Myself and I

by Earl Sewell

  “I don’t even get in the water without it,” I said jokingly.

  “Good. The next time we go out we’ll stop at the beauty-supply store and pick up some products for you. I also know this excellent hairstylist who really can do a very nice job of braiding your hair,” Barbara added.

  “Do you think Jordan will be cool with me taking the class and all that?” I asked.

  “Oh, yeah, I don’t see why he wouldn’t be,” Barbara said confidently.

  I stepped away from her and removed a glass from the cupboard. I moved over to the refrigerator, placed my glass under the slot for ice water and pressed a button. Once the glass was full I took a sip and said, “I didn’t want to do it at first, you know, take the certification class, but after speaking to Grandmother Katie I changed my mind.”

  “Speaking of her, I need to give her a call.” Barbara tapped her forehead with her hand a few times before placing one of the fillets on the griddle. “I’ll call her after we eat dinner.”

  I finished helping Barbara prepare our meal and set the table. By the time we were finished, Jordan was pulling into the driveway.

  The following morning I arrived at school early. I couldn’t wait to see Maya so I could apologize. I stood at her locker with my books clutched to my chest and my back pressed against her locker waiting for her to arrive. After what seemed like forever, I finally saw her enter the building through one of the doors at the end of the hallway. As she approached I smiled at her as if I had the world’s juiciest secret.

  “What are you grinning so hard for?” she asked with a perplexed stare on her face.

  “Because,” I answered vaguely as I moved out the way so she could get to her locker.

  “Because of what?” She wanted me to get to the heart of the matter.

  “How come you didn’t return my phone calls last night?” I asked, even though I had a clear idea why.

  “You made me mad, Keysha, but I’m over that now. I’m just going to take the certification class by myself. It’s something I want to do, and I shouldn’t have tried to drag you into it.” I sensed that Maya was about to apologize to me, which was something she didn’t need to do, so I stopped her.

  “It’s not your fault.” The words rushed out of my mouth.

  “Huh?” She tilted her head, confused by my outburst.

  “You didn’t do anything wrong by asking me. I’m actually here to tell you that I’m sorry for making you feel bad and for trying to sell you some stupid lie that’s been around since slavery.”

  Maya was silent for a long moment as she processed what I’d just said. “You know that you’re not making any sense to me right now, don’t you?” Maya tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.

  “Let me explain. Maya, I’ve changed my mind. I’m going to do the swim-certification class with you.” I let go of my secret.

  “Keysha, you don’t have to, it’s okay,” Maya said with a sad whine in her voice.

  “Did you hear what I just said? So stop being disappointed about it now. I want to do it.”

  She waved me off. “Keysha, stop playing around. You’re not serious and you know it.” Maya didn’t believe me at all.

  “Yes, I am. That’s why I kept trying to reach you last night.” I sat my books on the floor and placed Maya’s hands in my own. “I learned something yesterday after you left. I had a long chat with my grandmother about it. She helped me to understand why I felt the way I did about swimming. Look, to make a long story short, I’ve come to two conclusions—the first one is that you’re the best girlfriend in the world. You’re kind, honest and sincere. I should not have made you feel like crap for trying to help me grow as a person.”

  “For real? You really think that about me?” Maya placed her hand over her heart.

  “Yes. I mean what I said,” I assured her. “And I’m really looking forward to taking the lifeguard-certification class with you.”

  “OMG! I’m so glad you changed your mind. We’re going to have so much fun!” Maya was suddenly excited.

  “Well, I’m really going to need a lot of help, because this isn’t going to be easy for me. Do you still have the paperwork?” I asked.

  “Yes, it’s in my bag.” Maya placed her backpack on the floor, squatted down and unzipped it. She searched around for a moment until she found the papers. “Here are the copies I had made for you. Fill them out and get them back tomorrow and I’ll drop them off with the aquatics director. Don’t forget to get your parents’ permission,” Maya said.

  “The class starts Saturday, right?” I asked, just to be certain.

  “Yes!” Maya said joyfully. “This is great news! I’m so happy that you’re going to do this.” She gave me a giant hug.

  The next Saturday morning I got up early and went to the swimming pool at my high school. There were about ten people there, and Maya and I were the only girls. Mr. Briggs, a man who appeared to be in his midthirties, was the instructor. He was very lean, with bushy black eyebrows, and he worked for the United States Coast Guard. He began by talking about the importance of water safety, the skills we were going to learn and what we were going to be tested on at the end of our six weeks of training.

  “The training will be tough,” he said. “But when you’re done you’ll have the knowledge and expertise that can make the difference between life or death.” He asked us to get in the water so that he could assess our current swimming skills.

  “Ugh, he wants us to get in the water on the first day?” I whispered to Maya.

  “Come on. Stop complaining,” she said, taking me by the hand and leading me over to the steps.

  At the end of the training session that day, Maya invited me to hang out at her house for a little while. After I called Jordan and got permission, Maya’s mom picked us up and drove us back to their home. As soon as we got there we went directly to her room and shut the door. Maya’s room was small but cozy. She had a large closet with sliding doors that had mirrors on them. Her dresser was lavender and matched the headboard on her full-size mattress perfectly. On top of her dresser was a collection of perfume bottles, scented lotions and jewelry. Situated on a small nook table near the window, an alarm clock doubled as an iPod music station. Maya had a few posters of some hot models, actors and recording artists taped on her walls. I sat down on her bed, looked at myself in her mirror and was irritated by the sight of my hair.

  “I’m supposed to get my hair braided next week. I can’t wait, because I can’t walk around too long with unmanageable hair,” I said touching my hair and feeling frustrated with the way it looked.

  “Oh, you don’t look that bad. You wore your swim cap the entire time.” Maya walked over to me and touched my hair. “It’s really thick, and I happen to think that your natural hair is very nice. I think you’re just paranoid.”

  “Are you kidding me? Girl, I’m starting to look like one of those black power people I’ve seen in our history book.” I chuckled as Maya placed her iPod in the docking station and selected some music.

  “Ooh, turn it up. I love that song by Jay-Z,” I said, popping my fingers to the groove. Maya did as I requested and then crashed on the bed beside me.

  “So, is there any new boy at school that you like?”

  “God, no, I’ve sworn off boys. They’re just too much damn trouble,” I said as I searched my purse for a fingernail file.

  “What about Garrett Jones? I think he sort of likes you,” Maya said.

  “Eeew. He always has white stuff in the corners of his mouth,” I griped.

  Maya laughed out loudly. “You’ve got a point there. If you could build the perfect guy, what would he be like?”

  “Hmm,” I said, thinking about that for a moment. “Well, he’d have to be cute but not so gorgeous that I’d have to fight other girls off him. He’d have to have a great sense of humor, be attentive to my needs and be honest. I don’t want to deal with some lame dude who wants to be a player and is always surrounded by girls. That’s so tacky, if
you ask me.”

  “See, I’m glad Misalo understands that I’m the best thing that is ever going to happen to him.”

  I chuckled.

  “I’m serious. I know we’re not that old and people think that our love for each other is just superficial, but I feel a true connection to him. Something deep and spiritual.”

  “Spiritual? Maya, what are you talking about?” I asked as I rested on my back and stared up at her ceiling fan.

  “Okay, here is a perfect example. Sometimes I know what he’s going to say before he says it. I also can be thinking about him and out of the blue he’ll call me and say that I was on his mind. I feel really weird when that happens.”

  “You are so lucky that you have a boyfriend like him,” I said.

  “We’re going to get married one day and have a family,” Maya admitted.

  “How many kids do you want to have?” I asked.

  “I think I’d like to have four kids. Two boys and two girls. And I want to have them close in age so that they can all grow up together in a big house, with a big backyard and a dog.”

  “You have it all mapped out, don’t you?” I said jokingly.

  “Hey, it’s never too early to start planning the rest of your life.” Maya laughed.

  “Well, like I said, boys just aren’t my priority right now. I am so done with Antonio and Wesley. Lord, Wesley just gets on my nerves now. I can’t believe how my feelings for him have changed.”

  “As they should have. He was cheating on you with that slut Lori.”

  “I know, but sometimes I feel as if he really didn’t mean to get so involved with her.” I paused. “I don’t know how to explain it really, except to say I think there is a part of me that wants to believe that—”

  “Keysha. Snap out of it, girl. I can’t believe you’re sitting here feeling confused after what he did.”

  “You’re right, Maya. I’m just tripping. In all honesty, the only person I truly want to date right now is myself.”

  eight

  The last day of school had finally arrived, and I was sitting in my eighth-period class waiting for the dismissal bell to ring. I’d turned in my final exam ten minutes earlier and couldn’t wait for summer vacation to begin. I felt that I’d done a pretty good job overall and would end up with a B average in the worst-case scenario. As I waited for the bell to go off, I thought about all the crazy turns my life had taken. Getting forced to go live in a group home for troubled teens. Yuck! I never wanted to go back to that crazy place. The drug scandal with Liz Lloyd. I wonder whatever became of her, I thought. Then there was Wesley and his heroic efforts to clear my name. I’ll always be grateful to him for that.

  At that moment the dismissal bell rang and everyone sprung to their feet and rushed out into the hallway. Kids were shouting and banging on the lockers just to make extra noise. Many started cursing because they knew they could get away with it without having to deal with any consequences. Students were littering the hallways with paper and other trash. As I pushed my way through all the madness I felt the urge to participate, so I tossed a folder filled with my useless schoolwork in the air. The pages flew out and scattered all over the floor.

  As I marched through the hallway, I bumped into Priscilla, who was clearly stunned to see me. I was about to unload on her and call her every word in the book for screwing up my prom dress, but I didn’t get a chance to because she covered her mouth with her hands and began puking all over herself.

  “Eeew!” I hollered out as she hurried away toward the bathroom. I turned the corner and headed down another hallway and saw Antonio talking to a few of his friends. When he saw me he broke away and came over to me.

  “What’s going on?” he asked with a cute smile that at one point had had the ability to make butterflies prance around in my belly.

  “Same old stuff, just a different day,” I answered sarcastically.

  “I see that you’re still pissed,” he fired back, sweeping his tongue past his lips before sliding it back into his mouth. I think he wanted me to swoon at the sight of his exposed tongue.

  “I have a right to be, especially with all of the rumors that were floating around about me after prom a few weeks back.”

  “Oh, yeah, I heard a few of them. A couple of them were pretty funny.” Antonio laughed.

  “I know you were the one spreading them around. I’m not stupid,” I said, wanting him to confirm my suspicions. The rumors and ridiculous lies had to come from someplace, and Antonio was probably the one with the gasoline and match.

  Antonio pointed to himself. “Who, me? Why would I do that?” He placed a sly smirk on his face that made him look guilty. “I don’t have time to go around like some childish punk spreading around rumors about you. I’ve got better stuff to do with my time. You ain’t all that.”

  “Whatever, Antonio, but since you brought up the subject of a child, your baby’s mama has morning sickness and she’s in the bathroom having a rather nasty vomit episode right now. You might want to look into that,” I said, hoping my words would deflate his oversize ego.

  “I’ve told you already. I don’t know who knocked up Priscilla Grisby, but it wasn’t me.” Antonio continued to boldly deny having any type of sexual relationship with her.

  I decided to play a quick little mind game with him, since he’d developed memory loss. I asked him to lean in close to me so that I could whisper in his ear.

  “Did you know that lips tell lies? And your lips are lying so hard that you actually believe that you’re telling the truth,” I murmured before stepping away from him. The expression on his face was priceless. He looked like a confused dog who was trying desperately to understand what its owner was saying. He had no inkling how to respond, because he knew I was right. He was a liar and a jerk, and they were personality issues that were as much a part of him as his ego was to his privates.

  “Screw you, Keysha! I hope you get a disease or something,” he snarled before turning his back to walk away. I laughed out loud.

  I continued toward my locker. I spotted Wesley milling around in the hallway ahead of me. As I approached him, my heart filled up with a sense of dread. I was hoping he wasn’t waiting on me; I didn’t feel like talking to him.

  “Hey, girl,” Wesley greeted me.

  “Hey. Why aren’t you running around like a madman like everyone else?” I asked.

  “I just don’t feel like it,” he answered as someone rushed passed us shouting “Teachers suck!”

  “Can I ask you a question, Wesley?” I asked as I spun the dial on my locker.

  “You know you can ask me anything.” Wesley pressed his shoulder against the locker next to me.

  “I’ve been thinking about you lately,” I admitted.

  “Really?” I could hear a renewed enthusiasm in his voice.

  “Yeah. As your friend I feel that I should be straight up with you,” I said.

  “Let me guess. You want us to get back together, right? I knew you’d come around, Keysha. I promise you I’ll never—”

  “Wesley, stop it. Just chill out with the idea of hooking back up with me, that’s over. I’m talking about your drinking problem. I’m really worried about you.”

  “Huh! If you were worried about me, you’d start dating me again and help me get myself back in order.” Wesley got snippy.

  “Wesley, I can’t help you with the dating thing, but I do feel like you should return to rehab. Please consider getting some more help,” I pleaded.

  “Oh, you think I should return to rehab,” Wesley mocked me. “Speaking of rehab, how are your therapy sessions with the psychiatrist going?” Wesley put the index finger of his left hand to his temple. I wasn’t going to allow him to make me feel bad or bruise my feelings for seeing a therapist, because in all honesty I’d found the sessions to be very helpful. “Wesley, my visits have been rather useful. That’s why I brought up the subject.” I reached out and stroked his cheek with the back of my hand.

  Wesley
held my hand and then kissed the back of it. “Your touch feels so nice,” he said, placing my hand over his heart.

  “Wesley, I want what is best for you. I think you should return to rehab for more help. I don’t want your drinking problem to ruin your life. As a friend, I’m—”

  “What the hell is this?” Lori seemed to appear out of thin air. Ed Daley, Wesley’s liquor supplier, was with her.

  I cut my eyes at Lori and exhaled loudly.

  “You must be dying for me to beat your ass.” Lori snatched my hand away from Wesley’s chest and stood directly in front of him. She invaded my social space, waiting for me to make a move.

  “Tramp, if you even dream about jumping me you’d better wake up and apologize.” I pointed my finger at Lori’s nose.

  “You wanna do something? We can do this. School is out for the year now,” Lori said as she took out her silver hoop earrings.

  “I know one thing, you better get your little bony behind out of my face before you get dealt with.” Lori was just one punch away from meeting my ugly side. The no-nonsense ghetto Keysha didn’t take crap from anyone.

  “Oh, man, you guys are going to fight over Wesley? I love watching girl-fights,” said Ed Daley. His red hair and matching freckles reminded me of the Chucky doll. All he needed was a knife and a hideous laugh and I would have a hard time telling them apart.

  “Shut up, Ed!” Lori barked as if he were her disobedient dog.

  “What is it with you? Why are you such a controlling tramp?” I asked, unafraid of her offensive temper.

  “Why are you still trying to hook up with Wesley?” she answered my question with one of her own.

  “I’m just trying to help him. True friends do that,” I snapped.

  Wesley finally said something. “Come on, girls. There is no need to fight over me.”

  “I don’t fight over boys,” I quickly said, looking over Lori’s shoulder at Wesley.

  “Well, I do,” Lori said. I focused my attention back on her. “And I better not ever catch you with your hands on him again.”