Tollesbury Time Forever
Page 22
If there was anybody in this hall that was truly disabled, it was I - if there was anybody here that was handicapped it was none other than me. For souls are perfect and all that was before me were souls of the purest, sweetest kind.
Bang, bang, bang - do you larve me? Dar de dar - do you larve me?
And there rolling out from a corner with a bowl and a stroll was a young man who began to fill the room with his dancing and his love. I could see he wore glasses and that his jeans came down almost to the floor. And he wore a denim jacket too. And indeed, everybody did love him. His body reeled as if upon the sea, he threw his head back and at times sank to his knees. He was absolutely fantastic and I couldn’t help but grin.
Do you larve me, now that I can darnce??
Oh God I do!
When Julia whispered to me that it was Robbie, they were whispered words wasted; for Robbie danced not alone, but with my big old heart. Bam, bam, beauty, beauty - my son was making me whole.
The darkness hid my wonder and the music played on.
Julia squeezed my hand tight. I was quivering like a bubble. My wife rested her head upon my upper arm and I began to cry.
And silence.
Then darkness.
Not a sound.
Not a breath.
The moon appears in the window and gazes upon my son as he kneels upon the floor, his head bowed.
And then a song began that rooted me where I stood. It had been our wedding song. I didn't know the words then and I can barely remember them now to write on my kitchen wall, but I will try…
Oohh
There must-be-lightning burning brighter
Somewhere
Great-a-big birds
flying higher
In-a-sky so blue
I stand near Robbie now and see him clench a fist. His eyes are closed and he sways a little. Then he goes down on his knees, facing the darkness head-on.
There must-be-peaceful understanding
Sometime
Some kind of promise
That-will
Blow-away
The dubious fear
Robbie is still on his knees but his back is straight now and he stares straight ahead. My whole body tingles as I watch him.
Just wanna dream
Of-a brighter sun
Where love keeps raining on everyone
He raises his right arm in the air, his fist tight - all rigid and hard.
Tell me Dad
Oh Dad
Oh why won’t that rain come down?
And suddenly he stands, his arms by his side - and he turns in one motion to face me, his father, the man that had abandoned him.
We’re lost in the mist
With too-much pain
We’re trapped in-a-dream
Again and again
But as long as I know
My dad is near
I can survive
And-I
Can
Fly
The air is his to command. There are drums and there are strings yet they are inconsequential against the throbbing of my son’s entire being. Everybody hears it. Everybody feels it.
Deep-in-my soul
There’s a wandering
Feeling
But-I-just know
That you will,
You will come back
Someday
Over the park
We'll play us some cricket
Yeah
He is back on his knees now, both arms raised high, palms open, head up, eyes looking into mine, bringing me down to where he is.
And while I can breathe, while I can walk
While I can smile, while I can talk
While I can think, please let my dad
Come back
Right now…
And there I am now, kneeling down before my son as he kneels before me. We lean into one another as the band plays on and Elvis dreams and we all dream. The tears on both our faces are mine.
Robbie led me out into the blackness and we stood there beneath the white stars. We sat on the grass, looking off into the direction of the salt marshes, much like Zachariah Leonard and I had once done. I spoke to Robbie of FRUGALITY and of my hopes and my love for him - he spoke not a word in response. How much he could understand of what I said, I knew not. I just kept talking.
The music continued on inside, but Robbie and I preferred the cold of the evening. Time seemed to have stopped, or perhaps it no longer had any bearing or relevance. It was Tollesbury Time.
“Dad,” said Robbie at last. He spoke in a deep, hollow kind of voice as if there were no restrictions between the boom of his heart and the opening of his mouth.
“Yes,” I replied, turning to him.
“You are wonderful.”
As the moon did reach into the sky and the stars did sparkle a greeting, so Julia re-emerged into the brightening night.
“So, Simon,” said Julia, coming to sit down beside me. “Robbie says you and he have been talking?”
Robbie, seated cross legged on my other side put his hand in mine.
“Me and Dad are going to frugal up the frugals, Mum. It’s going to be great!” reported Robbie, proudly.
I just had to smile.
“Now is that so, boys?”
Robbie and I both nodded.
“Well in that case, I believe it is my duty as a wife and mother to frugal up the frugals too.”
Julia held my other hand and put her head upon my shoulder. She smelled of roses and of heaven and of sweet soul music.
“I love you, Simon Anthony,” she whispered. I could feel her soft red lips resting gently upon my ear as she spoke.
And all was well in the Tollesbury night.
Epilogue
I have not seen Simon since that day I didn’t give him his injection. Every now and then Penny gets a letter from Julia, something vague and excitable, but never any mention of them all returning. We don’t even know where they are.
Of course there was an investigation at work, a review of his care and treatment as there always is in such circumstances. I gave my evidence and then resigned before I was sacked. I still have my nursing registration so I can return if I want to; I can’t imagine I ever will.
It took me three weeks to transcribe Simon Anthony’s words from the walls to my laptop. Julia had given Mo Simon’s spare key and Mo in turn had let me have it.
I slept in a sleeping bag on Simon’s floor and got lunch from the Bakery every day. Penny knew me well enough to know this was something I had to do. Sometimes I would go to the King’s Head or the marshes, to see what Simon would see, to feel what he would have felt.
And one night, as the bells of St Mary’s church tolled, I rolled out of my sleeping bag, left the little house in East Street and went to the village square. I walked over to the village lock-up, pulled open the battered old wooden door and stepped inside. Closing the door behind me, I sat on the floor, shut my eyes and waited for something to happen…
Book 2 of the FRUGALITY Trilogy
– THE BIRD THAT NOBODY SEES –
is available for download here:
Amazon UK: The Bird That Nobody Sees
Amazon US: The Bird That Nobody Sees
6
Table of Contents
Copyright
PART ONE Most of what I say is meaningless….
Prologue
1. Whiskydrunk
2. Rage On To Me
3. Let It Be
4. The Immensity of This World
5. Weepy and Nardy
6. A Man Who Needs A Drink
7. Man of The Match And King Of The World
8. It Has Begun
9. Raggedy Fury
10. And Swiftly On
11. The Gock-Pause-Thwack
12. The Splintering of Minds
13. The Child-Killer
PART TWO …..but I say it just to reach you
14. Incident Report No: 1050491/2
&nbs
p; 15. Witness Statement
16. The Mental Health Review Tribunal (Act I)
17. The Mental Health Review Tribunal (Act II)
18. Plosh, Mooom, Plash, Aaahhh
19. Forgive Everybody Everything
20. Recognise Beauty Wherever It Be
21. Understand the Nature of Loss
22. Give Love Wherever You Go
23. Anger Devours the Soul
24. Look Deep or Do Not Look At All
25. Imagination Is Life
26. Trust Everybody For At Heart People Are Good
27. You are Wonderful
Epilogue
Other Book