My Today

by HJ Bellus

  This whipped cream canister must make it to my bedroom one day. As I was fantasizing about the canister, whipped cream and my Beast, a wet rag slapped me across the face snapping me back to reality.

  “Jesus Christ, Lacey! How many times do I have to tell you not to cuss around the customers? I really didn’t think you were that dumb,” Milly spit out while trying to keep a straight face.

  I knew that I pissed her off using foul language in the shop, but I did it just to get her titties all knickered up.

  I shot some cream at her and said, “Chill the fuck out! You know I love you. Now get my coffee made, biotch, and do it with a smile.”

  “You’re impossible! You know it, Lacey. Completely impossible,” Milly said as she went to work on my favorite mocha. The Banana Split Mocha…that shit was amazeballs.

  “Settle down, whizzle tits! I promise, I will try super hard to control calling you biotch in public, you bitoch.”

  “You two sound like two little snot-nosed brats,” Willow added.

  Oh! Poor Willow will never know when to stay out of it. She was now the object of Milly’s and my harassment. With just one quick glance Milly knew what we had to do. Armed with the whipped cream canister and Milly posed with the wet rag, we attacked.

  That dirty little biotch fought back hard, throwing lemon bars at us! Within minutes, we were all on the ground laying shoulder to shoulder, belly laughing at the ridiculous scene we had created. It never was civilized with the three of us.

  “PMP,” declared Milly.

  “Your lemon bars, really Willow?” I hissed out as I licked chunks of lemon bars off of Milly’s bare shoulder.

  Willow’s lemon bars were totally orgasmic, life-altering and the best fucking dessert that has ever graced my taste buds. I’d lick the shit up off the street. They were my absolute favorite.

  “Ok, since you are all here, I have a favor to ask,” Milly said.

  “No, we are not going to find an elevator for you and my brother to shag in,” Willow retorted.

  Willow was always being scarred by the thought of her brother and Milly. Well actually, it wasn’t even the thought. Milly and Cree had been caught several times shagging, licking and kissing all over the farm.

  “Wills, you are way behind the times. I’ve checked that off my bucket list thingy last month when Cree and I went to Denver,” Milly said giggling.

  “WTF Milly? Spill the details now!” I practically shouted as pieces of lemon bars spewed up into the air. Yep, I was making it rain lemon bars.

  “You’ll get the details if you guys go to a frame party with me,” Milly said.

  “A frame party?” Willow and I said unison as we stared at her quizzically.

  “Yes, a frame party.”

  “What gives?” I demanded.

  “Well you all know Kimmy? The bleach blonde bimbo that wants to bang Cree,” Milly offered.

  “You mean the Booster President,” Willow said in a very mocking voice.

  It was well known that Kimmy was very proud of two things. Her big fake boobies and the fact that she was the local booster club president.

  “Really? You want to go to Barbed Wire’s frame party?” I asked.

  We liked to call her Barbed Wire because she was a little rough and a downright rotten woman, so Barb Wire just stuck.

  “Yes, I want to go to her party and buy the bitch out! I want to flaunt my wedding ring, Cree’s truck and my real boobies to that nasty woman. But I need my girls.”

  Milly was basically pleading with us and feeding me broken lemon bars from the floor as she talked.

  “Milly, you know damn-well whatever frames she is selling, you could make them, and even better at that,” Willow said.

  “I know, but I feel like being catty and bitchy…what’d ya say girls?”

  “When and where, sista?” I said.

  We would be there for Milly. There was no way we could leave her hanging. The three of us were like the sisterhood of exquisite misfits, and would always be there for each other no matter how fucked-up the situation was. A frame party at Kimmy’s was pretty high on the list of fucked-up. Milly didn’t have a mean bone in her body, so this would be interesting, to say the least. She would probably end up feeling bad for Kimmy’s poorly decorated house and offer to redecorate it for her.

  “Tomorrow night at seven. Cree will stay home with the kids.”

  “How much does he charge to babysit? I need to find a sitter for Tripp.”

  We all started laughing at my request. Deep down, it was the truth because my gorgeous Beast won’t know what to do with himself.

  “By the way, where the fuck is my mocha, biotch?”

  ***

  “I can’t believe your dumbass is dragging our dumbasses to a shittin’ frame party,” I hissed as we cruised into town in my Jeep.

  “I’m fucking excited. I even brought cash to buy that shit out,” Milly exclaimed.

  “We need shots before we go,” demanded Willow. Milly was more than thrilled at this prospect because she could actually drink. Her milking booby things were all infected from some kind of moldy shit or something like that. I really try to not pay attention to her mammary milking production line. All I know is that she was very upset about it and was trying to get everything healed up.

  I didn’t need any extra reinforcement to navigate my Jeep towards the local watering hole. 57’ Chevies were our signature shots for ladies night out. Phil, the bartender, already had our pitcher going when we walked in the front door. Yep, I said pitcher! We always ordered a pitcher and three shot glasses. The old codger saw us coming. He was a smart one, sly as a damn fox too. We slammed two pitchers of the fruity flavored goodness before we decided to set sail again.

  I jumped up out of my seat ready to hit this shit, and the only thing I hit was the fucking hardwood floor. Those drinks really snuck up on ya and took your ass for a crazy ride. Willow toppled over me and we formed a boneless heap of giggles. Milly didn’t dare move from her seat instead, she just pointed and laughed her ass off.

  “Willow, get off of me. We have a goddamn epic frame party to go to,” I said, between fits of giggles and pissing myself.

  “C’mon ladies,” came a deep, familiar voice.

  I knew that deep, sexy voice and the beautiful face it belonged to. It was my Beast. All I could do was giggle up at my masterpiece. Greyson pulled Willow up from the floor and then Tripp grabbed me. Willow tried walking without Greyson’s help. She was adamantly refusing his help or touch. I wasn’t too damn proud. I leapt up into Tripp’s arms and strong chest, and settled in for the ride. An intelligent person would have been worried about wiping out on the hardwood floor for the second time, but not me. Caution to the wind, baby! I was his Outlaw Princess, and he was my Beast.

  “Load your asses up,” Tripp hollered back to Milly and Willow.

  “Tripp! The partaaay. I have to go,” slurred Milly.

  “Oh, you are going. You just aren’t driving.”

  “How’d ya…,” I tried to get out, but the smell of Tripp, and the alcohol buzzing around in my veins, made it hard to speak. All I could think of was sniffing the crook of his neck.

  All I wanted was him, not a frame party. My hips instantly started to press up and down on his groin area as he packed me, and I started to nibble on his ear after my nose got its fill.

  “Behave, Lace,” Tripp warned me.

  He knew better. My stubborn, horny self wanted him and I was going to get it. Tripp opened the passenger door of the Jeep and placed me on the seat. Greyson was still trying to get Milly and Willow to the Jeep. Willow was refusing Greyson’s help, and Milly could barely stand, so he would be a while helping those two douche canoes.

  I wrapped my legs around Tripp’s waist and sunk my heels into his ass before he could back up. My hand went down to his already hardened erection. I knew it! The douchebag wanted me too.

  “Lace stop,” he hissed out as I snuck my hand into his workout shorts finding him nic
e and ready for me.

  I gripped it and started to gingerly work him in my hand. I could have him blowing his load in a matter of minutes.

  “Tripp, I need you. Let me have you,” I pleaded.

  “You’re wasted. Behave,” Tripp whimpered out as I continued to stroke him.

  I released my legs from his waist and pushed back on his chest. Which made him stumble back just enough for me to go down on him. I was right. It only took minutes before he let go in my mouth. Enjoying every last drop of his release was the best sensation in the world. When I rose up to meet his eyes, he was all smiles.

  “You love your dirty little Princess, don’t ya?”

  “Yes, I love my dirty little Princess,” Tripp said, as he placed a kiss on my lips.

  We heard the drunken twatts approaching, and Tripp tried to pull away. I wouldn’t let him. I needed his touch every minute of every day. He was now my drug.

  “Greyson, follow me in the truck,” Tripp instructed.

  I made Willow and Milly crawl in the back of the Jeep and I rode shotgun. Milly was still giggling uncontrollably. The girl really couldn’t hold her alcohol. Willow was pissed and I really had no clue what had set her off.

  “So, Tripp,” Milly blurted out.

  “So, Milly,” Tripp replied in his best taunting tone.

  “Lacey says that you give the best oral ever, and that you have this little finger trick where you…”

  Yes, this is the moment that Milly Fitzpatrick horrified and embarrassed the ever living shit out of me.

  I whirled around in my seat and yelled, “Milly, shut up now!”

  “What? Lacey, you’re always bragging about your spontaneous doub-lay orgasms. I just want him to teach Cree, that’s all,” Milly finished.

  Tripp was shaking his head back and forth, and I could see the outline of his shoulders shaking with silent laughter. I could not fucking believe that Milly just asked Tripp to teach Cree some sex tricks. I’m going to kick her in the goddamn biscuit when we get out of the Jeep. My face was flushed crimson with embarrassment, and Tripp had the audacity to reach over and grab my leg and shoot me a sexy little wink. He was so getting cut off for at least a good twelve hours.

  “So what’da ya say, ol’ Beast? Will you teach my man to give me spontaneous doub-lay orgasms?” The drunk little shit wasn’t giving up. I was ready for her to get down on her knees and beg.

  “No! You picked the wrong cousin. You’re not getting any taste of the doub-lay orgasms,” I told her with my fiercest voice.

  The whole car was laughing from the crazy conversation started by the very sloshed Milly, and I could only imagine what this damn frame party had in store for us.

  “Fine! I’ll settle for the single orgasm,” Milly said as she crossed her arms and started to pout.

  “Which, don’t get me wrong, are very life-altering and delicious.”

  “Well, maybe someone can teach Greyson how to give a freakin’ orgasm without him blowing his load in the first fifteen seconds,” Willow blurted out.

  And that made the whole load of us fall silent. Where in the hell did that come from? Willow and Greyson? Obviously, something was very wrong. And for a moment, I saw the realization dawn spread across Willow and Milly’s face that Tripp was in the Jeep with us. The poor guy just heard more than he ever wanted to from his cousin. I noticed his white knuckle grip on the steering wheel, and could tell he was hurting for his cousin, Willow. I do believe our drunkenness was wearing off of all of us.

  I decided to lighten the mood, “Well, Tripp’s finger trick is something worthy of the Guinness Book of World Records, but so is his small dick.”

  The girls roared with laughter, and thoughts of Greyson flew out of the Jeep with the breeze of the night. Milly took this moment to proudly advertise the length and width of Cree. She went into so much detail that I practically felt like I knew Cree’s member. Tripp tried stopping her several times, protesting that he didn’t need to know this information.

  At one point, he leaned over to me and whispered, “I remember my small dick choking you just a few moments ago.”

  I grabbed his hand and placed a kiss on his cheek, “Thanks for taking one for the team, baby.”

  Tripp lectured us like we were five-year olds going to a sleepover. He made it very clear that he would not bail us out of jail, and to play nice with Kimmy. He went on for about five minutes before Greyson started blaring on the horn. He told me he would leave the keys with me, but I wasn’t supposed to take another drink of alcohol. He even made me pinky promise him.

  We finally made our way into Kimmy’s elaborate home. It was landscaped perfectly and decorated with a fine touch, if you were into that kind of shit. Which, clearly I wasn’t. Milly strutted in like she owned the place, and she even made a point to call Cree during the party and ask him a color preference on a frame. She went on giggling and talking on the phone and telling him to knock it off. The girl was putting on a superb show for Kimmy and I’m pretty sure Kimmy, was getting the picture. Milly ended the conversation with, “Cree you’re not sticking it there again, got it?”

  I was drinking ice tea at that point and spewed it all over the front of me, covering the gourmet appetizers that filled the island. Oh, the appetizers were fucking disgusting. Typical gourmet shit. I didn’t even touch them and neither did Willow. Milly nibbled on some while explaining how to make each one taste better.

  She even shared the one time that Cree fixed her bacon wrapped jalapeño poppers, then ate them off her stomach. After cementing the fact that Cree was hers, and that Kimmy better never even look cross-eyed at him again, all the while buying six hundred dollars’ worth of frames that she could have fucking made herself, we said our good-byes.

  As we were loading up the colorful oversized frames, I heard my cell phone chirp. I knew that chirp belonged to my Beast.

  Tripp: Are you behaving?

  Me: No…drunk...in jail...getting banged by Bertha

  Tripp: Smartass

  Me: Ass-smart

  Tripp: I can still feel you on me

  Me: I can still taste you

  Tripp: Hurry home…

  Me: Y

  Tripp: Really?

  Me: Details

  Tripp: spontaneous doub-lay orgasms…I believe they are called

  Me: gotta grab dinner then a date with my small dicked Beast

  Tripp: You are gonna get it in the ASS!

  “I’m fucking starving. Let’s hit up Jackson’s,” Willow said.

  “I’m in,” agreed Milly.

  We waltzed into Jackson’ gas station, starving and thirsty, and really looking to get into some trouble of our own.

  “I’m double dogging this shit,” I said as I nestled two hotdogs into one bun and started dousing them with ketchup, pickles and onions.

  “That’s disgusting,” Milly said.

  I just piled on the onions and pickles and replied, “I’m pretty sure my stomach has a sliver in it from rubbing up against my backbone, so back off bitch.”

  We sat in the Jeep and inhaled our food. The only thing left of my food was the hot dog boat and a piece of bun. I was completely satisfied and ready to go home to my man.

  Not ready for the night to be over with, Milly said, “Let’s go toilet paper Cody’s house.”

  “Not a good idea,” I said.

  There was no way in hell I was taking Milly to toilet paper Cree’s archrival, Cody Malone. Willow joined in on the begging and, before I knew it, the two ho-bags had me driving down Cody’s lane. This evil man used to be Cree’s best friend before he screwed Cree’s girlfriend, and insulted Milly.

  Armed with twenty-four rolls of toilet paper, Willow and a wild and crazy-ass Milly, we crept down Cody's lane with the Jeep's lights turned off. This was a recipe just begging to get ugly. All three of us climbed out of the Jeep and started tossing toilet paper. It was arching in all sorts of directions creating rainbows of streaming toilet paper shooting in all directions, making a beaut
iful white mess.

  Willow went to fling some toilet paper and let go of the whole roll, sending it flying into the backyard. Milly busied herself tying toilet paper bows on the mailbox and tree trunks. The girl was forever beautifying things. We grabbed forks and ‘forked’ his yard, leaving behind the words “Jack Wagon”. We jumped in the Jeep, admiring our work that the moonlight shined down on, and I grabbed my empty hotdog carton and tossed it out in the front yard.

  "Lacey, that's littering. Pick it up!" Milly demanded.

  "We just toilet papered his damn house, and you’re worried about littering?"

  “Leaving the hotdog carton is just not right. What if they run DNA on your left over bun and they find out it’s us?”

  “For the love of God!” I laughed until it hurt, with gigantic tears running down my face.

  Milly knew that I had no problem leaving my trash on Cody’s yard, so she burst out of the Jeep to pick it up herself. She really was too good of a person.

  “Now, let’s roll bitches. I have a spontaneous doub-lay orgasm waiting for me at home.”

  I dumped Willow and Milly off at the main house and hauled ass to Tripp’s little cabin. He had been sending me obscene texts all night long, with a couple naughty pics. My eyes knew just how ready my Beast was for me. All the lights were off in his little cabin. Strange. I hope he hadn’t fallen asleep.

  Waltzing into the cabin, I spotted him in his bed waiting for me. Oh, he was awake, wide awake for that matter. He had several candles lit up all around the room and was lying in the middle of his bed in his black gym shorts, bare chested. Tripp was simply delicious from head to toe; even the man’s feet fucking turned me on. His large, muscular frame easily filled the bed. The ass had his gym shorts riding dangerously low on his hips, so low that I could make out the top of his pubic bone. He had his right hand slid down the front of his short in his favorite resting position. His sexy “V” was pointing the way and showing me just how excited he was to see me. He was so not small, and I had a feeling he was going to punish me for calling him that. My feet were frozen in place as my eyes soaked in the perfection in front of me.