The Truth We Chase

by Carl Richards

  ‘Sometimes Joe, it’s best not to ask too many questions.’

  I could tell by the change in his demeanour that he was getting uncomfortable with this conversation. I’m staring at him but he is looking straight ahead, not concentrating on his driving but avoiding my gaze.

  ‘You know don’t you; you know what I know don’t you DCI Myddlewood?’

  ‘Leave it, Joe.’

  ‘... You’ve got to be kidding me, you know what happened to Mick and you have the gall to sit there and pass it off as an inconvenience to you?’

  DCI Myddlewood swerves into a bus layby and slams on the brakes.

  ‘Remember what I said Joe? “Hierarchy”, everything that happens in life is bigger than you, bigger than me, bigger than the crims and the cops. Some friendly advice; wind your neck in, be cool and don’t rock the boat. Focus on getting justice for Jill and then once we’ve achieved that, and only then, we’ll continue this conversation.’

  ‘Don’t you think it would be fair to Mick to get justice for him too?’

  ‘... Fair, what are you, a five-year-old? Listen lad, nothing in life is fair, life is a swamp, some are up to their ankles in it, they are happy they can still move forward; some are up to their waist, life is a bit more of a struggle but they’re coping; most are in up to their chest, they’re grateful they’re not up to their neck, because once you’re in up to your neck you’re one very small step from being sucked under, drowning in a vile, rancid cesspit. I’m not asking you, Joe, I’m telling you, do not go there. Do not get into that swamp any deeper than you have to.’

  DCI Myddlewood sets off driving again and the five-minute drive back to the Police Station is spent in another awkward silence. We arrive and park up at the front of the building on a narrow one-way street that runs between the Police Station and the Courthouse. DCI Myddlewood is first out of the car and starts walking towards the steps leading up to the entrance, I follow. He yanks the door open letting me in first before following on.

  ‘Take a seat.’

  I sit down on a hard, cold, plastic chair, the end one in a row of three.

  ‘Wait here.’ He turns and makes his way to the security door at the side of the enquiry counter. He taps in a four-digit code into the keypad, the door clicks, and he pushes it open and makes his way into the main building.

  After a while the door clicks again and opens, I stand up in anticipation. Out walks Luciana closely followed by DCI Myddlewood.

  She walks towards me and we launch ourselves into each other, we hug, before pulling back from the embrace – we kiss. In the moment that kiss felt so natural, so right and yet so wrong all in equal measures.

  ‘Alright you two, save that till you’re in private! Luciana look after him. Joe, I need you back here at nine-thirty tomorrow morning.’

  DCI Myddlewood doesn’t wait for an answer or confirmation from us, I hear the door close and for the first time in over a year, I can finally leave, free at last.

  We leave the building, stopping at the bottom of the steps to embrace each other again. Deep down I know I shouldn’t be doing this, but I’ve been so devoid of affection for so long now that I simply cannot stop myself.

  We stand in the street facing each other, her arms around my waist, mine resting on her shoulders.

  I suddenly have a crisis of conscience. ‘I can’t do this Luciana; it isn’t fair on Ana.’

  She puts her finger on my lips to silence me, then in a sombre tone, she tells me ‘There is no “you and Ana”.

  I get no time to process what Luciana has just said, as she has already moved on. Her tone has changed back to light-hearted and flirty.

  ‘So, what do you want to do?’ She really didn’t have to ask; I’ve seen that look in her eyes before and that look speaks more than any words ever could.

  ‘Food then sleep?’ I reply.

  ‘Really?’ She tightens her hold on my waist so we are pressed up hard against each other. She glances down, ‘something tells me you want more than food and sleep... and... so do I.’

  Chapter 27

  The bedroom is illuminated by the red digits of the clock at the side of the bed. I watch as the minutes creep slowly towards four o’clock... 03:56 am, 03:57 am, 03:58 am ... Luciana is lying next to me, her head on my chest, as I stroke her hair, she taps her finger on my collar bone in time with my heartbeat. In the glow from the clock I can see she has her eyes open; she looks lost in her thoughts.

  04:01 am

  Luciana looks up to me, then shuffles up the bed so we are face to face, we kiss passionately before we finally fall off to sleep.

  I WAKE WITH A START; it sounds like someone is kicking the flat door in. I jump out of bed, grab my trousers off the floor and pull them on fastening them as I make my way to the door. Through the spyhole I can see it’s DCI Myddlewood, as I open the door, he barges past me.

  ‘You just don’t give a toss, do you? I’m alright Jack, I got off a murder charge, I’ve got no responsibilities... Well you do have a responsibility, you have a responsibility to your Sister, you have a responsibility to help me find her killer. I asked you to be at the station for nine-thirty Joe, you’re a grown man not a teenager, what the hell are you doing still in bed at twenty to eleven?’

  Luciana appears at the bedroom door wearing my shirt. Luckily it covers everything it needs to.

  ‘Oh, I see, I’m starting to believe the Prosecution Barrister now, you really do only care about yourself. Selfish Joe, really selfish. When you and the princess are ready you know where to find me.’

  As he gets to the door, he turns around to face me. ‘Do you know Joe, this force looks after two and a half million people, I haven’t got time to be wiping your arse... grow up man.’

  I close the door behind him as he leaves. ‘Well that told me!’

  ‘Don’t forget Joe, you’re the one who’s been through a traumatic time, you’re the one who’s had no freedom in over a year, so you’re the one who deserves to kick back and relax for a day; after all, if he had someone as hot as me he’d still be in bed at twenty to eleven in the morning!’

  Luciana makes her way from the bedroom door, as she reaches me, she jumps up and wraps her legs around my waist. ‘Besides they can have you when I’ve finished with you!’

  ‘And that will be... when?’

  ‘Today is Wednesday and my flight back to Newark is Friday morning, you do the math.’

  ‘What’s...?’ I didn’t get to finish my sentence as she has kissed me quiet. Still wrapped around me, we make our way back in the bedroom and drop down on to the bed in the same position horizontally as we were vertically. Luciana is on her back with me between her legs, she releases her grip and pushes me off and on to the bed before sitting astride me.

  2:17 pm

  Luciana gets out of bed, ‘I’m going for a shower.’

  I shout after her. ‘We really need to think about food, I’m starving.’

  She appears back in the doorway. ‘Not an expensive restaurant, I’ve only brought casual clothes with me.’

  ‘Oh, believe me, it won’t be expensive. I’ve only got forty pounds.’

  ‘And that is what in dollars?’

  ‘About sixty dollars.’

  She laughs. ‘Good job you’ve got cards then.’

  I give her a look. She just stands and stares at me momentarily before sitting down on the edge of the bed. ‘No cards... no money?’

  ‘Nothing... everything I have, money, cards and assets have all been frozen due to the case, the Police think it’ll be six to seven weeks before I have everything back.’

  ‘What are you going to do?’

  ‘I’m going to see my Aunt Shelagh and Uncle Bill; they’ll lend me some money.’

  She stands up and walks out of the door to make her way to the bathroom, I follow. An hour and a half later and we’re finally ready to leave the flat.

  We make our way down to the town centre bus station and board the 197 bus for West Heaton to visit
my Aunt and Uncle. Whilst we’re waiting to depart an elderly lady sat in front of us picks up on Luciana’s accent. She turns slowly to face us. She is looking at Luciana, her eyes look watery as if she is weeping.

  ‘Young lady is that a North Jersey accent?’

  Luciana initially looks shocked; most people just pick up that she has an American accent but wouldn’t know it was a New Jersey accent, let alone a North Jersey one. She recovers her composure and gives the elderly lady a broad smile.

  ‘It is!’

  ‘My husband Bobby was from Hoboken; I’d recognise that accent anywhere. You’re a long way from home, are you here on holiday?’

  ‘Visiting... this...’ Luciana digs me in the side, it makes me jump, I turn my face from looking out of the window so I am now facing them. ‘I’m visiting this bad boy!’ She says playfully.

  I sarcastically laugh and repeat “bad boy!” Shaking my head, I return to staring out of the window.

  ‘Did you meet here?’

  ‘No, back in the States he was trying to date my friend Ana, but he’s come to his senses now and finally picked the right one out of the two of us.’

  I turn to Luciana. ‘Really, we’re doing this on a bus with a complete stranger? No offence... I’m sure the lady doesn’t need to know our life story.’

  The elderly lady takes over the conversation again. ‘I met my Bobby here when he was stationed at Burtonwood with the USAF, I lived near the base at the time. We met at the village hall, we had a dance night every Thursday and he swept me off my feet, literally, oh how I loved him.’ She starts to well up, ‘He passed two years ago, now I live with my Sister on Heaton Moor.’ She wipes a tear from her cheek. ‘Where are you from?’

  I’m still staring out of the bus window hoping that we set off soon. Luciana gives me another dig in the ribs, ‘Joe, don’t be so ignorant the lady is talking to you.’

  ‘Sorry... I’m from here, this is my hometown, Luciana is from the Ironbound...’ The elderly lady interrupts me, ‘Down Neck, Newark?’ Luciana senses I’m about to correct her and she interjects, ‘that’s the original name for the Ironbound Joe.’

  She turns to Luciana, I should have guessed with that beautiful olive skin, Spanish or Portuguese?’

  ‘I’m of Venezuelan descent.’

  ‘Caracas?’

  ‘Yes, she most certainly is.’ I retort; It earns me yet another dig in the ribs.

  ‘No, my family are from Santa Elena de Uairen in the South, close to the Brazilian border.’

  Finally, after what seems like an age the bus sets off.

  ‘So, what’s next for you two lovebirds?’

  ‘I’m heading back to Newark on Friday, then at some point soon he’ll be joining me.’

  ‘He doesn’t say much does he?’

  ‘Please excuse him; he’s not had much sleep in the last twenty-four hours.’

  I turn to Luciana, ‘...and whose fault is that?’

  Luciana snaps back ‘I didn’t hear you complaining,’ then she shields her mouth from me with her hand and speaks to the elderly lady from behind it, ‘he’s always grumpy when he’s tired!’

  They give each other a knowing look. The elderly lady takes up the conversation again. ‘I think you should stay he looks like he needs a strong Jersey woman to keep him in line!’

  ‘I’d love to, but I need to be back in work at the weekend.’

  ‘What is it that you do?’

  ‘I run the floor at a high-end restaurant in Lower Manhattan...’

  ‘Run the floor?’

  ‘... It’s a down to earth way to say I’m a duty manager.’

  ‘Oh, I see, have you been doing it long?’

  ‘Too long, but with help from this one I hope to have my own place soon.’

  ‘In Manhattan?’

  ‘Nooo! He’s not that rich. I have aspirations of owning a small bar and grill down in Avalon, on Seven Mile Island’

  ‘It sounds nice.’

  ‘It is, my childhood summer holidays were spent there, I love the place’ Once again Luciana shields her mouth from me with her hand and speaks to the elderly lady from behind it. ‘... and he can afford to buy it for me.’ She winks at the elderly lady.

  ‘Well I hope you talk him into it, life is too short not to chase your dreams.’

  I shake my head and turn to stare out of the window once more while they continue with their small talk.

  After ten minutes we finally reach our stop, we leave the bus and walk the four minutes to my Aunt and Uncle’s house.

  ‘Well all that was news to me.’

  ‘All what?’

  ‘All that, “I’m buying you a bar” business.’

  ‘It was just an idea; anyway, it would only be a loan. I’ve worked it out and I’d get a good return for your money... we’ll talk about it later.’

  My response is terse. ‘Will we?’

  As we approach the front door it opens and my Uncle Bill steps out. ‘I saw you coming up the drive...’ His attention immediately turns to Luciana. ‘Well hello!’ He puts his arm around her shoulder and leads her up the steps to the front door, ‘...and you are?’

  I’m left standing at the bottom of the steps; I shout after them. ‘Given the chance, I’d have introduced you...’ My Uncle turns and puts his finger to his lip to shush me.

  They disappear into the house.

  ‘Great. Welcome home Joe, hope you’re okay Joe, good to see you, Joe.’ I mutter to myself as I walk up the steps and enter the house. Once inside I can hear my Aunt Shelagh’s excited voice in the kitchen as she fusses around Luciana. I make my way to the far end of the entrance hall and into the kitchen.

  My Aunt stops what she’s doing as I walk through the door. ‘There he is, welcome home Joe.’ She grabs my head with both hands pulling it down so she can kiss me on the forehead.

  We spend the next couple of hours catching up, with food in abundance and wine and beer flowing, it’s so nice to finally be relaxed in familiar surroundings.

  My Aunt brings another bottle of lager through to the lounge. ‘So where are you staying Joe?’

  ‘I’m in temporary accommodation provided by the Council.’ My Aunt screws her face up with displeasure.

  ‘Actually, it’s really decent, they’ve looked after me well.'

  ‘I’m sure it is Joe, but it’s not a home is it, and what about you Luciana, are you staying with him?’

  ‘I’m staying at The Riverside Lido Hotel... officially.’

  My Aunt gives us a knowing look. ‘You need to be together, you’re both staying here until you find your feet.’ She picks up the phone, ‘I’ll order you a taxi to collect your stuff.’

  This is the part I was dreading.

  I can barely look my Aunt and Uncle in the face as I explain my financial predicament.

  Bill chips in ‘All the more reason why you should be here until you find your feet.’

  Five minutes later a taxi arrives, Luciana and myself climb in and we make our way to the hotel. I’m apprehensive, the last time I was there was that fateful day over a year ago.

  Ten minutes later we arrive in the car park of the hotel and Luciana disappears inside. I can’t bring myself to go in. Somehow, I feel that it would have been inappropriate to do so. Instead, I get out of the taxi, leaning on the side door I stare over the roof across the car park – to the parking space where Jill had parked when she first arrived at the hotel.

  I get a flashback... of Jill and myself... it’s so vivid...

  We walk to her car; she opens it and pulls out an overnight bag and a pair of hiking boots.

  ‘What do you think about the boots, a good look with this dress?’ She slips off her high heels and puts the boots on.

  ‘Gorgeous darling,’ I say in my best posh fashion-aficionado accent.

  She takes the boots off, throws them back in the car, puts her shoes back on and picks up the bag, ‘come on then, take me to your room, I need to get changed.’

  A s
hiver runs down my spine as I come back to reality, I wipe the tears from my cheeks as I picture her, I can hear her voice and her laughter in my head, I feel her aura of warm, loving compassion and then, from behind me, I hear my name called out in a hushed voice. I turn and walk over to the bushes on the edge of the car park. There is nobody there, just bushes and the river beyond. I turn to walk back; the voice calls me again.

  ‘Joe, the river is like life itself, it is always there, we are but twigs in that river, I have been, but now have gone, swept away to my destiny. You are snagged by the riverbank, you are stuck, you must let go, you must go with the flow, let the mighty arms of the river take you, Joe... go with the flow Joe... go with the flow.’

  ‘Joe, what are you doing?’ I jump. Luciana is stood behind me; I turn to face her.

  ‘Are you alright, you look as if you have seen a ghost.’

  ‘Yes... yes, I’m fine.’

  Luciana turns to walk back to the taxi. I turn my head back to the river one last time and mutter under my breath, ‘yes, I’m fine... I’m going with the flow...’

  We get back to the taxi just as the driver finishes loading Luciana’s suitcase into the boot.

  A twenty-minute journey takes us back to the flat; I collect my belongings and quickly tidy up before finally completing the round trip at our destination for the night, my Aunt and Uncle’s house.

  Chapter 28

  ‘Morning’

  My Aunt and Uncle are already at the breakfast table.

  ‘Morning Joe, you’re up early.’

  ‘I need to make a statement to the Police and then sort out the flat so I can hand it back to the Council. I’m so grateful for your support and letting us stay here, I’ll pay you back, I promise.’

  ‘It’s no problem, it’s good to have you back home, there’s one thing though, please stop with the Aunt and Uncle; it’s Shelagh and Bill from now on.’

  Bill looks over the top of his glasses at me. ‘Are you sure you trust the Police? After all they did a pretty good job of screwing you over last time; eight months behind bars in prison, on remand for a crime that you obviously didn’t commit. That must have been tough?’