Christmas at Cade Ranch

by Karen Rock

  She shivered. James transferred both reins to one hand to wrap an arm around her shoulders. “Tell me about him.”

  “Nothing about me pleased him. He wanted the perfect daughter, and when I began rebelling, he shut me out.”

  “How?” He pulled Milly to a halt at the top of a lookout and they gazed down at the valley below, the occasional twinkle of a house light breaking up the gloom.

  “I was arrested for drug possession, and since it was my first offense, the judge wanted to be lenient. He gave me a week in jail, then house arrest for six months.”

  He waited when she stopped speaking. After a moment, she released a long, shuddering breath. “My dad refused to let me serve the time at home.”

  “He kicked you out?” He blinked at her, stunned.

  “Yep. Just walked out of the courtroom without a word. I ended up in a juvenile detention center and he never visited once. The day I got released, I waited and waited on the curb for him to come pick me up. I didn’t want to see him again, but where else was I supposed to go? I was just eighteen. A kid. He was the only family I had.” Her voice began picking up speed, rushing, tumbling. “I’d left messages on his answering machine, so he knew what time I got out. Still. I didn’t budge from that gate until one of the officers finished her shift and offered to give me a ride to a homeless shelter in Albuquerque.”

  He pulled her as close as he could with a snoozing Javi between them. “I’m sorry.”

  “I knew he was mad at me. Disappointed. Disgusted, even, but that—that was when I realized he hated me.”

  “Hate is a pretty strong word.”

  “I wasn’t ever good enough or worthy of his love. I guess that’s why I...”

  “Why?” he prompted.

  “Why I never believe anyone can love me. Not even Javi.” Her voice grew muffled as she ducked her head and seemed to fold inward, shoulders rounding. “Not if he knew every awful thing about me. The truth.”

  His heart contracted so hard it hurt. “Javi loves you. That wouldn’t change if you told him about your addiction.”

  “Yes, it would. No one can love the person I used to be.”

  He opened his mouth and the words I do nearly flew out. With lips clamped shut, he breathed in, then out through his nose, thinking hard.

  Surely by now, her father must regret turning Sofia aside. Any parent would. Most likely he’d been caught up in the moment, blinded by his anger, stubborn, furious that he’d failed to control his daughter and watched, helpless, as she’d slipped into a world of drugs.

  He thought back to his own angry words with Jesse, how he hadn’t meant to deny his brother the right to come home so much as he’d wanted to teach him a lesson...and then it’d all gone horribly wrong. If he could have a second chance, a do-over to make that right, he’d take it in a heartbeat.

  Perhaps Sofia’s father felt the same way.

  If James could locate him, invite him to the holiday party, then he and Sofia might make amends. Once her father saw how far Sofia had come, he would forgive her and Sofia would feel good about herself. Worthy. Lovable. See that she was perfect just as she was—not how others expected her to be. And maybe, just maybe, she’d decide she didn’t need to go to Portland to prove herself after all.

  He might not be free to love her the way he wanted to, but he could love her from afar while still having her in his life. He would be damn lucky for even that much.

  “Does your father still live in Albuquerque?”

  “Possibly. Why?” When she raised her face, the moonlight cascaded across her lovely features, the sight so beautiful it sucked the air right out of him.

  “No reason.” Then, after another pause where they listened to the trees rustle and watched the stars appear and disappear above scuttling clouds, he said, “You know, you don’t have to be like everyone else to be important.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “People want and need and value you because of who you are. Because of your story. Because of your challenges. That’s what makes you unique.”

  She leaned closer still, lifted her face to his, and her sweet breath rushed across his chin. “James. That’s beautiful.”

  “You’re beautiful.” And then, unable to help himself, he brushed her lips with a brief, tender kiss before turning Milly around and heading back home.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  “IT’S LOVELY, SOFIA!”

  At Joy’s exclamation, Sofia tore her eyes from the transformed feed barn the following day and returned the woman’s smile, her heart so light it could float right out of her chest.

  Everywhere her eyes landed, the vast, open space captivated her attention—the foam “snow” they’d heaped along the walls and in corners, the rotating “stars” projected on the dark ceiling, the streams of silver snowflakes that fluttered from the rafters and the miniature “forest” they’d created at the entrance with four large artificial Christmas trees, creating a bower for the guests to stroll through. A Narnia movie set couldn’t have been prettier or more magical.

  “Not too much?”

  “There’s no such thing as too much when it comes to Christmas. Right, Ma?” Jared swung his mother into a hug, then twirled her around in a quick two-step to the country Christmas tune playing from Justin’s DJ table. In a pine-green cable-knit sweater and a chocolate-brown rancher’s hat that matched his polished boots, Jared was all smooth, Western cowboy charm.

  “Just like you can’t be too skinny or too rich.” Joy laughed, easing back, slightly breathless. Color ran high in her cheeks and her hazel eyes sparkled behind her glasses.

  Since her secret date with Boyd, she’d been full of giddy smiles and faraway looks. It’d thrilled Sofia when Boyd RSVP’d to her last-minute Evite and agreed not to spoil the surprise for Joy. She couldn’t wait for the pair to go public with their new relationship at tomorrow’s party. She also feared that if any of the Cades knew ahead of time they’d shut down the idea before giving it a chance—especially James. Guilt over hiding it from him rolled heavy in her stomach. He’d labored tirelessly beside her all week. Was she wrong to keep him in the dark?

  Joy’s smile snared her attention again and firmed up Sofia’s conviction. She would not let this wonderful woman spend another holiday without a love of her own.

  Sofia would bear the brunt of any anger and keep Joy from being blamed if need be. The lesser of two evils.

  Hopefully, with everyone in a happy, charitable holiday mood tomorrow night, all would be forgiven and the families could at last mend their feud. They wouldn’t dare get into a fight at a party, for goodness’ sake. It wasn’t like they were bloodthirsty heathens. Plus, Joy and Boyd deserved this second chance with their children’s support.

  If only Sofia’s new beginning didn’t entail her leaving the people she’d grown to love. Especially James.

  “And no one can ever ride too well,” Jewel added, stopping to link her arm through Sofia’s. A scarlet head scarf, flecked with the paint she’d used to create the “stained glass” winter scenes she’d created on the windows, concealed all but the ends of her mahogany braids. James had staked spotlights in the ground beneath the windows to make each picture glow to life.

  “Or eat enough barbecue.” Justin ambled over with his familiar stalking gait, teeth flashing white against his short, dark beard in a rare smile. A faint peppery scent, along with the cold, emanated from his white-dusted leather jacket. The black-and-blue encircling his left eye socket and his red, cut knuckles suggested another barn brawl last night. “Just finished setting up the pit for the pig roast.”

  “Thanks, Justin. Thanks, everybody.” Sofia gazed at the people she now considered family. “I couldn’t have done this without you.”

  Joy slipped an arm around Sofia and squeezed. “We only helped here and there. You and Ja
mes did all the heavy lifting.”

  “Where is James, anyway?” Justin asked.

  “Look, Mama!”

  Sofia’s pulse slammed at the sight of her son near the tip-top of a twenty-foot ladder. With tall, broad-shouldered James right behind him, Javi secured a white unicorn piñata that immediately showered glitter on the carefully swept and mopped barn floor. Where had James found that crazy thing? Or any of the outlandish decorations festooning the walls? When Javi suggested a Narnia theme, James had gone all out locating decorations that’d turned this old feed barn into a fairyland.

  “It’s beautiful!” she called, as was the rest of the room. They’d hauled over the psychedelic electronic tree, which now rotated with a mechanical hum in a far corner. Wrapped presents, which had been arriving for the past couple of days via the Secret Santa Sofia had arranged, were heaped beneath the synthetic branches. Tables bedecked in shining silver coverings and evergreen, pinecone and red-ribbon bowers awaited the dozens and dozens of cookies she and James had wearily finished baking this afternoon. White candles, encased in old-fashioned wrought-iron lanterns, appeared at regular intervals. Sofia could already imagine their ambient glow and vanilla scent when they lit them tomorrow. At the far end, James and Jewel had hauled in the sleigh and glammed it up with red and green garlands for photo ops.

  “You two be careful up there!” Joy hurried to the ladder.

  Sofia watched her, marveling. She never would have imagined seeing a project through to the end like this before. Yet somehow, she’d managed—hopefully—to arrange for nearly everything: music, food, activities, decorations, invitations. It struck her suddenly that maybe she was good at party planning, bringing families and communities together, the two things she’d never had growing up.

  A career like this would complete her in a way she’d never imagined possible. She now understood the value of sticking with something through its ups and downs without a guarantee. While the comfortable, secure medical office job in Portland had its merits, she wondered if event planning was her true calling. If tomorrow went off without a hitch, maybe she should reconsider her future.

  “Careful on the way down,” she heard Joy cry as James wrapped an arm around Javi as they descended.

  She recalled a ranch board meeting where they’d debated renting out this barn for weddings and other events for additional revenue. Could she start her own business here? Give Javi a home on Cade Ranch where he belonged?

  Relapse was a real threat and not ever truly outrun. But she’d learned to face it in NA. Perhaps she didn’t need to leave Carbondale or reinvent herself to control her worst demons. Maybe she was fine just the way she was. Faults and all.

  Her eyes lifted and met James’s when his feet hit the ground. The longing she spied in their depths shook her deeply. It matched her own. Did he care for her as she cared for him? Last night, his quick, tender kiss had left her speechless.

  Yet now she was full of questions she didn’t know if she dared to ask.

  Yesterday, she’d confessed a secret so dark and deep she hadn’t even admitted it to herself, that her mistakes made her unlovable. Yet James insisted the opposite, that her flaws, her weaknesses, her hardships were her strengths. He made her feel beautiful and worthy and special and she ached to tell him how much he meant to her, too.

  “Are you all set?” Jared asked.

  When she nodded, his strong arms engulfed her in a quick hug. Then, to her surprise, his brother and sister followed suit. “Thanks for all this,” he rasped. “What you’ve done for Ma—”

  “For all of us,” Jewel interrupted. “After Jesse, we stopped being a family. You reminded us there isn’t anything more important. Made us remember who we were.”

  “What she said,” Justin said, gruff, his eyes squinty and raw. He tipped his black hat. “Much appreciated.”

  “Oh. No. Really. Thank you for taking me and Javi in. I’m—I’m really going to miss you.”

  Jewel squeezed the air out of Sofia in another hug. “Me, too. I always wanted a sister. Now we’ve got each other. Much better than these clowns.”

  Jared’s lips curled. “Yeah. I always wanted a sister, too. Thanks, Sofia.”

  “What he said,” Justin added, then instinctively jerked away from Jewel’s possible left arm jab.

  “That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said about me,” she crowed instead, smile wide and beaming.

  “Ah. Come on, Jewel. Everyone knows you’re the toughest Cade sibling.”

  Jewel nodded, pleased as punch. With a wave, the teasing, affectionate trio clomped outside. A burst of frigid air momentarily overpowered the space heaters when they opened, then shut the oversize door.

  “Sofia? What’s wrong?”

  She brushed the damp from her eyes as Joy approached.

  “Nothing.”

  “Nothing?”

  “I know this sounds weird, but I’ve never been so happy and it’s making me cry.”

  Joy rubbed her arm. “I know what you mean, honey.”

  “I just wish it didn’t have to end.”

  “Does it have to?”

  Sofia felt Joy’s gaze on her as she studied James and Javi admiring decorations. “I can’t stay here,” she whispered.

  “Because of James?”

  Sofia whirled. Her lips parted, but before she could speak, Joy held up a hand.

  “I don’t mean to pry, but I can’t help noticing the way you two look at each other. You’re in love with him.”

  Sofia nodded, glum. “I’ve no right to, but...I’m sorry.”

  “Sorry?”

  “I should be here with Jesse. Not James. This isn’t the way it was supposed to happen.”

  “Who’s to say what’s supposed to happen? What’s right? Jesse died—a terrible tragedy—but from that, you and Javi came to me. So maybe life does have a greater plan, an unknowable one, and perhaps it’s better that way...not to know. Don’t let guilt stop you from finding happiness the way it did for me and Boyd. We’ve both been widowed for many long lonely years, and if it hadn’t been for you bringing us together, we wouldn’t have found each other again.”

  “I hadn’t thought of it that way.”

  “Love brought you here. Don’t let it drive you away. Jesse would want you to be happy.”

  “Am I interrupting?” James’s deep voice set her heartbeat soaring.

  “Nope.” Joy reached up and brushed a fleck of glitter off his cheek. “In fact, I was just offering to put Javi to bed so you two could finish up.”

  The music filled in the quiet after Joy and Javi disappeared. In the still moment, Sofia was acutely conscious of the rise and fall of James’s chest and the faint, spicy scent of his aftershave.

  “What would Jesse want you to be happy about?”

  She studied him a long moment, terrified to share the feelings brimming inside her. “You.”

  “Me?”

  She ducked her head. “Forget it.” Stupid idea. This brave, honesty thing.

  James slid his hand in hers, checking her forward flight. “I can’t forget it.” His tone had turned ferocious. Fierce. His eyes blazed. “I can’t forget a single thing about you. The way your gums show just a little too much when you’re smiling big and natural. That squinty left eye you get when I’ve really fired you up. The way you smell first thing in the morning, like warm milk heated with vanilla, and the way you make me feel every time your eyes meet mine.”

  She stepped closer and twined her other hand in his. Deep inside, her heart drummed. “And how do I make you feel?”

  The music shuffled to a slow, dreamy tune and he swept her in his arms.

  “Let me show you,” he whispered, his thumb roaming over the back of her hand in a sweet, subtle stroke. “Dance with me?”

  * * *<
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  JAMES PULLED SOFIA closer and urged her backward so that they glided across the sparkling floor. A lush, instrumental tune floated in the air, in his bloodstream, fogging up his thoughts, leaving him free to simply indulge in the magical feel of her moving nimbly against him. He stroked a hand down her spine, then settled it on the sweet curve of her waist. His gaze locked with hers.

  “God, you’re beautiful,” he said, the words hoarse and gruff with the tumbling emotions swelling inside.

  When she ducked her head, he gently pressed a fingertip beneath her chin until she lifted her face and met his eyes again. “Please don’t hide from me.”

  “I wasn’t. I just feel—feel—”

  Their bodies swayed as one, jigsaw pieces fitting where the edges and curves and angles snapped together into something bigger, something unbreakable.

  “—so happy,” she finished. A tremor shook through her and he tugged her nearer still, his protective instincts rising as they always did around her, the urge to care for her body and soul seizing him. “You make me so happy.”

  His heart beat a fast tap. “And that’s a bad thing?”

  “Because of Jesse.”

  He cupped the back of her head, guided it down to his shoulder and closed his eyes, savoring her warm softness as they slowly twirled. A blast of heat from one of the space heaters curled around their feet. “You want him here.”

  It was more a statement than a question. Of course she liked his fun-loving, easygoing brother more. Jesse had charmed everyone while James, well... He’d always been the uptight, controlling Cade whom people respected but didn’t shine to too exactly.

  He’d never minded that role until now, when he desperately wished this woman might return his feelings.

  Her glossy black mane swung back from her face as she tilted it to study him. “No. I feel guilty because I’m glad you’re here and not—not—Jesse.” Tears welled in her eyes. “That makes me a monster.”

  He cupped her shaking shoulders and their feet stilled. Something exploded in his chest. His heart maybe. She cared about him. She experienced the same powerful emotions that had taken him by storm from the moment he’d laid eyes on her. “Then I’m one, too, because I want you here, would have wanted you even if Jesse had brought you home, and I’m glad I don’t have to compete for you.”