I’m not going to fuck her like she said. No, she deserves so much better than that. I just want to be alone with her. Alone without any front she puts up, just Ava and Ethan. I don’t need to look back to know she’s approaching me, I can feel the heat she emanates from her body, the light that shines when she’s around.
She stands next to me but doesn’t say a word. I reach out and hold her hand kissing the inside of her wrist lightly and guide her towards the car.
“Where are we going?” Ava is hesitant to follow my plan.
“Trust me, please,” I plead. I open the door for her, and she slides in. I walk around and tell the driver to head towards the lake. We’ll be able to get some time to ourselves.
The car ride is quiet and somewhat tense. Ava seems to be deep in thought, but her breathing is erratic which leads me to believe she’s nervous.
“Ethan, maybe we shouldn’t–”
“We aren’t going to do anything you don’t want to do. I just want to be with you, alone without any distractions.”
“Like some whore you fucked?” She cocks an eyebrow to try to challenge me. It’s adorable.
“Fuck Delilah. Look, I know you’ve heard all about how I’ve fucked around. I’m not going to lie to you. I never would. But there is a reason why I did. If I couldn’t be with you, I didn’t deserve to be happy. It was an escape from what I did, from losing you. I have no right to defend it, but that doesn’t mean that it changed what I feel about you. Was I an asshole? Yes. But I was so numb that I didn’t feel anything. It was better to fuck and use women than spend my days thinking about you. Hating myself for what I did.”
She opens her mouth to say something and closes it back up. Then she looks away from me and sighs. Soon after, we get to our destination. I get out of the car in silence and open the door for her when I see no sign of her moving out of it on her own. I grab her hand and pull her out. She rolls her eyes at me, but doesn’t resist.
“Don’t be a pain, Ava. I just want to take a walk near the shore.”
We begin walking near the lake, listening to the waves crashing. It’s peaceful being out here at night just taking in the serenity the water creates.
“It’s freaking cold, Ethan. Do you seriously expect us to take a stroll like it’s the middle of summer?”
“Yes. Now walk.” I hear her sigh. “Please. Just give me this time. You’re still my date for the rest of the night. Seriously, fucking gorgeous.” I smile taking in her beauty in the clear moonlight.
We continue on the path in silence. I notice Ava tighten her coat around her, so I wrap my arm around her shoulder and pull her in to me to keep her warm.
“This isn’t fair,” she says.
“I know.”
“No, you don’t. It isn’t fair for you to just assume things can go back to the way they were. You left me. You never said goodbye. You just disappeared.”
“I know. I was scared, young and stupid. I couldn’t handle seeing you like that, knowing I couldn’t do anything to make you feel better. You were getting worse. The doctors said they weren’t sure when you’d recuperate or if you ever would.”
“And you thought abandoning me was going to make me stronger? It destroyed me. I almost gave up,” she chokes on her words. “At one point you had promised me you wouldn’t leave me, wouldn’t tear me apart. You promised me your heart and soul, and I trusted you whole-heartedly. Then, you left, breaking your promise and leaving me alone to pick up the pieces that still haven’t been completely put back together; like a puzzle who lost some of it’s parts, and it has holes permanently left in its design.”
“I can’t apologize enough. I thought if I distanced myself, it wouldn’t hurt so much if something did happen to you. I don’t know.” I desperately pass my free hand through my hair.
“I was fighting to stay alive for you, for us. Once you left, I wasn’t strong enough to stop you. I couldn’t keep fighting for everything else if I was going to survive. Why? Just tell me why? I need something better than you being young. I was scared. I was young. I was the one who lost the chance to have children. I was the one who lost my love,” she yells the last part.
I wrap both arms around her and pull her in to hug her tightly. I have nothing else to say.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper in her ear, not breaking our embrace. She’s trembling and I know it’s not from the cold. It’s from the emotions running haywire and I hear her silent cries.
I hold her for what seems like an eternity. She finally looks up at me, and I am staring into swollen, red-rimmed eyes. Her cheeks are flushed and tear stained. I kiss her forehead and hug her tighter.
“I lost my love, too. Can I please have her back?”
She closes her eyes and shakes her head slightly. I’m not sure if it’s to say no or she’s shaking away memories. “I want to go home.”
“Okay.” Baby steps. I can’t force more from her right now seeing how much it is hurting her.
Far too quickly we reach her apartment, and I’m saying goodbye to her. “You know where I stand. It’s no secret I’m still in love with you, despite my behavior; you’re the one who owns me completely. You always have, since we were kids. I want this.” I motion between us. “I want to prove myself to you. I want the time I lost back, I want the promises I broke back, I want you back. I’ll wait for your response. You know how to reach me. I know things can’t go back to the way they were, too much has happened, but I want a chance to restore what we had and make it better.” I leave a lingering kiss on her lips and turn to walk back to the car, hoping she takes me seriously.
The drive home is cold and empty. Who would’ve thought the short trip to my apartment alone would’ve impacted me such. It’s not like I expected Ava to give in and come home with me, but after that kiss I would’ve given anything for that to be the case.
I wanted to rip the dress off her straight from that slit up her leg, sending those crystals flying in a sparkling frenzy. The only shiny accessory on her should be the ring I put on her finger. The ring I have locked away in a safe place waiting for the moment I’m given the opportunity to make her completely and utterly mine.
I toss and turn all night, dreaming of Ava’s beautiful face, her lips on mine, her body crushing into mine. Needless to say, I woke up with some major morning wood. After taking a shower and dealing with my 15-year-old horny cock, I head out to the gym. There’s nothing like a workout to help relax. I take my time in the gym, focusing on the exercises and nothing else, clearing my mind from any thoughts. This is my space where I can relax and just let loose.
Last night, I told Ava how I felt and what I wanted. I’ve made myself very clear in my words and actions, and I will continue to prove to her that I am serious about this and sorry for what I did. However, she needs to figure her shit out. I know she still cares. That kiss was not a mistake, and the jealousy was proof of her feelings. She needs to forgive me so we can move on, together.
I decide a guy’s night is in order and tell Dan to go out tonight for drinks at a bar downtown.
“I’m so happy you asked me out tonight. I was starting to worry that I wouldn’t hear back from you, stud.”
“Get in the car asshole,” I tell Dan outside his apartment.
“Feisty tonight. I like it. Can’t wait ‘til you bring me home tonight.” He winks and ducks into the car.
“I’d be the best you ever had,” I say, putting the car in reverse and backing out into the street and heading towards downtown.
We’re hanging out at the bar, having drinks and talking about different stuff. How horrible my March Madness bracket is doing, the gala last night, and Dan confides that he’s ready to buy a ring to propose to Jess. I couldn’t be happier for him. I know he’s found his match in Jess, and she’s the perfect person to keep him on his toes.
Throughout the night, different girls smile flirtatiously, clear about their intentions. Their behavior didn’t go unnoticed, but I felt no need to go there. Some even flat
out tell me they want to fuck. It felt freeing not having to give into the different women hitting on me. Not having to depend on them to escape.
First of all, I hate women who try too hard. Desperation is not an attractive quality. Secondly, I’ve got my eyes set on Ava. I will win her over. I will end up with her. I know I gave her time to think, but after last night, I know she feels the sparks that brighten us. She’s my light at the end of the tunnel. She’s my hope, which is ironic because long ago I was her hope, her light. This time I won’t let the light run out.
I know I’m a pussy whipped asshole, but the girl’s always owned me. Her sincerity, kindness, sexiness, and independence have always captured me. When we were kids, we would play house. I was the dad, and she was the mom. My stubborn ass wouldn’t accept it any other way. Even from the age of five, I’ve loved her. She was my first and I want her to be my last.
As I continue to relax with Dan and drink my scotch, my mind wanders to what Ava could be doing. Is she thinking about me? Is she sorting her emotions and deciding to forgive me so we can end this damn charade and just start over. I sure as hell hope so because I want to feel myself inside her sooner rather than later. You think I’m an ass? No, I’m just a guy.
Chapter 18
Ava
“This is exactly what I needed today!” I tell Katie over the music.
“I’m so glad you wanted to come here!” She says, slightly slurring on her words.
We’ve decided to come to a karaoke bar in downtown. So needed a girl’s night with my bestie. And the Cosmos here are delicious. I’ve had a few. Okay, maybe more than a few. Katie and I have been drinking these like they’re going out of style.
The cold granite countertop at the bar refreshes me as heat from the alcohol sears me from the inside out. Some guy is up on stage singing his life out to “Don’t Turn Around” by Ace of Base. I’ve not heard this song since I was young. Have I mentioned life’s a fucking bitch?
The guy is totally jamming like some 12-year-old girl, and I can’t help but think of how symbolic this song is for me. “Don’t turn around ‘cause you’re going to see my heart breaking,” he sings off pitch. I’m between a fit of laughter and a Cosmo away from sobbing. Maybe if Ethan would have turned around all those years ago, he never would’ve been able to walk away.
This guy is seriously into this song. I’m thinking an American Idol audition is in order for him.
“Ace of Base is fucking awesome!” Katie yells at me and chugs her Cosmo. “You remember listening to them when we were little? Man, we thought we were so cool singing ‘I saw the sign…’ at the top of our lungs,” she says, trying to sing. I almost spit out my Cosmo listening to her. Coughing back my amusement, I look at her and she stares back.
“Bon Jovi!” We say in unison. He was our favorite to jam out to when we were kids. So many freaking good songs.
“What do you say? Drunk enough for a karaoke duo?” Katie arches her eyebrow.
“I don’t think I’ll ever be drunk enough for karaoke, but let’s do it!” I say, trying to jump off the stool but having to hold on to the counter to stop myself from stumbling over.
“Ha! You’re definitely drunk enough.” Katie throws her head back in laughter.
“Talk about the pot calling the kettle black,” I return and begin to giggle.
We make our way to the left of the small stage, bumping into a few people on the way, and tell the MC that we want to sing Bon Jovi’s “You Give Love a Bad Name.”
I begin fidgeting as we wait for our song to come up, but Katie places another Cosmo in my hand. “One more to help us relax and not think about the stupidity we’re about to partake in.”
“Up next, we have two sexy ladies. Let’s hear it for Ava and Katie. They’ll be singing Bon Jovi’s “You Give Love a Bad Name,” the MC announces, and that’s our cue. We chug what’s left of our Cosmos and walk up to the stage.
The music starts playing as Katie begins singing, “Shot through the heart and you’re to blame, darling, you give love a bad name.”
The alcohol has spiked, and I’m dancing on stage. The lights are so bright you can’t really see the audience, which makes it easier to get lost in the music. I keep up with her, singing the next line, “An angel’s smile is what you sell. You promise me heaven then put me through hell…”
We’re both owning the stage like some veteran rock stars. Switching between roles of singer and dancer at the perfect timing. We hear an anonymous “Wooo” from the audience and begin to laugh. It encourages us more, and we give our all towards the end of the song. We aren’t great singers at all, and I’m sure we’re off pitch, but we are having so much fun!
The song ends and we take a bow, exiting the stage as people continue to cheer for us and whistle.
“Who knew we were so good,” I tell Katie.
“We aren’t, we’re just hot.” She begins to laugh again and bumps into someone, I think. I’m not really sure actually, the Cosmos have me fogged, but I hear someone speak.
“If only Ethan could see you. Were you singing to him?” When I look to Katie’s side I see Kasey. What a whore bag bitch. Unfortunately for her, she caught me drunk and excited.
“Oh fuck you, Kasey. You’re just jealous because he’ll never love you. You’re bitter I’m back, and he wants me,” I slur at the end but square my shoulders and stand tall.
“You know I was the one who consoled him after you left. I made sure he felt real good,” she emphasizes. I know all about Ethan, the man whore. Surprisingly, it’s easier to accept it. I don’t like it, but it’s easier now. After last night at the gala, I think we just reached an understanding. Or maybe I’m just too drunk to care right now.
“Boohoo, cry me a river to sail on. I’m busy bitch, now back off,” I state firmly and aggressively.
“A threat, sweetheart? That’s cute.” She tries to mock but her eyes flicker with nerves. I’m sure she didn’t think I had this in me.
“I’m not your sweetheart. Leave the name calling for whoring yourself out. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a night to enjoy.” I walk away and back to the bar to order another round of Cosmos with Katie hot on my heels.
“Well, I’ll be damned. I’m so proud of you.” She gives me a hug. “You put that bitch in her place. Let’s celebrate Ava being bold!” She waves down the bartender, and we order another round.
We dance, sing and cheer on more people as they venture onto the stage to show their talents. Mostly, we all suck at singing. But I guess if anyone had any real talent, they’d be off showing it to the world while making bug bucks, not in a small bar in downtown Chicago.
“We should so do karaoke for your birthday!” Katie yells, clapping her hands.
“And take the spotlight away from Magnolia Thunderpussy? Hell no! We should probably leave if we want to do any planning tomorrow.” I take a peek at the time on my phone. “Call a cab.” I give Katie my phone.
“Why me?” Her eyes widen.
“Because I can barely stand,” I state the obvious.
“No cab, I’ll call Tristan.”
Before I could come up with a response, she had called and told him to pick us up. “He’s on his way,” she states nonchalantly, but I see a hint of a smile.
How drunk am I to think Katie actually likes a guy. “It’s late.”
“The last place Tristan is on a Saturday night is home. He was nearby.” She winks.
I see a tall figure playfully hug Katie from behind. Damn, he got here fast. “Ready to go, ladies?” He smiles mischievously. Great, he probably thinks he’ll have sex with Katie. He’s probably right. I’m going to need earplugs.
∞
What. The. Fuck? I can’t move. I feel like bricks have been placed over me. And then they spun me around on a merry-go-round. Too many damn Cosmos. Oh my God… Karaoke? No! I shut my eyes closed tightly, trying to release the memory of being up on stage.
Did I almost get in a fight? I’m racking my brain tryi
ng to remember... Kasey. That bitch. Sober or drunk, I’d want to punch her. She had to throw it in my face that she had sex with Ethan. A shiver runs through my body at the disgust. Okay, switch train of thoughts to something that won’t make me puke.
Katie always gets me drunk. I remember that time we went out for her birthday. She kept feeding me drinks and shots using the excuse that I couldn’t say no to her on her birthday. I got so drunk that time, too. Fortunately, there wasn’t any karaoke.
We were on our way home from the bar. It was freezing and snowing for two days already. The ground was a beautiful white. It’s a magical feeling when the snow starts to fall, dressing you with its delicate flakes.
Ethan and I were walking hand in hand, laughing and swaying into each other. “Who had the bright idea to walk to the bar and back home?” Ethan asked.
I laughed uncontrollably. “Katie.”
“Of course. She knew she’d go home with that guy. What’s his name again? Doesn’t matter.”
“My feet hurt,” I whined.
“Jump on.” Ethan bent down to give me a piggyback ride. I hopped on, almost toppling us over. Stabling us, he began walking and cut through the park to take a shortcut.
We were halfway into the park when he slipped on ice, making us both fall onto a pile of snow.
Before I landed, laughter had escaped me. Ethan landed next to me, also in a pit of laughter. “Sor…Sorry!” He tried to get out between laughs.
“Oh my God. Stop! I’m going to pee.” I rolled over to face him and we both burst out laughing again. Grabbing a handful of snow, I pushed it in his face.
“For making me laugh.”
“Oh, now I’m really going to make you laugh.” He rolled onto me and began to tickle me.
“Ethan!... Stop!... Okay, okay. I’m sorry!” I had tears rolling off the side of my face. “I’ll make you eat the yellow snow if you don’t stop!”
He rolled off me and pulled me onto his side, still in hysterics. We finally caught our breath as the laughter subsided.
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