Lawful Heart

by Amity Lassiter

  “Rosie,” he started, using a kind but firm voice he’d developed over the years specifically for stuff-that’s-not-illegal-just-in-poor-taste. “You know it’s not kind to talk about people when they aren’t here to set the record straight.”

  “I know, but you’re here, and you’re involved enough,” she said, tipping her chin up with a challenge. At one time, he’d found that largely appealing about her, but right now it made her look petty and insolent. Rosie clearly knew he wasn’t the father, she was just being mean, and that was unusual for her. He was immediately defensive of Norah. What was Rosie getting at here? Was she jealous? Their tryst had been so long ago, he was sure he’d heard she was shacked up with someone else by this point.

  “Doesn’t make it appropriate to speculate. I’d be just as happy if you didn’t talk about Norah behind her back.”

  “So…” Rosie started, and he could see the wheels working in a way he didn’t like. “You’re not the father?”

  “Doesn’t matter who the father is,” Banks said, suddenly having lost the taste for his morning coffee break. He didn’t like people being so intentionally cruel, and he especially didn’t like it when they tried to trap him into joining them. He pushed back, sliding off the stool, and laid down a few dollar bills. He knew this sort of thing happened in Three Rivers—he’d even participated in it from time to time, but knowing Norah was the subject of the gossip bothered him more than his incrimination. At the end of the day, the way he typically told people to combat the rumor mill was to know your truth and carry on. He knew his—and Norah’s too, in this case—but that didn’t make him feel any less protective. She was just getting her feet under herself; it would just be kicking someone who was already down. But tongues would wag—she definitely was looking pregnant these days, so there was no hiding it anymore.

  He was not looking forward to the conversation he’d now be required to have with Norah.

  Walking back to the office, he mulled over the interaction. Before Norah had come to town, fatherhood hadn’t even been an option on the table for him for someday. Family was important and he loved watching Nate with his, but it hadn’t been a viable choice for Banks. Their parents had abandoned them here in Three Rivers when he’d just been barely old enough to remember them, Nate even younger, and so the lack of a solid father figure meant Banks had no confidence in his ability to ever be one, even if there was room in his life for it. But now that Norah was here…he knew he’d like to be one, someday. A father for her child, even, if she’d have him. What they had was so tenuous yet, they hadn’t talked about it. He tried to make it clear to her that he was here for whatever she needed, whenever, but he’d never come right out and said he’d be her baby’s father figure if she stayed. Maybe Norah didn’t even want that.

  He’d learned enough by how independent Layla had been—she was proud, and stubborn. She’d only reached out for help from Nan when she’d found out she was pregnant, but Mason had been nearly a year old before it had officially come out that he was Nate’s son. And not because she was scheming or devious, but because she didn’t want anyone to think she was a gold digger, after Nate’s rodeo buckle money.

  He was still mulling it over when he got back to the office. He peeked into the room where he’d left Norah to work while he’d gone for coffee because she’d said his smell was distracting her, ‘in the good way’, and she needed to get some work finished up before they made the drive to Johnston for her appointment. She looked up from the papers she’d been shuffling. A few tendrils of hair had worked loose from the low ponytail she kept it in while she was at the office. In the weeks she’d been here, she’d grown more confident, more comfortable, and more peaceful. He wasn’t about to let some stupid rumor mill threaten that. He vowed to protect the people of Three Rivers, of course, but it was something more for her. And he’d do it, come hell or high water.

  “You ready?” he asked.

  She drew a deep breath and it occurred to him that she was nervous. He was a little nervous, too.

  “I guess so.”

  *

  Officially, the drive to Johnston was supposed to be forty five minutes but there were moments for Norah where the drive felt significantly longer, and others it felt significantly shorter. They’d swapped the squad car for Banks’ personal pick up and left Crash at the ranch. She was still in the blouse and dark wash maternity jeans she’d been wearing at the office. Banks had changed out of his dress shirt with the badges and traded it for a short sleeved plaid button down, but kept the dark Stetson he’d been wearing when she first met him on duty. In another world, this could have been her and the father of her child on the way to the hospital for an ultrasound, excited. For now, it was her and a well-meaning man who had been a stranger just a few weeks ago. She’d let the actual father of her child know about the ultrasound via text—nothing fancy, no feelings, just a notification—because she still felt like he had the right to know some of the details, even if he’d chosen to walk away. That part she hadn’t told Banks yet.

  The drive passed in relative silence. About halfway through, Banks moved his hand from the stick shift and reached across the seat to rest his fingers loosely on her knee. It felt comfortable and right, like they’d barely missed the time since her family had moved her out of Three Rivers, and they’d been together all this time. Finally, he pulled in toward a big, sprawling building with a sign identifying it as the ‘Johnston Integrated Health Complex’. He idled in front of a canopy at the front of the building.

  “You want to walk up from the parking lot or get out now?”

  Her stomach flip-flopped with nerves. Going to the doctor’s office had been one thing but she’d never been in a hospital for anything other than to visit a sick friend and the strong, independent woman she’d been transforming into over the last few weeks wilted at the idea of going this alone, even just until he parked. She was glad now that she hadn’t just asked Nan to borrow her car or she might already be on her way back to Three Rivers, having never seen the ultrasound at all.

  “I can walk.”

  He pulled around and parked the truck in an empty spot close to the front of the lot, gesturing to the spots marked ‘Expectant Mothers’ a few feet away.

  “We could park there.”

  She laughed, gathering her purse and pulling the door open.

  “I’m not that far gone yet.”

  “I dunno,” he shot back. “You did think you’d need help getting off the ground after our picnic.”

  She gave him a look, then climbed out of the truck, meeting him around the front. As they started toward the hospital she reached out, grasping his fingers without even realizing that was what she was doing until he shifted, sliding his fingers between hers, their palms together, wrists intertwined. He gave her hand a squeeze and she looked up, catching the gentle smile he offered. It surprised her how much a little bit of kindness comforted her.

  Inside was a whirlwind of checking in, insurance, thanks to the new job, and directions to the imaging department. Banks took her hand again as they started down the hallway in the direction they’d been pointed. Each step that brought her closer to seeing her baby produced a little tremor of nerves in her stomach, until there they were, and a kind tech directed her into a dark room, advising Banks he would have to stay behind.

  Inside, the woman, who introduced herself as Brenda, told Norah to get onto the table, lower the maternity panel on her jeans and lift her shirt. While Norah’s heart pounded like a bass drum, Brenda squirted gel onto her stomach and pulled out the wand for the machine, sliding it over her belly a few times before she stopped, turning the device a couple of times.

  “There you are,” she said to the screen, tapping on her keyboard as she moved the wand to the left and to the right. The same galloping noise she’d heard from Dr. Fields’ device filled the room, a comfort in a strange place. Like her baby saying hello. “I’m just taking some measurements here; everything is looking real good, though.�
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  Brenda shifted the screen a bit so Norah could see from her position on the table, and she watched as the baby moved, breathed, and stretched, matching the feelings inside with what she saw on the screen. There was something ridiculously amazing about the entire thing and Norah was overwhelmed by the enormity of it. A baby. A real baby. Her life was changing well beyond her unexpected arrival in Three Rivers.

  Finally, Brenda sat back, holstering her wand on the side of her computer rig.

  “Now I can just show you all the good stuff,” she said, then paused, glancing at the door. “But wait a second.”

  The technician skirted across the floor to the door and poked her head out. “Hey daddy!”

  “Oh…” Norah started, but Brenda didn’t hear her as she summoned Banks to the exam room.

  “These aren’t the old days anymore, you’re allowed in here and in the delivery room, so start preparing for that scene!”

  When Norah looked up, Banks was standing in the door of the exam room with his hat in his hands. He was probably as embarrassed about the mistaken identity thing as she was, and he clearly wanted to give her space if she wanted it. She swallowed, and nodded, gesturing for him to come in, and he stepped inside, coming to the head of the table. She reached out, finding his fingers, and threaded hers into them again.

  “Is this okay?” he asked quietly, giving her hand a squeeze.

  She nodded, surprised by the prick of tears in her eyes. It wasn’t a huge thing, bringing her here, but it meant a lot to her. In the grand scheme of things, giving her a drive wasn’t an enormous sacrifice, but having him at her side was a significant thing for her. She drew a deep breath as Brenda took up her wand again and turned the monitor completely toward them.

  “So this,” she started, sliding the tool across Norah’s abdomen. “Is your baby’s head. Here is the spine. Hands, feet…”

  “This is amazing,” Banks said in a reverent voice from beside Norah. She squeezed his hand and he squeezed back so hard she thought he might break it. If she hadn’t been so wrapped up in the wonder of it all herself, she might have been more surprised by his reaction.

  Brenda glanced at the two of them, pausing. “Do you want to know the baby’s gender?”

  Norah drew a breath. “You can tell that now?”

  The technician nodded. “We can give a pretty good guess. You’ll have another couple ultrasounds after this one, so we’ll probably reconfirm but I’ve been able to get a pretty good view this time around. I’m reasonably certain.”

  “That it’s a…?” Norah prompted.

  “A girl,” Brenda said with a smile. She tapped a couple of keys on her keyboard, flipping through stills she must have taken during the beginning of the session and landed on one. “See these three lines? Very likely a girl. I can’t give you a money back guarantee on it, but I’d bet money on it.”

  Norah’s heart felt like someone had reached right into her chest and given it a squeeze. Those tears she’d felt pricking finally came, silently rolling down her cheeks and dripping into her ears as she watched Brenda switch back to the live view of her baby girl. Suddenly the world had a completely different meaning. She hadn’t thought this far ahead—Jellybean was just a baby, not a little girl or boy. A boy she could mold, but a girl…a girl could end up in the exact situation Norah found herself in now, no matter how hard she tried. She could find herself shacked up with a loser like Rob, who would lay hands on her. The responsibility of raising a girl felt overwhelming.

  And then Banks squeezed her hand again, bringing her back, and she heard him whisper, like he could barely believe it himself. “Jellybean is a girl.”

  A girl could end up meeting a nice man like Banks, who thought the things she did were amazing, and being taken care of and feeling safe.

  All too soon, Brenda was finished, helping Norah clean up, and handing them a slip of stills she’d taken from the ultrasound, including one side profile with a little pink bow and “I’m a girl!” added. When they stepped back out into the sunlight of the day, Norah felt dazed.

  “Did that really just happen?”

  “It did,” Banks said, his voice a note higher than normal. When she looked over, he appeared to be struggling to contain some sort of positive emotion. “It was pretty damn amazing. There’s a human inside of you. I saw her kick her little legs like she was riding a pony.”

  His excitement was infectious. All the deep and terrifying thoughts that had overwhelmed her in that little dark room felt silly in the face of the sunlight and Banks’ contagious joyfulness. He led her down through the parking lot to his truck and held the door open for her, offering his arm to help her climb in.

  “I’m literally no more pregnant now than I was when we got here; I can get in the truck by myself.”

  When she got settled into her seat, she looked over and he was standing with the door of the truck open and a bemused smile on his face, just watching her.

  “Don’t go all weird on me now just because you got to see inside the incubator,” she admonished playfully.

  Banks laughed out loud, shaking his head.

  “I know pregnant women aren’t helpless, but I can’t help myself. Helping people…”

  “…is what you do in Three Rivers,” she filled in.

  “It’s what I do. But it’s also what I want to do for you. So humor me a little. Let me spoil you a bit.”

  She pressed her lips together and shook her head. “Fine. But get in; we have to get back to the office. You know Carter is useless on his own.”

  *

  When they were fifteen minutes outside of town, Banks glanced over and gave Norah’s knee a squeeze. She’d been sitting there with the window down a bit, her hair drifting in the breeze coming in. He didn’t know any better, but he thought she might be lighter now that they’d seen the baby. It had been a little awkward when the tech had mistaken him for Jellybean’s father but they’d recovered quickly. Being that it was the second time in the same day, he knew he had to address it with her because it wasn’t going to get any less confusing for people, and he wasn’t about to stay away from her in public just to avoid appearances.

  “Norah,” he began. “I wanted to talk to you about something that happened in Hinkley’s this morning.”

  All that good feeling and lightness he’d just been noticing seemed to deflate right out of her when she looked back at him.

  “It’s nothin’ bad, just breathe,” he continued. “But now that your belly has popped, and seeing as you and I are spending a lot of time together, there’s going to be talk around town.”

  Her brow furrowed.

  “Now, I’ll take your lead here. But Rosie at the diner thought I was the father of your baby.”

  Norah looked like she’d swallowed a bad egg.

  “Why would she think that? Didn’t she know I came into town with Rob? Can she do math?!” Her voice rose an octave with the last word.

  “Well, that would make sense wouldn’t it? But it doesn’t make nearly as good a story as the sheriff shacking up with you after a long round of celibacy.”

  The bad egg expression didn’t fade.

  “But…why on earth would they make that up? Like, is this normal or is it just because it’s me? People just…talk about other people without ever finding out the truth?”

  He hadn’t expected this kind of visceral reaction, but here he was. He was knee deep and he couldn’t back out of it now, they had to go all the way through it.

  “Yes.”

  “Do they usually talk about the sheriff?”

  “Sometimes. Not usually. Probably out of respect for Nan more than anything.”

  She crossed her arms over her bump, frowning, then turned to stare hard out the window. He let her simmer a bit, and in a few minutes, she emerged.

  “How do you deal with it?”

  “Well, I do try to remember that most people don’t mean any harm. It’s a small town and there’s not a lot to do so it’s not surpr
ising people spin stories and talk about one another.”

  “I don’t know how they could mean well,” she said.

  “Norah, I didn’t tell you this to upset you…” he started.

  “I know,” she said, the righteous indignation coming out of her with a slump, her voice softer. “I just…I’m sorry you got pulled into my mess.”

  “It’s not always a mess. Sometimes it’s a good thing when the gossip shop gets going. It means someone gives you a hand when you need it, or Nan catches wind and shows up at your front door with chicken soup when you’re sick or flowers when you’re having a bad time. This time just happened to be interference. But most of the time it’s good intentions.”

  “I guess not everything about this town can be like a fairy tale.”

  He chuckled, pleased she was unfolding a little bit. “That’s right, it’s not all like a fairy tale, but so much of it is so damn good, the little bits of bad are worth it. Now, people can say what they want about me, I’m not worried about it at all. But I want you to have some control over your narrative here, so you tell me what to do and I’ll do it.”

  “Well, you’re not Jellybean’s father.”

  “That I am not,” he said, feeling a sting he didn’t expect. He knew she didn’t mean it the way it hit him, but it still smarted more than he cared to admit. Now he was the one who was feeling deflated. “But if you want me to just shut people down, I will. If you want me to tell them the truth, I will. Just tell me how to proceed.”

  She straightened.

  “Well, don’t lie.”

  “Okay.”

  “It’s obvious I’m pregnant.”

  “That’s right.”

  “But I don’t want people to feel pity for me. I landed on my feet, with the help of your family and I don’t want people to think I didn’t.”

  “Why don’t we just say you parted ways with your boyfriend and came here to Three Rivers because your favorite auntie is here? Everything else, we’ll let them figure out on their own. And assume they mean well until they prove otherwise.”