by Paula Kay
“You know, like we’ve switched places or something. Wasn’t it not that long ago that I was talking you down off the ledge from being all stressed out about school or whatever else you were stressing your pretty little head out about?”
“Right. And you were the one skipping classes and acing your tests without even studying for ten minutes.”
“Yep. And now you’re the one skipping—around the world or whatever it is that you’re doing over there.”
Thomas laughed, but a vision of Dylan and her kissing only moments before flashed through her mind, causing her to feel sick to her stomach. What was she doing over here?
“Well, I just want you to be happy, Thomas. And you know that we can do a better job—I can do a better job—figuring out this time thing so that we can talk more—if you need to, I mean. Just name the time and I’ll make sure to be available, even if it’s in the middle of the night.”
“Thanks, honey.”
Isabella thought it looked like he wanted to say something else. “What?”
“Oh, nothing. I just so wish that I could kiss you right now.”
“I know. Me too.” It was Thomas that she desperately wanted to kiss—only Thomas. “I better let you go now.”
“Yeah, okay. I’m really glad that we finally talked. You get a good night’s sleep and we’ll talk soon.”
Isabella nodded, trying not to cry because she was missing him so much.
“I love you, Iz.”
“I love you too, Thomas.”
She put her phone on the coffee table and rested her head back against the sofa. She was glad that she’d spoken to Thomas. It had made her feel mostly a lot better—mostly, because it also didn’t help the incredible guilt she was feeling about what had just happened with Dylan.
Why had she kissed him back? Was it just the wine that had made her act so impulsively?
She knew how she felt about Thomas—that was not going to change—but for some reason, she wasn’t handling Dylan’s affection for her in the right way. Maybe now that he knew she had a boyfriend, he’d give up altogether on any thoughts of their being more than friends. She had no reason to think otherwise. After all, she was the one responsible for not being direct with him about her relationship in the first place.
And after talking to Thomas, she felt a new resolve about the commitment she had with him. Thomas wasn’t going to leave her, and she needed to be careful not to ever give him reason to.
He didn’t need to know about the kiss. It wouldn’t do any good to tell him that.
But as she had the thought, her stomach ached. She’d always been honest with Thomas.
Chapter 18
Isabella sat in the small massage room waiting for Fai. She would have forgotten about the appointment altogether, had it not been for the reminder that she’d set on her phone. She’d woken up late and had still been feeling a bit out of sorts because of what had happened the night before with Dylan.
She was thankful for the massage appointment. Getting a Thai massage was the one thing, other than eating the great food, that everyone seemed to agree was a necessary highlight when visiting Thailand.
She heard a light knock on the door.
“Come in.”
“Good morning.”
The woman who entered the room was not more than five feet tall, if even that. She had a very slight frame, typical of most of the Thai women that Isabella had seen so far. She was older than Isabella had pictured for some reason. If she had to guess, she’d put her in her late fifties or early sixties, but she was reminded of a conversation that had taken place at the party the night before—about how gracefully Thai women seemed to age. Ann had laughed about it, telling Isabella not to be shocked when she met older Thai women who would gleefully share their age.
The small woman was smiling and offering her hand to Isabella. “You must be Isabella? I’m Fai. Great to meet you.”
Isabella returned the smile and the firm handshake. “Yes, you can call me Bella if you like. Good to meet you, Fai. I’ve heard many wonderful things about you.”
Fai’s grin grew even wider—something that Isabella would have thought impossible as it was already the fullest smile she’d ever seen.
“Oh, really? My clients—they are so wonderful. Everybody love Fai and I love everybody.
“Now, we should get you started, yes? You want ninety minutes?” Fai reached over to touch Isabella’s shoulder. “I think you need long massage. Too much stress. I can tell in your body.”
Isabella laughed, feeling instantly at ease with her. “Ninety minutes it is then.”
“Okay, great. You get on table.”
“Okay, do I need to take off my clothes, or…”
“Do you want?”
Isabella felt confused as her question came back to her.
“Oh, Thai massage—it’s okay with clothes. You put this on. Over there.” She handed Isabella some clothing and pointed toward the curtain in the corner of the room.
Isabella heard the faint sounds of what sounded like a waterfall as she pulled the light fabric over her head. She unfolded the pants, staring at them for a good minute or so as she realized she had no idea how to put them on. They were of the same fabric as the top but seemed, by the size of the waist, to be made for someone much larger than herself.
“Excuse me. Fai?”
“Yes. Are you okay in there, Bella? Do you need help with the pants?”
“Yes, I think you gave me the wrong size.” She peered around the edge of the curtain, holding the pants out in front of her.
Fai, laughed. “Can I help? You are not too modest?”
Isabella laughed too, opening the curtain to herself in her underwear.
Fai walked over to take the pants from her. “They are what you say in English fisherman pants. Very comfortable. Only one size. See?” She lifted her top up a bit so that Isabella could see the way the fabric folded and tied at the waist.
“Oh, cool.”
Fai held the pants out so that Isabella could step into them. Then she showed her how to fold first one side and then the other so that the two sides met in the middle, causing the pants to be the proper fit. Then she folded down the waist and tied it with the attached strings.
“There you are like Thai now. You like?”
Isabella moved out of the dressing area. “Yes, they feel great, actually. I’m going to have to get me a pair of them.”
“Yes, go to Saturday market. Don’t pay first price. Good deal.” Fai winked. “Now you get on the table. Back first. We start with feet.”
Fai walked across the room to turn the lights down low as Isabella lay back on the table. Fai positioned her chair at the end of the table and soon Isabella felt the pressure of her fingers on the bottoms of her feet.
“It’s okay? Good pressure?”
“Yes, it’s okay.”
“Good. You close eyes. Relax. I can fix a lot of your problems when I fix your feet.”
Isabella smiled. If only life were that simple and Fai could fix all her problems. She closed her eyes and tried to clear her mind as Fai worked on one foot and then the other. So far, her touch was really good. She’d been lucky to get the recommendation.
Before long, Fai moved from Isabella’s feet and legs to her hands and arms. Isabella was shocked at how good it felt to have her hands massaged. She didn’t think about it often, but when she was in a good writing groove her hands would often bother her from all the typing.
She’d do well to schedule as much regular massage as possible while it was so easily available to her. Dylan had said that it wasn’t uncommon at all for people there to go for massage every other day or even daily.
“Okay. Now you turn over. Time for back and neck. This will be very good for you, Bella.”
Isabella turned over and very soon after felt the pressure of Fai’s knees on the back of her legs as her hands worked on Isabella’s lower back. She stifled a laugh. It felt odd to her, but she’d alre
ady gotten a heads-up that Thai massage very much involved the body of the person giving the massage too.
“Ooh. Ow.”
“You have big knot. Let me work on it, okay? You take deep breaths.”
“Okay, but maybe a little less hard please.” Isabella did trust her and she’d had massages before, so she was aware that often the healing was worth the pain in the short term.
She felt Fai’s hands move to her neck. Isabella breathed in deeply and tried to focus her thoughts on the pain and stress leaving her body. As she relaxed more and more, she suddenly felt a huge emotional release, unlike anything she’d ever experienced in a similar situation.
As Fai’s hands worked up and down on her shoulders and across her upper back, Isabella couldn’t hold her tears back. Her instinct was to be embarrassed but just as soon as her tears were falling, Fai gently asked her to sit up while she positioned herself Indian style where Isabella’s head had been.
She placed a pillow in her lap. “Okay. Lie here. Now I will massage your head. You relax. Tears are good. Means my hands are healing you.” She winked at Isabella.
Isabella smiled and then lay down again with her head on the pillow. Fai was unlike anyone Isabella had ever met before. She sure did seem to have a gift. Isabella could feel it already—physically and emotionally.
Fai ran her fingers through Isabella’s hair, giving little tugs when she got to the ends. Isabella had stopped crying and felt the warm cloth that Fai placed across her face, wiping her cheeks and eyes gently.
“Tears are cleansing. Do you feel better, Bella?”
“I do. Thank you. I don’t even know exactly why I was crying.”
Fai finished with the cloth on Isabella’s face and began rubbing her temples in a circular motion. “Our bodies hold on to our sadness—and our worries, our fears…everything we don’t want to talk about, you know?”
Isabella nodded slightly, enjoying the sensation of Fai’s fingers pressing on her head. She could hardly believe how relaxed she was feeling.
Fai continued, her voice soothing and deliberate with her words. “I release tension in the body but also in the heart sometimes.” She placed her hand gently over Isabella’s heart, before moving both hands deliberately to her head. “And also in the head. Some people—they think too much. Maybe this is you, Bella?”
Isabella opened her eyes and grinned up at her. “That is entirely possible.”
Fai laughed and then gently pushed her up from the pillow. “Now we are finished. I will get you some tea while you change.”
“Wow, thank you so much. That felt really good.”
“You are welcome. You do good job of receiving my energy too.” She smiled and then walked toward the door. “I’ll be right back. Go change. Then we talk.”
Isabella changed back into her clothes and then Fai sat with her for a good ten minutes as she drank her tea.
“I hope I’m not keeping you from another client or anything.”
“No. I always give myself half hour in between. Because sometimes I like my client. Like you. I want to sit with them awhile. Find out things. And also rest my hands.” She laughed.
“That makes perfect sense to me.”
“Bella, can I say something to you?”
Isabella nodded, unsure why the sudden question made her feel slightly on edge.
“You are young girl. Very pretty. And I think successful. I feel in your body—in your energy—that you must quiet your mind a little bit. Maybe you worry too much.”
Isabella couldn’t help the tears. It wasn’t that she was feeling particularly bad. It was the way that Fai spoke to her so intently that seemed to touch her. It was as if the older woman knew something very deep and very wise about her.
Fai reached out, placing her hand gently on Isabella’s knee. “Maybe you just need some time to quiet your mind. I have a place I recommend to you. For meditation. A very good place for healing retreat. People go here and they come back feeling free. I think you should be free too, Bella.”
“Thank you.” Isabella was both laughing and crying at the same time. She didn’t quite know what to make of Fai and her impressions of her but she was very aware of taking it all in. She trusted her intentions, anyway.
Fai wrote down the name of the retreat center and Isabella booked another appointment with her. She left feeling both good and exhausted as she made her way down the street to find some lunch.
Chapter 19
Isabella looked down at her phone when she heard the ding of an incoming message. Rats. It was the first that she’d looked at her phone since before the massage and now she realized that she’d missed two calls from Dylan. She clicked on the incoming message to read his text that had just come in.
Bella, can you call me when you get a chance? I just want to make sure that everything is okay. And I think we should talk.
She bit into her bottom lip as she thought about how to reply to him. She so wanted to avoid him altogether—but that wasn’t fair or likely. She was sure that they’d be running into one another around town, especially since he practically lived around the corner from her.
She took a bite of her salad and just as she was constructing a reply, she noticed Dylan sitting across the room at a table by himself. At first she was completely taken aback that they happened to be lunching at the same place at the moment of his text, but then again he had told her that it was one of his favorite spots, so she supposed it wasn’t all that weird.
So, what to do? She felt incredibly awkward and mostly wanted to quietly leave out the door in the back. But just as she was calling her waiter over to ask for the bill, Dylan caught her eye and waved slightly in her direction before he got up from where he was sitting to walk toward her.
Well, that’s one way to handle things, I suppose—like a band-aid. Let’s just clear the air.
“Bella, hi. Mind if I sit down for a minute?”
“No, go ahead. Sorry, I was just about to text you. I just came from my massage so I’m only now seeing your missed calls.”
“No worries. I just wanted to clear the air—about last night. And make sure that there are no hard feelings between us.”
Isabella really did appreciate his directness. It was refreshing the way that he didn’t seem to dance around things that were on his mind. She could probably learn a thing or two from him in that regard.
“Well, I know that I don’t have any bad feelings. Not toward you anyway. Possibly toward myself maybe, but that’s for me to deal with, not you.”
“I will say that I was feeling more than a little taken aback when you told me that you had a boyfriend. I was sure that I was getting some signals from you—maybe that’s what you’re feeling bad about, but you don’t need to as far as I’m concerned. I only wish you would have told me earlier—about your boyfriend. I’m not one to mess around like that and I never would have pursued anything with you beyond friendship, had I known.”
Isabella nodded. “You’re a good guy, Dylan.”
“Well, I’ll leave it up to you but if you want to be friends, I’m all for it. And it won’t be a problem. I can promise you that.”
Isabella believed him. If things were going to be weird or awkward around Dylan, it would be because of her, not him.
“Thanks. I appreciate that. And I am really grateful for meeting you. You’ve helped to make the transition here for me so much easier. I actually can’t believe how at home I’m feeling, which is better than I ever anticipated.”
“Good, Bella. I’m glad. Now tell me, how was your massage? Did you love Fai?”
“Oh, yes I did. She’s really great and I’m definitely going back regularly.”
“Super. Well, I’m gonna run. A bunch of us are meeting at a cafe later this afternoon—for work. I can text you the address if you’re interested in joining us.”
“Sure. That would be great. Thanks.”
Dylan waved and Isabella watched him walk out to his motorbike parked in front of the
restaurant. He really did seem very easygoing, and she felt completely different about being around him than she had earlier that morning. What had happened last night really had been her fault for not mentioning Thomas to him. She sighed because she still didn’t know what had possessed her not to share that information. But she wouldn’t waste time overthinking things. If she learned anything from Fai that morning, it was that her thoughts were affecting her body and her mind, and she wanted to work on being healthier all around.
Isabella pulled out her notebook and decided to do some planning. She really needed to get a handle on the book that she’d been plotting for the past few weeks. She felt like she was in a good place to finally get it to completion while she was in Thailand. She just needed to make her writing a higher priority once again.
Her phone dinged with a message from Dylan with the address of the coffee shop. She pulled up the map on her phone to see that the cafe was only a few blocks away from her apartment. She had time to go home for a short nap and a shower. Then she’d see how she felt about going out for work.
Isabella rolled over in her bed to look at the time on her phone. Her short nap had turned into two hours, which meant that she’d forego the cafe meeting for today. She needed to break in her new workspace at the apartment anyway.
She pulled up Dylan’s text to let him know that she wasn’t coming and after she’d sent the message realized that she’d missed two texts from Thomas. She calculated New York time to be three o’clock in the morning. She wouldn’t wake him—not this time. She smiled as she read his texts to her.
I miss you, babe. Call me when you get this? Love u. xo
And then again about thirty minutes later…
Where are you? Going to bed now. Let’s talk tomorrow?
She texted him back, wanting him to see her note first thing in the morning.
So sorry I missed you. How’s the studying going? Let’s try for tomorrow. Love u. xo
It felt good to be communicating with Thomas regularly. It felt easier and harder at the same time. It felt like she’d been away from him for ages, when in reality it hadn’t even been a week yet. Had it really only been a few days since she’d touched down in Thailand?