Betrayal

by Cyndi Goodgame

  Pike let out a vicious curse, huffed mulishly and walked away. I still couldn’t seem to wake up enough to respond though I could still feel Ian’s breath above me. I managed to lick my lips and somehow knew I’d done it.

  Then, I felt his lips fall across my own and could tell they quivered uncontrollably like my arms. I warmed at their touch feeling the security they gave me in length, but I was so out of it still. When my eyes flicked open, I saw the length of his bangs starting to fall into my eyes as he rested his forehead on mine. Lifting away, his eyes came into focus. His tousled dark hair was a mess, but his deep sad eyes still found mine.

  Heaven. Those eyes were a semblance of calming peace, however pained they looked at the moment. He smoothed my hair back from my face as he’d done it several times already.

  “I’m so sorry,” he said to me pushing his own hair from his eyes.

  I coughed over my words or lack thereof wanting to tell him I was okay, but somehow I knew that my erratic behavior would dissuade him from believing me. Besides, my head felt like it had been spun around ten times and wrapped in a smothering cotton blanket.

  Again, I blacked out but it couldn't have long. I swallowed and tried to sit up. When I got to one elbow, I saw that I was on a table. The dining hall table!

  “I want to tell you something.” I had to tell him what happened with Kin and that I never wanted to fight anywhere ever again. To forget the prophecies and ignore them. That he was my hero and I could live with him being the ape man protector of all mighty Grace. He uncomfortably held me balanced in the air. “Kin kissed me. He said he had to for us get out. As soon as we were out the door—“

  “Grace, I know. I know.”

  “You don’t,” I croaked out the words.

  “Yes, I do. Kin just left. He told me everything.”

  He did?

  “You don’t have to explain,” Ian told me.

  “I don’t want to fight.”

  “We’re not.”

  “I mean me. I don’t want to ever have to hit anything again.”

  Now he understood and his face forced the tears. Yeah, I was a major wimp at the moment, but I just wanted him to make it known that I would be safe. I didn’t want to be taken again. I didn’t want to lose my memories.

  “No one will hurt you again. I will not leave your side if I have too.” I think he was serious.

  I smiled for the first time. “I think I will need some private moments.”

  “Not unless I’m posted,” he countered. Either I’d gone too far, or I’d sent Ian into an overprotective state of certifiable craziness. Okay, so I got his point.

  “Okay, so I don’t want to be in that court ever again without you beside me. Is that better?”

  “Done. But don’t walk around our own court without an escort, especially outside the garden. It seems to be the problem area. There are certain obligations as the queen and attempting to preserve your own safety is one of them.”

  He was in Fey court prince mode at the moment. If I had the strength to salute, I would. “And what about obligations towards you?” I tried to be funny even though my strength was weak and it came out sounding like a goofed up clown.

  “If you mean that I would prefer you not to try and get yourself killed or worse, then yes I would be most grateful if you’d consider it an obligation to me also.”

  Well, okay then. I did ask. “Can I go lie down on something softer,” I asked giving up the fight that was still in me.

  He didn’t make a readable face, but picked me up in his arms and carried me to his bed. I slept most of the day and night. When I woke the next day after noon, I was famished.

  Not bothering to change clothes even, I brushed my teeth with the toothbrush I’d added to his bathroom weeks ago and headed to find something in the kitchens. The noon meal was already over and the table was empty. I didn’t find anyone, anywhere. Strange!

  Alone and walking around the kitchen area, I found a loaf of bread baked from the morning. My nose caught a few of the phantom scents that had me confused lately with who was near and who wasn’t. I dismissed my worry and went back to my bread taking in a whiff of the fresh baked perfection. Tearing off a piece, I greedily shoved it into my mouth not waiting for a condiment or drink to ease it down. My stomach grumbled even more with each bite.

  “Dost thou fair maiden wish for a drink?”

  I jumped so fast my bread flew in front of me and hit the floor. With my eyes wide with the caught in the cookie jar look, I brought out additional unladylike manners by coughing up my bite and forcing it back down in one swallow. I’d had a tough few days it seemed.

  “I didn’t mean to scare you, love,” Ian patted my back like he might give me the Heimlich maneuver. After gaining my composure, he and I both sat down on the tall kitchen stools with a loaf in front of us. It reminded me of Kin’s kitchen at the lair. Never really appreciating the kitchen at the summer court before, I looked around for the similarities it held to Kin’s. They were pretty close to the same with a few more Tuscan-like primitive aspects here at my court.

  “How long did I sleep?” I finally asked after my stomach and head were on better terms.

  “Two days almost.”

  Ouch! No more sleep! I felt like everyone else was living while I only practiced getting ready for the afterlife. “Did you guys do anything foolish during which?”

  His brow furrowed, “Now is that any way to say thank you?”

  I smiled and said thank you, then asked it again.

  He made a low, deep noise dismissing me, pulled me gently off the stool, and led me in the direction of the meeting room. He never told me where he was leading me to or why.

  “We can’t just sit and wait,” Bane banged the table in the center of where he stood. The sound echoed in my ears and vibrated through the room. At least to me.

  “We wait for Grace no matter the decision. It is her call,” Pike retorted.

  My call? How nice. I listened on, but heard nothing. Ian gave me a nudge into the room and without fail all eyes fell upon me, the decision maker.

  “I want all the facts first. I readily admit I did not think he was capable of this.” Pike went on despite my presence.

  “Kinsler knew better,” Bane fisted the table again. He was beyond furious. In fact, he was turning an angry shade of red. I’d never seen him like that.

  “Kin had nothing to do with what happened except to save my life. If he hadn’t been there to help me, I don’t know what shape I would be in right now. No, I do know. That worthless excuse for a father and king manhandled his way into Kin’s personal guard’s mind and forced him to take me. Kin heard my scream and arrived just before Ian and Pike at the lair. If he hadn’t—“

  Ian’s hand landed on my arm. I shut down instantly. The tears came fast. I guess I wasn’t fully ready for a “go at it” meeting of the minds. Blurry eyed, I turned on Ian and nodded a meaningful look of appreciation to him.

  Pike cleared his throat, “We all know that Kinsler helped with the situation. He shared with us the details of what you’ve been through as well as we have all been informed of what his father planned but failed to complete thankfully due to Kinsler. We are in his debt.”

  In Kin’s debt? My tears stopped instantaneously. “There’s no time to humor me at the moment,” I said dryly.

  “I’m not,” Pike responded. “I’m just trying to avoid something going wrong before we can make it right.”

  Wow! Pike advice that actually makes sense and is applicable. However, there is always time for things to go horribly wrong. I tried to smile to prove I was capable of something other than lethargic thinking processing. “So what’s the plan?” Avoiding everyone possibly knowing the details of my shower with Kin made me at the same time avoid everyone’s blank stare. Were they just trying to keep from thinking about it? I opened my mind to read a few faces as Bane started to talk. I was supposed to be listening, but all I heard was Pike’s yell for one particular guard to
stop staring at me. This was all silent of course.

  I spun my head in the guard’s direction that Pike leaned his head toward and scowled aligning myself with Pike’s slightly colorful thoughts. Pike felt me tap in and gave a curt nod in my direction. The guard looked positively like death warmed over with my ability to mimic another and opened his mouth wide in surprise. I heard the tough as a biker dude on Sunday guard say to himself in his mind, “you were right dude, she is nice piece of—“

  I growled at the guard and instinctively slapped a hand across Pike’s face at the same time. All words from Bane ceased to a halt.

  “You told him that?” I squeaked out losing my ground to look angry. With every eye on Pike’s hands flashed in the air like the cops just appeared, I smiled like the good girl that I am and said to Bane, “Carry on!”

  He stammered on his words but continued. I caught up to the line of thinking Bane was sharing with the group as Pike hung his head in a persistent “what did I do” look for half of the meeting. I was a little surprised he let me get away with striking him, but it really hadn’t been that hard and he really was guilty. His face didn’t even turn red.

  No one asked that I know of and I didn’t tell. It was humiliating enough.

  The plans were made to return to the winter court and demand some type of agreement. The events they planned had me anxious and scared for the possibility of lives lost over anything else. Kinsler as the head of it all, was the key part of the conversation that marked me as crazy worried. He had the Nyms on our side and ready to fight for me with the assumption that the winter court would be overthrown and a deal would be made for lands. That was unreal.

  Ian punched the desk. I jumped beside him. Ian had tremendous presence upon others no matter where we were. I saw in that moment others seem to respect him no matter how diplomatic his usual demeanor was and sometimes not, he was a force to be reckoned with. I only ever feared Pike or Kin. I never once thought to fear Ian. And watching him now, Kin and Pike combined weren’t the force he created. Somehow, he is stronger than before.

  It’s you.

  What? I turned to Pike who chose to speak to me internally for some reason.

  Combined, you two are more powerful than anyone king or queen, and he shows the signs of it coming already. After you’re married, or rather...the two of you will be unstoppable.

  Oh!

  ***

  I sat in the kitchen making breadsticks for our coffee time the next morning.

  “You can be such a downer some times,” I told Pike after he had just finished telling me that he’d never find anything worth living for.

  “Yeah, the world needs us!”

  “Who?” I looked bewildered remembering he’d yet to mention the reason I’d slapped him before.

  “Pessimists.”

  “Why is that?” I rolled my eyes.

  “Without us, there would be no optimistic starry eyed queens who think they can save the world,” Pike was twisting the bread up and making a mess.

  “You’re doing it all wrong,” I took the bread pieces from him and started twisting them into a breadstick.

  “That’s not something I’ve ever been told.”

  I glared at his double meaning off topic far from innocent face.

  “You’re wrong.”

  His crazy one eyebrow move played me asking for the reason why.

  “I admit first hand I can’t save anyone much less the Fey people and this feud between the courts. The stars realigned already to accept my failure.”

  His mouth opened as he dropped the bread he’d picked up to copy my twisting bread lesson and forcefully took my own out of my hands and sat it in front of me. “Grace, I was just talking smack and I can tell you think what you’re saying is true in your eyes. But take it from someone who saw it before you came to us, our world is not complete without you. You’ve made more contact with uniting the dividing lines than any full blooded Fey in our history. Unconventional, yes, but true nonetheless.”

  By the way, that was wow! He surprised me at the strangest of times. “Thank you.” That’s all I could say. He blushed, picked up the bread, and starting twisting and braiding again.

  Chapter Thirty Three

  reverse-v. to move backward

  The next morning, Pike was in the garden helping me plant and weed after his workout on the range. He’d become a stationary statue piece in my otherwise very lonely morning routines. On the third day and no Ian surfacing in the morning light with Pike, I began to wonder what he might be doing. Either I’d done something wrong by surviving with Kin or something else was up.

  Pike was there and ready to twist the bread again into breadsticks for the noon meal. The people had loved them the first time, so now I was designated the bread roller! Ha!

  “Why hasn’t Ian wanted to talk to me in three days? What did I do wrong?” I finally found the guts to ask.

  He chuckled like I’d said something funny. “I’m sorry to laugh, but you always think it’s you and you couldn’t be far from the truth. You are such a girl sometimes.”

  I scowled at him and ended up pinching the bread into inedible pieces rather than actual breadsticks.

  He continued anyway, “He is just feeling unworthy of you. He feels like he doesn’t do anything but let you down all the time.”

  “And he told you this?” I eyed him through my lashes as I continued to massacre the bread with a guillotine effort.

  “He doesn’t have too. I am guy, Grace.” It was hard to tell with Pike just how deep his disinterest in the subject went, but I doubted it would ever surface in any other way around me. Again. We’d made it to this level of friendship and I didn’t see it getting much easier. At least not for him.

  “That part I noticed,” I threw in just for the fun of it.

  “Not helping friend only Pike here.”

  “Sorry,” I smiled at him, “Still think you need to get a girlfriend.”

  He grimaced.

  “Smell that?” I asked him.

  He stood to attention, “What?” Alarm rang in his ears.

  I leaned in closer, “Optimism is crawling up your back and moving in.”

  Both of us belted out a laugh.

  Pike was telling stupid jokes when Ian finally decided to show up. He walked into the kitchen like he was on a mission, but stopped abruptly when he saw us. Or rather, both of us together.

  “Sorry to interrupt,” he said to our blank faces. Guess we did stop talking too fast.

  Pike stood and said he had to get to the range leaving us alone. No he didn’t, he just left the range!

  Ian shifted his weapon around on his belt for a bit then brought his flickering eyes up to mine. I was already there.

  “Do you think you could spare some time for me?” I snipped no longer dodging the bullet. It wasn’t right for me to do, but I was sorely lonely, missing him, and tired of being avoided.

  “I’ve got to get back to the range,” he said his jaw line more pronounced and gnawing back and forth.

  I looked back down to my bread and went about my twisting, each piece completely destroyed. I held back the tears, but if he didn’t leave soon, they would burst.

  He didn’t leave.

  The hand that moved my bread over and forcibly made me drop it on the table was warm and shaking even more than mine. I watched his fingers weave into mine like a slow motion button might push to a stop in mid air. It caused us to be linked until the imaginary someone hit the button to turn the motion back on. He pushed my hips off the high back stool and twirled me to stand beside him in the same way.

  “I’m sorry I’m such an as—I want—“

  “Why are you ignoring me?” I blurted out.

  He sighed and adjusted my face to see him. “I just can’t seem to keep you safe no matter what I do.”

  The source of all our squabbles. He’s ignored me yet again because he thinks he failed me. I’ve got to get better at comforting him every time he thinks he let me
down.

  “Ian, you’ve got to realize that you didn’t let me down in any way. I mean, look at me,” I motioned down me, “I’m okay. In one piece.”

  “No! It’s not okay. I can’t protect you right.” He walked away from me, slamming his fist into the stone, another outlet. Blood ran down his hand. I couldn’t ever understand his man anger, but I was the direct result of it.

  I kept the muscles in my face from moving to not send any message of disapproval. He didn’t need Nurse Grace, he needed my need for his protection and to feel like I have been well protected. He needed guy reassurance like a girl needs faithfulness reassurance.

  “I know that the innermost part of your needs to feel like you keep me safe. I get that Ian. I don’t need this,” I pointed to his self inflicted wound, “or to ignore me to make yourself feel like you’re giving me time to think bad things about you because you’re getting it all wrong. I’ve done nothing but miss you and wonder what I did wrong.”

  Ian’s mouth opened to object, but I closed it with my finger. “Obviously we are miscommunicating way too much. Next time you feel you failed me, I promise to show you how much it is just the opposite.”

  “You did nothing wrong,” he leaned his forehead to mine. Never my fault, always his.

  “Then neither did you, so you can get over this being far away from me and trying to keep yourself busy just for the sake of making me feel less of you because it will never happen.”

  He smiled in spite of his anger. He still hadn’t lifted his bloody hand.

  “Can I nurse you back to health good sir?” I smiled pecking a small kiss on his lips.

  He gave a simple nod.

  Chapter Thirty Four

  anxieties- n. a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.

  Two days passed and the pressure of knowing what Ian plotted for the other court was eating at my nerves. He was putting everything on the line.

  The summer court backed us one hundred percent since Ian announced his intention to confront the king of the winter court and demand confirmation that he stop attempting to make me their queen without my permission. The court had been in an uproar at first hurt that I might leave, but soon realized that I was being taken not at my own will.