Feral Craving

by D. C. Stone

  “Don’t!”

  Her choked words pierced his heart, and he lowered his head. His body, his fucking chest felt heavy as shit, and he wanted nothing more than to go to her. His chest ached like it never did before, painful, and the demon lurking beneath clawed at a chance to get out. He needed to get his head on straight, get his feelings worked out and his mind in gear on just what he wanted from Mackenzie. One moment he thought he knew but then the second she spouted off her affection, it twisted his heart in two, made the panic surge, and sent him running. It wasn’t as if he didn’t care for her; hell, he didn’t understand half of what she made him feel, but he needed to know who he was with her and what he could be to her.

  He took a step toward her and held up a hand in peace.

  “I’m not blowing this off, Mac. I need to get my head wrapped around this and figure out where we stand.”

  Mackenzie frowned. “Is this a game to you, Bari?”

  “What?” The word came out clipped.

  “You heard me. Is this some part of a game you’re playing? The constant push and pull? The disappearing acts.” She pushed off from the bed and grabbed for her jeans. “We’re not children anymore, Bari.” Mackenzie shoved a leg into her pants, hopped on one foot, and ignored his eyes. “We have a child now; it’s time to actually talk about things. About us.” She pulled the jeans up over her hips and turned to him, brushing heavy hair away from her face.

  Bari stood still, his jaw clamped tight, a muscle ticking along the side of his cheek. His hands clenched and released at his sides for several seconds before he spoke.

  “Mackenzie, give me time to work this through my head. Please.”

  “Shall I make a list of what I’ve tried to work through my head? Where should I start?” Mackenzie brought her hand up and cocked a hip. “One, let’s start with how you left nine years ago.”

  “Now, Mac—”

  She cut him off. “Two, you show up in town and not a word was given to me for weeks, Bari! Weeks!”

  He tossed a dismissive hand in the air, but his cheeks flushed.

  “Three—”

  A knock sounded on the door and they both shouted, “What?”

  A throat cleared outside. “Uh, sorry to interrupt guys, but Bari, we need to head out, brother.”

  Bari scrubbed a hand over his head and dropped his hand. “I’ll be out in a minute, man.” He turned toward Mackenzie.

  “You finished, Dollface?”

  She crossed her arms over her chest. “What do you think?”

  He snorted. “I’m going to take a shower.” He started past her.

  “Yeah, don’t get lost on your way there.”

  He stopped and whirled on her, and then reached out to snag her arm. With a tug, he brought her body up to his and almost groaned, almost lost his control and tossed himself at her … again.

  “Let’s get something straight, Mackenzie. I care for you. Most than you will ever. Fucking. Know.” He stepped back but kept a hold on her arm and motioned between them. “Whatever is going on between us, whatever you have swirling around in that pretty little head of yours? Tonight, it gets settled. Because let’s get one thing clear.” He shifted forward and dropped his head, his eyes holding hers. “I’m not going anywhere.”

  “Damn it. I can’t tell if I love or hate you right now.” Her eyes practically spit fire at him.

  He pivoted and lifted her in his arms, turning to the bathroom, intent on caring for her. She had managed to scream past every one of his defenses. Something unexplainable just happened, something that was confusing and yet oddly exhilarating at once. Bari kicked the bathroom door shut behind them with a resounding thud, as if the gauntlet had dropped.

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  “She’s your mate, Bari.”

  Bari leaned back, crossed his arms over his chest, and ignored Tyler’s statement.

  “I think the entire wall should be gone. It’ll open the space between the two places and give the kid some more room to just be a kid.” Bari trailed off, not exactly comfortable with how things were with Mackenzie, but it was something he couldn’t deny any longer. He spent weeks, hell years, away from her and that was as long as it’d ever be again. Bari turned and met the other male’s eyes. All the Eurydice were very territorial over their females. Reason being? They were a gift, a solace for each demon, the only to tame and keep them linked and bonded to the Earth, toward the pure soul. A bond stronger than the link he had with his brothers.

  “I know you care for her as a friend, Tyler. I’m going to ask you to give us the time and fucking space to get this worked out. It’s new to us all. Fuck, dude, I’m still trying to get used to the fact that I’m a Dad and a demon.”

  Bari broke off eye contact and pushed off the desk, crossed to the sledgehammers, his silence hinting the subject closed. “You in or out?”

  “I’m in.” Tyler reached over for another sledgehammer and brought it up, sending the hammer forward as if it didn’t weight anything before it slammed into the wall. A crater-sized hole broke through the sheet rock. Despite Tyler making enough noise to wake up Matt Hamill, he apparently wasn’t through parting his words of wisdom.

  “I think what you’re doing here is great, Bari. I do. I understand your past, especially since none of us can really keep secrets from one another.” The hammer came out of the wall before he sat it next to his leg and tapped his head with his free hand, indicating their weird, yet efficient, communication ability. “I’ve told you before and I’ll tell you again, you need to realize you make your own destiny. There’s only so much you can do for Mackenzie before she’ll walk. I think you’re trying to do this, move them in to play house because you’re comfortable with the thought of it and nothing else. The very thought of you doing this makes me want to beat some sense into you.”

  Aaaaaaaaaaand he still wasn’t finished.

  “You don’t want anyone else to take care of them, and I get it. What I also get is it isn’t fair to Mackenzie, or your son for that matter, if that’s all you’re willing to give to them. You keep it up, my good brother, and I’m going to have to whoop some sense into you.”

  Bari frowned as he worked through Tyler’s words. Was that the case? His own fears over Mackenzie’s safety did come up when it came to how he felt for her. It should. His past was a dark and disgusting place that held no place for such beauty as her. Dust rained down over them both, the wall between the two rooms crumbling with each passing stroke.

  “You can try to whoop me, but I doubt you’d be able to.” Tyler lifted a brow, and Bari shook his head. “All kidding aside, brother, of course I have doubts. You would too, if you were in my shoes and knew what I did. Do I want to hurt her? No. Do I fear things when she is near me? Yes, I do. I’d rather kill myself before I brought any harm to her or Byron.”

  “If you love her, if you truly fucking care, you need to tell her. You need to accept the link twined between you two. You need to accept the bond. Otherwise, you’re gonna be a miserable motherfucker before too long.”

  Bari blinked, wondering where in the hell all of this deep, soul searing shit was coming from.

  “You want a cookie or something, bro? Or maybe we should make some tea and talk about our feelings a little more?”

  Bari rested the hammer against the floor and crossed one ankle over the other.

  “Bari, just understand this. That bond is more important to both you and your demon than you realize. Neither of you have hurt her because you’re unable to. Trust me on that.”

  “How about we get off this subject, dude? I feel like I’m breaking out in hives or some shit.”

  He wasn’t knocking on Tyler; he realized he was right. He wouldn’t hurt anyone who didn’t need to be, but fuck, he just met his demon, barely trusted the dude.

  Which said something, seeing as it was a part of himself.

  “I got an idea. How about we bust down this wall, then grab a brew? Maybe we can sit there and measure our dicks just
to resemble men again instead of talking about our feelings like a bunch of chicks.” Bari lifted the hammer, uncrossed his ankles and started on a new section of the wall. “Or perhaps we can talk about Bethany…” Bari tossed Tyler an arched brow over his shoulder, saw the male scowl. He hit his mark. “Exactly. Now seriously, let’s finish this then maybe, maybe, if you say please and get the sand out of your vagina, I’ll give you back your man card.”

  The whoosh of air was the only warning Bari had before all hell broke loose.

  ****

  Smoke billowed up from his cigarette, the cherry at the end bright in the darkness. Bari stood outside the house where it all began, where his life drastically changed, where not only who he had been, but who he was to become centered around. A man standing on the sidewalk watching a house in this neighborhood wasn’t something that stood out. No, the neighbors around this area didn’t ask questions. In fact, you were taught at a young age to look the other way.

  Despite the night’s late hour, people still lurked the neighborhood. Shades hid glazes of the latest high, hats tugged down low to shield others from who was amongst them, bulges evident to keep anyone from getting too close.

  Dropping the smoke, Bari stepped along the broken sidewalk, his steps silent as he sidestepped old childhood toys and broken bottles. It all came back in a rush, hit him so hard he almost felt as high as those stalking the streets.

  A muted scream caught his attention, and he jerked his head toward the house. Adrenaline rushed his veins as he recognized the plea, his heart breaking all over again. Standing outside the window he saw the fit of rage he expected. Bari was frozen in time, a time where his worst nightmares were born. The little boy hid in the corner, his legs drawn up, head pushed to the tops of his knees as he tried to shield his face from what was to come. Only this time it would prove to be so much worse.

  The child shook like a leaf on the last day of fall, nausea most likely swirling in his stomach, the tears fought back as a promise to his mother.

  The man’s skin switched back and forth, raised diagrams curving where no mark should be, colors popping unlike anything human. The man, his father, beat blow after blow upon the small woman. Her screams cut, her energy waned. No longer did she beg for Bari, the child, to get help. Nor did she try to fight back. No, she did none of it. She pulled at his father’s rage, drew all the anger to herself, in an attempt to save her son.

  Light flashed inside, the moment approaching when the demon his father was made its appearance. At the window, Bari’s hands clenched in fists as he stood, helpless. The child’s cries broke through the piercing screams as his mother begged for her life. The deep violet demon rose over her, spittle dropping from his mouth, eyes the color of dark, tinted black glass. No compassion, no love, nothing but pure, unadulterated anger, evil, stood in the demon’s eyes. One second of time held suspended as both he and the child watched. The demon’s head, which had replaced his father’s, lowered hauntingly to bite down in a violent measure on the female’s neck. Bright, crimson liquid spewed in every direction, the female’s cries growing gurgled, and the child who watched it all unfold finally gave his response and ran from the house. The loud clang of the front door echoed in the silence of the night.

  Bari watched the small frame run off, unshed sobs held tight in his chest as he mourned for the child. He knew what happened to that boy, knew he never stopped running, and that he’d never find anything at the end.

  His mind spun, lost between the past and present, fighting for control, an answer, something. The child running turned around and paused, his eyes catching the man’s across the lawn. Bari didn’t know what to do, didn’t realize how much his own mind was catapulting out of control. He blinked, and the child, the young Bari, was gone.

  ****

  Returning to his house had been a shock in itself. It wasn’t that he didn’t think of this place as home now, because he did. His mind was fuzzy with the need for sleep, his vision hazy, and his body drunk with exhaustion. Sleep called to him, but first he needed, had an absolute need to see Mackenzie. He needed to make sure she was okay. His soul was shaken to its core after reliving the moments before.

  Stepping up to Byron’s room, his heavy footsteps sounded with a loud echo, a dreaded cell door shutting, something waiting for him on the other side. He frowned at the sensation.

  Would they be there?

  Did she leave?

  Would she give him a chance?

  Urgency trampled on patience, and he opened the door and fought not to let his temper surge.

  Mackenzie walked around the room, packing their things in large boxes.

  “So that’s it?”

  At this point, he didn’t know if what he originally came to say would do any good if she was giving up.

  She didn’t even glance in his direction. Sadness reflected in Byron’s eyes, eyes resembling the child in his past, his own. Shaking his head, he took another step in. Bari’s entire body trembled with anger, fear that she would leave.

  “Mac. Answer me.”

  Mackenzie stopped and turned to him with a huff, dropping the clothes she held in her arms and shot him a glare. Her hand lifted to point at his face. “You know what? Yes, we’re leaving. I refuse, refuse to keep throwing myself at you. I refuse to keep trying. I refuse to be cast aside like someone who means nothing to you. I’m that same someone who gave you a child, who waited to hear, just one, damn, thing from you for years. I refuse to be that girl, Bari. I refuse to be unloved. You may want me, but you don’t want me. And I refuse to let things stay that way. I love you, Bari.” A sob punched from her chest as she said those three little words. “I love you, but I love you enough to let go when this will only tear us both apart.”

  Bari’s boot hit the back of the door, and it slammed shut with an echo. This entire situation was such a mess; he’d completely fucked it all up, hadn’t he? Mackenzie scowled, but he ignored it and focused on her words, his feelings, and what they needed to do to get on the right path. The earlier exhaustion disappeared as a newfound fear of her walking away rose sharp and fast. It pulsed through his veins as she said her goodbye. It seemed as if she had already given up.

  “You’re right, Mac. I can’t tell you how to feel, just as you shouldn’t with me. But…” He blew out a hard breath and shoved his hands in his pockets. He couldn’t promise himself that he wouldn’t touch her, so he needed to make sure they stayed put.

  “It was more of plea for me, than you, Angel.” He paced across the width of the room, staying far from her or the temptation she drew from him. “You can’t teach a guy to love you the way you want to be loved, Angel. You have to let him do it his way, in his own time.” She still didn’t get who he was, did she? Had he not explained it enough? Where he came from and his fears? It might be selfish for him to go this path, but it was him, and part of understanding who she was forging her life to should she stay. He lifted his head, scanned over the boxes, before raising his eyes to hers.

  “Yeah, you’ve taught me you don’t need anybody or even care about anyone but yourself, haven’t you? I’m good enough to...” She glanced over at Byron and broke off from finishing her sentence, shaking her head. “Than to love, huh? Well I’m sorry, Bari, but I can’t be with someone who thinks so poorly of us. Perhaps you will be better off finding some little bunny to play with.”

  “Goddamnit.” The word came out as a harsh whisper, and he rocked back on his heels, pushing his hands farther into his pockets as his temper surged. The need to reach out to her intensified, and his mind spun. When he spoke, his words were low, the inner demon rising as a result of the emotions, the threat of leaving she delivered.

  “I’m sorry you feel that way, Angel. Sorry you think that’s what my intentions with you are. Sorry you think this is how it needs to be without asking me.”

  His big shoulders shrugged flamboyantly. He learned long ago that apologizing didn’t mean much when the other person didn’t want to hear it. It also di
dn’t mean you were wrong or the other person was right. What it meant to him though, was that he valued his relationship with Mackenzie more than his damn own ego. It wasn’t about that. He was a confident bastard, one who recognized what he wanted about ninety percent of the time. And right now he wanted Mackenzie one hundred percent. He was difficult to deal with, a dick a majority of the time, with a hateful past he wanted to shield from her.

  Mackenzie took a step forward. “Did I ask for any of this? Did I ask to have my…” She choked as the word spilled out, “my heart broken? Did I ask to fall in love, deeply and whole-heartedly in love with my best friend, my partner, my life? Did I ask for it to be with a man who wants nothing to do with me? How dare you stand there and say I mean nothing, that we mean absolutely nothing to you but someone to warm your bed and not your heart? How can you turn your back on me after so many years we’ve shared? How have I let you do this to me again?”

  Bari retreated at her moving forward. He didn’t trust himself not to grab her if she got too close. It was all he fucking wanted right now. He wanted to draw her into his arms, encounter her bare flesh against his own skin and relish in her touch, in the desire they had no problem showing. What he had with Mackenzie went further than the physical act of sex. His eyes flared at the challenge in her eyes, one showing she realized which of his buttons to push.

  Bari pulled his hands out of his pockets and before he realized it, his hand wrapped around the front of her throat gently and he advanced on her. The move wasn’t hostile, but instead one of possession, and he intended to possess Mackenzie one hundred percent. She was his, forever. Pressing her backwards, he stopped inches from her body as she hit the wall. His thumb rolled over her rapid pulse. His eyes studied the precious beat as he spoke.

  “I’ve always made it clear I want you, Mackenzie Walters. That’s not a question. I never asked you to walk away from me. I’ve only wanted to protect you from falling for one such as I am. I’m not good enough for you, Angel. I’m not good enough for the pureness that you and Byron can offer. But…” He lifted his eyes to hers and stared, urged her to understand what he said. “I’d give my sight, my heart, and my life to prove to you every day that you’re the only one for me. And then I’d give my limbs in promise that I’d be willing to try to make myself good enough for you. There’s no other out there that could,” Bari forced himself to swallow through his suddenly dry throat and leaned forward, “love you the way I do.”