by Jane Frances
“But I don’t know what it is about Lisa,” Cathy cried. “I thought I was over it, but from the moment I saw her again I haven’t been able to get her off my mind.”
It was on the tip of Toni’s tongue to suggest maybe it was a combination of the abrupt end to their relationship and the extended period before bumping into each other again that was causing such a spike in her feelings. But she didn’t voice her thoughts. Cathy was coming to her own closure on the issue.
It seemed closure included clearing the decks. Toni mentally cheered when Cathy said maybe she should cancel the tiling job.
“If that’s what you think is best,” Toni said slowly, hoping her tone sounded casual. She knew she was being mean-minded, even irrational. The sense of competition she felt with Lisa didn’t make sense, especially since they weren’t even running in the same race, but she just couldn’t help herself.
“I think so.” Cathy wiped her eyes. “I’ll ring Monday, let them know.”
Monday was a long way away. Were it up to Toni she’d have rung first thing in the morning. But it wasn’t her decision. “Okay.”
Toni watched the clock’s display change again: 4:05. Never mind Monday, even morning seemed an eternity away, especially when time was being marked on a minute-by-minute basis.
The bedclothes rustled. Toni listened to the movements, deciding they were too prolonged for just a shift during sleep. Cathy was waking. Sure enough, soon came the swoosh of a tissue being pulled from its box, another rustle of linen, then a quiet sob.
Toni rolled over, heart wrenching as she watched Cathy in her misery. Worries of her lack of self-trust were pushed aside and she shunted across the bed, imitating Cathy’s posture so they lay curled up together like a couple of spoons.
Toni did a long arm stretch for the tissue box that sat on Cathy’s bedside table. Once it was within easy reach she cuddled back in and wrapped an arm securely around Cathy’s waist. Quite a few soggy tissues later the latest wave of tears subsided.
Another spent tissue was tossed onto the bedside table and Cathy let her arm flop over the side of the bed. “You must think I’m a real cry baby.”
“Not at all.” Toni assured. “If you think you’re bad, you should see me once I get going. Last time they started loading up the ark again.”
That raised a quiver of laughter. Toni smiled into Cathy’s hair, pleased.
“Toni?”
“Yes?” Toni decided Cathy’s hair smelled like spring.
“Do you think I’m attractive?”
The question was so unexpected it took a moment to respond. “Of course I do.” She gave Cathy’s waist a quick squeeze and said softly, “You know that.”
Cathy’s voice was small as she asked, “Why?”
Realization dawned. Cathy was feeling insecure. It was a side Toni had never seen before. In all the time she had known her, Cathy always presented as self-sufficient and strong. Toni found the vulnerability endearing. And she had no problem finding material to give the much needed ego boost.
“Well, let’s see now, where do you want me to start?” Toni shifted so her elbow was propped on the pillow and her head rested on her hand. “I think you’re about the smartest person I’ve ever met, you’ve got a great sense of humor, you’re kind and generous and you’re a great cook . . .” Toni carried on with her seemingly endless list, naming all the traits that made Cathy the person she adored. “And not to forget, Virgil gives you the stamp of approval.” She gave Cathy another squeeze. “That’s very important you know.”
“Very,” Cathy said with amusement in her tone.
Again Toni was much pleased. She rattled on, “And of course there’s the fact you’re the best looking and sexiest boss I’ve ever had.”
Toni bit on her bottom lip. She hadn’t meant for that to come out. She’d gone too far again. She was sure of it when Cathy shifted in her arms. Toni loosened her hold to allow Cathy to move away.
But she didn’t, she only turned over so she faced Toni. “Really?”
“Yes.” Toni tried for a lighthearted tone, “But you already know that too.”
Cathy didn’t answer and in the darkness of the room Toni could not define what she was thinking from her features. On impulse she moved so her head rested on the pillow instead of on her hand. She was now so close she could feel Cathy’s breath warm on her face. Still Cathy didn’t move away.
“Cathy—” Toni’s voice cracked as her conscience battled with her physiology. Cathy was exposed and vulnerable and she was supposed to be providing the solace of a friend. Whatever happened now, Cathy would be sure to regret it in the morning.
Her conscience won. Toni gave Cathy a brief, light kiss on the corner of her mouth and wriggled so there was a little more distance between them. The taste of salt from dried tears told her she had done the right thing.
It was just a shame the rest of her body screamed in protest.
The protest continued when Cathy returned Toni’s kiss with one of her own. It turned into outright mutiny as another lingered, slowly deepening as a soft tongue parted Toni’s lips to explore her mouth. Toni gasped as an insistent knee also parted her thighs. Legs entwined in Cathy’s, thoughts of rights and wrongs fled, worries of regrets in the morning disappeared and, at least for the time being, the universe outside the confines of their bed ceased to exist.
Chapter Eight
The full-length drapes shrouding the balcony from view were heavy, but they were not quite fully drawn. The resulting chink of light was bright enough to let Cathy know it was already late morning. She gingerly lifted the arm that lay over her stomach and slipped from under the covers. The movement made Toni stir.
“I’m just going to get us some coffee,” Cathy said in response to the half-asleep, “Where are you going?”
She slipped her housecoat over her shoulders, tied it loosely around her waist and left the bedroom, pulling the door behind her, but not enough so it clicked shut. Her next stop was at the bathroom down the hall. She was surprised at her reflection. It was not difficult to see she had been crying. There was still telltale puffiness around the eyes, but it certainly wasn’t the toad-like appearance she’d been expecting. Cathy splashed cool water over her face and neck. It relieved the sting of her eyes, also removed the traces of lovemaking leftover from the night before. What it didn’t remove was the feeling of renewed vigor that came from long overdue physical release. Neither did it remove the feeling of guilt that came from the fact she had taken Toni’s kindness and concern and used it for her own short-term gratification. She knew how Toni felt toward her, knew she would not turn down an advance. She had used that knowledge to fulfill her overwhelming need for reassurance that she was still okay.
The feeling of guilt endured as she made the trip from the bathroom to the kitchen. It stayed with her for the minutes that passed before she quietly pushed the bedroom door open again.
Cathy placed a tray laden with mugs, sugar, milk and a coffee plunger on the bedside table closest to Toni.
She sat on the edge of the bed. “Coffee’s up.”
In her absence Toni had moved so she lay sprawled out on her stomach. She squinted one eye open and closed it again. “What’s the time?”
Cathy pushed the plunger down as far as it would go. “Nearly ten thirty.”
Toni groaned, and Cathy smiled. She could imagine Toni did that every morning when her alarm sounded. She watched as Toni slowly came to life, stretching all limbs then turning and lifting into a sitting position. She yawned widely and raked fingers through tousled hair. As if suddenly realizing she was naked, Toni pulled at the sheet so it covered her breasts. Cathy smiled again. It was a bit late for such a display of modesty. But her amusement was short-lived; it occurred to her that Toni was as uncomfortable as she was. She now had her arms folded across her chest and was looking everywhere except at Cathy.
Long moments of silence stretched between them. Cathy busied herself pouring the coffee. She added sugar
and milk to one of the mugs and held it out.
“Thanks.” Toni held the mug to her mouth but did not drink. Cathy could tell she was hiding behind it.
“Toni,” Cathy blurted, unable to stand the silence any longer. “About last night—”
She halted mid-sentence, aware at how awful that well-worn line sounded. “Toni,” she began again. “Thank you for last night. For . . . everything.”
Toni just nodded, blowing on the steam of her coffee. Cathy was not used to this. Usually she had trouble getting Toni to shut up. Her feelings of guilt grew. No matter what anyone said, sex changed everything. “I’m sorry Toni. I feel like I’ve taken advantage of you.”
A flicker of surprise crossed Toni’s face. “I’m the one who’s sorry Cathy. I feel like I’ve taken advantage of you.”
“But I was the one who started it.”
“But I continued it.”
“But I shouldn’t have started it.”
Toni cocked her head to one side. “Did you hear me complaining?”
“Well, no.” Cathy agreed, her lips twitching up at the corners. She’d heard a lot of things last night, but nothing close to a protest.
“There you go then. We’re equally guilty.” Toni placed her mug back on the tray and folded her arms protectively across her chest again. “The big question is, where do we go from here?”
“Toni,” Cathy said as she unfolded Toni’s arms and took hold of her hands. Hard as it was she looked her square in the eye. “I love you dearly as a friend, but I’m just not ready for anything else right now.” She dropped her gaze. “I just can’t give you what you want.”
“I know that Cathy.” Toni pulled her hand from Cathy’s grasp and used it to tilt her chin so she was back to eye level. “Despite what you may think, I didn’t come down in the last shower. And after what you told me last night, I’d be very surprised if you suddenly saw me as the great love of your life.”
Cathy opened her mouth to argue but was silenced with a finger over her lips.
“Shush. I’m not finished. I just want you to know that if you need me, in any way at all, I will be there for you. No strings attached.”
“No Toni,” Cathy shook her head, fully realizing the extent of the offer. “I couldn’t do that.”
“Oh.” Toni’s shoulders slumped. “Was I that bad?”
“Oh no,” Cathy said quickly. “You were wonderful, it’s just—” she trailed away, Toni’s grin alerting she was being teased. Cathy poked her in the ribs, having discovered during the night that Toni was acutely ticklish. “You little rotter.”
“Stop it!” Toni squirmed as Cathy continued to poke. She grabbed Cathy’s wrists and wrestled her, eventually getting her pinned.
Cathy wriggled underneath Toni, feeling the unmistakable resurgence of lust. In the hours before dawn she had rediscovered the joys of having a woman on top of her, underneath her, within her. Cathy rephrased that in her mind. She had discovered the joys of having Toni on top of her, underneath her . . . Toni, her closest friend and also her employee. Cathy stopped her wriggling.
“Toni—”
“Yes?” Toni’s fringe fell onto Cathy’s face, tickling her lashes.
Words last spoken on Toni’s lounge room floor reemerged. “I don’t want to ruin our friendship.”
Toni’s lips brushed Cathy’s. Her voice husky, she said, “You won’t.”
Cathy fitted words in between the soft kisses being rained down upon her. “I don’t want you to ruin our friendship either.”
“I won’t.” Toni released Cathy’s wrists, using one hand to lift herself, the other to open the folds of Cathy’s housecoat. She settled back down, stomach to stomach, breast to breast.
“I don’t want—” Cathy’s next sentence was cut short, her mouth encased by Toni’s. She forgot what she was going to say anyway, Toni grinding her hips and her own responding in the instinctive lover’s motion.
“Uh oh, I told you she wouldn’t be happy with me.”
Cathy completed the turn into Toni’s driveway, at the same time following Toni’s gaze to the window to the left of the front door, the main bedroom window. Virgil was on the windowsill, standing on her back legs, front paws against the glass. As if knowing it was her errant servant in the car that had just pulled into her driveway, Virgil’s mouth opened in a long, very disgruntled meow.
Cathy glanced to the clock on her dashboard. “Well it is after one. She probably thinks her throat’s been cut by now.”
Toni half turned in the passenger seat. “Are you sure you won’t come in and protect me?”
Cathy laughed, “I think you can handle Virgil by yourself.”
Toni folded her arms. “You’ll be sorry when you read tomorrow’s headline, Macedonian marvel mauled by famished ferocious feline.”
Cathy laughed again, Toni well in form. “I’ll call the body baggers if you don’t appear at work on Monday.”
Her expression sobered, sensing Toni’s continued disappointment they would not be spending more of the weekend together. “I would come in and protect you,” she said gently, “But I really do have a lot to get through today.”
It wasn’t a lie; she did have a pile of errands to run. And her plans for the evening weren’t a fabrication either, they’d been in place for nearly two weeks. Her Sunday morning tennis match had only been arranged the day before, Jo calling her at work and suggesting since the forecast was for fine weather, maybe they should make the most of it. Regardless of the short notice, it was a date Cathy wanted to keep. Sunday afternoon was pegged for housework. Grazia, the woman who had been coming once a week for the last five years, was on a well-earned break in Sicily, so Cathy decided for the next six weeks she may as well do it herself. Of all her plans for the weekend, this was the sticking point, as Toni was unable to hide her offense that housework took a higher priority than she did. Cathy said it didn’t, explaining what she really needed was some time alone to digest things. “I’ll call you Sunday night,” she promised.
“Okay,” Toni nodded, brightening somewhat.
Cathy reiterated her promise to give Toni a call, then made one last attempt to convince her to hand over her suede jacket so she could get it dry-cleaned. An inspection of it while Toni was in the shower revealed a dark blotch on the lapel, testament to her tears.
“I’m taking a load of things in anyway,” she indicated to the backseat where a fortnight’s worth of dry-cleaning lay. “So it’s really no trouble.”
Toni acquiesced, shrugged out of her jacket and tossed it onto the pile.
A quick hug and kiss later and Toni was out of the car and walking up the driveway. Virgil disappeared from the window and was at Toni’s feet as soon as the front door was opened. Cathy returned Toni’s wave and watched until her beautiful friend closed the door behind her. For indeed she was a beautiful friend.
Cathy pulled out of the driveway, acknowledging that, despite the rush of affection she felt for Toni, it was still only the affection of a friend. A friend who had, for a short while anyway, managed to make her forget her current woes.
She was immediately reminded of them when she pulled up at the stop sign at the end of Toni’s street. A right turn would put her enroute to the dry-cleaners. A left turn would take her to the start of Lisa’s street. An opening in the traffic came and went as she pondered right or left. Her indicator blinked to the left, then left again. Within moments she was stopped outside Lisa’s house. It wasn’t some sixth sense that told Cathy she had the right residence, it was the tray-top utility parked in front of the garage that gave the visual clue she needed. The business name Hawthorn Tiling was emblazoned across the door.
Cathy let the engine idle in neutral as she considered her next move. During the short drive from the end of Toni’s street Cathy visualized walking confidently to Lisa and Joel’s front door and calmly announcing their tiling services would not be needed after all. Now, Cathy felt anything but confident and she reverted to her original plan
of ringing on Monday to break the news. She set her car into gear and sped off, hoping neither Lisa nor Joel had been watching from one of the windows.
This time Cathy did aim for the dry-cleaners. She spent the journey arguing with herself. By the time she arrived she had decided she was totally screwed up. Here she was, pining for a woman she could not have, while another—one she both trusted and adored—was offering herself to her. To top it off, her solution to dealing with the Lisa issue was to stick her head in the sand and hope it just went away. Which it wouldn’t. Even if she did cancel the tiling contract, Lisa would still be around. After all, she did live right behind Toni.
Swag of dry-cleaning tickets in hand, Cathy walked back to her car, deciding it was high time she grew up. She hated having her plans put awry, and she didn’t want to put the schedule of a small business awry either, so the tiling contract would stand. Who knew? Maybe she and Lisa could one day become friends. After all, it wasn’t like Cathy didn’t already have a number of straight people in her circle. And she’d already proved she could be friends with past lovers. She’d never had someone fall into both categories before, but anything was possible. As for Toni, well, she wouldn’t be happy when Cathy told her she had changed her mind again, but she was sure to get over it. And as for a future between her and Toni, well, a strong foundation of friendship certainly seemed like a good springboard to greater things.
Cathy turned over the ignition, much happier now she had made some solid decisions instead of pussyfooting around being a pain to all and sundry.
Finally finding a parking spot at the popular suburban shopping center, Cathy made a beeline for the news agency, but veered when she spied a florist on the other side of the mall. Not long after, and sure Toni would get a kick out of the flowers that would land on her doorstep sometime that evening, Cathy stood in front of the racks of greeting cards. She needed two. The first, for her nephew’s birthday, was easy to pick. Anything with a dinosaur on it was sure to be popular. She found one with not only a dinosaur print, but a microchip that made a dinosaur-like roar when the card was opened. Cathy checked the envelope was the right size for the card then set off in search of card number two.