by Skyy
“I was talking about Patrick. . . .” Misha looked at Lena. “Wait, what did you think I was talking about?”
Lena’s eyes widened like those of a deer caught in the headlights. “Mish . . .”
“No . . .” Misha couldn’t take her eyes off of Lena who looked like a deer caught in headlights. Her Spidey senses tingled. Her mind scanned the words that had come out of Lena’s mouth. “You said you were sorry and it was a mistake, yet you don’t know about Patrick.”
“What about Patrick? Misha, what happened with Patrick?” Lena struggled to change the subject.
“What are you sorry about, and what was a mistake, Lena?” Misha was on full alert mode. Another strong whiff of the familiar scent hit her nose. She took two steps back from the bed. “And why do you smell like Carla’s cologne?”
Lena knew she’d been caught. She tried to speak, but the words couldn’t escape her mouth. Tears swelled in her eyes as she watched Misha’s whole demeanor change in front of her. Lena had no control over her body. Putting two and two together, Misha threw her hands up and rushed out of the room. Lena’s flew after her.
“Misha!” She ran, grabbing Misha’s arm as she picked up her keys and purse. Misha snatched her arm away.
“You know what? I don’t even want to know what you did, but knowing Cooley I already know.”
“It isn’t what you think. We didn’t . . . just . . . we were at the club and—”
“And what, Lena? You danced? You talked? You what?” Misha screamed.
“It was one kiss. It was a mistake, a terrible, horrible mistake.” Before Lena knew it, Misha had pushed her into the wall.
“How the fuck could you, Lena? With Carla? How fucked up of a person are you?”
The words smacked Lena. Misha was fuming and had every right to be. The tears continued to flow down Lena’s face. Misha didn’t cry; she was too pissed off to cry.
“I don’t know how it happened. We were both drunk, both sad. It was quick, meant nothing, and we both felt terrible after it. It was a mistake. I would never want to hurt you or . . .” Lena thought about Denise.
Misha took it all in. She stood looking at her pathetic friend. “You know what, Lena? All this time I thought you were this confused chick who just needed to find herself. No, you are fucked up in more ways than one. You’re a selfish, spoiled bitch!”
Lena fell to the floor. She hit the back of her head against the wall. She didn’t want to hear what Misha was saying, but she couldn’t stop listening.
“And you probably wonder why Carmen and Cooley told Denise to leave yo’ ass alone. You are wishy-washy, and you don’t give a fuck about anyone but yourself.”
Lena looked up. She couldn’t believe Carmen had told Denise not to be with her. “I’m not.”
“You are! You take everyone on this Lena emotional roller coaster, and you wonder why Terrin wasn’t willing to be your fucking friend. She was smart. She knew keeping you in her life would lead her to a lifetime of heartache, because Lena never is going to make up her mind. She doesn’t have to!” Misha picked up her purse.
“Misha, please, I can’t lose your friendship,” Lena cried. “Please don’t leave me.”
It was déjà vu. Lena’s voice transformed into Patrick’s right in front of her. Misha felt the room spinning. In one night her whole world had turned upside down, and she had no one to turn to. Misha felt nauseated. Patrick had cheated, and now her best friend had fooled around with the only woman she had ever truly loved.
“For once I come to you, needing my fucking friend, and you somehow manage to still make everything about you. You deserve to be miserable. Lord knows, you’ve made enough people miserable. I have real problems to deal with, and losing a fake-ass friend isn’t one of them.” Misha walked out, slamming Lena’s front door.
Lena’s body was quivering. She fell against the wall. In one day her whole world was crashing down around her.
Chapter 33
Denise didn’t move. Cooley stared at her friend, who was sitting as still as a statue in front of her. Denise’s eyes were fixated on Cooley. For the first time in her life, Denise had Cooley nervous.
“I’m telling you it was a big mistake. We had both had a crazy amount of liquor. Both fucked up and—”
“So the liquor made you fuck Lena?” Denise pushed the chair back and walked away. She could feel her blood boiling, and if she stayed so close to Cooley, they would end up fighting.
“Whoa, we didn’t fuck, Denise. Listen to me, man. We didn’t fuck, didn’t come close to fucking. There was no fucking involved. It was just a kiss.”
Denise had tuned Cooley out. Her head was shaking. “So now you finally got to add Lena to your list. How does it fucking feel, you selfish son of a bitch!”
Cooley stood up. She had braced herself for Denise’s anger, but her assumption that she fucked was a bit much.
“Denise, I didn’t have sex with her. It was a quick kiss, which we both immediately regretted. Man, I am sorry.”
“You’re right about that. Sorry-ass muthafucka. You need to get the fuck out of my house before I do something I’m going to regret.”
Cooley looked at the front door. Suddenly the conversation from earlier entered her mind. She hit the table.
“You know what, Denise? I know what I did was wrong, but you are taking this shit to another level. You act like I fucked her. It was a meaningless kiss.”
“No, Cooley, that’s your fucking problem. You don’t care about shit. You don’t care about any of the women whose hearts you’ve broken over the years, and you don’t care about Sahara and the pain you keep putting her through.”
Cooley felt the anger rising. “The pain I put her through? You know what? Fuck you, Denise!”
“Fuck you!”
“No. You know what? I’m not apologizing for shit. You know what? You think you know ever fucking thing, but you don’t know shit. Denise, you act like your shit don’t fucking stink. Why the fuck am I sitting here, apologizing for a fucking kiss with a girl who has never been yours to begin with!”
Denise’s head jerked around toward Cooley. Cooley stood her ground. Cooley was fuming.
“Yeah, I said it! I told you over and over again to lock that shit down with Lena, but you never did. She was never your girlfriend, Denise. You had chance after chance to have her, but you were too afraid to do anything about it.”
Denise rushed up, pushing Cooley against the wall. Cooley pushed Denise back.
“You don’t know shit!” Denise shouted.
“Oh, I don’t? How many times did you have to get Lena? You could have stopped her wedding if you wanted, but you didn’t. She came to New York for you, and you sent her away. You picked Farih, remember? That’s who you wanted. Now you want to be salty ’cause I kissed a bitch that was never yours to begin with.”
Denise’s right fist connected with the right side of Cooley’s jaw, causing Cooley to fall. Shocked, Cooley looked at Denise, who was standing over her.
“Lena is, has been, and always will be mine. That’s all you need to fucking worry about.” She watched as Cooley stood back up. Denise stepped back. “You know, all these years people have questioned why I would be friends with such a heartless asshole like you. You don’t give a fuck about anything or anyone. I always knew you were a cold muthafucka, I just never in a million years thought you would be that cold muthafucka to me. Get the fuck out of my house!”
Denise didn’t wait for Cooley to leave. She walked to her bedroom, leaving her friend standing there speechless. Holding her jaw, Cooley opened the front door to find Farih standing there with a stern look on her face. Knowing there was nothing she could say, Cooley walked past her.
Denise sat on the side of her bed. Lena appeared in her head. She picked up her phone. She had never wanted to curse someone out so bad in her life. She looked at her keys. She didn’t want to curse Lena out over the phone. She knew she deserved a face-to-face tongue-lashing. She headed back to t
he dining room, almost hoping Cooley was still there so she could punch her again.
Denise froze. Standing with her hand on the kitchen table, looking down was Farih.
“Oh, I didn’t hear you come in. I gotta go take care—”
“Going to Lena or to Cooley?” Farih didn’t look up from the kitchen table. “I’m guessing Lena, since you already told Cooley how you feel.” Farih looked at Denise. “Lena’s always been yours? Did I hear that correctly?”
Denise’s hands fell to her sides. She didn’t have anything to say; there was no way to explain that. She knew Farih deserved some type of explanation, but she was too angry to focus on anything but Lena and Cooley.
Farih shook her head. “You know what? It’s all good. I’m not even mad.”
“Farih.”
“I mean, it was what it is, Denise. Finally, you were real and said how you felt. Too bad it wasn’t to me.”
Denise watched Farih do her regular routine. She put her purse down, walked into the kitchen, and grabbed a wineglass and poured herself a glass of Riesling.
“I am sorry,” Denise muttered.
Farih shook her head. “No, you aren’t. Denise, you aren’t sorry about this, because this is how you truly feel. You still love her, and I’m not going to attempt to understand why. I’ve known for a long time. You think I didn’t know the love was gone from our relationship?”
“You think I don’t love you?” Denise walked to the kitchen entrance.
“I know you love me, but you just aren’t in love with me. We haven’t been in love for a long time, Denise. It’s time to just be real about it.” Farih took a sip of the wine. “But I’m not willing to throw away all we’ve worked for over it. We have careers to think about.”
Denise’s head tilted. She walked into the kitchen. She looked at her beautiful girlfriend. As usual, Farih looked stunning, like a doll whose face never changed.
“I get it now.” Denise put her hand on the sink. “All this time you talked about making it work wasn’t because you wanted to be with me. It was because of your career.”
“Of course it was, Denise. We have a lot invested in this. You think I would have put up with you and your lovesick antics with that whore all this time for nothing?”
Denise couldn’t help but smile. “So how long have you not been in love with me?”
“Since the day of my audition, when I found your phone on the couch and saw Lena’s missed call.”
Denise remembered her phone going missing. She’d managed to locate it by its ring after Farih dialed her number. Farih must have found her phone on the couch when Denise stepped out of the room and hidden it between the cushions, then pretended she had no idea where it was. Denise couldn’t help but laugh. She shook her head.
“So this whole time we’ve been going through all this shit because of you and your career.”
“It’s both of our careers, Denise. You think the world is going to give a fuck about a single Denise Chambers? They don’t love you. They love us! We need each other. You can have your whore. I don’t care. But we aren’t going to ruin our careers over silly, childish feelings.”
Denise walked closer to Farih. She knew Farih was dead serious. She was willing to let Denise do whatever she wanted as long as they preserved their professional image as the happy black lesbian couple.
“Farih, being with you, meeting you back then was amazing. I love you, I’ve loved you for years, and I truly loved having you in my life. But the thing that has always been different between us is that you care about all of this.” Denise threw her hands up. “I don’t. I could care less what people think about me, and if being true to myself means that I won’t work on another movie, then so be it.”
Denise walked out of the kitchen. She grabbed her keys. Farih realized what Denise was saying. She followed her.
“Denise, please, you can’t leave me.” Farih grabbed Denise’s arm. “I won’t have anything if we break up. They wanted me on the show only because of our relationship. They won’t want me if we break up.”
Denise pulled Farih close to her. She kissed Farih on her forehead. “Our relationship might have got you in the door, but it was your personality and your knowledge that got you the job. You are amazing, and you will be just as amazing with or without me. I’m here for you whenever you need me always, but I can’t continue to be with you. It’s not fair to either one of us.”
“Denise, think about this before you do it. Are you sure you can give all this up?”
“Farih, listen to yourself. What happened to the strong and independent girl I fell in love with? Now you let these people make you question yourself to the point that you are willing to stay in a loveless relationship just to have a job. Fuck, Farih, come on. You are better than this. Is your career worth being miserable for the rest of your life? We have been miserable, Farih. Don’t you want to be happy—completely happy—again?”
They stood in silence.
Farih shook her head. “I’m willing to do whatever I have to do to be successful.”
Denise’s head fell. She felt like she was talking to a brick wall. “Then I truly feel bad for you.” Unable to listen to any more of this, Denise walked out of the house.
The punch to the face had sobered Cooley right up. Denise had never hit her before, but she knew she deserved that one. The cab ride home was quiet, leaving Cooley with her thoughts. She had possibly lost one of the only people she truly loved. No matter what, her friendships with Denise and Carmen meant more than any money or any other women, except for Sahara.
She didn’t know if Sahara was inside the house. She knew she had some major apologizing to do after her latest blow up. Cooley wondered if she had finally gone too far. She cringed at the thought of the things she’d said to Sahara. Cooley was already in hot water, she knew she couldn’t come clean about Lena. She wondered if the left side of her face would be throbbing like the right side by the end of the night.
She opened the front door. A glass came flying toward her face. She ducked just before it hit her instead crashing into the wall. Sahara stood in front of the door, fuming. She rushed up on Cooley and began beating her. Cooley blocked the blows with her arms.
“Sahara!”
“Fuck you, you sorry son of a bitch!” Sahara continued to beat on Cooley’s arms and chest. Cooley took each blow; she knew she deserved it. “I hate you. I fucking hate you for making me feel like this!”
Cooley pulled Sahara into her arms. Sahara tried to fight her off, but Cooley held on tight, not letting her go.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” Cooley repeated over and over.
“Fuck you,” Sahara cried as she collapsed in Cooley’s arms. “Why, why do you do me like this!”
“I’m sorry. Please, baby.” Cooley held on tight. She wanted Sahara to feel the emotions she was feeling. She loved Sahara and wasn’t going to lose her, not after all they had been through.
Cooley picked Sahara’s sobbing body up and carried her to the bedroom. She put her in the bed without letting go. Cooley pulled Sahara to her. She continued to apologize while Sahara cried until they both fell asleep.
Chapter 34
Lena didn’t know how she had ended up in her bed. She turned over and jumped when she saw Carmen standing over her with a serious expression on her face.
“Carmen.”
“I don’t even know what to say to you right now.” Carmen’s voice was low. Lena could hear the hurt in every word. She sat up in her bed.
“Carmen, please, please just listen to me—”
“My wedding is in two weeks, and you’ve ruined it.” A tear fell from her eye. “How could you? Do you even realize what you’ve done?” Carmen walked out of the bedroom. Lena followed, having déjà vu from the night before with Misha.
“Carmen, no. Please, I’ve already lost Misha. I can’t lose you too. Tell me what to do. What can I do to make this right?”
Carmen stood still. “I don’t know. Cooley and De
nise got into a fight, and they aren’t talking. My two best friends, two girls that have been friends since middle school, aren’t talking to each other because of you. And Misha . . . Lena, you broke the little piece of Misha’s heart she had left.”
“I didn’t mean to. Oh my God, I’m so sorry.” Lena grabbed Carmen’s arm. “I don’t know what is wrong with me. I don’t want to hurt people, and I keep hurting everyone I love. You, Mish, Denise.”
Carmen wanted to be mad, but she couldn’t. Lena was sobbing uncontrollably. Watching Lena gave her clarity on her friend.
“Lena, you know what I just realized? What I just realized is you might have been put in mature situations, but in the end you are still just immature. But that’s to be expected. You are only twenty-three.”
“Carmen . . .”
“It’s true, Lena. You were engaged at eighteen, out of school at twenty, had a baby at twenty-one. But the thing is, Lena, you have to start taking responsibility for yourself and your actions.”
“Carmen, I will do anything. Just tell me what I need to do to fix this. I don’t want to ruin your wedding. I won’t show up, if that’s what is needed. I’ll just give you the keys to the Hamptons house, and I’ll stay away. I’ll do anything.”
“Just start taking more responsibility for your actions. And make up your mind. You need to come to some decisions. Hell, Lena, you don’t even know if you are gay or not.”
Lena knew Carmen was right. The truth was, she didn’t want to face the truth. She didn’t want to think about figuring out what she was, because she was afraid of what the truth might be.
“I have friendships and a wedding to save. Do some soul-searching, ’cause I don’t want this Lena at my wedding. I want the girl I met at school, who was confident and cool. So in the words of Tamar Braxton, you need to get yo’ life, honey.” Carmen hugged Lena and walked out the door.
Misha felt like a fugitive. Patrick and Lena wouldn’t stop calling her phone. Unable to take the ringing, she chucked the phone out her car window. She had no place to go. She knew her husband was smart, and the first thing he would do was check her credit card to see where she was staying. She pulled up to an ATM and took out five hundred dollars. Misha drove until she saw a Residence Inn. The extended stay would be perfect, since she had no idea how long she would have to be there.