Breathe Again

by Rachel Brookes

  Hands wrapped around my waist and lips pressed on my cheek, I spun around. Jack stood before me dressed in his Red Velvet uniform with a smirk on his face.

  “Ready to run the shit out of this photo shoot, Sav?”

  “Thanks for doing this, Jack. It’s pretty unprofessional of me but—”

  “Don’t even continue. You are my girl, Sav. I got your back. Always.”

  A high-pitched shriek took over all sound in my ears and I groaned loudly. She was here. An hour late. Jack scoffed beside me before taking off towards Tate’s office and slipping in through the door. I wished I could hide in there all day. Taking a deep breath, I lifted my eyes from the iPad in my hand and looked towards where the shriek had come from.

  Chelsea was standing near the door with a monster of a man beside her. My laughter rumbled deep with me when realization hit. She had brought a bodyguard. The bitch had brought a bodyguard to the shoot. Her eyes met mine across the room before she huddled closely to him and pointed towards me. She has got to be fucking kidding me. Her eyes broke from mine and moved to something or someone behind me.

  Blake had arrived.

  My smile took over my face as I took him in. He truly was a gorgeous specimen of man. His tattooed-covered arms, his blue eyes, his strong jaw, and his messy hair only increased the sexiness of his rock-star appeal. Blake Ryan. He was the kind of guy women flocked to but who intimidated with a single glance.

  “Hey, Sav,” he said shyly, his eyes darting around the room. His face clouded when he found Chelsea. “Why the fuck does she have a bodyguard with her?”

  “Clearly, I am more of a threat than I realized. Look at my guns, Blake.” I flexed my nonexistent biceps in his direction and winked. “You should be scared too.”

  “You are a fucking pussycat, Sav. This tough-girl exterior doesn’t work on me.”

  “Ssshhh! Don’t tell anyone my secret.” I pushed him slightly and turned at the sound of someone clearing his voice behind me. Tate. “I’m tough, aren’t I, Tate? Tough as nails.”

  He rolled his eyes at me and shifted his attention to Blake, who looked on nervously. Their brief moment in the boardroom was the first time they had seen each other since New York. I had a lot to be thankful for when it came to Blake, and I hoped Tate understood that. Blake was the one who had checked in on me and taken me away from the drama that had unfolded, the one who had bought me hot chocolate and sat and watched me cry over my loss of Tate. It had been Blake. My friend.

  Tate moved ever so slowly towards me until his hand slightly grazed mine. I grabbed his hand and pulled him towards me until I could wrap my arm around his waist. His lips fell to the side of my forehead and I felt him relax instantly.

  “I suppose I should go and get sorted for this shoot. Savannah, if you like me at all, please do not let her touch me.”

  “Did you fuck her?” I blurted out before thinking, my curiosity kicking it.

  “Fuck no, Sav. I was never with her. She just…” He turned to Tate briefly and his brow furrowed. It was the same look I had seen in New York City, a look I couldn’t understand. “Look, I better go and get this done.”

  My eyes trailed Blake as he strode towards the hair and makeup station and slumped in one of the oversized chairs. There was something he was desperate to spill but he had it locked in so tight. As the hairstylist started fluffing around with his hair, his shoulders hunched forward and he almost looked defeated. Every piece of the confident rock star was shattering before me. What was etched so deeply inside him?

  His eyes flashed to where Tate and I were standing, and suddenly an uneasy feeling shot through my body. Instinctively, I grasped Tate’s hand, pulled him against my body, and hugged the living daylights out of him. His face dropped and nuzzled into the crook of my neck, kissing my skin softly.

  “Are you okay?” Tate’s deep voice vibrated against my neck. He lifted his head and his concern-filled blue eyes danced over my face. I nodded and huddled close into his chest. Unnerving energy surrounded us. Today was going to be one of those days.

  Tate

  THERE HE was, sitting at a lone table in the corner of the coffee house, flipping his phone over and over again in his hands. A coffee cup sat in front of him and his brow was pulled tightly together as if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. Over the years, I had always wondered what this moment would be like—how I’d feel, whether I’d feel anything at all.

  I felt nothing.

  I didn’t feel one ounce of pity for him. His DNA floated around my body and he had assisted in giving me life, but the man sitting across the room from me was also the man who had abandoned his family. In a simple text message, I had grown a set of balls and decided to face my past head-on. It was a simple message. Meet me a Café De Sol at 3pm. It’s Tate. I didn’t have time for pleasantries or empty words. His reply was simple. See you there.

  I hated him more than anyone else in the world.

  My father. I’d known who he was the moment Sav and I had walked through the doors. We shared similar eyes, similar hair—I was a mirror image of him. His eyes were blue but dull as they narrowed in on Sav and me from across the café. His gaze left me and his eyes scanned the length of Savannah. Immediately I grabbed her in protection.

  Sav leaned in, her lips grazing my shoulder as she spoke. “You don’t have to do this, Tate.”

  “I can do anything as long as I have you. I need to do this for us, Sav.”

  Sav dropped my hand and wrapped her arm around my waist, holding me as close to her body as possible. Comfort swarmed me. Sav tried so desperately to be the strength I needed, but her face exposed everything to me. As I’d told her of my plans, I’d witnessed fear and concern flash over her pretty face a measly few hours ago.

  Tanzi was a whole other story. We had come to blows about this the moment I mentioned the text message I’d sent, and she still didn’t want any part of my grand plans. Our fieriness and stubbornness matched each other’s. We’d said things we shouldn’t have and threats had been made, but still we couldn’t agree. I did understand her reasons, but it seemed like she couldn’t understand mine. I’d stormed out of the office and hadn’t spoken to her since.

  Tanzi wanted nothing to do with our father. He’d made the choice twenty-three years ago to abandon us, and she wouldn’t give him the time of day. In reality, I probably wouldn’t have wanted to either, but being only a couple of months away from becoming a father myself, I needed answers. I needed to know why he’d chosen to leave and hear what fucked up reason he could possibly give.

  “I’m really nervous about this,” I admitted, gripping the edge of Sav’s tee and pulling her closer to me.

  She didn’t have a chance to respond. I heard her gasp as we both watched as my father stood from his chair and made his way across the café towards us. Finally, I got to have a good hard look at him. He was dressed in khaki slacks and a black button-down shirt. His hair was the same dark brown as mine but speckled with grey. His brow was indented with frown marks, evidence of an unhappy life. man held no confidence; he looked like a broken, shattered man.

  “Tate?” he questioned the moment he reached us. His eyes darted between Savannah and me as he awaited an answer.

  I abruptly lost all ability to speak. My throat constricted as panic soared with me, and suddenly my mouth was a dry as the Sahara desert. The moment was here, right in front of me, and I couldn’t fucking speak.

  “Son?”

  He did not just call me his fucking son. He took a step towards me, and I felt the rush of anger of the past twenty-three years boil furiously inside of me. This wasn’t a good idea. The thoughts of pounding my fist in his face ran with wild abandonment through my head, the thoughts of ripping him a new asshole through words of hateful truth simmering just under the surface. Who the fuck did he think he was?

  “Hi, I’m Savannah, Tate’s girlfriend.” Sav took a step towards him and held her hand out. He looked at her and a smile graced his face as he
took her hand in his and shook it softly. Sav moved so I was behind her, allowing me to get my caveman emotions in check. This was a seriously bad idea.

  “It’s nice to meet you, Savannah. I am Greg Connors. Would you two like to get a coffee?”

  Sav spun around to face me, putting herself between me and my father as if she could sense my increasing hostility. Taking an unsteady, deep breath, I looked at her standing in front of me with a look of worry sweeping over her face and immediately everything suddenly became clear. This girl was the love of my life, the girl who had changed everything for me, and the girl who had given me a chance to start my life again. I placed one of my shaking hands on her protruding stomach and smiled. I knew exactly why I was doing this. I had to do this.

  “We can go whenever you want. You just hold my hand and pull me up and we are out of here. Whatever you want, we will do.” Sav rose on her tiptoes and brushed my lips with hers.

  “Coffee for me. Hot chocolate for Sav.” My words showed little emotion as I spoke, not taking my eyes from Sav.

  My father nodded and released a deep breath before taking off towards the counter to place our orders. Sav tugged on my hand and we weaved our way through the crowded café, taking a seat at a table in the dimly lit far corner. The sound of soft music hummed in the air mixed with the chatter of a full café, but that didn’t calm me as my nerves got the best of me. My hands gripped a napkin as they shredded it into a thousand pieces in a pathetic need to find a distraction, but the urge to look at him got the best of me and my gaze drifted to him waiting in line.

  Twenty-three years it had been, and here we were in a coffee shop in Burbank having a fucking reunion. If I wasn’t in a frenzied ball of anxiety, I would have found it somewhat humorous. It was almost as if I were waiting for a camera crew to jump out from behind the fake plants and start filming us for some fucked-up reality show.

  My attention fell to Sav as she sat beside me, hostilely flicking through her phone with the aggressive tap of her nail on the screen, a scowl plastered on her face.

  “God, she is a fucking bitch!” she snarled. I didn’t even have to ask who she was talking about. Without thinking, I grabbed her phone from her hands and looked at the screen to find Facebook open and what looked like Chelsea’s profile displayed.

  I never want to be that girl who purposely gets pregnant just to make someone stay with her. Can you get any more pathetic than that? What’s worse is the girl in question has a stupid English accent and struts around like she owns the place. Puhlease, everyone knows you are a fake.

  “How dare she say I’m English? I am Aussie through and through. Seriously, Tate, what were you thinking putting your dick anywhere near her?” Sav gritted through clenched teeth. “What a stupid whore!”

  And there she was, my feisty, intense, don’t-give-a-shit Savannah looking like she could take on an army of men on her own accord.

  “Coffee and hot chocolate have been ordered.” My father arrived and my smartass comment back to Sav was swallowed hard.

  He pulled out the seat opposite me and slowly sat down, his eyes never leaving me. I felt uncomfortable under his gaze. Silence filled the table, and I knew I wouldn’t be the first to speak. My hand gripped Sav’s hard and rested on her thigh under the table. Her thumb calmingly swept over my knuckles as my fingertips stroked the bare skin above her knee. The feeling of my hand in hers and her words, “We can go whenever you want,” were the only things stopping me from turning into a raging bull and unleashing my wrath onto the world.

  “How have you been, Tate? How are your sister and your mom?”

  My eyes burned with fire as I stared at him. I felt the snap instantly. I felt the anger of twenty-three years volcano within me and the lava of my emotions erupted aggressively into the air. “You have no right to speak of them. I am not here to try and make happy families and I am not here to try and repair our relationship. I just need answers and I hope to Christ that after everything you have put me and my family through you will give me that.”

  He nodded slowly, inhaling deeply in defeat. Did he really think this meeting would be all smiles and happy reunions? Fuck that. He put both palms on the table while I waited. A young girl walked to our table and placed my coffee and Sav’s hot chocolate on the table before scurrying off. The tension could be cut with a knife. “What do you want to know, Tate?”

  The million dollar question.

  For the past three months, I had been asking myself the exact same question. My mind had been battling with itself daily, fighting for what was the right thing to do. My time apart from Savannah gave me ample time to come face to face with my demons and a battle of epic proportions had come to the forefront. I was slowly losing. The battles of my emotions were slowly but surely swallowing me.

  Right here in the middle of a crowded coffee shop with Savannah by my side was the moment when I would allow my past to come head-to-head with my present and ultimately affect my future.

  “I want to know everything, and don’t hold back on the truth.”

  Sav’s hand tightened its grip and her fingers interlocked firmly around mine as she turned in her seat to face me. I swallowed hard, my eyes quickly flashing to hers, desperately wanting to find comfort within her gorgeous green eyes. Nodding slowly in silent agreement, I reluctantly removed my gaze from my future and narrowed in on my past.

  “Your mother was the best thing that ever happened to me. She was the love of my life—is still the love of my life. Our life was perfect. We were happily married with two amazing kids and I had my dream job. Everything was perfect.” His eyes moved from mine to Sav’s and back to mine. I could see the beads of sweat slowly forming on his brow. “There was a cocktail party one weekend at our neighbor’s house. Their daughter Diana was in town. She was a Hollywood socialite and the party was in her honor. Your mother and I had an argument earlier that afternoon and your mother refused to come to the party. I sat at the bar, drowning my sorrows with expensive scotch, and Diana approached me. One thing led to another and she took me home. I cheated on your mother that night, and I am not going to lie to you. From that moment, Diana and I started an affair and I was caught up with the lifestyle, the opportunities, and everything she could offer. It was all about the limelight, the parties, and the lifestyle.”

  “So you just forgot about your children and your wife because you wanted to fuck some socialite all the way to Hollywood?” I spat.

  He shifted in his chair before taking a massive gulp of his coffee. “Our affair continued for two years and then I found out she was pregnant.”

  White noise surrounded me, my heart beat frantically in my chest, and I knew my hand was crushing Sav’s, but she didn’t complain or tear it away from me. What the fuck was I hearing? Did I just hear correctly? He’d chosen to leave his family—his children—for a random fuck and now he was dropping the bombshell of fathering another kid? My clothes suddenly felt too tight and my hands became sweaty as panic and anxiety swept over me. I needed air. I needed to get away from this. This was too much to hear.

  “Sav, we have to go.” I began to stand but Sav stopped me by squeezing my hand and making me stop. I looked at her with pain filled eyes, desperate to stop hearing this atrocity. She stood from her chair, wrapped her arms around my waist, and held me. We were in the middle of a coffee shop surrounded by strangers and her arms offered a comfort I craved. I fell against her body, comforted by the feeling of Jellybean between us.

  “You’ve already come so far, Tate. Let’s stay and we can close this chapter together. I am right here, okay?” she whispered softly in my ear and pulled away.

  Hesitation and what-ifs swam through me. Could I leave and be okay with what I had found out? Would it be enough to move on? Would I be able to live the life I was begging for with the information I received?

  Nodding slowly, I sat back down and took a long drink of my coffee. “So I have a brother or sister out there?” My question cut a deep, gaping wound in my heart.


  “You have a brother. He is two years younger than you.”

  “What was the woman’s name?”

  “Diana Ryan.”

  My world instantly felt like the biggest ocean in the world, an ocean whose massive waves were now crashing in around me, wiping out everything in its path .The sound of Sav gasping beside me made me realize she had heard exactly what I had. This couldn’t be happening. Not this. The past twenty-three years of my life boiled down to this—a concoction of lies, infidelity, and deceit. Everything came flashing back. The neighbors, the pitiful looks they would give Tanzi and me, the way they constantly had checked in on us, and the fact that their daughter had never visited but then out of nowhere their grandson had come to live with them. The grandson who was two years younger than us. The grandson who…

  “What’s your son’s name?”

  “Blake Ryan.”

  Savannah

  A PREGNANT woman running after her pissed off boyfriend was something I was sure the people who were stepping out of my way and mumbling obscenities under their breath hadn’t expected to see when they woke this morning. As the evening sky of Los Angeles fell around me, I ran after Tate, out of breath, panting, my eyes locked firmly on the back of my frustratingly fast-walking boyfriend.

  The moment the truth had fallen from his father’s lips, Tate’s hand gripped mine to the point of hurt under the table and the vein in his neck pulsated aggressively. Secrets had exploded all over the place, and all I could do was sit there in shock, wide-eyed and mouth agape. I had tried desperately to keep my emotions in check, but no matter how hard I’d wanted, I hadn’t been able to help the loud gasp float from my lips the moment the truth had shattered reality.