by Iris Blobel
She moved her head from side to side. “It wouldn’t work.”
He snorted his indignation. “So, you’re telling me if I keep Nadine with me, my chance would be better?” Flynn looked down at his feet to avoid the expression of pain and sadness on her face. Yes, he’d overstepped the mark. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly.
She leaned on her toes and kissed his cheek. “Night, Flynn.”
27
“Good grief, Teresa, I’m sick of this cat and mouse game. What do you want?”
Flynn paced up and down the office as he listened to Teresa over the speaker.
“We’re in Melbourne with all the paperwork.”
“What paperwork?” he asked loudly in the room.
He heard her sigh. Good, she was getting ticked off. So was he.
“Flynn, you’re noted as the father on Nadine’s birth certificate. We checked with our lawyer and he said it’s just a matter of you accepting fatherhood, and then the girl can live with you.”
He was furious. “It’s that easy, eh? Just like a bank transfer.” He took a deep breath and in only a few long strides walked to the desk and picked up the phone. “You make me sick.” He stared at his computer screen, where an email had come through from Emma. His stomach tightened. He blamed Nadine’s grandmother of the same thing he was going to do – transferring his child to his parents. He opened the email and at the same time, with a much calmer tone, said to Teresa, “I’m in the office. Stop by in about half an hour, and I will sign your blasted paperwork.” And he hung up. No way was he able to concentrate on a conversation with that dragon from across the Bass Strait when there was an email from Emma. He opened it up and smiled. “Well, what d’you know?”
Joyce was kind enough to give me your email address. I’ve attached some photos for Nadine from our visit to the zoo. I hope you can print them out for her so she can take them to QLD – to remind her of me.
Flynn’s finger traced Emma’s face on the screen. I might just print some copies for myself.
A knock at the door brought him back to the present, and Joyce entered the office.
“Mr. and Mrs. Gibbs are here for you.”
He frowned as he glanced at his watch. “Already?”
She nodded and was about to step closer into the office, when Teresa already walked past her. “There’s no reason to waste time, is there?”
All sorts of curse words tumbled through Flynn’s head, but out of respect for his assistant, he kept them to himself. He pointed to the two chairs in front of his desk and asked Joyce for some coffee. “And Joyce? Could you get Matthew Fisher on the phone please? Tell him it’s urgent and regards the custody issue I talked to him about last week.” Matthew was one of his uni buddies, and – lucky him – the one who had swapped from Business to Family Law.
Flynn had to bite his tongue a few times, but with Matthew’s help over the phone, the four were able to get the papers sorted quickly. It took less than an hour for everything to be signed.
“I don’t think it would be good for Nadine to see us. It might be unhealthy for her emotional wellbeing.” Teresa said.
“Whose well being? I would have a guess you meant more yours.” He kept his tone brusque.
“How dare you.” The sheer coldness of her voice penetrated right to his blood. “How dare you talk to me like this? She is your daughter. Your responsibility to take care of. The quicker the separation from us occurs, the easier it will be for Nadine. It’s as simple as that.”
Her outburst shocked him into silence. There was nothing he could reply to this. Taken aback by those words, he couldn’t wait to get them out of his office. Another few pleasantries shared with William, who seemed very tired and quiet, and he was able to close the door behind them. With something between a sigh and a groan, he thunked his head against the door, resting his forehead there and closing his eyes. He let rip some cursing words underneath his breath.
Remembering the piece of paper in his hand, he looked down at it. William had given it to him. Rubbing his face with one hand, he lifted the other and inspected the envelope. To Flynn, with all my love, from Saz.
* * *
* * *
Emma sat next to Jack on the couch. She was tired from a long day at work and ready to enjoy a relaxed evening in front of the TV.
“Honey, you’re miles away. Come back to me.”
Roused from her thoughts, Emma gazed at Jack and lifted one eyebrow. “I’m right here.”
“You know what I mean. I bet you can’t recall what I’ve just said.”
Her mouth twitched into a smile. “As I recall it, you didn’t say anything, but your hands were busy.”
“Atta girl.”
His mouth twitched with amusement.
“You’re gonna tell me where you’ve been in your little head?”
Leaning back, Emma considered her options. Forget about the remarks Jacqui made? Why would Frank lie? Why would Jacqui say things like that about Jack? Confront him?
She turned her head to the window. It was one of those rainy days in Melbourne, when it changed between sunshine and buckets of rain within minutes. It was still reasonably warm for spring, and the window was slightly ajar, letting in the sound of raindrops and the smell of the wet roads.
“I can hear you thinking so loud it gives me a headache.” He pulled her into his lap and placed his arms around her waist. “Spill it, Em.”
“Why did Tina leave?” The words tumbled out of her mouth.
He laughed. “You’re kidding. My ex-girlfriend’s been on your mind?”
Emma nodded hesitantly.
Shrugging, he replied, “We drifted apart. That’s really it. Why on earth would you be thinking of Tina?”
Avoiding his gaze, she took a deep breath. “Never mind.”
“Hey, come on, tell me!”
“Just something I heard. More or less.”
“Heard?”
“Never mind. Did you–”
“Honey, you need to tell me what’s bothering you.”
Her gaze remained on the window, and again, when she was uncomfortable she bit her lip.
“Jacqui told me Tina left because of a violent discussion between you two.”
She could feel his stare boring into her.
“It’s not true,” he sneered.
“Why would she say stuff like that, though?”
“Honey, she’s jealous. She just doesn’t do it for me, and it gets up her nose.”
She considered that thought for a moment, when his breath on her neck sent shivers down her spine.
“Unlike you.” He nuzzled his head into her shoulder, and all her thoughts just disappeared into thin air.
“Happy now? Can we move on?” he whispered.
“Hmm.”
He moved his mouth down her throat as she turned to face him.
“Jack–”
But she couldn’t think of what she wanted to say, as his fingers were slowly gliding over her skin like a whisper.
28
“You’re the only friend I have here in Melbourne. Could you ple-e-e-ease come?”
A pang went through Emma’s heart as she slouched back into the sofa.
“Please? It’s my birthday,” came a small whisper from the other end of the phone line.
“Honey–”
“You have to come. We’re going to see the penguins.”
Emma had wanted to go and see the penguins for quite a while, but never had time. Jack had laughed at her. Why would you want to see animals walking along the beach? She wiped her hand over her eyes to dry her tears and make them disappear. Why on earth was she crying? She was angry. But at herself. She was angry and disappointed with herself that she made her little friend beg. Beg for her friendship.
“Of course I will come, honey.”
There was a loud scream of joy and, “Da-a-a-ad, Emma will come!” And Emma broke into a smile.
“Dad wants to know whether you’d like him to pick you up o
n Saturday night and stay overnight? Because you live on the wrong side of town.”
What? “Oh… I… well–”
“You can sleep in my room.”
“Honey, tell your dad I’ll be at your place bright and early. I’ve already got plans for Saturday night.”
Nadine sighed.
“Honey, we’ll spend all day together. We’ll have a sleep over some other day, okay?”
“Okay. Dad says seven o’clock on Sunday.”
Seven o’clock? He did that on purpose! Her mind was racing. No way was she able to get out of bed so early, get ready, and then drive to the other side of the bay. Lots of words she would have liked to call him came to mind.
“I look forward to it. Would you like me to bring a rainbow cake?” she asked with a calm voice, though with agitated thoughts.
Emma was able to hear the excitement in the girl’s voice. “Yes, please!”
“Done deal. I’ll see you Sunday.”
Great, now she had to get a present organised, no problem for her. But the cake? She dialled her auntie’s familiar number. She needed some help. Cake help, as a matter of fact.
“Who was that?”
“Naddie.”
Jack rolled his eyes. “Don’t tell me she’s coming over again.”
Emma moved closer to him and touched his face gently.
He didn’t respond, but moved away from her. She noticed his jaw clench as he sat down on the sofa. He took off his shoes and socks and tossed them into the corner with pointless force. “I’m tired Em, and I’m honestly getting even more tired about the fact that you’re spending so much time with the kid and her daddy.” He pulled his T-shirt over his head and she had to look away, trying to ignore the urge to touch him.
No fighting tonight, please. She was growing tired as well. Tired of his, well what was it? Jealousy?
“She doesn’t know many, if any, people here–”
He threw his hands up. “Spare me the details, sunshine, and stop the sentimental drivel.”
Her lower lip trembled as she stepped back when she saw his icy glare. His hands curled into fists at his side. This was not how it was supposed to be. Could Jacqui and Frank be right after all? Turning her gaze away, she grabbed the door handle and left to go to her room. Confused, she wandered restlessly around her little place until her gaze landed on her mother’s painting. She took a deep breath and sat on the bed, trying to focus and not cry. When she heard the creaking of the floorboards, she whipped her head around and saw Jack standing at her door. With his arms crossed over his bare chest, his cargos just hanging off his hips, and leaning against the doorframe, he looked so handsome it annoyed her. She looked away, but heard him coming closer before he crouched next to her. His elbows propped on his knees, hands dangling between them, he whispered, “I’m sorry, Em.”
He looked tired as she met his gaze.
“Please, don’t be mad. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” His voice died and an echoing silence fell.
She watched him warily as he reached out for her hand. Her whole body was engulfed in tides of weariness. She was tired as well. Something had gone wrong, and she couldn’t understand why everything was so complicated all of a sudden.
As Emma pulled her hand out of his, she slowly turned to meet his gaze. “I think you’d better go, Jack. I’m very tired and frankly, quite upset. I might say something that isn’t fair or right.”
Jack moved his hand up her arm to her neck and pulled her closer. With his forehead leaning against hers, he admitted, “I’m sorry for being a jerk. Please, don’t be mad.”
Trying to force a smile, she nodded. “I’m not, but I need time, Jack. Please.”
His lips touched hers. Softly. Tenderly. And she was on the verge of giving in, but remembered the words between them only a few minutes ago and pulled away. With her finger on his lips, she said, “Please go.” She drew in her lips, too afraid if she said anything else, she wouldn’t be able to hold back her emotions.
Jack gazed at her for another moment before he stood and walked out the room. With the sound of the door, both doors, slamming behind him, she crawled under the duvet and luckily found sleep very quickly.
29
They all had a great day at Penguin Island.
Emma clapped herself on her shoulder – she had made it in time. Well, more or less. What was twenty minutes late in Melbourne’s traffic? Grateful for having borrowed her auntie’s car, she had weaseled herself through the streets of the big city without getting lost too often. And rewarded by Nadine’s big and cheery welcome, she simply ignored Flynn’s emphasised look at his watch.
Thank goodness the weather had mercy on them and sent out the sun in all its glory.
But though the weather was good, the drive was not. Emma had no idea whose idea it had been to squeeze all of them into Flynn’s car, but she tried to keep Nadine’s young mind occupied with I spy games and knock-knock jokes. It worked and she seemed to enjoy it.
They went along the walking tracks and boardwalks, watched and even cuddled koalas, then ruffled their noses at the eucalyptus smell on their hands afterwards. Emma and Flynn also had enjoyed the experience of seeing so many things from a child’s perspective, discovered the spectacular granite landscape and beaches at Cape Woolamai, and at sunset watched the little penguins emerge from the sea and waddle across the beach to their sand dune burrows.
At lunchtime they found a perfect picnic spot and ate the rainbow cake Emma had prepared. Well, Auntie Mary had, but Emma had only shared that secret with the birthday girl. Who was actually easy to bribe into a secret, considering she loved the present so much; pink bed linen with lots of tiny stars. How could she go wrong with that?
Nadine was exhausted, but Emma noticed her little friend did her hardest to keep her eyes open as she observed the small animals in the distance. She held on to Emma’s hand and kept saying, “Grandpa, are you taking photos?” or, “Grandpa, did you get this?” No doubt, Grandpa was busy being the designated photographer of the day.
Emma found herself a couple of times gazing at Flynn, and blushed straight away. She had no idea why, because the anger in her was growing – he had spent most of the day on the phone instead of enjoying it with his daughter. In all fairness, her grandparents and Emma had kept Nadine busy and amused, but for goodness' sake, he was her dad!
She couldn’t believe she was doing it, but for some odd reason, her feet and hands weren’t listening to her brain. She took the phone from him, hung it up, and placed it in her bag. And boy, did she feel his heavy glare on her. She couldn’t remember ever feeling such an intense rage. Even the warm hazel-brown colour of his eyes couldn’t cover the annoyance that hovered on his face.
She shrugged apologetically. “You've irritated me with this thing glued to your ear all day.”
He narrowed his eyes. “Irritated?” His voice was low and husky and it sent a shiver down her spine.
She gulped and nodded slowly.
Flynn shoved his hand through his hair, leaving it tousled. Taking a deep, slow breath, he uttered through gritted teeth, “You have no idea what I’d like to do with you.”
Emma bit her lip. “I kinda do. But I’m just hoping it does not include walking back all the way to Melbourne.” Meeting his gaze dead on, she added, “Flynn, she’s going north with your parents and–” she shrugged. “Who knows when you’re going to spend a whole day with her again. Next holidays? Christmas?”
He looked around to see Nadine and his parents still enjoying their ice cream near the kiosk. Turning his gaze back to her, he held out his hand. “Hand it back and let me at least finish that last call. I’ll quit after that.”
“Promise?” With every inch of her body trembling, she stood her ground, and her voice sounded calm.
“You’re pushing it, sweetheart,” he said under his breath.
* * *
* * *
Flynn grabbed a cold drink and went into the lounge room, where he threw himself
on the couch. He kicked off his shoes and propped his feet onto the coffee table. Taking a lengthy draw of his drink, he relaxed. It’d been a long and tiring day. Especially with Emma around. Laughing. Smiling. Looking gorgeous. The phone calls had actually been a welcome distraction to take his eyes off her – until she had taken it away from him! He couldn’t believe she had done that. A small smile escaped him. Of course, he had been angry. Initially. And then the expression in her piercing blue eyes had become worried. He knew she hadn’t meant to be a nuisance, had acted on behalf of his daughter – in some kind of way, anyway.
He leaned back and closed his eyes. Emma’s face floated in front of him. Uttering a curse, he opened his eyes and pushed himself upright. He turned towards the telly, halting when his eyes fixed on Saz’ letter.
He went over and stared at it for a while. “To Flynn, with all my love, from Saz.” He took it, went back to the couch, and slowly opened it – cursing his jittery fingers the whole time.
* * *
Where to start?
By now you’ve met our little girl. Nadine! She’s such a wonderful child and so much like you. I loved every single minute with her, and never regretted having her. She’s been my little ray of sunshine. Always seeing the bright side in things.
I don’t think there’s any use in apologising now. It’s been done and whether right or wrong, I cannot change it. Leaving wasn’t easy, but the right thing to do, even though I know you will disagree. I so much wanted to share your joy of living in Melbourne, but I wasn’t able to. I felt lonely and alone. I was young and felt guilty taking away what you had worked so hard for most of your life. I felt guilty for not feeling the same as you. But not having the baby was not an option for me.
I missed you every day. I missed you even more at nights. I missed you so much when other women were going to their baby classes with the dads, when I was sick and all alone. I missed you when I held Nadine in my arms for the first time, and when I sat home alone on her first day of kinder, and her first day of school. But most of all, I missed you when I was told I’d be saying good-bye to this world and my beautiful daughter soon. Our daughter! Our little bit of history in this world.