Tailored for Trouble: A Romantic Comedy (Happy Pants)

by Mimi Jean Pamfiloff

  “Well,” Bennett said, “that explains where you got your good looks and fast wit.” He looked out his window but didn’t ask anything further.

  Taylor couldn’t believe he’d paid her a sincere compliment. Or that he’d let the family topic go. No one ever did that. Not ever. They always wanted to dig and pry and know everything.

  Well, it’s not like he’s a stranger to actresses and fame. After all, the guy showed up on the Forbes List each year and the tabloid slash gossip magazines each week with a new perfect ten on his arm.

  The town car turned down a dirt road, passing a tractor and several pastures with grazing horses. At the end of the road was a large, two-story, renovated farmhouse with big green shutters and a huge wraparound porch.

  “Wow. That’s just gorgeous,” Taylor said. Maybe she should get into the baking business.

  “I’ll be right back,” Bennett said, once again leaving her behind in the car. She watched him knock on the door. An older woman with long silver hair pulled into a bun answered with a kind smile.

  Taylor watched Bennett’s arms move as he spoke, the woman smiling warmly and listening closely before shaking her head no and closing the door in Bennett’s face.

  Taylor chuckled. “Oh. But I’m Bennett Wade,” she said quietly in a low, mockingly deep voice, “coming to grace you with my presence.”

  “Sorry, ma’am?” asked the driver, glancing at Taylor through the rearview mirror.

  “Nothing. Was just mumbling to myself.”

  Bennett scratched the back of his head and started back toward the car.

  “No luck, huh?” she said when he got back inside, feeling totally satisfied with herself. Why hadn’t he listened to her? Oh, I know. Because he’s “Bennett Wade.”

  “Says she doesn’t do business from her home, and that they’re all sold out anyway.”

  Taylor bet that if he’d asked nicely, the woman might’ve pointed him toward one of the bakeries they shipped to. But of course, he didn’t ask, he demanded and got nothing in return.

  “Who is this for anyway?” Taylor asked, wondering what excuse he might come up with to hide the fact he was desperate for a “love” cookie. Maybe he wants his ex back.

  “My mother. She’s been raving about these cookies and tomorrow is her birthday. I took her out to her favorite restaurant a few days ago and got her a nice bracelet, but I thought I’d send her some cookies too since they’re apparently her new favorite. Honestly, I don’t know what’s so special about them. Robin ate the one my mother sent and said it was just a sugar cookie with a happy face on it.”

  The cookie was for his mother? Now she felt bad that he hadn’t gotten one. But…did he realize that his mother was apparently trying to play the matchmaker?

  He added, “She hasn’t been herself lately. I thought it might cheer her up.”

  Okay. Now she really felt bad. He’d literally detoured his entire business trip just to get his mom a cookie.

  “Here, let me talk to the woman.” Taylor crawled over Bennett’s lap, realizing the moment she shoved her ass in his face that she could’ve gone out her side of the car and walked around. Oh well. Let him look at what he can’t have.

  “It’s not going to work. That woman is a stubborn mule,” Bennett warned, not seeming to mind the physical intrusion one bit.

  “I happen to speak fluent stubborn mule; case in point, you understand me perfectly.”

  Taylor approached the porch and rang the bell. After a few moments, the door swung open revealing the same older woman. “Listen here, young man,” she said sternly with a thick accent, “I’ve already told…”

  “Hi. I’m so sorry to disturb you, Ms. Luci. My name is Taylor Reed, and I would never, ever dream of doing something like this. But my…uh, friend there—Bennett Wade—he’s kind of an asshole and is used to getting his way. Normally I’d say he deserves to get the door slammed in his face. But he really only wants a cookie for his mother—it’s her birthday tomorrow, and she’s a fan of your delectable treats.” Taylor offered her most winning smile.

  The woman quirked a brow while her eyes sized Taylor up. “Did you say Bennett Wade?”

  Taylor nodded.

  “The Bennett Wade?”

  “Yeah?” she said in a so-what tone.

  “Won’t you come in, dear? You can invite Mr. Wade in, too.” Ms. Luci leaned around Taylor and waved Bennett over.

  Sonofabitch! The high and mighty bastard had been right; he really did get what he wanted by saying his name. He probably just hadn’t gotten the chance to introduce himself when he’d made his earlier attempt.

  Bennett exited the car and walked over.

  “Mr. Wade, thank you for coming all the way to my home. It’s such a pleasure to meet such an important man. I’m very sorry about before.”

  Seriously? This is annoying.

  Bennett and Taylor followed Ms. Luci inside.

  “What did you say earlier about that ‘free pass,’ Ms. Reed?” Bennett whispered to Taylor from behind, taunting her.

  She shrugged. She would not give him the satisfaction of saying he was right.

  “Well, thank you, Ms. Reed,” he whispered. “Whatever it was you said, the point goes to you this round.”

  “Didn’t realize we were keeping score,” she whispered back.

  “What’s the purpose of living without winning?” he retorted.

  They entered Ms. Luci’s traditional country-style kitchen—white cupboards, big butcher-block counters, ceramic rooster ladle holder, and an oval table in the corner large enough for eight—but with top of the line professional appliances, including several banks of ovens.

  “Who are they?” An older man was seated at the table. He had leathery, sun-beaten skin and an enormous mustache and was wearing a turquoise cowboy hat and red cowboy boots. One eye protruded slightly and moved out of sync with the other while he studied them.

  Then, something moving near his feet caught Taylor’s attention.

  “Oh. It’s a…pig,” Taylor said. “In the…kitchen.” She seriously hoped they did all of their baking at the shop.

  The pig gave a loud snort.

  “No,” Ms. Luci said, shooting a caution-filled glance at Taylor. “That is Muffin Top, Sebastian’s dog.” She winked.

  “Uh…” Taylor glanced at Bennett who had on a poker face. How the hell did he do that? Zero reaction to this strangeness. Zero. “Sorry. It’s a…very nice dog?”

  “Sebastian,” said Ms. Luci, “this is Taylor Reed and Bennett Wade. They’ve come for a cookie.”

  “We just shipped out the last batch to Houston,” he said. He also had a thick accent. “We won’t have more until—”

  “Sebastian,” Luci interrupted sweetly, “be a dear and go into the pantry. Bring me out the tins I’ve set aside for the Sunday brunch we’re giving.”

  Sebastian’s one big eye got bigger. It was not pretty. “But those are for—”

  “Now, you know I made a few extra,” she said. “So we’ll just borrow one and—oh—can you grab those chocolate nutty wafers, too? They’re in the red tin next to the jams.”

  Grumbling something about “puercos” and “mujeres” Sebastian disappeared behind a door at the far end of the kitchen next to the refrigerator. The pig just sat there staring at Taylor as if waiting for a treat.

  Ms. Luci leaned in and whispered, “Sebastian was kicked in the head by Miss Happy Pants, our horse, so we try not to upset his pig—it thinks it’s a dog.”

  That makes…well, no sense, but okay. And now she was wondering if the horse was named after the café or if it was the other way around. It was a pretty unusual name for a bakery. And a horse, too, now that she thought about it.

  She made a quick mental note to Google the café again later.

  “Sure. No problem. It’s a dog. By the way, your home is lovely, Ms. Luci,” Taylor said.

  “Thank you, dear. I spend winters at my ranch down in Tecate, Mexico, but this is our home from s
pring until our gran fiesta in July.”

  “Oh, that sounds lovely.”

  “It is, my dear. A thousand people come from all over the world for my party. In fact, I think you should both come.”

  “We couldn’t impose, Ms. Luci,” said Bennett firmly.

  Luci narrowed her dark eyes at Bennett, then reached into a drawer next to her sink, pulled out an envelope, and shoved it at him. “I. Insist,” she said coldly.

  Bennett looked at the invitation. “I’m not sure that July is—”

  “You want cookie. You come to party,” Ms. Luci added.

  Taylor so loved, loved, loved this very strange woman.

  “We’d be honored, Luci.” Taylor snagged the invitation. “Both of us.” She looked at Bennett. “Wouldn’t we?”

  Bennett looked at Ms. Luci. “Listen, I am a charitable man.” He reached for his cellphone. “I’ll have my assistant Robin send you a check and add a thousand to it for your trouble, or for your fundraiser or whatever you need.”

  Taylor watched the indignation sweep over Luci’s face.

  Uh-oh. I think you just lost your cookies, big boy.

  “I see why you have a black eye,” Luci said.

  “Meaning?” he said.

  “Meaning, child, that your money is no good here. And the price for my baked goods just went up.”

  Taylor held back a chuckle. Looks like Bennett finally met his match.

  Bennett stared at Luci expectantly as Sebastian emerged from the pantry with two tins.

  “Here they are, Luci…” He trailed off as he noticed the two forces of stubborn nature at odds with each other across the kitchen island. He set down the cookies, and his one big eye moved back and forth between the two. “Did I miss something?”

  Luci nodded but kept her eyes glued to Bennett. “Mr. Wade has just graciously volunteered to work at our gran fiesta.”

  Bennett replied, “I did not say—”

  Taylor stepped on Bennett’s booted foot. “Yes. Thank you. We’d love to help and thank you so much for the cookies, Ms. Luci. And for inviting us into your lovely home.” With the weird pig.

  Bennett mashed his lips together.

  Ms. Luci smiled. “My pleasure, niños.” She opened one of the tins, and pulled out two large cookies. One she placed inside the red tin. The other she slid inside a small sandwich bag from her drawer and handed to Taylor. “This one is for you, dear. And this tin of chocolate cookies is for your mother, Bennett. Please tell her I send my regards and hope her health improves.”

  Taylor noticed that Ms. Luci got a pass on calling him Bennett. Maybe his little rule had more exceptions than he let on.

  “How did you know she’s not feeling well?” Bennett asked, his eyes narrowing.

  Ms. Luci’s mouth twisted a bit. “Uh…you must’ve mentioned it.”

  “I don’t recall that,” Bennett replied.

  Ms. Luci shrugged innocently.

  Time to go before Bennett says something rude again. “Have a wonderful day, Ms. Luci.” Taylor nodded to Sebastian. “Nice to meet you and your…Muffin Top. See you both at the party.”

  Bennett grumbled a sad little version of “thank you” and followed Taylor out with the cookie tin in his hand.

  Once inside the car with the door closed, Taylor was about to comment how she felt like they’d walked into a funny farm when Bennett let loose. “I’ll thank you not to make social commitments on my behalf.”

  “You’re welcome, Bennett,” Taylor snapped. “And it’s not like you have to go. People cancel on parties all the time.”

  “I’m a man of my word. If I say I’ll be somewhere, I’ll be there.”

  Taylor shrugged. “Well, guess you’re going to Luci’s party and serving drinks then.”

  “I’m goddamned Bennett Wade. I’m not going to wait on people.”

  It was so strange looking at Bennett; with his black eye, faded jeans, muscled frame stretching his soft T-shirt, and his dark unkempt hair, he was the very picture of a rugged, sex-in-boots bad boy. But his attitude still wore that tailored suit. It was like the damned thing was part of him.

  “Oh, relax,” Taylor said. “I’m sure she has other things they need help with—parking cars, scrubbing toilets, walking the pig. You know.”

  “Don’t get smart with me, Ms. Reed, because you’re going, too.”

  “I think it will be fun…” Taylor’s train of thought was interrupted as Bennett grabbed her cookie and broke off a piece.

  “Hey! That was mine,” she complained as he chewed.

  He shook his head and handed the uneaten portion back.

  “Gee, thank you,” she said bitterly.

  Then she remembered the article and found herself staring at the thing, then at Bennett, then back at the cookie.

  She was going to be with Bennett for the next seven days. And he had just eaten a piece of the cookie.

  Oh, come on. You don’t believe in that kind of crap. To prove it to herself, she also broke off a piece and popped it into her mouth. “Hmm…pretty good, but I’m not feeling anything.” She handed the cookie back to Bennett. “Here I think you need the love cookie more than I do.”

  Bennett gave her a dark look with those big blues.

  Oh, this was going to be fun. “Didn’t you know? According to the article I read in the paper, anyone who eats one of these falls madly in love within seven days. Ms. Luci has this whole cult following because of it. And that party is really a giant wedding for everyone who’s fallen in love that year.”

  He blinked at her, clearly very irritated. “Are you telling me that I just took two hours out of my busy schedule to get love-voodoo cookies for my mother?”

  “Who do you think will be the lucky man?” Taylor asked, toying with him.

  “But she’s…she’s…” He made a manly grumble. “Never mind.”

  “Oh! That’s right. She got you the cookie! I remember now: the day of the crash, she said, ‘tell Bennett to eat the cookie.’ ” Taylor smirked. Rubbing this in was so much fun. His mother thought he was a giant relationship loser.

  It was exactly what her family and friends thought about her. No they’d never come out and said it, but the subject of her not having a boyfriend worked its way into almost every conversation.

  “Oh, you think you’re funny, Ms. Reed?” Taylor suddenly felt the soft chewy cookie smashing into her face. Not so hard that it hurt, but it wasn’t so pleasant either. She gasped and pushed Bennett’s hand away. He was laughing, trying to get the cookie into her mouth. “Well, here’s your cookie!” She squealed and bits of cookie flew everywhere.

  “No. I don’t need anyone,” she said in a deep mocking tone, laughing her words. “I’m Mr. Wade. Get that thing away, you horrible woman!” Her voice cracked doing her best Bennett Wade impression. “Must I write you a check?”

  “I won’t sleep with you, Mr. Wade,” he said, in falsetto, still trying to maneuver a chunk of cookie into her mouth. “But I like staring at your pants!”

  Her eyes went wide, and she gasped. “Oh! You did not just say that.”

  Grinning, he nodded. “Oh yes. Indeed, I went there,” he said in his normal voice. “Whatever will you do, Ms. Reed?”

  She palmed a chunk of cookie that had landed near her hand and pounced. “This!”

  He caught her arm and pushed it aside. Suddenly she realized her body was stretched halfway over his, their mouths only inches apart.

  His smile melted away, and his gaze flashed from her eyes to her lips. Conflict ripped through her at lightning speed. Her gazed flittered to his lips and back to his hypnotic pale blue eyes.

  Then it happened. Before her brain could scream at her to jump away or say how sorry she was for laying her body over his, he closed the gap and kissed her.

  CHAPTER 7

  Taylor had no idea if a man like Bennett Wade often did impulsive things. But she knew this kiss and the way he possessively gripped her upper arms to keep her from moving away fell into
that category. Maybe he’d regret it later. Maybe he wouldn’t. But the fact was he’d done it, and now it couldn’t be undone. The other fact was that no man had ever kissed Taylor like this before. Not once.

  Leave it to Bennett Wade and those full, sensual lips to deliver a kiss so soft yet so demanding that she couldn’t breathe for three whole seconds. He didn’t kiss her with his tongue or move his hands. He simply held his mouth to hers, allowing her to feel the heat of his lips penetrating her delicate skin. Or perhaps it was the other way around. Maybe it was Bennett who wanted to savor the warmth of her lips.

  Didn’t matter.

  He’d not dipped her, touched her, or made any move other than to press his beautiful mouth to hers, and it undid her.

  Com. Plete. Ly.

  Every nerve ending in her body, especially the recently neglected lady parts, lit up like Fourth of July sparklers in serious need of waving. Her thighs clenched together, her skin exploded with little tingles, and her breasts began aching for his touch.

  How long they stayed like that, intimately sampling the texture and heat of each other’s lips, exchanging the breath from their bodies, she didn’t know, but she instantly knew it was the sort of kiss a woman would remember for the rest of her life.

  “Sir?” The driver coughed softly. “Sorry to interrupt, but are we heading back to the airport now?”

  Bennett slowly pulled away, his piercing gaze fixed on hers for several long moments as she slid off him, completely in shock. That had been one hell of a kiss.

  “Yu-yu,” he cleared his throat, and twisted his body to face forward again, his expression reminiscent of a deer in headlights. “Yes. Back to the airport now. Thank you,” his voice came out all scratchy and husky.

  Taylor swiveled to face forward, too, scooting a few inches toward her door to put a bit of separation between them. Meanwhile, her heart slammed against her rib cage and her mouth watered like she’d just inhaled the scent of fresh warm bread straight from the oven. Then there was the place between her legs. Dammit. The man hadn’t even used tongue with that kiss, yet she’d felt completely worked over. I think there’s steam coming from my panties.