Alice In Wonderhell

by catt dahman

  “That’s a common misconception, but if you have ever been encased in ice, you’d know that ice is highly painful as well. Being cold may seem better as people can fall asleep and pass on, but the feel of ice against nerves hurts terribly,” Danny said.

  “I can’t say I’d like either one,” Coral noted.

  “Remember, Satan is the father of lies. Be careful what you believe, and Danny and I can help less with advice here because it is his realm, and at this point, Alice, you must use free will and your own conscience to decide everything,” Virgil said.

  “But I need advice,” I said.

  “We can’t help. You are going to step up and make choices, and you will do what is right. Alice, you were chosen for this for a reason. You can do this. Do you think we would have chosen someone who wasn’t able to make hard decisions?”

  I squeezed Virgil’s hand in thanks. He was a mighty warrior, and he believed in me.

  “Can I have my ring?” Ellie whined.

  I ignored her.

  “Alice?”

  “Stop pestering me, Ellie,” I hissed.

  The room was cave-like, with obsidian stalagmites and stalactites that soaked up light. A pool of ice and rocks were set in the center of the room, and a beast with horns, many spidery eyes, and flapping wings struggled to emerge but was held tightly in the frozen mire. He eternally fought to be free, with no results.

  As we entered the room, the beast, Satan morphed into a human, even more handsome, hiding his multiple eyes and trying to look like the Morning Star angel that he had once been. Satan was all lies. Hiding his ugliness was a trick to make us feel more secure.

  I met him with sword in my hand. I wasn’t tricked by the change in his looks.

  “You don’t need that sword. I’m no threat.”

  “Really? If you were so great and no threat, then no one here would be in misery and suffering. Even in my world, we fear you getting loose.” I said, “I think you are a threat to everyone and everything.”

  Satan laughed charmingly, “How silly. I doubt I could get free unless…well...if you gave me that lovely ring….”

  “You can’t use it. You aren’t a mortal.”

  “I could become a mortal and leave, or I could remain a god and be free of the ice and reign here as is my right,” he said as he frowned.

  “I think I’ll keep it with me,” I said. He could do those two things, I believed. Maybe for once he was telling the truth. His threats set some ideas in motion in my head.

  He looked with longing at the ring on my hand. He wanted the iolite so badly that it was in his eyes: the desire.

  “I couldn’t tempt you with power or something fun like that?” Satan asked.

  “No,” I said, “I don’t need power, and from what we’ve seen down here, trading my soul doesn’t look like a very good deal. If you weren’t trapped in the ice, you might get more respect when you make offers…just saying….”

  Dana snickered.

  Satan sighed, “I can see that point. Well, let’s see what else might tempt you. Your friends’ slates, you might want those wiped clean of any wrong deeds?”

  “They are clean. At least Coral’s is and Dana’s. Besides, you don’t do that. You don’t have the power. They handled those things for themselves. Free will? Ring a bell?” he asked.He could turn on the charm, I noticed. It didn’t affect me.

  I looked at Cory pointedly because I didn’t say his was clean.

  Cory looked cross and said, “Just because I don’t choose to air my dirty laundry here doesn’t mean anything.”

  Satan sniffed, “I don’t smell repentance.”

  “I don’t smell your freedom,” Cory snapped at Satan.

  To the side, Belial clicked and clacked his talons at us, grinning and leering. He was enjoying this too much to attack, yet. Playing with his prey was enjoyable, and he didn’t think his side could lose. I hated the way he drooled when he glanced at me, and it was all Virgil could do to keep from cutting him to ribbons.

  I thought of him as the pervert demon.

  Astaroth lounged on a rock, picking his teeth and preening since he was a Grand Duke and thought it was nice to rule in hell as opposed to serving in Heaven. I wondered if he really thought those warts and the fleas I saw on him were worth his choice and almost laughed as I watched him scratch absently at the bites. His feathers were a little tattered, and his naked form was unimpressive.

  He was the homely demon.

  Samael, the blind demon, ignored us but moved in the shadows. Virgil had warned me of him. He was the Angel of Death, and sometimes did good deeds but was always trying to tempt the humans. He was one of the more clever of the group.

  He was the sneaky demon.

  “How’s Lilith, Samael? Keeping you busy?” Danny asked with a chuckle.

  “She’s a keeper,” Samael responded with good humor, “I sure wish you’d settle this another way and let me have at my business collecting souls and…ummm…I am so hungry for fresh souls. It would be delicious.”

  He supposedly was the one who tempted Eve and later married Lilith, Adam’s first wife who was too prideful. I didn’t understand all of that: what was true and what was legend, but he was one creepy demon with impressive horns and full, flappy wings. He was one of the trickiest of all.

  I could be cheeky and hold my own. However, I was careful not to push too hard since Danny and Virgil could barely hope to hold back one demon each, and my friends and I couldn’t hold back one demon of this strength together. They were only holding back because I had to give the gemstone away; they couldn’t just take it from me.

  “So before you head back to your world, we have business, Alice?” Satan asked.

  No lie, to have Satan speak my name left my legs like jelly. I was scared. Of everything I had seen or done, this was the most terrifying of all. Even in human form, he was terrifying, and I shivered. He was of nightmares and pure evil.

  “Gimme the ring,” Ellie demanded. Same song. Same tune.

  “Maybe, we should just feast,” Belial said. His infernal brethren giggled.

  If they chose, they could eat us all. There would be a fight, but I wouldn’t bet on my side to win. Samael alone controlled over two thousand demons.

  A light began to shine in a corner, dancing around, then blazing, and in a few seconds, the brightest light appeared and then faded.Now, we could uncover our eyes and look at who had come to visit. Danny and Virgil didn’t look surprised at all at the newcomer.

  They expected him.

  The air rippled and danced, like when Virgil took his true form, but more so. My ears ached as if my eardrums were bursting and as if all the oxygen were being sucked out of the cavern for a second; we gulped for air.A man appeared who was muscled and goldenly beautiful, who stood straight and powerful, and who had a handsome, albeit sad, golden-toned face beneath sunlight-golden, shining curls. He wore armor of pure silver over a short, soft white tunic that was trimmed in purple silk.

  Along his side, he griped a magnificent sword more than twice as heavy and as long as the one I carried, maybe three times! It was shining silver, and its hilt was garnished by an intricately wrought design of swirls and dotted with large rubies, diamonds, and emeralds. An amethyst glittered from the end, next to his hand. I don’t know how I knew, but I felt his sword might be what we call radioactive; it wouldn’t harm him, but it would the demons, and we couldn’t hold it.

  Virgil and Danny inclined their heads to the new angel.

  I didn’t know if I should curtsy or what, but I dipped down, and Dana and Cassie did the same. Coral bowed his head in a greeting. What was proper protocol when meeting a major angel, I didn’t know. I do know I met him with my jaw hanging open and with my eyes wide.

  Belial, Astaroth, and Samael hissed and spat angrily while Satan howled. They weren’t happy to see the new arrival.

  “Why did you come here, Michael?” Satan demanded. He screeched so loudly that my ears hurt again.

&nbs
p; “Because we have deals to be brokered, exchanges to be made, and justice to be served. Why else would I suffer the pain of having to come here? Only the fate of a world He loves so much would cause Him to send me here. Again,” Michael said.

  Virgil said that long ago, Michael and other good angels had beaten back the evil, prideful ones and sent them here. A third were sent crashing to the earth as Michael defended Heaven.Michael’s battle with Satan, called Lucifer then, was a long, brutal war. The planet Mars, part of the battleground where the worst of the fighting went on, was still desolate and ruined, pitted by the great falls the fighting angels took and was still forever stained with their blood. It is said Mars still has rocks that were sheared off by Michael’s sword.

  “Yeah, I was getting my second wind when he stabbed me,” Satan bragged, “I could have taken you, Michael.”

  We ignored him as Michael looked at me.

  “Alice, we of the Seraphim appreciate that you care for others and your world so much that you agreed to take on this mission which could not have been pleasant for you and your loyal friends. Your unselfishness is commendable. We were most disturbed when this disgusting being grabbed a mortal who was not meant for hell,” Michael pointed to Ellie.

  “Meh…if you knew her, you’d see why I grabbed her; she wouldn’t have passed.”

  “But you were not allowed. She had to be judged, just like everyone else,” Michael told Satan.

  “I heard she was the final one. The dead will walk the earth if she remains because hell is full at the time,” I said.

  “That is all true. One mortal less must be here so all can be set to right again. After that, there will be more than enough room for souls to come here for the next few hundred thousand years. And sadly, they will come here.”

  I thought quickly. If she, Ellie, left with us and if she were in fact doomed to hell after she died again, then maybe it would be a retrograde event? Would her soul again be one too many? Did it work that way? I don’t know theology. I would gladly stay here than subject my world and my parents to the living dead walking the earth.

  I couldn’t take that chance, could I?

  Ellie muttered I was a bitch, as I said that aloud. That answered my question. She was not a very good person; she couldn’t be allowed to waltz away when souls such as Earp’s and Holliday’s, the White Queen’s, and Cassie’s were trapped here. It wasn’t right.

  But as I said that part aloud, I handed the silver and iolite ring to Ellie. “I had a mission, but the mission wasn’t to take it upon myself to be the judge. I can’t judge you, Ellie.” She didn’t notice the ring looked a little differently.

  Dana groaned.

  Coral shook his head, understanding, but not liking my choice.

  Cory said I was an idiot.

  Ellie yipped with happiness as she slid the ring on and smiled, but the smile turned into a twisting of her mouth, and she screamed; peals of noise were a barrage we could barely stand. In the blinking of an eye, Ellie shriveled to a husk, turned to dust, and fell to the ground where frigid, wet breezes blew her corporal body-dust away. The ring fell, and I scooped it back into my hand before one of the demons could get it as Michael used his sword to keep them at bay.

  “What happened?” Dana asked, almost screaming. Cassie ducked behind Coral. I was glad I had grabbed the ring when I did, without thinking, because if I had to now, I would be too terrified to go near the pile of greasy dust.

  “Don’t fear, Cassie, you are safe,” Michael said.

  “Ellie wasn’t good, Alice, but a deal was a deal as she hadn’t been properly judged before she was grabbed and taken here. I believe she has now been judged with Michael here,” Virgil said.

  “She was bad?”

  “Very, but you were smart and used your conscience, Alice. It wasn’t your place to judge but to do as asked. I am pleased you made the right choice,” Michael told me.

  I thanked him. It was mega cool to be praised by an angel.

  “She has gone on to the proper realm for her punishment. Unless I am off in my guess, I think she may have gone to the Land of the Lepers for being a disease on society?” Michael asked.

  Samael chuckled, “Another leper…such a petty position for her, but she may have gone to the dysentery section, considering how she talked.”

  “She’ll stay here? There? She is there now? “ I asked.

  “Yes. Her body fell apart, and she is there now. If an undeserving one wears the ring, he or she falls to dust and has a new body as you have seen.”

  “Then why do you lust after my ring? You’d fall to dust, too.”

  Samael shook his head, “No, because I am a demon…that’s for mortals.”

  Satan grinned at us, “But we have the same problem, again, don’t we, Alice? One too many stuck here.”

  “She still counts?” Coral asked.

  “Yes, she does,” Satan sneered, “more than ever she does. She removes any doubt really. We could march on earth right now….”

  “It’s getting time for all of you to go, Alice,” Michael told me.

  “But….”I thought about what this meant. Dead walking free? Doc and Wyatt Earp looked at me. Coral and Dan watched me. Every eye was on me. “It’s all about math, and I was never great at math, but that’s what this is.”

  “Math?” Michael asked.

  We saw the opening back to our world. It was a hole in the wall that glowed with a brilliant blue-purple light. I sighed, “Coral, you and Dana go on. You need to return to our world where things make sense and it’s safer.”

  “What about…?” Coral began, but he knew the time to give me advice was gone. I had to be the grown up and make hard choices, now. He smiled, and I felt he was proud of me that I had grown up a little, and he was pleased.

  “And Wyatt and Doc, thank you for your help. I hope you find peace,” I told them.

  ‘Alice?” Cory spoke, “Ummm…this is going to sound really weird, but I want to stay. I know it’s crazy, but Cassie needs me here, and we make a good team, and face it, I’m coming here eventually anyway.”

  “You can’t do that. How do you know?”

  “Because I killed a man when I was thirteen and did seven years in juvenile prison. I beat him to death with my hands because he touched my sister in a sex way. The right thing to do would be to forgive maybe or to regret killing him or to be sorry I lost my temper and did it. I beat the guy with him, too, and he didn’t do anything; he was just there when I was angry. He is in a home now…drools and sits all day like a vegetable…and you know what? I’m not sorry at all.”

  I took a deep breath, “Oh Cory….”

  “Really. No regrets. I’d do it again. Maybe I’ll find the guy who did it down here and beat the shit out of him again. Maybe Cassie and I will smoke hashish and eat magic mushrooms, but I’m headed here anyway. Right, Michael?”

  Michael hung his head.

  My throat tightened with sadness.

  “Where are Pax and Annie now?” I asked.

  “Heaven.”

  “And Dinah?” I asked that as well.

  “She wasn’t born with a soul. She is…she isn’t….”

  “So she wasn’t sentenced to hell? That’s the key. One has to be sentenced here and be mortal. Someone can’t be here and remain; he has to be judged by you, Michael, and then you get their souls or Mr. Six-Eyes gets them.”

  Satan spit.

  “ Then, they can leave this place with the silver and iolite if they are mortal. And then they will have a change to live and be judged. I choose to put the ring on Dinah. Give her a soul, and bring her here; she will have a life with me. It fits the rules. She never got a soul and hasn’t lived or had a chance for judgment.”

  Michael and Satan both looked at me as if I were insane.

  “You can’t do that. She…she isn’t…well…she was….” Satan faltered.

  “I can. It follows the rules. She was condemned to be here,” I said.

  “I am the Angel of
Life and Death, and a mortal may pass through. Dinah was never given a soul, but if she had, then she is mortal and has free will and cannot be condemned to hell as she has not lived and been judged,” Michael kind of spoke to himself.

  Wyatt and Doc walked out of the cavern, and I heard murmuring. Amid some surprised voices, Astaroth lunged at Michael, but one poke with Michael’s sword and the demon whined and scooted away, his chest burned badly. From where the gunslingers had retreated, Dinah walked into the cavern, whimpering when she saw the demons. Cassie and I grabbed her quickly and soothed her fears, promising she was safe. Poor thing. The last she remembered was being mauled by a dog and not being in a cavern with devils.

  I handed Limmy to her, and although he was big in her arms, he was like a warm blanket that warmed her, and his purr calmed her at once. She held him tightly, and he seemed delighted.

  “Good call, Alice,” Danny said, his one eye winking at me, “come on, and be done. I have other missions awaiting me, you know. And you know I’m stuck here a while longer since I love my work way too much. Recall, I warned you about enjoying the work too much.” He gave Cory a small smile to let Cory know he understood; Danny was empathetic.

  I knew what Dantanian was saying to me. He was giving me his blessings for the next part. He patted his pocket and winked at me. Since Cory was staying, I had two mortals to take out, and Dinah filled one space. If I wanted to save the world, I had a second space to fill.

  “I have the other one…if the person wishes.”

  “You can’t. You used your silver ring and stone for the child. You and she will be fighting my minions when we come into your world. Ummm, Tasty,” Satan said, chuckling.

  I held something out for him to see. The ring was two bands, if you recall, and although it took some work, I separated them, sticking them back for Ellie with a bit of tar from the sole of my boot. Now, I showed them that Dinah wore one band with the iolite set into it. I had the empty band and the little sticky bit of tar, just in case.

  The other band was in my hand.

  Michael looked puzzled.