Breathe Again

by Rachel Brookes

  I stood from the couch and Max’s eyes immediately shot open and found me. “Max, do you want to see a surprise?” I asked softly. He eagerly nodded his head and held his arms up to me. “Can you come with us?” I directed at Sav. She rose from her seat, shooting Tanzi a worried look before following me down the long hall in silence.

  I stopped in front of the closed door and took a deep breath to settle my nerves. Shooting Sav a quick look, I opened the door, switched on the light, and walked into the blue room I had spent so many days in over the past month. My eyes fell shut at the sound of Savannah’s deep gasp ringing behind me. I took a chance and finally turned to look at her. Her eyes filled with tears as her head swung around every inch of the room taking everything in around her. This had been my sanctuary while they had been away. The times where I’d needed my solitude I’d spent in this room, creating the perfect escape for Max.

  The walls were painted a sky blue, the far wall displaying a mural of the beach and the other wall showed hand-painted pictures of the trains from Thomas the Tank Engine. A low bed ran along the center of the room and the door leading to the balcony allowed for his beloved waves to be heard in the silence of his room.

  “What do you think, little man? This is your special room.”

  Max was out of my arms and running around every corner of his room, excitedly talking to the Thomas mural that was painted on his wall. Seeing him happy and clearly overjoyed made everything worth it.

  I watched as Savannah moved around the room gracefully, her fingertips running along the bed and the walls. She stopped by the dresser and her hands found the picture frame that contained a photo of the three of us on Max’s second birthday.

  “This is one of my favorite photos,” she whispered as she stared at the photo in her hand.

  “Mine too.”

  “This room is amazing.” She placed the photo frame back on the dresser and turned to look at me. “Thanks for bring all the furniture from the apartment. It was crazy walking in and seeing our exact room from the apartment.”

  “It’s not a problem.”

  Sav opened her mouth to speak but Max’s voice interrupted. “Mummy! Daddy! I love!” Max’s excited shrieks filled the tense space and he held up his arms to be lifted up. Propping him on my hip he kissed my cheek and hugged me tightly.

  “I love you so much, little man.”

  Max pulled his face away from my chest and beamed at me.

  “More than ice cream?” he asked.

  “Yep.”

  “More than lollies?”

  I looked at Sav with questioning eyes. What the hell were lollies?

  “Candy,” Sav replied quickly through her tears.

  “Yep! Way more than lollies.”

  “More than Thomas?”

  “Yep. More than Thomas, Gordy, and Percy.”

  “Daddy!” he shrieked before laughing. “You are so funny.”

  And in that exact moment, everything seemed perfect.

  THE FOLLOWING day, as I sat at the dining table with my laptop open in front of me, my mind drifted to only hours earlier. Seeing Savannah waltz around the house in her tiny shorts and bikini top after she and Max had gone to the beach resulted in me and my hand becoming well acquainted. Seriously, she would be the fucking death of me. I knew what I wanted, my cock knew what I wanted, but my stubborn ass was still waiting for the bubble to burst. I was slowly but surely ready to come undone.

  “Tate, can I talk to you for a minute?” Her thick Australian accent filled the silent space around me.

  Looking up from my laptop, I saw Savannah, who stood nervously by the kitchen counter wearing a knee-length grey skirt and a white button-up blouse with come-fuck-me red heels.

  “Sure,” I stated, swallowing hard, diverting my eyes from her tan legs and tight ass back to her face.

  “I’ve got to go to Beautify for a meeting with Mr. Davenport and Max is napping so I was wondering if I could leave him here with you until I get back. I shouldn’t be any longer than an hour or so. I am happy to take him if there are any problems.”

  Closing my laptop, I folded my hands on the table in front of me. “I’m his dad. You don’t have to ask me these things.”

  Nodding, she looked at the floorboards below and then back towards the hall. She almost looked fearful. What could she possibly be afraid of?

  Sighing, I stood from the dining room table and crossed the living room towards her. I stood before her and waited. “What’s wrong?”

  “Tell me what you are thinking because I getting sick of you shying away from me. You look at me like you want me but then you talk to me like you despise me. I feel like we are complete strangers.” She let out a deep breath and stared at me in anticipation.

  Rubbing the back of my neck, I stared at her, trying to find out what I could possibly say. “Sav, we are far from strangers. You know more about me than anyone in this world and that will always be the case. I am desperately trying to get my head around the thought of you and Max being back. It was three long, torturous months where I was here on my own while you and my son were on the other side of the world. A lot changed when you decided to leave, Sav. The only thing I know for sure is that I am going to get to know my son.”

  “But that wasn’t entirely my fault, Tate. You can’t lay blame entirely on me.” Her voice broke under her words.

  “I will tell you this one thing, Sav. I love you so fucking much that it hurts. You make me weak but in the next breath you make me stronger than I’ve ever felt. You make me feel a love I’ve never thought possible but then I feel a hurt I would never wish on anyone. I want nothing more than to drag you to my bedroom and do things to your body that you could never imagine but I feel like I need to get to know you again. I need to make sure that I am what you want.”

  “What more can I do, Tate? I came back for you. You are the reason I am here.” She took a step toward me, grabbing my hands and pulling me towards her body. “I came back for you, Tate.”

  Her lips dropped to the corner of my mouth, kissing me tenderly, and instantly my eyes closed under her touch. Suddenly, she pulled away and took a step towards the door before turning back to me with a look of determination sweeping across her face.

  “I’ll tell you what I know, Tate. I want you and I will not let you go without a fight, and that’s one thing I can guarantee. I came back for you, I came back for what we are, and I came back for the future I know both of us crave. I am not stopping until I get that. Call me stubborn. Call me determined. Call me persistent.”

  Standing across the room from her, I knew that I was quickly getting caught up in the intense waves of Savannah Rae, and I knew that once I got lost in the swell there was no turning back. Without another word, she stepped out of the door and I released the breath I had locked up tight in my lungs.

  My body and mind were in a constant war with each other, telling me to do what the other told me not to do. I didn’t know how long I could keep myself from throwing myself at her, and the thought of burying myself so deep inside her had made my lonely nights come to life. But then my mind would kick in and warn me against diving back in, warning me to take it slow and make sure she was here to stay, encouraging me to test her and play this dangerous game of cat and mouse.

  Savannah

  PULLING OPEN the sliding door with nervous hands, I stepped out onto the balcony and into the cooling ocean breeze of Santa Monica. The soft hum of voices and roar of the nearby ocean greeted me, and I found Tanzi, Jack, and Tate sitting around a round table, open beers in front of them, talking softly amongst themselves.

  Tanzi was first to see me, and before I could say a word, she rushed towards me and pulled me by both hands towards the table. There was no turning back now. Tate glanced up over his beer bottle without a word, but I noticed the emotion flickering over his face. Our eyes met for a brief moment before he broke the connection and shifted his gaze to the dark waves being illuminated by the full moon above us.

&n
bsp; “Beer?” Jack suggested, holding a bottle out towards me, his eyes showing the glazed effects of one too many beers.

  Grabbing it from his hand, I popped open the top and sighed as the cold amber liquid slid down my throat.

  “Sav, can I ask you something? It’s kind of personal.” Jack asked abruptly with a cheeky grin filling his lips. Oh crap. If there was one thing I knew about Jack it’s that if he asks if he can ask you something, you can never know what to expect.

  “When have you ever considered my privacy, Jack?” I replied nervously, chugging back more of my beer. His eyes narrowed in on mine as they flashed with excitement and intrigue. Oh shit.

  “Have you had sex since you left LA?”

  What the hell? I knew my eyes shot open in shock and my hand holding the bottle lingered just near my mouth as I took in his words. The sound of Tate choking on his beer caused a nervous laugh to escape my throat. Jack certainly had no qualms about getting right to the nitty gritty details.

  “No, Jack. I haven’t had sex since I left.”

  Jack’s eyes widened and darted to Tate and then back to me. Did he honestly think I’d have fucked myself around Sydney? “Has anyone touched you since you left LA?” His voice was lower this time.

  “Nope. The only hands that have been on my body are mine.”

  “Jesus fucking Christ, woman. What about you, Tate?”

  “You know the answer to that, Jack,” Tate growled. His eyes glaring at me, penetrating deep in my soul in only the way Tate Connors could. “I haven’t touched or kissed anyone since Savannah and I certainly haven’t had sex.”

  “Well fuck me sideways! How the hell are you two not ripping each other’s clothes off right now? You aren’t even eye-fucking! You two are notorious for that.”

  The intensity of Tate’s glare and the directness of his words offered the kind of promise I needed. I didn’t want to eye-fuck him—I wanted him. I needed to show him that he still owned me in every sense of the world. My heart was still his, my body was still his, and I would always be his.

  “So, ahh, the little guy settled, okay?” Tanzi asked with a comforting smile, thankfully breaking my addiction to Tate. I turned my attention to her and smiled brightly at the talk of Max.

  “Yeah, he went down without a fight. I think he was too excited about being in his new room to worry about fighting me about going to bed.”

  Silence fell among the four of us and the sound of the ocean roared in the distance. I felt eyes on me and finally looked up from the neck of the bottle. “Why are you crying, Tanzi?” I asked softly, finding tears streaming down her cheeks as she looked at me with a smile plastered on her face.

  “I still can’t believe I have my best friend back. You don’t realize how much I missed you. Do not ever leave again. I will hunt you down,” she warned with a short laugh.

  Watching tears fall from my best friend’s eyes made my stomach twist. I had missed her so freaking much. The calls, the mass of emails and text messages daily weren’t the same as sitting here with her.

  “It was the scariest time of my life. I thought I’d lost him, Tanzi,” I admitted, deciding then and there to put my cards on the table. It was true. My life had only functioned for Max and Mr. Davenport over the past three months. Everything I had done I’d done for them, and I knew people thought I was selfish because of it. I loved Tate with my whole heart, but the fear of my past, the fear of loss, and the feeling that I was indebted to Mr. Davenport had taken control of my life. “I never wanted to leave you, but I owe Mr. Davenport my life and I had to be there for him. I didn’t know what else to do.” The familiar feeling of tension burned in my chest. My eyes moistened as a threat of tears appeared. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to keep Max from you all.” I looked at Tate, knowing that I was saying these words to him, begging for him to listen to my words. His eyes blazed at me, showing regret and confusion.

  “It wasn’t just Max we missed,” Tate spat in my direction. He was now completely facing me, watching me, taunting me.

  “Well you aren’t making that very clear, Tate. I know I fucked up, I know that I took your son away from you and I will regret that for the rest of my life, but I didn’t know what else to do. What the fuck could I possibly have done? I tried to do what I thought was right and it’s blown up in my face. I don’t know what I have to do to make you see.”

  “Make me see what, Savannah?” He shifted in his seat, leaning over the table in my direction, allowing his eyes to penetrate me so brutally. I completely forgot that we had company, but right at this moment I couldn’t give a shit.

  “That I love you more than anything, Tate. Yes I screwed up, yes I know you will never fully understand why I supposedly ran, and I don’t expect you to. But I want nothing more than to be wrapped up in you completely. That’s what I want you to see.” I was breathless and spent.

  Without another word, he pushed back his seat, the screech of the legs scraping on the pavers below making me cringe. His eyes never found me again. He stormed through the glass door and into the house, leaving me in a puddle of emotions.

  After sitting under the stars for another hour with no sign of Tate returning, I slurred that I was going to bed. Three beers had rocked me and the craziness of the past three days suddenly rushed through me in brutal force. With a mumbled goodnight from Tanzi and Jack, I walked through the house, the lights on low creating a harmonious atmosphere in the air when in reality this house was far from harmonious at the moment.

  As I walked down the hall, I hesitated at Tate’s closed door before shaking the thoughts of bursting into his room and demanding that we talk out of my head. I took off towards my room with my tail between my legs and headed straight for the safety of my bathroom.

  “Can I speak to you for a second?”

  “Shit!” I shrieked, clutching my heart as shock filled me. I looked into the reflection of the mirror and found Tate standing by the door. “You scared the bloody daylights out of me.”

  He didn’t say a word. He just moved into the bathroom like a vision of want and need. I dropped my eyes from his and fumbled with my cleanser on the sink, desperate for anything to distract me.

  “What are you doing?” I breathed out as the feeling of his body close to mine took the air from my lungs.

  He didn’t touch me, but his breath caressed me delicately on the sensitive flesh of the back of my neck. He didn’t move an inch. He just hovered dangerously close. Like a moth to a flame, my body flickered alight. He took a step closer, the curves of his chest now sculpted against my back. With feather-like fingertips, he swept over my bare shoulder blades and neck, pushing away the hair that covered the skin near my ear.

  “I need to stay away from you, Sav, because I’m scared that you’ll run again, but every part of me is begging me to be near you.” He ground his hips into me. “My mind is screaming at me to let myself go to you but my heart is questioning everything.” His eyes flickered to mine in the mirror. “I need you to tell me what you want, Sav. What should I do?” he asked as one hand skimmed across my stomach, coming to rest on the bare skin peeking out from the top of my jeans.

  “Don’t ask me that.” I sighed. My head involuntarily fell to the side as his teeth raked over my flesh, nipping and gripping my most sensitive spot just above my collarbone. My body pushed back into his like a magnet, fitting so perfectly against it. This shouldn’t be happening, but my body was in battle with my conscience and my body always seemed to win. My hand rose and wrapped around the back of his neck as his lips danced over my neck, kissing, sucking, stroking, and devouring me.

  “I love you, Tate. I truly do.”

  My eyes found our reflection in the mirror and the image of him consuming me made my body hum and forget everything. His fingertips skillfully unbuttoned my jeans and his hand slid into the front of my lace panties. He hesitated and his eyes flickered to mine in the mirror.

  “Have I told you lately how much I love your accent?” he whispered as
his lips grazed my jawline and his fingers slipped between my folds. I gasped loudly as he pushed a finger deep within me. “We shouldn’t be doing this. We have too much to discuss, but I can’t stop. This is what you do to me, Sav. Even when you break my heart, I still love you.”

  My head flew back to his shoulder as his pace increased. Adding a second finger, he thrust in and out of me so rhythmically and so intensely. At the first sound of my moan of pleasure, he captured my sounds with his lips on mine. His tongue dove into my mouth, tasting and caressing every inch. I fell headfirst into the kiss. The sensation of being owned by Tate’s body overcame me, possessed me, ignited me.

  I rocked fiercely against his hand, begging for more, needing more. Every inhibition I had about this faded the moment his thumb met my aching core. I shuddered around him, a wave of pleasure ripping through me as I came undone around his fingers in the bathroom with Tanzi and Jack barely a room away.

  He spun me around, picking me up and sitting me on the bathroom counter. Bringing his fingers to his mouth, his tongue flicking over his fingers, he tasted me and made me completely and utterly fall apart. I grabbed at his belt buckle, pulling him to my body and forcing my lips to his. I could taste myself on his tongue and the lioness roared within me. As we battled each other for ownership of our mouths, his groan against my lips filled the air. Just as quickly as it had started, he pulled away and took a step back. His face froze as he looked me over with my jeans undone and my face flushed with satisfaction.

  “I shouldn’t have done that.”

  He rushed out of the bathroom without another word. Fuck this! After pulling my jeans up over my hips and buttoning up my fly, I stormed out of the bathroom and down the hall towards his now closed door. I didn’t bother knocking. Opening the door, I took one step in and stopped. Tate sat on the edge of his bed, his head in his hands with his shoulders slouched. I silently crossed the room and climbed on the bed behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist. He froze under my touch before allowing his head to fall back against me.