Seeking Sarah

by ReShonda Tate Billingsley

  “Mommy,” Sunny called. “Come on.”

  “Let me finish up here,” my mother said. “Can you wait?”

  “No. Go see about your daughter,” I said, cursing the tear that had found its way out.

  She took my hand, and though I wanted to snatch it away, I relished her touch. “Please, Brooke, can you come by my school so we can talk? After school, please. I work at—”

  “I know where you work,” I said, cutting her off. “Fine. I’ll be there. I need to hear this doozy of a lie in detail.”

  She didn’t reply, instead just squeezed my hand and said, “I’ll see you then.” And then walked away.

  CHAPTER 28

  * * *

  I needed to let Alex go. I already felt bad about using him, because he really was a nice guy. But it was just a matter of time before the truth about me came out.

  That’s why I’d agreed to let him come by when he called and said he wanted to bring me something. I hadn’t figured out how I’d break our friendship off. I just knew that I would.

  “Hey, come on in,” I said, opening the door. Though we’d met up often, this was his first time at my place.

  He leaned in, kissed my cheek, and made his way inside. “Hey, beautiful.” He looked around. “Nice apartment.”

  “This is a friend’s place. She’s hardly here, so it worked out perfectly.”

  He smiled, then handed me a book. I should have known that was what he wanted to bring.

  “Well, thanks for letting me swing by. I just wanted to bring you an advance copy of Daniel Black’s new book.”

  “Thanks,” I said, taking it.

  Maybe one day I actually would get into reading.

  “I was also hoping you could take a look at my essay for my contemporary lit class.”

  I sighed. Reading a college essay was nowhere on the list of things I wanted to do today. Still, I said, “Sure.”

  “Thanks. Do you have anything to drink?” he asked as he sat down, pulled some books out of his backpack, and opened them up like he was going to be here a while.

  My doorbell rang just as I was about to head to the kitchen. I made a U-turn and went to open the door. My mouth fell open in shock when I glanced out the peephole.

  I swung the door open. “What are you doing here?”

  “Hello to you, too.”

  The sight of my ex-fiancé made my heart flutter. In an I-miss-you-and-what-the-hell-are-you-doing-popping-up kind of way. He wore jeans and Timberland boots and a purple pullover. Another time, another place, I would have been unable to contain my desire.

  “I need to talk to you. Can I come in?” he asked.

  “How did you know my address?”

  “April gave it to me.”

  I made a mental note to curse my cousin out.

  “Don’t be mad at her,” he continued. “She told me she came down and she is seriously worried about you.” When I didn’t move, he repeated, “Again, can we talk?”

  I looked back over my shoulder. Alex was watching me with hawk eyes.

  “Fine,” I said, and stepped aside.

  Alex immediately stood. Trent didn’t bother to hide his shock as he stepped into the living room.

  “Oh . . . you have company?” The hurt in his voice hurt my heart and I quickly stepped up to explain.

  “Alex, this is Trent. Trent, Alex.”

  Alex gave a “what’s up” nod.

  Trent didn’t bother to return his greeting. Instead he turned to me. “Are you tutoring?” he asked, motioning toward the textbooks Alex had strewn out on the coffee table.

  “And you would be?” Alex asked, which of course, caused Trent to buck up.

  “Her fiancé,” he said, taking a step in Alex’s face. “Who the hell are you?”

  I immediately stepped in between them. “Trent is my ex-fiancé,” I reminded him. “Alex, excuse us, please.” I grabbed Trent’s hand and all but dragged him out the front door.

  “You have a lot of nerve,” I said once we were outside. “What in the world are you doing here?”

  His eyebrows scrunched together, his signature move when he was fighting back fury. “I came to Atlanta thinking maybe I could come talk some sense into my fiancée, but obviously, it looks like you’ve moved on.”

  I sighed. “Trent, this is not what it seems.”

  “Said every person who’s ever been busted cheating,” he snapped.

  “Really? I am not cheating, Trent.” I grabbed his arm and pulled him farther away from the door.

  “So is that why you didn’t want to marry me?” he asked. The pain in his voice sent a pang in my heart.

  “Don’t be ridiculous, Trent.” I released a frustrated sigh. “That’s Sarah’s son.”

  “Your mother, Sarah?” he asked.

  He paused. Looked back toward the door, then back at me.

  “Yes.” I folded my arms and looked behind me to make sure Alex hadn’t opened the door. “Her stepson. She adopted him when he was thirteen.”

  “Oh.” He looked confused. “So why didn’t you introduce him as that?”

  “Because he doesn’t know who I am.”

  “What?”

  “Look, I befriended him and I’m just trying to get some information.” I hated telling Trent all the details, since he hadn’t been supportive of this whole thing, but I didn’t want him to think I was getting with another guy—despite the fact that we’d broken up.

  Alex opened the door and stepped out.

  “Everything okay?” he asked.

  “Yes,” I replied. “Just let me finish this, then I’ll be right in.”

  Trent stared at me like he couldn’t believe any of this. Alex hesitated, then took a protective step toward me.

  “Really?” Trent said with a slight chuckle. “Yo, bruh. This doesn’t have anything to do with you.”

  “I’m not your bruh,” Alex replied. He was slowly balling and unballing his fists. “And I’m just making sure Mona’s okay.”

  Trent cocked his head and gave me a look, then turned back to Alex. “Well, considering that she’s my fiancée, you don’t need to check me,” Trent said.

  Alex stepped closer, not the least bit intimidated, even though Trent had to have at least four inches and forty pounds on him.

  “Dude, this ain’t what you want,” Trent said.

  I put a hand on Alex’s arm. “Really, Alex. I’m okay. Just go back inside. I’ll be in in a minute.”

  “Yeah, son. You heard her. Go back inside.” While Trent never had been one to back down, he wasn’t the aggressive type, so this whole tough-guy persona was out of character for him.

  “I got your ‘son,’ ” Alex said.

  Before I could say anything else, Alex charged Trent. It only took a second for Trent to break out his military training and put Alex in a headlock.

  “Stop!” I screamed.

  Alex flailed, trying to break free.

  Trent squeezed, lifting Alex like he was a rag doll. “You want to try me, lil’ boy?”

  “Trent, let him go!” I screamed, pulling at his arm.

  Trent’s grip was strong but Alex wasn’t giving in. He kicked and slapped at Trent. It didn’t faze Trent.

  “I’ll let you go but you’d better calm down before you get hurt,” Trent said, shaking him.

  “Please, let him go,” I cried.

  Trent released his grip, pushing Alex up against the wall. I thought the rage in Alex’s eyes was going to propel him to charge again. But he must have realized that he was no match because he stood, glaring, his cheeks puffed, his chest heaving.

  “Alex, please. It’s okay. Just go back inside,” I pleaded, my hand on his chest.

  He paused a second, but then turned and went back in.

  “You’d better get your little brother in check,” Trent hissed, jabbing a finger in my face.

  “Would you stop saying that?” I whispered. “And what’s with you and this Rambo act?

  “I don’t start
fights, but I will end them.” He paced the walkway, trying to calm himself down. “And who the hell is Mona?”

  I sighed, wondering how this day had escalated into this drama.

  “I couldn’t very well tell him my name,” I said.

  I could tell Trent was exasperated with me. He liked structure, and control, and having this situation be beyond his control was frustrating on a whole other level.

  “But I still don’t understand why you’re here,” I said. “You haven’t returned my calls or texts and you just show up here? What’s up with that?”

  “I told you. I’m tired, Brooke. You need to shut this down and come home.”

  “Don’t worry about me. I got this.”

  “So, it’s like that?”

  “Just go back to Raleigh and if I need you, I’ll let you know.”

  He stood, staring at me. His tone was much calmer now. And bore an eeriness that frightened me. “So, it doesn’t matter to you that our relationship is falling apart?”

  “If our relationship couldn’t survive this, we don’t have much of a relationship.”

  He bit his lip as he shook his head. “If you send me away . . . if you don’t put an end to it . . .”

  “What, Trent?” I said. Now I was exasperated. “You’ll leave for good? News flash, you’re already planning to do that. You signed back up for the Navy, you’re moving to Norfolk. You broke up with me. You moved on, so it shouldn’t matter what I do. But you know what?” I was on a roll now. “It’s probably best anyway. Because I’m not interested in a caveman for a husband.” I don’t know what made me say that. I didn’t want to lose Trent for good. But I was livid.

  A heavy silence momentarily hung between us. Finally, he said, “I hope you know what you’re doing. With your mom and with us.”

  He turned and walked away without another word.

  I took a deep breath, fought the urge to go after him, pushed the tears back, then headed back inside, hoping that Alex had calmed down.

  “Everything okay?” Alex asked once I was back in the condo. While his lips were still pursed, his rage had been replaced with worry.

  “Yes, I’m fine. My ex is just having a hard time with our breakup.” I plopped down on the sofa. Trent had truly rattled me.

  Alex looked at me with the strangest expression. “I can understand why. I wouldn’t want to let you go, either.”

  He scooted closer to me on the sofa.

  “I hate seeing you so upset.”

  I closed my eyes, inhaled, and replied, “I’ll be okay.”

  I had just opened my eyes when I saw Alex leaning in, his puckered lips just inches from my face.

  I held up a hand to stop him. “Whoa!”

  His eyes shot open and he quickly moved away, flustered. “I know, I know. I’m sorry. I . . . I didn’t . . . I know that I’m not your type.”

  The hurt in his eyes made me say, “It’s not that. I’m just not looking for a relationship.”

  “So you’re not mad?”

  I shook my head. “No. I just want to make sure we’re on the same page.” I cocked my head and punctuated my words. “We’re just friends.”

  He nodded, then released a big smile. “Just friends.”

  I relaxed until he added, “Just friends for now.”

  Yep, it was time to let Alex go.

  CHAPTER 29

  * * *

  My fight with Trent had messed me up. I’d tossed with anger, turned with regret, and awakened with a resolve. I didn’t want to lose my man.

  After doing something that I rarely do—fix breakfast—I’d sent Trent a text.

  U still in town? Can u come over and talk?

  I saw the three dots that let me know he was typing. I waited with anticipation until the message appeared.

  Naw. Back in Raleigh. I’m good. Do u.

  Do u?

  The realization hit me like an eighteen-wheeler: I was really losing my fiancé. No, I couldn’t let that happen. That’s why by 1 p.m. I was on my way to Raleigh.

  I was going to fix this with Trent. Plus, I needed to check on my grandmother anyway. I also needed to get some more clothes and check on my place.

  On the drive up I-85, I kept telling myself Trent had every right to be angry. I had all but abandoned him and had not taken his feelings into consideration. And for what? To establish a relationship with a woman who clearly didn’t want one. As I neared Trent’s exit, I dialed his number.

  “Hello,” he said. He had ignored my last three calls, so I was caught off guard when he picked up.

  “Hey.”

  “What’s up, Brooke?” His tone was dry and caused a lump to form in my throat. It hurt to hear the coldness in his tone.

  “Nothing,” I replied. “How are you?”

  “I’m fine. Is there something you need?”

  Wow. I pushed aside any retaliatory reactions and prepared the speech I’d practiced all the way back to Raleigh. I wanted to tell him he was right about me easily relocating to Norfolk. I wanted to promise that as soon as I finished up this business with my mother, we could focus on that. Ask him not to give up on me and be patient as I worked through this mess with my mother and completed my work in Atlanta. I wanted to beg him to give me just a little more time. Instead all I said was, “I was just wondering if I could come by so we can talk?”

  “Naw. Maybe some other time. I’m kind of busy.”

  I could have sworn I heard giggling in the background. When I listened harder, I heard nothing and told myself it was just my imagination.

  “But I really need to talk. I came home just to talk to you,” I said, pushing down the sickening feeling in my stomach.

  “Oh, kinda like I did with you yesterday?”

  “I’m sorry about that. I feel awful about how that all went. We . . . we just need to talk.”

  “Like I said, I’m still busy.”

  I strained closer to the phone. I did hear giggling.

  “Trent, what’s going on? Do you have somebody there?” I asked.

  He let out a cackle. “You don’t get to ask me that. What we do isn’t each other’s business, remember? We’re not together because it’s for the best, remember? But I’m going to have to call you later.”

  And then he hung up before I could say another word. I immediately called him back and he sent me to voice mail on the first ring.

  His exit loomed, telling me and the crazy girlfriend inside me to make a quick swerve and get off. I had never been one of those women who show up unannounced at their boyfriends’ house, but the way he just talked sent a sickening feeling to my stomach.

  I listened to the crazy voice and made a sharp right turn off the freeway.

  I got to Trent’s apartment in five minutes. I swung into a parking spot in front of his unit, jumped out, raced up the walkway, and banged on the door. He opened it like he knew I was coming.

  “Are you serious?” he said. “Brooke, what are you doing?”

  I peered over his shoulder, fidgeting at the thought of what I might find. “Can I come in?”

  Trent paused, and I knew he was about to come up with some kind of excuse, but then he stepped to the side. I couldn’t help it. I stomped in, went back to his bedroom, and then came back out.

  “Really, Brooke?” he said, folding his arms and watching me search his house like I was the FBI. “What are you looking for? What do you think you’re going to find?”

  I realized that no one was there and I felt like a fool. “I-I . . . I’m sorry. I.”

  He stepped closer to me, an angry smirk across his face. “You thought you could put me on a shelf while you go on this quest for your mother. You thought you could just toss me and my feelings aside and come roll through here whenever you felt like it.”

  I sighed. “Look, Trent. I’m sorry. I just wanted . . . I thought you would be more understanding.”

  He wasn’t moved by my words because he yelled, “We’re supposed to get married and you threw us all
away to go do what?”

  “I needed answers.” My voice was just above a whisper as I mumbled the words I’d muttered more than a hundred times.

  “And do you have them?”

  “No.”

  “Well, go back to Atlanta and get them. Go back to your brother-slash-boyfriend.”

  “I told you what I was trying to do with Alex.”

  “And I told you, you need help. I’m tired of this game, Brooke. I’m ready to get married, settle down. I’m ready to start a family. And I don’t have time to wait for you to go on some wild goose chase that you don’t even know where it will lead you.”

  Tears welled up in my eyes. And the compassionate, loving Trent I’d fallen in love with was still not moved. I had pushed him to his limit.

  I tried to find my voice to tell him that I did want to still marry him, I did want to move to Norfolk and start a life with him. But I knew that the minute I uttered those words, he wouldn’t want me to go back to Atlanta; yet my mission there wasn’t yet complete.

  “All I know is I’m not doing this back-and-forth with you,” Trent continued. “So, you go back to Atlanta. Go back to your mother and then once you’re finished doing whatever it is you’re trying to do, we can talk. I may be around or I may not.”

  He walked back over to the door and my heart crushed as he opened it for me to leave.

  “I-I admit I acted irrationally,” I stammered, finally finding my voice.

  “Are you done? Are you done with this thing with your mother?” he asked.

  “No . . .” I slowly shook my head.

  “Then call me when you are.”

  The look on his face told me he was done talking. I stepped through the door and when I turned to say something, he slammed it in my face. I felt so foolish. What was I doing here? And then, to think I’d come to try to catch him doing something wrong. I made my way back down to my car and had just reached for my passenger door when a little red BMW pulled in next to me. I paused to get out of the way so her door didn’t hit mine and then stopped when I saw who was getting out of the car.

  I stood as she reached into her backseat and grabbed her Louis Vuitton duffle bag.