Adventures of the Mad Monk Ji Gong

by Guo Xiaoting

  “What illness do I have?” asked the doctor.

  “There is a devil in your belly,” answered the monk.

  “Monk, you are talking nonsense!” the doctor said in an annoyed tone.

  “Nonsense!” exclaimed the monk. “Now we have a disagreement that we must take to the yamen to be resolved.” With that statement he grasped the doctor by the sash and dragged him away.

  The crowd tried to stop him. “What is the argument?” they shouted.

  “Pay no attention,” said the monk. If the monk could not drag someone off, no one could. He was very strong. He went straight to the Chang-shan yamen, where he called out, “Your Honor, lord of the night and day, hear my grievance!”

  Just as the officers were about to stop the monk, the prefect recognized Ji Gong and ordered that the Widow Son be taken from the audience chamber. He then said, “Please sit down, holy monk.” He also recognized Doctor Xu, who had been at the yamen previously to treat illnesses. “What problem does the holy monk have with Dr. Xu?”

  “Since Your Honor asks,” replied the monk, “I will tell you. Last night I was sick while I was at the house of Zhou Yuanwai. He noticed that I was sick and told me to see the famous Dr. Xu. I walked twenty li by myself to reach the town walls of Changshan and went to Dr. Xu’s house. It was too expensive to hire a horse—they wanted six strings of cash to start with, and twenty-four strings to go as far as Wu Lipai. I said that it was too much, that I would walk. Zhou Yuanwai gave me fifty pieces of silver. When I got to Dr. Xu’s house this morning, he asked me whether I had silver. I said that I did, and took out the fifty pieces of silver on the table. He took the money and looked at me, said I was not sick, and told me to go. I asked him to return my money. He would not give it to me. That is my complaint against him.”

  When the prefect heard what the monk had to say, he thought it very strange and asked, “Doctor Xu, why did you cheat the monk out of his money?”

  “A doctor would not dare to do such a thing,” replied Dr. Xu, “and I truly did not do such a thing. I rose a little late. Just as I got up, I heard someone shout from outside that he was sick. I stepped outside and saw a monk, who asked me to examine him. He was not sick, but he said that he was and that I was sick, too, that I had a demon in my belly. He complains that I took his money, but I never saw any of his money.”

  “He says that he did not take my money, but he has it in the top of his gown,” the monk countered. “Have him untie his sash and look.”

  “Dr. Xu, untie your sash,” the prefect ordered. The doctor did so and a piece of paper fell to the floor. He stooped to pick it up, but the monk snatched it up first, exclaiming, “Look, your honor!”

  The prefect took it and read, “Lei Ming and Chen Liang, two outlaws of the Greenwood, closely associated with the Tangled Hair Ghost.” After looking at it, the prefect asked, “Dr. Xu, where did you get this? Where did it come from?”

  “I picked it up,” answered the doctor.

  “You just got up this morning! Where did you pick up?” asked the prefect.

  “I picked it up in the courtyard,” responded the doctor.

  “How could that have happened so conveniently!” exclaimed the prefect.

  “Your Honor,” said the monk, “call Widow Son into court.”

  The prefect had the widow summoned. As soon as she saw the doctor, she exclaimed, “Brother Xu, you are here!”

  “And why are you here, Madam?” the doctor asked.

  “Widow Son,” asked the prefect, “How do you know the doctor?”

  “In answer to your honor,” the widow replied, “When my husband was alive, he kept a medicine shop. The doctor was his sworn brother. When my husband was sick, he attended him. When he died, Dr. Xu helped me with the funeral. Afterward I said to him, ‘I am grateful for your help. However, I have something to ask you. Please do not visit me. Do not come to my house.’ From that time on he did not come to the house. This is how I knew him.”

  The monk then asked that Second Tiger be brought into the audience chamber. When he came into the audience chamber, he exclaimed, “Uncle Xu, you are here!”

  “Second Tiger,” said the prefect, “Dr. Xu was your elder brother’s sworn brother. Why do you call him uncle?”

  “That’s right,” answered Second Tiger. “Dr. Xu was my elder brother’s sworn brother. Before, I used to call him brother, but since I borrowed money from him several times I have called him uncle. I asked to borrow ten strings of cash and he lent me ten strings of cash. Then I asked for eight thousand cash and he lent me eight thousand. I couldn’t call him brother after that, so I call him uncle.”

  “Have them all taken out of the hall,” suggested the monk. After they were gone, the monk said, “Now bring in Second Tiger alone.”

  When Second Tiger returned alone, the monk addressed him. “Second Tiger, Dr. Xu has just made a full confession. Will you talk now? Otherwise the prefect will have you squeezed.”

  The prefect thought that this was a good idea and was about to have Second Tiger squeezed between boards when he started to talk. “You need not punish me. I will tell you all.” Then he told the whole story of what had happened from beginning to end.

  CHAPTER 82

  Second Tiger explains the young doctor’s illness; Lei Ming and Chen Liang lose their pants

  “FIRST of all,” Second Tiger explained, “I am not actually the widow’s brother-in-law, but her late husband’s nephew. This affair all started when I began borrowing money from Dr. Xu. One day he said to me, ‘You are a rich man, Second Tiger.’

  “‘How am I a rich man?’ I asked.

  “‘Your father’s younger brother died,’ he replied. ‘You only need to persuade his widow to move. Her house is worth thirty thousand silver pieces. She would take ten thousand and give ten thousand to her relatives. You would get the remaining ten thousand. Doesn’t that make you a rich man?’

  “But man schemes and heaven decides. I went to my uncle’s widow. As soon as I tried to talk to her about it, she cursed me and would not let me talk about the matter. Afterward, Dr. Xu kept asking me about it, and each time I told him I hadn’t been able to talk her into selling her house. Then an idea came to me about what Dr. Xu must be thinking. He was thinking that now that my uncle was dead he wanted his widow. Then I approached him and said I wanted to talk with him. I told him what I thought he was thinking. He denied having such thoughts, and said that he just wanted me to be rich, that he hadn’t thought of marrying my aunt. Then I questioned him further. He said, ‘I’m afraid she wouldn’t want me!’ I told him I would be willing to talk the matter over with her, and he agreed to my doing so.

  “After I had gotten that far with him, I often borrowed money from him until one day he said, ‘Second Tiger, you often come to borrow money from me, but are you still talking with your brother’s widow?’

  “I replied, ‘You might as well give up hope. My uncle’s widow will never marry anyone!’

  “Dr. Xu said, ‘I have watched her go out to buy thread and have noticed her big stomach. There has to be a reason for this physical change. I will give you a sword. You take it with you and go and ask her the reason for her big stomach. If she tells you that it is the result of a secret affair with someone, you drive her out. Aren’t you able to do something about such things?’

  “I thought to myself, he is right! I took the sword and I went to my aunt’s house when her maid was away. Just as I was questioning her, Lei Ming and Chen Liang came upon us and drove me away.

  “When I told Dr. Xu what had happened, he said to me, ‘Never mind—you can spend the night here.’ Then he had me scratch my hand and clothing with a broken bowl and told me to make a complaint at the yamen against Lei Ming and Chen Liang. This is the true story from start to finish.”

  Second Tiger was then taken from the courtroom.

  The prefect had had the clerk write down what Second Tiger was saying. The prefect next had Dr. Xu brought in to listen to the cler
k read the record. The doctor’s face turned pale with fright. The prefect struck his desk with his hand and exclaimed, “Dr. Xu, you are a scholar, a man of books. How dare you plot against a widow, making a relative of hers an accomplice! You know that such things are forbidden! Do you wish to be punished or do you wish to pay a fine?”

  “What will happen if I ask to be punished, and what will happen if I ask to pay a fine?” queried the doctor.

  “If you choose only to be punished, I will have you very, very severely beaten, one hundred strokes with a ruler, but sparing your face. If you choose to pay the fine, you must pay three thousand gold pieces to erect an arch praising the Widow Son for her chastity,” explained the prefect. “But you must still be lightly beaten ten strokes with the ruler.”

  “Then I choose to pay the fine,” replied the doctor. The prefect immediately ordered that the sentence be carried out. The doctor was beaten ten strokes and a court officer was told to collect the fine.

  Next the prefect ordered that Second Tiger be brought back into court. “Second Tiger,” said the prefect, “you were a party to this evil plot. You threatened this widow with a sword and you accused two people for no reason. Come, my men, give him forty blows with the big bamboo! He will then wear the wooden collar for one hundred days.”

  The prefect then said, “What shall we do about the widow’s big stomach?”

  “She is about to deliver,” said the monk.

  “Do not joke with me, Holy Monk. She has been a widow for three years. How can this be?” asked the prefect.

  “If your honor does not believe me,” said the monk, “have her sent to a special room.”

  “This is not to take place in court,” said the prefect.

  The monk gave a female officer a piece of medicine and had her take it and the woman to a separate room. The female officer gave the medicine to the widow and she immediately produced a tumor. It was as large as a melon. The female officer brought it in to the court to show to the prefect.

  “Take it away,” said the monk.

  “What was that?” asked the prefect.

  The monk explained that it was a tumor. “It grows month by month just as a child does.”

  The prefect finally understood, and ordered that the widow be sent home. “And what about these two men, Lei Ming and Chen Liang?” the prefect asked. “Lei Ming affronted the court and drew his knife. I was about to have the Tangled Hair Ghost brought in.”

  “That day I left here,” said the monk, “I put a folded piece of paper in your desk. If Your Honor would look at it now, he would understand.”

  The prefect looked in his desk and, of course, found the folded piece paper. He opened and read what was written on it. “When Your Honor reads this, he will understand that certain men are not outlaws. They fought bravely in defense of Ma Ran’s home and they are my followers, Lei Ming and Chen Liang.”

  When the prefect read the note, he understood everything, and said, “Oh, all the time they were followers of this holy monk. I did not know that.” He at once issued an order that the false charges that had been made should be stricken from the record. He then summoned Lei Ming and Chen Liang from the interrogation room. The prefect returned to Lei Ming the knife that had been taken from him and gave ten silver coins to the two men.

  Lei Ming and Chen Liang bowed to their teacher. The monk said to them, “I told you two men to go and carry out an order, but you could not mind your own business.”

  “If Teacher had not come forward, we two would not have escaped the rack,” said Chen Liang.

  Lei and Chen thanked the prefect, said goodbye to the monk, and left the yamen. They walked on until the sun was sinking in the west. Just before them they saw a village and a street stretching from east to west. On the north side were inns; on the south side were shops. The two men entered one of the inns, called the Three Benefits. A porter led them to a room on the north side of a courtyard, filled a basin with water for them to wash, and brought tea. The two asked for prepared dishes and wine. After finishing eating and drinking, since they were tired from their journey, they took off their clothes and slept.

  Early the next morning they rose. When Lei Ming looked around, his pants were gone but nothing else was missing. “Old Three,” Lei Ming asked Chen Liang, “did you hide my pants?”

  “No,” answered Chen Liang.

  When he looked around, Chen Liang found that his pants were gone also. “Strange,” said Chen Liang, “my pants are gone, too.”

  The two sat for a moment, thinking that they should call the porter but unwilling to say that their pants were missing. “Let’s just call the porter and, no matter how much they cost, ask him to buy us two pairs of pants.”

  When they called the porter and told him what they wanted him to do, he said, “If you want to buy pants, you’re in luck. Just now another guest gave me two pairs of pants and asked me to pawn them or sell them. He wanted twenty silver coins for them. I hadn’t any place to sell them. I thought that he was a little crazy.”

  “Bring them here and we will look at them,” Chen Liang said.

  The porter left, and in a little while returned with the pants. When Chen Liang looked at them, he saw that they were their own. The porter thought to himself, “How is it that these two men are without their pants?”

  “Porter,” asked Lei Ming, “where is the room of the seller of these pants? Take us to have a look.”

  The porter nodded his head and took them to a nearby courtyard. As they walked into the center, they heard someone speaking with a southern accent. “Aiyah! That mixed-up porter! He’s not back yet? Where did he take those pants to sell them?”

  “This is the room,” the porter said.

  Lei Ming and Chen Liang quickly entered the room. They saw opposite the door a man in a blue gown sitting in a chair beside a table. His face was pale, and he seemed like a refined young man.

  Lei Ming looked at him and said, “What do you think you are doing? Playing a joke on us two?”

  This young man’s surname was Liu and his personal name was Rui. He was among the thirty-six friends of the Jade Mountain and a sworn brother of Lei Ming and Chen Liang. He was refined in his behavior and elegant in his tastes, but he loved to play jokes. His mother had told him that he must attend a birthday party for Yang Ming’s mother, and on his way there he had stopped at the Three Benefits inn for several days.

  Because he had heard of an evil bully, Wu Kun, called the Shadow-Seizing Shining Star, Liu Rui wanted to investigate this rowdy’s behavior. If Wu Kun really was an evil bully, Liu Rui wanted to rid the place of him. Although he had stayed at the inn for several days, he still had not found out anything.

  When Lei Ming and Chen Liang had arrived the day before, he had intentionally played a joke on them. This morning when Lei and Chen came in, Lui Rui greeted them, saying, “Second brother Lei and Third Brother Chen, how good it is to meet you again!”

  “Brother Liu,” asked Chen Liang, “why are you staying here?”

  “I am obeying my mother’s command that I go and visit Elder Brother Yang,” replied Liu Rui.

  “We just parted company with him the day before yesterday at Chang-shan,” explained Chen Liang. “He is going home. He will probably be there in one or two days.”

  “How did you three happen to be together?” asked Liu Rui.

  Chen Liang let out a long sigh and said, “Words can hardly tell the story.” He explained about Cloud Dragon Hua and what the three friends had been through.

  Liu Rui listened to the whole account and exclaimed, “That Cloud Dragon Hua has lost all human feeling! To behave as he did after being a guest of Yang Ming, who treated him so well! Yang Ming must have suffered from his ingratitude. If I see Cloud Dragon Hua, I will bring his miserable life to a close!”

  “Let’s not talk about him,” said Chen Liang. “What are you doing now?”

  “I have heard that there is an evil bully in the neighborhood here and I would like to searc
h him out,” replied Liu Rui.

  “Well, let the two of us go with you to find him,” said Chen Liang.

  The three went back to Lei’s and Chen’s room and had breakfast. Then they left the inn and walked out of the village and along the highway. They had not gone very far when they met a man trying to hang himself. He was saying to himself, “Oh cruel heaven, sightless Buddha! Heaven and earth without eyes or ears! An end to it, an end to it!”

  The three saw a man not yet forty years old in a simple gown, with a four-sided kerchief tied over his topknot.

  “My friend,” said Chen Liang, “why do you want to die? What is the reason? Tell us.”

  “Life is worse than death,” answered the man. “Since you ask, I will tell all.”

  CHAPTER 83

  Lei Ming and Chen Liang rob the robber; a journey through clouds leaves no footprints

  “MY surname is Yen,” began the man, “and I am called Wenhua. I came from Danzhou prefecture. From an early age I was poor at book learning. I was only able to learn to paint. This year, because of the lawlessness in the provinces, I came here and stayed at an inn, going out to peoples’ houses and painting pictures for them.

  “One day I went to the home of the Wu family. A senior member of the family, Wu Kun, known as the Shadow-Seizing Shining Star, called to me and asked what kind of pictures I could paint. I said that I was able to paint landscapes, people, animals, trees, birds, and flowers. He asked if I could paint people fleeing from fires. I said I could do that, too, and he asked me to paint several pictures of that sort.

  “As soon as he saw the pictures, he was very pleased and asked how much I wanted for all of them. I asked for a string of cash. ‘Tomorrow I will come to see you in your hotel,’ he said. The next day he came riding on a horse. I had only a single room at the inn and no other place to go. When he came in, he saw my wife and daughter. My daughter turned seventeen this year and is rather attractive. Who would have thought that he had a secret evil plan in mind when he began to talk to me about my opening a shop! He let me have two hundred silver pieces to get started. I thought it was a fine idea at first, and opened a picture shop on the north side of the village street. We lived behind the shop and I sold him a great many paintings.