Only You

by Cheryl Holt

  “What do you mean?”

  “You know what I mean. We previously started down this road, but we were rudely interrupted by that brigand, so we didn’t finish. Let’s finish now.”

  “You intend to…to…”

  She couldn’t complete her sentence, so he completed it for her. “Yes, we’ll consummate our agreement. Or have you been teasing me? Are you a child or a woman? You claim to be an adult. Why would you be surprised when I request you act like one?”

  “Shouldn’t the consummation come after the wedding? After we’ve spoken the vows?”

  “Usually, yes, but this is a special and perilous circumstance. How can I be positive you’ll follow through, Susan? You flirt outrageously, and you’ve tendered a very inappropriate and brazen proposal. I could go to all this trouble on your behalf, only to have you chicken out.”

  “I’m not afraid. I really want to marry you. I want the life you can provide.”

  “Then show me how anxious you are to bind yourself so there can be no reneging. You must realize—once we’ve fornicated—the ending is set in stone. Matrimony is the sole option.”

  “Yes, I realize that.”

  “So I must tell you, I will be suffering great risk and great expense while you will have to do very little at all. Shouldn’t you have to give up something?”

  He was a master at coaxing girls into bad conduct. His winning card was that he didn’t care if they relented or not. His apathy always pushed them forward.

  They were desperate for him to view them as mature and sophisticated, and Susan was no different than the rest. Plus, she was frantic to escape Edna’s clutches. Who could blame her for trying to engineer a better conclusion? Who wouldn’t flee the old bat?

  “Stand up, Susan,” he told her.

  She complied—slowly—but she complied.

  “Take off your jacket, and let down your hair.” She hesitated, and he said, “You don’t have to do it. You can sit down, we’ll finish our whiskeys, then I’ll escort you to your tent. We’ll forget this conversation ever happened.”

  “I don’t want to forget it. I want to be your wife.”

  “Then prove to me we have a deal. Prove to me we’re destined to be together.”

  Susan stared at Preston, and though there was a voice in her head warning her not to proceed, there was a much louder one telling her she could have what she sought if she obeyed his commands.

  And it wasn’t such a huge leap. When they’d gone to the ruins, she’d been prepared to engage in all sorts of decadent deeds. She simply had to take this extra step and her future would be secured.

  “Promise me we’ll elope.”

  “Yes, I promise.”

  He didn’t waver, didn’t glance away, and she couldn’t imagine him supplying insincere vows. Still though, she asked, “You’ve been a bachelor forever. Why would you alter your situation just because of me?”

  “There’s the benefit of allying myself with your family. The Colonel was such a larger-than-life character. It’s to my advantage to wed his daughter. It will significantly advance my position.”

  “Is that the only reason? Because I’m Colonel Wallace’s daughter? I must confess it’s not much of a selling point with me.”

  “No, silly. It’s not the only reason.”

  “What is it then?”

  “It’s because I get to have you in the bargain.” He clasped her hand and kissed the center of her palm. “I possess an enormous affection for you, Susan. How could I walk away from the chance to have you for my own?”

  It was the sentiment she’d secretly been hoping to hear, and she was excited that he’d offered it. Was he being earnest? He seemed to be. He was gazing at her so keenly, looking smitten and even a tad devoted. How could he feign such open regard? She didn’t think it was possible.

  “We have to share more than bland affection though. Could you ever love me?”

  “I’m certain of it, darling. I don’t at the moment, merely because we’ve recently met. If I tendered a claim of strident emotion, you’d never believe me.”

  “No, I wouldn’t.”

  “True love blossoms with time and acquaintance. After we’re married and we know one another more intimately, we’ll be the happiest couple in the land.”

  “It’s what I want,” she fervently stated. “I want to be outrageously happy.”

  “I shall dedicate myself to making it happen.”

  There was no better pledge he could have provided. Having grown up as a lonely girl who’d been abandoned by her parents, she was anxious to be the center of his world.

  Neville had adored her and would have put her on a pedestal, but she refused to be poor. Preston had money, and he had the maturity and confidence to furnish the urbane existence she craved.

  She tugged off her jacket and dropped it on the floor. Then she pulled the combs from her hair so it tumbled down. She kept her eyes locked on his, liking how avidly he assessed her.

  “Your dress,” he said, gesturing to it.

  “You’ll have to help me with the buttons.”

  “Turn around.”

  He swiftly removed the gown, her corset too, and she wouldn’t ponder the fact that he was extremely conversant with a lady’s garments, which indicated he was vastly experienced at amour.

  So what if he was? They were starting over, and he’d promised to be faithful. She would be the one he went to when his manly lusts needed assuaging.

  Much too quickly, she was wearing just her underclothes. Neville had observed her in them, so she’d reached this spot before. She’d survived it then, and she’d survive it now.

  Head high, she spun to face him. Her knees were a bit weak, and she was trembling slightly, but not that he’d notice.

  “Is this enough to suit you?” she asked.

  “For the moment. Lie down on the bed.”

  He leaned back in his chair, his arms folded over his chest, and he was grinning, giving her the impression that he was testing her. No doubt he assumed she’d have an attack of the vapors and decline to proceed.

  Well, he had another think coming. She was determined to forge her own path and pick her own spouse. If she’d been less than candid about her dowry, she didn’t care.

  The terms were very specific. Her mother had to approve of her fiancé, and Susan could only wed with Edna’s permission. She’d been honest when she’d told him Edna would never forgive them for eloping, so Susan’s dowry would never be paid to him.

  But she’d deal with that pesky problem when it needed confronting, and she had to ensnare him prior to it becoming an issue. He’d love her by then, so it wouldn’t matter. She was certain of it.

  She went to the bed and climbed up, and she stared at the ceiling of the tent. He was walking around, and she’d have liked to peek over at him, but she was afraid he might be taking off his clothes, and she wasn’t ready to witness the sight.

  The lamp was dimmed even more, and suddenly she was too nervous for words.

  “Can you blow it out so it’s dark?” she asked.

  “No. I want to see you. I want to see everything.”

  Then he was beside her. He jerked off her shoes and reached under her petticoat to untie her garters and roll down her stockings. With a few flicks of his wrists, she was attired just in her chemise and drawers.

  He stretched out on top of her, and a thousand misgivings sprang into her mind, but they were the idiotic fretting of a girl. She wasn’t a girl any longer and hadn’t been for years.

  “Are you sure, Susan?” he asked. “Once we start in, there’ll be no dissuading me.”

  “I understand, Preston.”

  “I’m incredibly eager to have you, so I won’t be able to hold back. If you grow frightened and beg me to stop, I won’t.”

  “I won’t ever beg you to stop.”

  “If you don’t like it or wish we hadn’t done it, I won’t hear any complaints.”

  “I won’t complain. I’ll be the best w
ife ever.”

  He nodded, accepting her vow, then he stunned her by saying, “I hate to be rude, but in light of what we’re about to do, I have a question.”

  “What is it?”

  “Are you still a virgin?”

  Her cheeks flamed bright red. “Yes, of course I am.”

  “Good, good. I’m glad I’ll be the first.”

  “You’ll be my only, Preston. I’ll only have you from this point on.”

  “Aren’t I lucky?”

  He smiled so sweetly that she nearly burst into tears, but she couldn’t figure out why she’d be sad. He was about to give her what she desperately required. She was very, very happy and wouldn’t moan and weep like a baby.

  To her relief, he’d removed his shirt, but he was wearing his trousers and boots, so perhaps it wouldn’t progress as rapidly as she’d feared. But her relief was short-lived. He shifted so he could yank down her drawers, and he lowered the straps on her chemise to bare her breasts.

  He fell to her bosom, sucking and playing with her nipples, and he was very rough, not appearing to notice her at all, as if he wasn’t concerned whether she was enjoying herself or not. During the occasions she’d trifled with Neville, he’d always been worried about her, and his fussing had become so annoying that she’d convinced herself it was a sign of his insecurity.

  Preston was completely wrapped up in himself and exhibiting no interest in her, and much before she was ready, he was opening his trousers. He slid onto her, his torso dropping between her legs as he gripped her thighs and widened them. He was still sucking on her nipple, and while it was very nice, he hadn’t bothered to kiss her even once.

  He could have been dallying with her or any woman, and the episode didn’t make her feel special in the least.

  Without warning, he positioned his masculine rod. She’d touched Neville’s, so she was aware of the size and shape of the peculiar appendage, but Preston’s seemed much bigger than Neville’s. As he centered himself and began to push it in, she was panicked and conflicted. She tried to wiggle away.

  “Preston?” she said.

  “What?”

  “Could we slow down?”

  “No, Susan, we’re almost there. I can’t delay another second.”

  “I’m scared.”

  “It’s perfectly normal to be frightened,” he insisted.

  “I’m not certain we should continue.”

  “I’ll have to decide for both of us.”

  “Could we talk about it?”

  A hint of aggravation flashed in his eyes, but it was quickly concealed. “I explained this to you, Susan, and I was very clear. It’s too late to back out.”

  “Yes, but I didn’t realize it would happen so fast, and you’ve paid so little attention to me. My presence doesn’t matter to you.”

  Her speech had come across as needy and childish, but it must have been persuasive, because he muttered, “I keep forgetting how young you are.”

  “I’m not that young. I’m twenty.”

  “But you’re much younger than I am, so listen to me. It matters very much that you’re here. You’re about to be my bride, remember? How could I not be excited to have you with me?”

  It was all he had to say. He pushed with his hips again, indicating the conversation was over.

  “No crying out, all right?” he murmured. “This may hurt, so let’s not alert the whole camp to what we’re doing.”

  With that, he clamped a palm over her mouth to silence her, then he gave a particularly fierce shove. And…

  She was fully impaled. He held himself very still, as if reveling in what he’d accomplished.

  As to herself, she took stock of her condition, thinking the coupling hadn’t been nearly as painful as she’d assumed it would be. It was odd to have him inside her, but other than that change, she didn’t note any differences. She was just the same. Where was the earth-shattering moment that was supposed to occur when her maidenhead was surrendered? For some reason, it hadn’t arrived.

  “I have to finish it,” he mumbled, sounding as if he was in agony.

  He flexed himself into her over and over, while she lay beneath him and wondered how long it would last. After quite a lengthy interval, he halted, growled low in his throat, then collapsed onto her.

  They dawdled for several minutes, their hearts racing, their pulses gradually slowing. Finally, he chuckled and pulled away. He flopped onto his back, and he was preening, proud of what he’d perpetrated, while she’d never felt more alone.

  Was this how it would always go? At school, some of her friends had claimed the marital act could be very stirring and romantic, while others had claimed it was a tedious duty that never got any better. She was suddenly positive that the second group had been correct. It would be a tedious duty, but if it brought her what she required, how could it signify?

  He glanced over at her. “What’s your opinion, darling? Was it anything like you expected?”

  “No. I thought it would be…” Her voice trailed off. “I guess I had no idea how it would be.”

  “No girl can truly know.”

  “Did I do it properly?”

  “Oh, yes. You were fine.”

  He sat up and lit a cheroot. He balanced on the edge of the bed, smoking and staring out the tiny window that had been tied open. It dawned on her that he wasn’t a very demonstrative person, and she would have to lower her standards as to what might be possible between them.

  “What now?” she eventually asked.

  “We do it again.”

  “Again?” At the notion, she was slightly aghast. “We have to do it more than once?”

  “We can keep on all night if I’m in the mood, and I’m absolutely in the mood. There are numerous deeds I have to teach you so you can practice them.”

  “I’ll always work hard to please you.”

  “You will please me, Susan.” He crushed out his cheroot, then he leaned over and kissed her. Finally! “Don’t look so glum. The first time is the worst.”

  “It wasn’t bad. I’m merely a tad overwhelmed.”

  “It’s like riding a horse. The more often you get in the saddle, the less repulsive it is.”

  “I’m sure the next time will be grand.”

  “And don’t forget: You’re free of your mother. Free forever. That’s worth a smile, isn’t it?”

  “Yes, that’s definitely worth a smile.”

  She grinned, having temporarily neglected to focus on why she’d put the whole endeavor in motion. He grinned too and rolled onto the mattress, appearing blatantly eager to try it again already. She braced herself and wrapped her arms around his neck.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  You were walking with Mr. Grey.”

  Theo peered over at Susan and said, “Yes, after supper. What of it?”

  “What if Mother had seen you?”

  “Then I’d have had to sit through another scolding in a long line of what has to be a thousand scoldings from her.”

  “Is he courting you?”

  “Mr. Grey? Courting me?”

  Theo laughed, and she had to laugh, or she might break down and weep.

  She’d let herself become smitten, so she was courting catastrophe. She’d once told Soloman—should she be caught in another compromising situation—her father would lock her away in a convent or an asylum. Fathers did that to their recalcitrant, disobedient daughters all the time.

  She was in Egypt to improve herself, to calm herself and reflect on why she must never repeat her transgression. But then she’d met Soloman Grey, and despite the dangers, she couldn’t force herself to behave.

  She’d had such a sheltered upbringing before going to London that she’d never learned what other females seemed to instinctually know. Passion was addicting. Desire was amazing and exhilarating. She was desperate to be alone with him again, desperate to have him demonstrate more of the illicit conduct on which he thrived.

  “No,” she firmly stated. “Mr. Grey
is not courting me. He’s a confirmed bachelor.”

  “If he changed his mind and decided he’d like to wed, would you be interested?”

  “I doubt it. He’s had a hard life, and he’s been on his own forever. It would be difficult to wedge myself into his world in a way that didn’t infuriate him.”

  “He’s very handsome,” Susan said.

  “He definitely is.”

  “And very manly.”

  “He’s that too.”

  Susan smirked. “You don’t sound like an unbiased party. I predict—if he proposed—you’d leap at the chance to accept.”

  Theo sighed. “Don’t pester me about it. You make me remember why I was banished to Egypt. Considering my trouble in London, I’ll likely never marry, and it saddens me.”

  “You don’t believe any man will ever want you?”

  “No, I don’t.”

  “Scandals fade, Theo.”

  “Some scandals don’t. Look at Mr. Grey’s. It’s been a decade and people still talk about it constantly.”

  “Hopefully, you’ll be luckier than he was.”

  “How will I be?”

  “You were just in the wrong dark parlor. You didn’t kill anybody.”

  “He didn’t kill anybody either.”

  “He discussed it with you? You’ve grown that close?”

  “No.” Theo waved away the notion. “He simply mentioned it once. I told him why I was in Egypt, because I felt we had our disgraceful pasts in common, and he explained how some gossip never dies down—even when it’s completely false.”

  Theo spun away and stared up at the stars. They were at the bathing pools Cedric Webster had constructed near the river. He’d dug several small ponds and had devised a clever set of canals and pumps that pushed fresh water through them. He’d invited them to use the spot whenever they liked, and in light of how hot it was in the day, and how Theo sweated in her heavy British garments, the pond should have been a welcome treat.

  But after her almost drowning in the Nile, she was wary of moving much beyond the sandy shore. The pool they’d chosen was the most secluded, with dense foliage shielding them from passersby. It was about ten feet across, with a pretty waterfall trickling at the far end.