“So?” I’m nervous for her reaction.
“Holy fuck balls! I swear you’d make me bat for the other team by how hot you look.” Her eyes widen.
“Thanks,” I say, blushing. Oh man, this is real. I’m going to a gala as Ethan’s date. Fuck me; it’s going to be hard for me, too. Ethan is, well he was, everything I ever wanted. Being near him drives me crazy. I’m not sure I’m prepared to be by his side all night being introduced as his date and meeting this side of him, a side I never got to know.
I haven’t seen him in his professional environment, and I have a feeling he’s just as good and as charming as he is at everything else. I already feel heat rise, imagining him in his tux, relaxed, and holding me close to him. Focus!
Katie looks gorgeous as ever in a black lace gown with a sweetheart neckline. It shows off her form beautifully and flares at the end.
“You look amazing,” I tell her, admiring the delicate lace on her dress.
“Why, thank you, dawling,” she drawls.
Somebody knocks on the door, and we look at each other and giggle. It’s probably Tristan. He had told Katie he would be by to pick her up a little earlier. Being an employee at Connell Energy, he wanted to make sure they were punctual.
Katie walks to the door smiling. I swear if I didn’t know any better, I’d think she was smitten with the guy. I follow behind her, curious to get a glimpse of the guy who actually managed to make her look so giddy.
When she opens the door, a tall, handsome man leans in giving her a sweet kiss on the cheek. He’s the embodiment of tall, dark and handsome. I hear him say how beautiful she looks, and then he notices me.
“Hi, you must be Ava,” he says stepping into the apartment and closing the door behind him.
“Yes. It’s nice to meet you, Tristan.” I extend my hand to shake his.
“Likewise. I hear you’ll be going to the gala with Ethan. That’s great. I’ve worked closely with him on this project.” He gives me a genuine smile, and I like him instantly.
I can’t help but admire him. He’s hot. Like model hot. Katie’s an idiot if she doesn’t go for him, well, more than just a taste here and there when she feels like it.
His hair is brushed to the side imperfectly, a longer cut that would normally be tousled. He has deep brown eyes and a sexy as hell grin, a cross between boyish and bad boy. He also looks at her with adoration. I don’t care what either says about not wanting a commitment, there are obviously sparks between them. I’m going to have to knock some serious sense into Katie if she lets him get away.
“Are you ready to go?” He asks Katie.
“Yes. I’ll see you there, Ava.” She winks.
“Bye,” I say as they leave me alone to let the butterflies in my stomach fly rampant. Ethan will be here any minute, and I can’t control the nerves and nausea I feel. It’s not like it’s the first event we go to together, but I’ve been gone for so long and things ended so horribly wrong. What will it feel like to be by his side again? What will it feel like to not be able to reach out to him? To trust him? He was my rock. He was the one thing in my life I always knew was real and now, now he’s a stranger.
Yes, a stranger because I don’t know him anymore. He’s changed. For God’s sake, he has a tattoo I know nothing about. He has a job I know nothing about. What else have I missed? As I’m deep in thought, I’m startled by a knock on the door. I jump up and take a deep breath. Let’s do this.
I walk to the door grabbing my purse on the way. Here goes nothing.
“Hi,” I say admiring the person in front of me. Ethan is dressed in a tux, looking as hot as ever, smiling as he shows off his deep dimples. I feel desire rise all over me and encompass my entire body.
His emerald eyes look at me tenderly. At this moment, staring into his eyes, ready to leave with him for the night, I want to forget everything that happened two and a half years ago and give into this moment. Sometimes, life’s a bitch.
“Hi. You look beautiful.” His green eyes sparkle. He hands me a beautiful single pink rose, and I smell the sweet fragrance it hosts. He knows how to woo me.
As we walk to the car I notice a driver sitting in the front seat. “You hired a driver?”
“Yes, like this, we can relax and enjoy ourselves.”
“Thank you. That was thoughtful,” I say, surprised at how well he planned this out. It reminds me of the time he picked me up for my 21st birthday in a limo. Except that time, I didn’t want to reach our destination. I wanted to stay locked up with him in that back seat.
Talking to him now, about work, his mom, and reminiscing about that trip to Vail, have me nostalgic. They are memories I try to file away deep in the darkness of my conscious. How does he not understand that I want to forget?
Now, I’m just staring out the window, thinking about his apology and trying to keep my emotions in check. I want to scream at him, hug him and hit him all at the same time. I want to understand his pain, but I can’t let go of my own. I can understand that it was hard for him to be by my side, but I was the one fighting to survive. He was my light at the end of this horrid nightmare that wouldn’t end. A nightmare that got darker and darker as the days passed, and promises of surviving were slimming.
∞
The gala is absolutely gorgeous. We walked into the cocktail lounge just outside the ballroom; with dim lighting, candles all throughout warming the space, sheer fabric draped from the roof and lounge furniture for people to sit and socialize on.
We’ve met Dan and Jess in the cocktail lounge. Dan is the same, as always. He never changes, nor loses his kind and fun personality. His greeting caught me off guard, but I’m delighted that he hasn’t changed towards me after so many years. Jess seems like a really nice person. I’m happy Dan has met someone whom he really loves. With just one look, you can clearly see how much they love each other.
I can’t help but notice Ethan’s demeanor as we are speaking now with them. He is distant with a faraway look and has barely interacted.
“Would you like a drink, Ava?” He asks me, breaking the conversation.
“Champagne will be fine,” I say, looking at him with suspicion. Something is up with him.
“Moet?” He asks, smiling.
“That would be perfect, thank you.” I nod gratefully.
“I’ll be right back. Dan come with me to get drinks.” He pulls Dan from the conversation, and the two of them walk away, Dan oblivious to the tension.
“I really would love to see your photographs. I hope you don’t mind me asking to see them,” Jess says as I’m watching Ethan and Dan walk away towards the bar across the lounge.
I turn my attention back to her. “Of course not. I really would love to show them to you. We can get together soon. Let me know when you’re free.” I smile sweetly.
“Fabulous. I’m a teacher, and spring break is coming up. Maybe we can get together then. I’ve been swamped these past few weeks with grading exams before the break.” She sighs.
“Sounds like a date. That way, I have a chance to settle into this new routine as well. How long have you been teaching?”
“This is my third year. I love it. And working with the kids gives me practice to handle Dan.” She winks and laughs.
I throw my head back in laughter. I know exactly what she means. Dan is like a big child. He has a heart of gold, but he definitely can be an ass sometimes. I really do like her. It seems Dan finally found someone to challenge him.
I glimpse over to the bar and catch Ethan watching me. He’s waiting to be served. I smile at him and look back at Jess to continue our conversation.
“He’s crazy about you. I know you may think I’m saying this because he’s one of my best friends and I’m dating Dan, but all I’ve ever heard since I met him was about Ava, the one he let go. You’re his one regret in life. I’ve known him for two years and I’ve never seen him this happy. You can’t fake that kind of happiness.
“He’s made poor choices, but they’ve
been a way to punish himself for what he did to you. There was always a spark missing from him that I knew existed but hadn’t seen yet. Ever since you got back, that spark is there. He’s living life with a purpose, and you’re that purpose.” Jess catches me off guard with her honesty. I’m struggling to hold back the waterworks threatening to spill over. One of her best friends? She must know everything then. I’m happy he at least had someone with sense by his side keeping him out of trouble.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to get you emotional,” she apologizes.
“No, no. It’s okay. It’s just been hard being back in Chicago. I’ve been reliving a lot of memories, and Ethan is a big part of them.” I shrug.
“I can imagine–”
“You can imagine what?” Ethan says, interrupting her mid sentence and hands me a glass of champagne. He then places his hand on my lower back, and I feel chills rise throughout my body and heat spread everywhere. Such a simple gesture but so intense.
Having him so close, touching me, has me wet and wanting. After hearing what Jess had to say, I feel even more torn between letting go and giving in or keeping him distant for fear of abandoning me again. I can only break so much. I almost lost myself once and fought to stay alive, but I didn’t fight for him. I let him walk away that day, knowing it would be the last time I saw him.
“How hard it must be settling into this routine after being away in Europe for two years.” Jess saves me from the conversation and breaks up my glum thoughts. Thank goodness for her because my brain is mush at the moment between her words and the sparks of electricity I feel with Ethan’s touch on my body. I wonder if he feels it, too.
“Yes, it must be. Europe is great, and I can just imagine how hard it would be returning to this city after being gone for so long, but we’re all happy you’re back.” Ethan looks at me in the eyes, no hint of humor in his voice. I feel some unspoken emotion of regret and guilt coming from him.
“Thanks,” I say, drinking my champagne. I hope it will cool me down and help me relax.
“Well, hello there gang,” Katie says as she approaches us.
“Hey!” I say, excited to see her and grateful for the distraction. I have no idea where she’s been, but I assume Tristan has had to make rounds talking to different clients.
“Hi, Katie.” Ethan smiles at her in gratitude.
“Hi,” Dan says with indifference. “This is my girlfriend, Jess.”
“It’s nice to meet you,” Jess says smiling. I really do like her. She’s sweet, down to earth, and carefree. Perfect match for Dan.
We talk casually until they make an announcement to enter the ballroom and take our seats. The lighting is dim in there, too, and there are unique chandeliers hanging from the ceiling. They aren’t the traditional kind; instead, glass strings hang in a cylinder shape with the light in the center reflecting off the glass. Ethan says Connell had these designed for the gala. They are made from recycled glass and are eco-friendly. The rest of the décor is beautiful. Everything is in gold and champagne tones.
We’ve been seated with Dan and Jess, but Katie is at another table with Tristan and his coworkers. I have a feeling I won’t be spending as much time with her as she had hoped.
There are two other couples sitting with us. One of the couples is older. The man works with Ethan, and they seem nice. The other couple is a young woman and her date. From what I take, she works in the marketing department for Cohen & Dean.
There’s something about her that rubs me the wrong way. Maybe it’s the way she keeps on rubbing her date’s arm, but has a cynical smile on her lips as she looks at us. Her name is Delilah. What kind of name is that anyway? I just want to sing to her “Hey, there, Delilah why do you seem like such a bitch.” I butcher the Plain White T’s song I usually love, but the name just reminded me of it, creating my own rendition.
Fortunately, they serve dinner quickly and I’m not forced to have to talk to her as she’s across the table. Jess and I continue to get to know each other, and I find we have a lot in common. During dinner, Connell greets us all and shares a little about his company and upcoming projects they are working on. It truly is an amazing thing he’s doing. I admire his hard work and belief in his vision.
Music starts playing after we’ve eaten and people start dancing. Tim McGraw’s “My Best Friend” comes through the speakers and Ethan looks at me. Does this song seriously have to come on right now? Dan and Jess are already dancing.
“One dance?” He asks, smiling and reaching his hand out to me. He knows how much I love this song.
“One,” I say, putting my hand in his and head towards the dance floor. He wraps his arm around my waist, keeping his grasp on the hand he was holding and begins to sway to the music, guiding me perfectly. I place my arm on his shoulder, and let the music take me away. I spot Dan, and he winks at me. I smile back at him, and then look back at Ethan. I inhale his scent, perfect combination of his cologne and unique woodsy fragrance that feels like home. He pulls me closer to him and begins whispering the lyrics in my ear. I close my eyes and just listen to his heartbeat and his soft singing. The words that describe so well what our relationship was seep into my core.
It’s just me and him in this moment. The room could explode, and I wouldn’t know. I’m lost in him and what we had. I hate that I still love this man. There was a time he was my best friend, my lover, my everything. As the song comes to an end, I notice Ethan’s eyes are also closed. This should be so much easier. It was once. But he left me at my weakest, and I let him leave me.
How could I fight for him when I knew it wasn’t fair for him to put his life on hold while I was dying? I guess part of me felt guilty he wasn’t living his life. All I asked for was communication; to talk to me and tell me what was going on, not disappear and leave me to die a death more painful than the cancer, and cancer’s pretty fucking painful.
We break away and make our way back to the table in silence. “That’s sweet. You two dancing as if you’re in love,” Delilah says as we are walking. She places her hands around Ethan possessively, and he freezes.
Fuck. How did I miss it? They’re probably fucking or have fucked. She’s one of his whores. Ugh! I’m so stupid to forget the person he’s become. One song. It took one song for me to pretend things were the same as when we were together.
“Shut up, Delilah,” Ethan says and tries to release himself from her vixen grip as I storm away annoyed and pissed off. I make it out of the ballroom, make a right and walk down a long corridor. I’ve no idea where I’m going, but I hear Ethan right behind me. This is going to be fun.
“Ava, stop!” He says firmly, and I flip him off over my shoulder as I continue walking. I hear him pick up his pace, and I try to walk faster but can’t between my heels and long dress.
I feel him grip my arm and spin me around to face him.
“Ethan! Let. Me. Go,” I say between gritted teeth.
“No!”
“What? How dare you? After seeing that bitch all over you, trying to claim you. You don’t think I realized you fucked her. I can’t believe–”
“Shut up!”
“Excuse me?” I say, breathing heavily. I am so mad I could kill someone and my target is facing me.
“I said shut up and listen to me.”
That’s all it took. I raise my hand and slap him, but he stops my hand midair, pulls me flush to him and wraps his other arm around my waist as he kisses me. I try to fight back and push him away, but he tightens his grip on my arm and waist and forces my lips open with his tongue, invading my mouth and tasting me vehemently.
Shocked, I stand ramrod still. Is this just another one-night stand for him or is he apologizing? I relax into him and return the kiss. Whatever his reason is, it feels good. I kiss him with more passion than I thought I ever would again.
His hot breath mixes with mine, combining our flavors, and I realize no one has ever made me feel the way he does. He tastes of whiskey and mint, he tastes of home. I melt into
him and eagerly begin to explore his own mouth as my desire builds and the wetness between my legs spreads. I become aware of his hardness against me and that only adds to the fire burning my body. I can light this whole place on fire right now.
He releases my hand and moves his to my hair and tilts my head to get better access. A small moan escapes my lips, and I hear him groan. He abruptly ends the kiss.
“We’re leaving,” he says with authority.
“What? No, we’re not. Shit! That wasn’t supposed to happen!” I look at him with a combination of regret and lust. He rubs his hands over his face and looks at me.
“Yes, we are. Now stop or I’ll shut you up again and this time I’m not sure I’ll be able to stop.”
“I’m not fucking you!” I firmly stand my ground.
“I know you’re not. Stop being stubborn. Now come.” He grabs my hand and leads me back to the ballroom. I could come right now if he didn’t stop us from what we were doing. Feeling his reaction to me so close to my core has me pushing my limits. “Grab your purse and meet me downstairs. I’m going to call the driver.” He breaks me away from my wicked thoughts.
What the hell just happened? He’s obviously not to be messed with, so I grab my purse and walk down, unsure of what to expect but knowing I can’t turn back now. My core is pulsing from exhilaration and desire that the kiss left lingering within me.
Chapter 17
Ethan
I needed to get her out of there or I was going to fuck her up against the wall in that hallway. She better get down here soon. I have no idea where we’re going to go, but I need to be alone with her. I’m running on adrenaline right now and just going with it.
Fuck. It felt good to have her in my arms again. She was so riled up, jealous of another woman, I couldn’t resist. When I saw that hand go up, I knew what was coming. It was my way in. What was the worst that could happen? She’d push me away? But she didn’t. Sure, she tried, but it wasn’t a real effort. I felt the electricity sparking from her. She wanted this as much as I did. I felt it when we were dancing, too.
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