BegMe

by Scarlett Sanderson

  She needed to gain some control, forget this whole sorry mess. But first she needed to leave.

  She straightened her spine and spoke one, solitary word. “Pandora.”

  Nick gave her a puzzled glance.

  Jared shifted in his seat. “Tessa?”

  She repeated her safeword.

  “Tessa, look at me.”

  She wouldn’t. Jared gripped her chin and forced her to look his way.

  “It’s over. I’ve used my safeword. I’m going home.”

  The wounded look in his eyes almost brought her to her knees, yet she knew it was an act. If he even thought for one second she would consider screwing his friend, he wasn’t the man she thought he was.

  “Tessa, it’s not what you think.”

  Gathering her resolve, she glared at him. Inside, her heart became a crumbling mess of betrayal. “Goodbye, Jared.”

  She rose as gracefully as her shattered emotions would allow. She wove through the room, not once looking back. He called her name but she ignored him.

  Lydia stepped in her path. “Your Master calls your name, slave.”

  Tessa’s anger rose full force, aimed directly at the woman in front of her. All she wanted was to go home and lick her wounds. “Look, Lydia. Get out of my way before I bitch-slap you.”

  Lydia raised her eyebrows. “A slave never talks to a Master like that.”

  She was tempted, oh so tempted, to do exactly as she pleased, but half-naked and tired, she didn’t have the energy. Instead, she sidestepped the woman. Lydia grabbed her and Tessa yanked her arm back. “I’m no person’s slave.”

  In the hallway, she pulled on her shawl. She needed to get out of the house, away from all the people, away from Jared. She was mad as hell but it was Jared’s betrayal that pierced right through to her heart. Her head ached, her body was numb. She could barely stumble outside, into the cold night air.

  Hailing a cab, she let her resolve crumble. The tears slipped down her cheeks in silent rivulets. How could she have been so stupid, so naïve to believe a man like Jared could ever want something more meaningful than sex?

  She cursed herself. And him.

  Chapter Eight

  Jared stood on the steps and watched Tessa’s cab drive away. He’d been surprised at her abrupt departure and the cancellation of their partnership. For a few moments, he’d been too stunned to react. Rousing himself into action, he’d pushed past the onlookers and rushed after her. But he’d been too late. She’d left him.

  He stared into the night. There was a chill in the air but he didn’t feel it. The pain of losing Tessa made his body numb. It had been a mistake to bring her here but he’d wanted to show her off. His woman. He wanted everyone to know she was his. Unfortunately, she hadn’t been ready.

  Nick snorted. “Your new submissive appears to be a real bitch.”

  The pounding in Jared’s ears became a roar. No longer able to contain his anger, he turned and pointed a finger at Nick. “Don’t ever, ever, talk about Tessa in that tone again, you hear me?”

  The urge to crush the conceited son of a bitch’s larynx was almost too much to resist. The bastard had forced Tessa to leave him. He’d driven away the one woman Jared cared about. Thinking he had enough time to confess his feelings in the future, Jared had never approached the subject with Tessa. Now it was too late.

  She was gone, and Nick would pay for his indiscretion.

  The look of disgust and contempt Tessa had thrown at Jared was etched into his mind forever. Granted, she’d started out as just a challenge. She’d fascinated him on a number of levels. Now…now she was much more.

  “You son of a bitch.” Jared clenched his fist and took a step toward Nick. He wanted to cause pain. He wanted Nick to bleed.

  “Jesus Christ, Jared! What the hell has gotten into you?” Lydia’s high-pitched screech assaulted his eardrums as she stepped outside.

  Taking a deep breath, Jared stopped. He dragged huge gulps of air into his lungs. The force of his feelings for Tessa swam into startling focus.

  He loved her. He loved her fiercely. Completely. And he would do anything to get her back. “I’m sorry. He just… She left me.” All the adrenaline seeped from his body.

  Nick mumbled something unintelligible under his breath and beat a hasty retreat into the house. Deflated, Jared sank onto the top step, dropping his head into his hands.

  Finally, his past had caught up with him. He wasn’t ashamed. What happened in the past with his previous lovers had been purely consensual. He would never force a woman to do something she was uncomfortable with. But the way Nick made it sound—seedy, sordid—Tessa had gotten the wrong idea.

  She couldn’t have been further from the truth. He’d never share her. The thought of another man touching her made him want to kill someone.

  He almost had.

  “I’ve told you taking inexperienced partners would get you into trouble. They don’t understand the game. And you…” She slapped him across the head. “You obviously brought her here before she was ready. You haven’t talked about your previous lovers, you haven’t explained, have you?”

  Jared shook his head. He hadn’t wanted to sully what they had by describing his past in detail. It seemed tacky, tasteless. Especially when she was so fragile, so defiant about giving into her own needs. Usually he was a good Dominant. He was good at sex, at teaching women to embrace their needs. With Tessa, he’d done everything wrong, yet he didn’t regret a single moment until now.

  When he didn’t say anything, Lydia stroked his hair. “Oh my god, you’ve fallen for her, haven’t you? I mean, really fallen for her?”

  Jared nodded. “I think I love her, Lydia.”

  She frowned. “You think? Boy, me and you need to have a talk. Now.”

  A cough sounded from behind the partially open door, and Lydia’s slave stepped from the shadows. He walked on two feet, and not tied to a leash. Jared glanced up at Lydia, noting the gentle smile playing on her lips.

  Lydia placed a hand on his arm. “Ben, can you see to the guests? I’m sure the melodrama has caused a stir but I need to talk to Jared.”

  Ben gave her a small smile. “Sure. Are you okay?”

  Lydia returned his smile and placed a tender kiss on his cheek. “I’m fine, baby.”

  Ben nodded and returned to placate the guests.

  Jared startled with surprise. Lydia had fallen in love. Something he never thought possible. She lived for the chase, for the thrill of breaking in a submissive and moving on to the next. If only Tessa had been here. He could have shown her what a truly loving experience dominance and submission could be.

  He didn’t want any other woman.

  With Ben gone, Lydia walked down a few steps and sat. It felt strange to be here now. The silence of the night echoed in his ears. There was a big, gaping hole in his heart and he didn’t know how to fix it.

  “You think you love her?”

  He raised his gaze to Lydia’s. “I am not having this conversation with you.”

  She snorted. “Why? Because we’ve had sex a few times? Please, Jared. You know how this works.” She leaned over and patted his arm. “You love her. You wouldn’t have brought her here before she was ready if you didn’t.”

  Jared frowned, confused. “How did you figure that one out?”

  “Female intuition.” Before he could make some snide remark, Lydia held up her hand. “Let me finish. You haven’t taken a woman in months. When you do, it’s obviously one who is into the game but not into the lifestyle. It’s obvious in the way you look at her, the way you touch her, she’s someone special.” She leaned back, resting her elbows against the top step, and pushed her long legs out in front of her. “You’re scared of commitment.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “You’re afraid of commitment. You’re afraid of hurting her like your father hurt you.”

  “My father left.”

  “Exactly my point. You have severe abandonment issues. Now that this w
oman has taken your heart, you’re afraid of what could happen if you let yourself love her.”

  Jared rolled his eyes. “Thanks for the psychoanalysis, Dr. Phil.”

  Lydia’s face became serious, almost grim. “You are not your father.”

  “If you added my name after that sentence, you would have sounded like Obi-Wan Kenobi.” Jared tried to jest but deep down he knew she was right. He did fear commitment. He did fear that, somewhere inside him, he was exactly like his father. A no-good lowlife who would abandon his wife and kids.

  “Look. I know what you are going through. Ben and I…well…” It was the first time in many years Jared had seen a blush color Lydia’s cheekbones. “I love him. He loves me.”

  Jared gave her a whimsical smile. “I kinda guessed that.”

  Shaking her head, she continued, “I don’t think you understand. You know me, you know I need to be the Domme. Ben allows me to be that person but he also fills a hole in my heart. If you’d asked me six months ago, I’d have said you were crazy. Love and me don’t mix. Seems we do. We mesh. We just mesh so well.”

  “I’m happy for you, Lydia.” His heart felt like it was breaking, his chest tight, making it difficult to breathe, but he was happy for his friend.

  “Thanks. But Jared, you have to go to her. You have to explain to Tessa a Dominant and submissive can find an equal, fulfilling relationship in the real world, outside of the bedroom. You have to explain you’re not into the lifestyle. Yeah, you like a little Dom/sub sex play, but you don’t live the lifestyle 24/7. You have to give each other a chance.”

  He raked a hand through his hair, contemplating her words. “I don’t know what to say to her.”

  “The truth. You have to tell her the truth.”

  * * * * *

  Tessa slammed the door with such force, they probably felt it down in Mexico. Anger, hurt and betrayal surged through her body. She wanted to scream, lash out and cut off Jared Campbell’s dick with a blunt knife. On the other hand, she wanted to lock herself away and sob uncontrollably for a month. Or two.

  Jared had done a real number on her emotions. Losing herself and her dignity was what she’d been afraid of. She hated him. More than that, she hated herself for thinking they could share something other than lust. Someone who loved her would never give her to another man.

  Running up the stairs, she stripped off her shawl. The slave outfit repulsed her. She unhooked the skirt and let it pool on the floor. She stepped out of the material and tried to undo the eyes of the corset, fumbling with the laces. Tessa clawed at the fabric, not caring if she ripped the garment.

  Frustrated, she grabbed a pair of scissors from her dresser and cut. Small sobs escaped her throat as she worked. Finally out of the offending material, she balled it in her fists and threw it against the wall.

  Once she bundled herself into an old pair of jeans and a baggy sweater, Tessa sat on the bed. She hugged a pillow to her breasts. Closing her eyes, she let emotions wash over her. Jared had wanted to share her, her body, with another man. She imagined them laughing about it, high-fiving each other.

  Tears spilled over and she dashed them away. She would not cry for that bastard, not ever. Yet her heart ached for what could have been. She was a fool to think in terms of emotion, of love. To Jared, she’d been an amusement. Icy shards of pain stabbed into her heat. It was irrational to be so involved. As a rational person, she knew it was impossible to consider herself in love, but there was no denying it.

  It hurt so much.

  She mumbled a string of swear words. Jared had never once given any reason to indicate he cared about her. Sure, there were times while having sex when he’d mumble words of affection. There were times when they shared a meal or a conversation and she would catch him looking at her with something like rapture. It meant nothing. He’d never actually spoken of love, of his feelings. It was all in her poor, deluded mind.

  A thumping at her front door broke her gloomy self-pity routine. She scowled, wondering what the hell could be so urgent.

  “Tessa! Open the goddamn door!”

  Her foot froze on the stairs. How dare he? She narrowed her eyes, imagined heading into the kitchen for a meat cleaver and burying it right between Jared Campbell’s thighs.

  “Tessa! I know you’re in there. Open the door and let’s talk about this. I have some things I need to say.”

  Her fury boiled over. “Oh you have some things you need to say, huh? Some things like, ‘Get your panties off, slave’? Some things like, ‘Fuck my friend, slave’? Yeah, those are things I really want to hear right now.”

  Jared stopped the thumping. “Please, Tessa. Just open the door. We need to talk. Nick was an ass. He was wrong. Please.”

  “Fuck off, Jared.”

  Yeah, the comeback was real big of her but she didn’t have anything else to say. Maybe if she ignored him, he’d go away. She could go back to her room, bury her head in the sand and eat ice cream. Maybe she’d cry a few tears…

  Who was she kidding? She’d need to do a major repair job on her heart. No way in hell would she ever let him know that.

  “I’m countin’ to ten. If you don’t open this fuckin’ door, I’m gonna break it down.” His Texan accent was heavy and thick. Her heart clenched as she remembered it was just another thing she loved about him.

  “Touch that door, and I will call 9-1-1.” An empty threat, just like his threat to kick down the door. No sane man would kick down the door for a conversation.

  As the wood splintered, she realized Jared Campbell was not quite sane.

  He battled his way through the flying wood and chippings. Looking around, he searched the hallway and adjoining rooms. In a heartbeat, his gaze fixed on hers. His face set in a grimace, lips slashed thin, eyes blazing with fury.

  Tessa took a step back, up the stairs. She’d never been afraid of Jared, not once in all the time they’d spent together, but now, now was different.

  “Get out.” The tone she used was laced with venom. She might be afraid but she would never show Jared.

  As if sensing he wasn’t going to get anywhere playing the bully, he took a deep breath and stopped. He raised his hands slowly in surrender. “I just want to talk.” Moving forward, he sank onto the bottom step, back against the wall, and looked up at her. “Just hear me out.”

  Tessa stared down at him from the top of the staircase. The pinched features, the lines on his furrowed brow, made him look years older. Her heart ached for him. Ached for what they could have had together.

  Mirroring his actions, she sank down, perched on the top step and held onto the banister. She wanted a firm grip on something solid if she needed to bolt for the bathroom. It was the only door in the house that locked.

  He leaned his head against the wall and closed his eyes. Moments ticked by. “Nick was telling the truth. In the past, we have shared partners. He was a good friend. We used to be inseparable until I grew up and finally realized what an arrogant prick he is.”

  His eyes opened and he fixed his intent gaze on her. “But that was all in the past. Years ago. Every one of my partners was willing. I would never make anyone do something they are uncomfortable with. Ever. Things change, Tessa. People change. I hadn’t taken a woman in months. Everyone and everything in the lifestyle bored me. Women treated me like a plaything. Something to show off. A rich, successful Dom as a play partner.” He ran his hand through his hair. “I wanted more. I wanted a woman to be my equal outside the bedroom.”

  Tessa sighed. Her head pounded. A heavy feeling of despair lodged in her stomach. Words were just words. Sure, he would say that now. Now that he’d been caught out.

  “So you weren’t expecting me to have sex with him?” She shrugged. “You weren’t grooming me to share with your buddies like some sordid sex toy?”

  “No. I never want to share you with anyone.”

  The conviction and longing in his voice made her want to believe. “I don’t believe you.”

  He raked a
hand through his hair. A gesture she’d come to associate closely with Jared when he was nervous or contemplative. She wondered which one he was now.

  “Tessa, you have to believe me…I…”

  “You what?” She spat out the words. “What were you going to say, Jared? Surely the big, bad playboy isn’t lost for words.”

  Before she had a chance to blink, he launched himself off the stair and scrambled toward her. He grabbed her arms, and they struggled for dominance. Tessa clawed her way out of his grasp and clamored up the last step, away from him. He tackled her, pinning her to the floor. His hands on her body were rough. Blood rushed to her head, pounded in her ears. Adrenaline surged. She had to get away from him.

  “Fuck, Tessa! Stay still! I was gonna tell you I love you!”

  She went pliant in his arms. Completely still. “You can’t love me. You don’t know me.”

  Jared turned her over and she stared up at his face. His brow was furrowed, his eyes stormy-green orbs that danced with conviction. He placed his palms on the floor. “I know enough about you. You’re driving me insane. You’re under my damn skin.”

  Her chest heaved up and down and she felt like she’d been slapped. Her muscles ached, her cheeks burned. “That’s called lust.”

  He laughed. “You drive me fucking crazy, you know that?”

  He couldn’t possibly love her.

  She lifted her chin defiantly. “Screw you.”

  “Oh no, sugar. We already did that.” A hopeful smile appeared on his face.

  Tessa scowled.

  “I don’t know when it happened, but I love you.” He caressed her cheek. “I love your fire and your intelligence. Your passion. I love you, and I have no fucking idea what to do about it.”

  The look of desperation, of confusion, in his eyes made her reach up and touch his brow, smoothing away the lines etching the skin. All the fight seeped out of her.

  Relationships confused her. Sex, she understood. Basic human desires, she understood. When it came to emotions, her own emotions, she had no clue.