, Crash whined plaintively and pushed against Banks’ leg, trying to squeeze past into the stall. They always said animals were a good judge of character, so if this was any indication, Norah was good people. It wouldn’t have surprised him if birds and mice flocked to her next.