by Paula Kay
Isabella stood up too and tried to put her arms around his neck, but he gently pushed her away.
“Iz, please. I just need to get some air—to clear my head. I’ll come back.”
“Promise?” What if he doesn’t come back? She shouldn’t have told him.
As he nodded his head in reply, he looked her in the eye for the first time since she’d told him her secret. She saw that he was holding back tears himself. She hated that she’d caused that hurt or anger or whatever it was that he was feeling toward her. She had to make him understand. He just had to forgive her.
He turned and walked away toward the path by the lake, and Isabella sat back down in her chair. She hoped that Thomas would let her explain further—that he’d listen to everything she’d learned since that night. But she had to give him his space. Thomas would make his own decisions, and she’d learn to live with them if he no longer wanted her in his life. As hard as it was, she could accept that now. But that didn’t stop the gnawing fear she had that she was about to lose her best friend and the love of her life.
Chapter 26
Isabella waited for Thomas to join her out on their balcony for breakfast. It was so peaceful there, overlooking the lake. The calm water almost seemed to taunt her, for her night had been restless and without much sleep at all.
She’d waited up for hours after dinner, hoping that Thomas would come back and want to talk. She could see him sitting out there—by the water—right before she finally crawled in bed. It was all she could do to keep from going to him, but she’d promised herself that she’d wait until he was ready.
And when he’d come in quietly, about an hour after that, she’d felt his lips light on her cheek right before he turned off the light to go to bed. She’d turned and reached up to put her hands around his neck, desperate to feel his face next to her, but he’d gently removed her hands and whispered that they’d talk in the morning. And that he loved her.
She took a sip of her coffee and tried to calm her beating heart. He’d given her the words she’d longed to hear. Thomas was good about not playing games, about not leaving her hanging. Even when they’d argue during their younger days—and they’d had days of not speaking to one another, to be sure—it was always Thomas who called late at night, right before he went to bed. “Let’s be done being mad now, Iz, okay?” he’d say and Isabella would laugh into the phone. And the next day everything would be back to normal, the past forgotten, their friendship the most important thing always when it came to petty arguments.
Isabella took a big gulp of fresh air. But this wasn’t a petty argument and there was much more to lose than when they’d been twelve years old.
Finally, when Isabella thought she couldn’t stand it another minute, she saw Thomas coming out of the bathroom, freshly shaven and looking handsome in the plush robe that had been provided by the villa. He let room service in, gesturing to the balcony as he waited to see him out again.
Once the waiter had gone, he sat across from Isabella at the table. Finally she could look into his eyes and search for the reassurance that she was desperate for.
She cleared her throat, nervous and unsure of where to begin. “Thomas, I—I don’t know exactly what to say, but I need you to know how sorry I am. I’m sorry that I hurt you and I hope we can talk about it—that I can explain a little bit more to you. I just—I think maybe I can help you to feel a little better, if that makes any sense.”
He just looked at her. He didn’t look angry or sad exactly, but his silence was unnerving. It wasn’t like him to not talk to her when something was bothering him, and it was almost as if she could see the wheels turning silently in his head with thoughts that he didn’t intend to share with her—not anytime soon, anyway.
“Thomas, please. Won’t you please tell me what you’re thinking? I know what I told you last night must have come as a shock to you, but we have to talk about it.” She was reaching for words now, desperate to get him to tell her what was on his mind. “Look, it’s certainly not like you to be jealous. Let’s not forget that we’ve known one another through several relationships in the past—or I’ve known you through several of your relationships, I should say. I know you’re not exactly the jealous type—or at least you’ve not been before.”
Isabella’s head jerked up at the sound of Thomas putting his fork down with a clatter against his plate. She saw the flash of anger across his face just before he spoke in what seemed like carefully selected words.
“Is that what you think? That I could possibly stand the thought of you being in another guy’s arms—kissing another guy the way that you kiss me? Please tell me that you see the difference here. Because if you don’t know by now how much I love you—that you’re not just another girl that I’ve been dating, Iz—well, I guess that’s what would have me more confused than anything.” He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “If you only knew…”
His voice trailed off and Isabella felt slightly shocked at his outburst, but at least they were talking now.
“If I only knew what?” She’d whispered the question and when he looked at her intently, she could see that there was a lot he wasn’t saying. She hated that she’d caused the confusion that she could see so clearly in his eyes. It was the one thing she had to convince him of—that he hadn’t been wrong to love her, to trust her.
“I dunno, Iz. I’m just so confused.” He reached over and took her hand, and she was so grateful for his touch that it was all she could do to keep from bursting into tears. He took a deep breath. “Okay, I’m listening now. Please help me to understand.”
They talked for hours out on the balcony, Isabella holding nothing back as she confessed her insecurities and the fear that she had that he would leave her eventually—that regardless of whether she was living in New York or traveling, he’d come to discover that his feelings for her weren’t as strong as what she felt for him.
And she also told Thomas everything that she’d left out earlier about her experience at the resort center—that the kiss hadn’t really been about Dylan, but more about her own reassurance and need to mask some of the feelings of loneliness that she’d been having when she first arrived. She told him the truth in that she and Dylan were friends—that they didn’t hang out alone together and that he wasn’t the bad guy in the situation. But she also told Thomas that she would stop hanging out with Dylan altogether if it made him uncomfortable.
Thomas stood up and then reached out his hands to pull Isabella from her chair. He pulled her over to him, wrapping his arms around her, as he hugged her close.
She’d been longing to be held by him, so much so that she couldn’t hold her tears back any longer. She wept into his chest and finally tilted her head back just a little so that she could look him in the eye. “Thomas, I love you so much.”
He leaned in slightly to kiss her on the forehead.
She took a breath and looked up at him again. “Please say that you can forgive me.”
He looked back at her and she thought some of the confusion had left his face—some, but maybe not all. It would probably take some time. She had to be willing to accept that and just reassure him that her words were true.
He kissed her gently on the lips. “I do forgive you. I may not agree with everything that you allowed to happen, but I do forgive you, Iz. And more importantly, I love you—more than anything—and I—I almost feel as if I owe you an apology. If I’ve ever done anything to make you doubt that—doubt my love for—”
She stopped him with her lips on his and their kiss intensified almost immediately. She looked up at him when their kiss broke. “You have nothing to apologize for. You’ve never given me a reason to doubt your feelings for me and I’m sorry that I ever did. I honestly think I’ve moved on from those old insecurities. Thomas, having you in my life has been the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I’d be so shattered if I ever lost you.” She shuddered even thinking about it, and once more he pulled her into that hug of s
ecurity that she’d known for so much of her life.
“Good thing that you’re stuck with me then.” He laughed and Isabella felt instant relief. They were going to be okay. She knew that now.
She grinned at him as he grabbed her hand, making a gesture that it was time for them to go inside for some privacy.
“So, does this mean that I still get my Christmas surprise?” She was laughing when she asked the question and Thomas laughed too, but there was something about his expression that made her wish she hadn’t joked about it.
“Oh, you’ll get something for Christmas, don’t you worry about that.” He blew her a kiss from across the room. “Now come over here on the sofa with me so that I can assure you once again of my love for you.”
She laughed at the way he’d sprawled himself across the sofa and she crossed the room, all thoughts of Christmas and Dylan and anything unrelated to being in Thomas’s arms vanishing from her mind.
Chapter 27
Isabella sipped her latte as she listened to Thomas practice his Thai. He had asked her to help him, which she found rather hysterical, considering she had mastered exactly three phrases. But she had to give him credit for trying. He had a few apps loaded on his phone, a small English-Thai dictionary in his pocket, and he always attempted to speak to the locals that they interacted with. People did seem to appreciate the effort, even though pretty much everyone there seemed to speak a fair bit of English—or at least those who came into contact with the many tourists did.
She and Thomas had been having such a great morning together. They’d returned from the retreat center the night before and after the talk they’d had there, Isabella felt that things were back to being almost normal again. Well, she felt like things were a lot better, but there was still something a little off about the way Thomas was acting—slightly more reserved than normal—but she really didn’t feel that she could say anything else about it. She just needed to give him some time.
That morning she’d taken him into the old part of town. They’d started with a walk around the moat and then a wander around the morning market, which was something that Isabella loved to do.
The first time that she’d ventured out in the early morning, she’d been mesmerized by the city waking up around her. The monks walking barefoot in the streets captivated her as she watched the locals place their gifts of food into the open bowls that they carried, followed by a blessing from the monk that she never tired of watching. It was all so completely different to anything she’d ever known back home.
When they’d chosen the cafe along a quiet street in the center of old town, she was reminded that she felt slightly nervous about running into Dylan in her own neighborhood. So far, they hadn’t, but she knew that it was just a matter of time whenever they’d go out there. But here, across town, she didn’t think there was a chance of running into anyone she knew.
No sooner had she had the thought than she looked over toward the door of the cafe to see Dylan entering. What were the chances? She felt her whole body tense. Should she not say anything and somehow try to convince Thomas that it was time to go—and out the back way, at that?
But she was never good at hiding how she was feeling. Thomas had always teased her about wearing her heart on her sleeve.
“Iz, what’s wrong? You look like you’ve just seen a ghost. As in, your face is literally drained of color. Are you okay, babe?” He reached across the table for her hand.
No, she wouldn’t not tell him. No more secrets. Only the truth from now on. She gestured toward the counter where Dylan was placing his order. He hadn’t seen her yet. There was still time to walk out through the patio.
“Dylan just walked in.”
“Oh.”
She saw his eyes go immediately to where Dylan was standing, his back still to them.
“It’s so weird, because we’re all the way across town and I’ve never heard him mention this place. Anyway, should we go, Thomas? I don’t want things to be weird or uncomfortable for you.”
“No. Not yet. Iz, actually I’d like to meet him.”
He squeezed her hand as if to assure her that it was going to be alright, but Isabella felt like she was going to throw up any minute. Before she could try to change Thomas’s mind, Dylan was walking toward them, a big smile on his face.
“Hi, Bella. Feels like it’s been forever since I’ve run into you.” He looked over at Thomas, who had stood up from the table.
“Dylan, this is Thomas. He’s here visiting for Christmas.” She turned slightly toward Thomas. “Thomas, Dylan.”
Dylan stuck his hand out to shake the one that Thomas had offered him. “Great to meet you, Thomas, and welcome to Thailand. I hope that you’ve been enjoying your time here.”
Isabella was sure that Dylan must be feeling at least a little bit uncomfortable. Thomas’s visit hadn’t come up the last time that she’d seen him out, so he was probably feeling unsure about what Thomas knew about their past encounter.
Thomas shook Dylan’s hand and remained cordial. Isabella wouldn’t have expected anything less from him, really—not without good reason. And Dylan, always the gentleman, was not going to give him a reason to dislike him—well, other than the fact that he’d shared one kiss with his girlfriend. But Thomas was a reasonable guy, and with Dylan not knowing about her boyfriend, he could hardly be faulted for a mistake that had rested completely on Isabella’s shoulders.
“Good to meet you too.” Thomas remained standing.
“Well, I’ll let you two get back to your conversation.” Dylan held up his notebook. “I’ve just come to enjoy the outdoor patio here while I do a little work.”
“Can I have a word with you, if you don’t mind?” Thomas said.
Dylan nodded and the two walked out the door to a corner of the patio.
Isabella’s heart beat rapidly as she watched them out the window. So far, the conversation didn’t look heated or anything. Knowing Thomas, he probably wanted to just put it out there that he knew about what had happened—clear the air, so to speak—and possibly to remind Dylan of what Isabella had told him about the two of them agreeing not to spend time alone together.
She let out a breath as she saw the two of them smile at one another and shake hands again, Thomas with one hand on Dylan’s shoulder in a friendly gesture before he turned to walk back into the coffee shop.
He sat down across from her, not saying anything for a full minute as he picked up his coffee and seemed to carry on with his language-learning app.
“Thomas?”
“Yeah?” He looked over at her.
“Well? Aren’t you going to tell me what that was all about? Is everything okay?”
“Sure. Everything’s fine.”
“Thomas!”
He laughed and grabbed her hand. “Okay, okay. I’m just teasing you. And hey, you do deserve at least to be teased by me for—oh, I don’t know—maybe the next five years or so.”
“Touché.” She wrinkled her nose at him. But at least he was joking about it. That had to be a good sign.
“So, I just wanted to let Dylan know that I was aware of what had happened between the two of you.”
Isabella felt his body tense as he talked about it. She knew that even though Thomas was teasing her—and she did believe that he’d forgiven her—it still probably stung for him to think about it—let alone to talk about it with Dylan.
“Oh, okay.”
“And, as much as I hate to admit it, he does seem like a good guy. He apologized and said that had he known about me, nothing would have happened.”
Isabella nodded. “Good. So that’s over, then. We won’t have to worry about any awkward run-ins.” She was ready to change the subject and guessed that Thomas would be too. “Are you finished with your studying, then? I’d really like to discuss the rest of our time together. There’s a few places that I’ve not been to yet because I thought maybe you’d enjoy them too.”
“Iz, can we talk about that later? I
mean, I know you like to plan and everything but let’s just take it one day at a time, okay?”
There was that look again. It was odd—not angry or anything, but like he was getting ready to shut down the conversation. She was trying not to be paranoid, but it sure felt like he didn’t want to be making any plans with her. Maybe he was just trying to keep things comfortable until it was time for him to fly back home. The thought horrified her.
“Okay, but will you at least give me an idea about what we’re doing for Christmas? Do you need me to plan anything? Make any reservations? Are we exchanging gifts, because if we are, I haven’t gotten you anything yet.” She laughed lightly.
“Soon. I promise. And no. Don’t worry about a gift for me. You are gift enough, my love.” He grinned.
There he was. Her sweet, goofy Thomas. But he really was driving her a little crazy with this non-planning attitude all of a sudden. “Alrighty then, whatever you say.”
“Whatever I say, huh?” Thomas raised his eyebrows, which made her laugh.
“Yeah, yeah.” She stood up from the table. “So, did you want to check out one more temple before we head back? There’s a really pretty one just down the block from here, I think.”
Thomas looked at the time on his phone. “Actually, if you don’t mind, I think I’m ready to head back. I have a few more things I need to take care of.”
“A few more secret things?” Isabella wrinkled her nose as she asked the question.
“Iz, you really don’t like when I keep anything from you, do you? Even if it’s a surprise, I mean?”
“No, I guess not. Well, not if you put it like that.”
He stood up and pulled her to him. “Iz, I think you’re going to like it—the surprise. Can you just trust me?”
She reached up to give him a quick kiss on the lips. “Yes, I do trust you. And I love you.”
“Good. Iz?”
“Yeah?”
He kissed her on the forehead before he took her hand in his. “I trust you too.”