The Wrong Lawyer

by Donald W. Desaulniers

  The lady smiled and then whispered something in her sister’s ear. The brunette turned around and evaluated me like a piece of meat.

  Both women were quite attractive and somewhat older than the other patrons at the dance. The brunette was actually a real stunner and it was immediately obvious that I wasn’t her cup of tea as she took in my suit from top to bottom. I had the disquieting thought that perhaps Corbett had been right for once.

  I felt like mentioning that I could get them a great deal on a used car.

  I must have failed their loser alert test because the brunette shook her head and the blonde, who appeared embarrassed, delivered the bad news.

  “Thank you so much for the invitation, but I guess my sister wants to sit alone with me. I’m so sorry.”

  “That’s quite all right. I didn’t mean to be pushy. Have a great time tonight.”

  I turned around to face the bar and ordered my beer.

  When I got back to the table, thankfully the music stopped and the disc jockey announced that he was taking a short break.

  “I’ve been shot down already,” I moaned to Corbett and I proceeded to tell him about my offer and the subsequent rejection.

  He broke out laughing and poured salt on my wound by remarking, “It’s a tough call trying to figure out whether it was the suit that sealed the deal or your homely mug.”

  I glanced up and noticed that the two sisters were still strolling around looking for a place to sit. I kicked Corbett under the table and said, “The brunette over there is the one who judged me unworthy.”

  Jim swung around to get a better look and gushed, “Wow, she’s a real knockout and that dress must have cost a thousand bucks. Cheer up, loser; it was definitely your clothes. That girl obviously has an eye for quality. To put it in words that even you can understand, we simply sent the wrong lawyer out on reconnaissance. Let’s see if my suit meets her taste test.”

  Corbett stood up and purposely walked near the sisters on his way to the bar.

  The blonde totally ignored him but I watched the brunette scan Corbett and then drink him in as he strode past her. He did have the knack of exuding success.

  The women stood in place while Jim fetched his fresh drink and returned. When the brunette realized that Jim was with me, she whispered to her sister and a moment later they made a beeline to our table.

  “Is the offer still open to join you distinguished gentlemen?” the brunette inquired.

  I looked up as if in surprise and replied, “Of course, ladies; welcome to our table. I’m Tom Kennedy and this is Jim Corbett.”

  “So nice to meet you,” the brunette answered. “I’m Lynne Wright and this is my sister, Linda Page.”

  That was the only time that Lynne even acknowledged my presence. From the moment she sat down, she was focused on Corbett. Although it was a bit insulting, I had an aversion to high maintenance women anyway, and I began chatting with Linda.

  “What made you decide to come out dancing tonight?” she inquired.

  “It was Jim’s idea. We were having drinks at his place when he decided that retirement was boring and dredged up the ad for this dance in today’s newspaper. Are you a member of the charity board or something?”

  “No, we had to join the charity at the entrance. Lynne broke off with her latest short-term boyfriend a couple of weeks ago and dragged me here to keep her company. She isn’t used to being alone. The music is awful, though.”

  “It sure is, and obnoxiously loud. I’ve never been a great dancer anyway, but I don’t think I’d even know how to dance to any of the songs I’ve heard so far.”

  “I probably shouldn’t be here in the first place,” Linda admitted. “My husband passed away four months ago and I’d be mortified if any of my friends or family saw me here sitting with a man, but when Lynne wants to do something, there’s no way to persuade her otherwise. You mentioned that you were retired. Where did you work?”

  “I ran my own one-man law practice here in town. Jim and I were classmates in law school and have been best friends ever since then. He was the senior partner in the law firm Corbett & Kaufmann over on Johnson Street just behind the Court House. We both retired last September. Do you work here in town?”

  “No, I just moved back to Kingston last month from Ottawa. I grew up here and my parents still live in town in the house we grew up in. My sister only moved back to Kingston in April from Toronto and I felt a need to be close to my family after Paul died. I was a public school teacher for 20 years but for the past several years I had worked for Paul doing his books and acting as receptionist.”

  “What sort of business did he have?”

  “Paul was a private investigator in Ottawa and often dealt with lawyers. What type of law did you practice?”

  “I handled real estate transactions, Wills and estates mainly. Family law and criminal work held no interest for me. Jim did a lot of court work and occasionally required the services of a private investigator. Did you ever help Paul with his cases?”

  “Only in an indirect way, like giving him a ride somewhere when he didn’t want his own vehicle to be seen in the area. I never sat with him on stakeouts or anything like that, but he had a tendency to tell me all about his work.”

  At that moment the loud speakers began blaring out an incomprehensible and irritating rap song. Conversation was impossible. I had been enjoying my chat with Linda and let out a big sigh which nobody heard.

  I glanced over at Corbett. Lynne was yelling something into his ear and he nodded in acquiescence. Then Lynne leaned over to Linda and yelled, “We’re all going over to Jim’s condo.”

  CHAPTER 3 (A Fun Evening)

  The four of us stood up and made our way out of the ballroom.

  “We arrived in a cab,” Jim explained. “How did you girls get here?”

  “We came in my car,” Linda replied. “Where do you live?”

  “Just a few blocks away on Ontario Street,” Jim answered.

  It was obvious to me that Linda was uncomfortable heading off to a man’s apartment but Jim and Lynne had by now rushed on ahead of us toward the hotel’s parking garage.

  “Are you okay with this, Linda? Our companions didn’t bother to consult with us.”

  “I’m not entirely sure what to think, Tom. In a way I feel like I’m betraying Paul.”

  “I understand completely. I suppose one alternative would be just to drop the three of us off and you could drive home yourself. Lynne could go home in a cab later.”

  “If I did that, would you go up to Jim’s place with them?”

  “I don’t think so. I get the distinct impression that they don’t want a third wheel hanging around.”

  “Where do you live?”

  “I live in the same building as Jim.”

  “Do you share an apartment?”

  “No, we’ve each got our own units. Jim’s is a huge suite up on the penthouse level and I’m in a one-bedroom unit down on the second floor. As you’ve probably already noticed, Corbett and I are completely different. He’s quite ostentatious and charismatic whereas I’m very frugal and a bit shy. Anyone who knows both of us can’t believe how we’ve stayed friends for so long.”

  “I hear you, Tom. If Lynne and I weren’t sisters, we would probably loathe each other. She’s the glamorous outgoing one and I’m the quiet also-ran. It’s been like that ever since we were kids. I’m a year older but could never compete with Lynne. She was always the better athlete, got higher marks and drove all the boys crazy.”

  Linda looked up at me and smiled.

  “That settles it. Let’s join them and rain on their parade. They won’t be able to work their magic on each other with two wet-blankets getting in the way.”

  I sat in the front seat with Linda.

  “This is my sister’s old rust bucket,” Lynne teased. “I wanted to come in my SUV but since Linda is the designated driver tonight, she insisted on driving her own car.”

  “What year is the car, Li
nda?” I asked.

  “It’s a 2004 but the little peach has only logged 71,000 miles and still runs great.”

  “I understand completely. My car is a 2002 Chevy Cavalier and it’s just on the cusp of hitting 65,000 miles. I’m keeping it until it conks out.”

  Corbett couldn’t resist the temptation to belittle my beloved little beauty.

  “Tell us about the lack of air conditioning or the windows that have to be cranked down, Kennedy. I lose more in depreciation on each of my own vehicles every year than Kennedy paid for his shit-box when it was brand new.”

  Lynne laughed so hard that I was afraid she was going to pee in her designer dress.

  Linda glanced over at me, smiled and rolled her eyes in sympathy.

  I directed Linda to one of the visitor spots and we entered the main foyer of our building. It was an impressive condominium complex. Originally there was a 24-hour doorman, but the owners had voted to dispose of that luxury a few years back when the world economy seemed to be on the brink of collapse.

  Linda nudged me in the ribs on the elevator ride up to the penthouse. When I looked down at her she indicated that I should look at her sister.

  Lynne had wrapped her arm through Corbett’s and was crowding him like some lovesick teenager. They were lost in a private conversation.

  I whispered to Linda. “Wait until your sister sees Corbett’s suite. She may have an instant orgasm.”

  Linda blushed and whispered back, “You’re naughty.”

  Jim certainly was blessed with the gift of showmanship.

  The apartment was in darkness as we stepped inside and suddenly Corbett flipped all the switches simultaneously, bathing the foyer and huge living-room in dazzling light.

  Lynne actually gasped.

  All I saw was a colossal waste of money squandered on tacky symbols of opulence. Linda didn’t seem particularly impressed, but Lynne acted as if she had just stepped through the gates of Heaven.

  “Oh, Jim, this is glorious. I can’t wait to see the rest of the unit.”

  Corbett wasn’t finished with his dog and pony show.

  He pressed a button on the wall and the drapes automatically opened on both the south and east windows.

  He switched off the lights and the city of Kingston was spread out before us. It wasn’t Las Vegas or Paris, but I had to admit it was still a very impressive night-time display.

  When the lights came back on, Jim asked what everyone wanted to drink.

  Lynne opted to join Jim in savoring a snifter of Courvoisier.

  Linda just wanted coffee and I decided to have the same.

  “Tom, why don’t you put on a pot of coffee while I show the ladies the rest of my humble abode and prepare our liqueurs?”

  “I’ll stay out here and keep Tom company while you show Lynne around,” Linda insisted.

  Jim and Lynne sauntered off arm in arm on the grand tour.

  “It is a beautiful apartment,” Linda acknowledged.

  “Corbett earned it,” I replied. “He worked crushing hours for decades and he seems to need visible signs of his success all around him.”

  “What about you?” Linda asked.

  “I’m just wired differently. I was also quite successful financially and worked fairly hard, but my frugal upbringing has stuck with me. It hurts me to spend money unnecessarily.”

  “I’m probably somewhere in between,” Linda opined. “I don’t mind spending money on something I really like, but the obvious display of wealth in here makes me uncomfortable rather than envious. You may be right about Lynne soiling her dress. This is precisely up her alley.”

  We made small talk while the coffee was percolating and then we carried our cups into the living-room and sat side-by-side on one of the large sofas.

  “Have you been married?” Linda asked.

  “Yes, for 15 years, but I’ve been on my own for the past 15 years.”

  “What about Jim?”

  “Our marital histories are almost identical, give or take a few months. How long were you married?”

  “Paul and I were together for 31 years. Do you or Jim have any children?”

  “Neither of us ever had kids. How about you?”

  “I’ve got a son who is 29. Jeremy lives in Ottawa with his current girlfriend.”

  “Now that you’re living in Kingston, are you planning on getting a job somewhere?”

  “The jury’s still out on that issue. Since Paul died I’ve been busy settling the estate and selling our house. For the time being I’m living back home with my parents. It seemed sensible to live in Kingston for a while before deciding whether to buy or rent here. I can certainly get by without a job but I’m not yet confident that I’m ready for a life of leisure on my own. I just turned 55 last month and a job would certainly fill a lot of my time.”

  “I retired about six weeks after my 60th birthday and I just hit 61 in July.”

  “Do you like retirement so far?”

  “I can’t say that I’m crazy about it. I don’t miss work at all, but the time does tend to drag a bit now. I don’t play golf but I do play duplicate bridge two or three times a week. It’s a bit disquieting to feel unproductive all the time.”

  “Do you date much?”

  “Hardly at all; it’s been a few years since I’ve even been out on a date and I haven’t had a serious girlfriend since I got divorced. While I was working, I never really had the time to develop a relationship. Running the business was extremely time-consuming and I was never good at delegating responsibility. Now that I’m retired, I have felt lonely at times.”

  “What about Jim?”

  “He was regularly getting hit on after his marriage broke up, so Jim was dating a lot for quite a while after his divorce. For the past few years I guess we’ve both been remiss in that department. It was unprecedented for us to attend that dance tonight. I assume that Lynne is seldom without a boyfriend.”

  “My sister has loads of opportunities to meet new men, but she generally dumps most guys after a date or two. It’s been several years since she’s had a serious relationship. So far she hasn’t thought much of the quality of the men she’s met in Kingston.”

  “I assume that you haven’t dated yet.”

  “Oh, no; in fact, this is the first night that I’ve gone out any place where I might even meet a man.”

  “How does it feel so far chatting with a stranger?”

  “Actually it feels darn good. It must be just like riding a bicycle. Do you enjoy getting grilled by an inquisitive woman or do you wish I’d just shut up and leave?”

  I chuckled.

  “I’m having a great time, which is truly surprising. When Corbett insisted on dragging me off to that dance, I was complaining bitterly that it was going to be dreadful.”

  “I said almost the identical thing to Lynne. Speaking of my sister, I wonder what those two are up to.”

  “Corbett is probably pointing out every expensive item in every single room and bragging about where and when he acquired each precious treasure.”

  As if on cue, Jim and Lynne appeared from the hallway, drinks in hand, and sat down across from us.

  “You missed a breathtaking tour, Linda. Every room is magnificent. In fact, I’m sticking around for the late tour, so I won’t need you to drive me home. I know how badly you want to get back to Mom and Dad’s place before they go to bed.”

  Linda seemed startled by this unexpected development but gracefully stood up and said, “I guess that’s our hint that our presence is no longer required, Tom. Can I impose on you to walk me to my car? Thanks for having us over, Jim. It is a beautiful suite. Don’t let my sister corrupt you too badly.”

  We said goodnight to Jim and Lynne and departed. I pressed the button for the elevator.

  “I’m going to be unforgivably forward, Tom, but would you mind showing me your own apartment? I’m completely curious as to what it will look like.”

  “I’ll be pleased to show you, Linda, but y
ou’ve got to realize that I’m a bachelor who just sees my place as somewhere to reside. It’s extremely ordinary and I have no imagination when it comes to design or decoration.”

  We stepped off the elevator at the second floor and I opened the door to my unit while desperately trying to remember if I had left it in an utter mess.

  In truth it was a nice apartment. The entrance foyer and living-room were a lot smaller than Jim’s and there was no attached dining-room in my unit, but the kitchen was generously sized.

  The vast difference was in the décor. Jim’s walls were adorned with expensive paintings. Mine sported numerous pictures from various holidays.

  Corbett had filled his rooms with top quality furniture and antiques. My stuff was old and worn but comfortable.

  “I obviously got stuck with the wrong lawyer,” Linda blurted out as soon as I had switched the light on.

  I didn’t know how to respond but Linda immediately broke out in laughter.

  “I’m just teasing you, Tom. This apartment is quite lovely,” Linda opined. “It’s almost exactly how I pictured it would look. I take it that you like to travel.”

  “That’s been my one extravagance. I found that taking frequent vacations helped me manage the stress at work.”

  “Do you holiday with Jim?”

  “No; we tried it once shortly after our divorces, but we’re too incompatible on a trip. He wants to eat in the finest restaurants and see the most expensive shows, whereas I like reasonably priced eating establishments and enjoy taking scenic tours. Since that one joint trip, I’ve always travelled alone. Did you and Paul holiday often?”

  “Paul detested the hassles of travel. Other than our honeymoon in Hawaii, we only took two other trips together. His idea of a perfect vacation was staying home and doing nothing. Lynne and I occasionally flew off somewhere but as I’m sure you discovered this evening, we’re not well matched either.”

  Linda spotted some frayed spots on both my matching couches and bent down to examine them, revealing her hot little bum. I chastised myself for beginning to get aroused.

  “Do you have cats?” she asked.

  “You’ve got a good eye for detail. I did have two cats here for many years but they both passed away last year.”