by Skyy
She woke up the next morning still numb. The comfortable bed had done nothing for her body, as she ached from head to toe. Sleeping alone was something she hadn’t done in over four years. The events from the night before played over and over in her head. In the midst of her issues with Patrick, she couldn’t stop thinking about Lena and Carla. She didn’t know why one kiss bothered her so much. Misha remembered the talk she had had with Carla at Centennial Olympic Park. Sahara had done the ultimate, but all Lena did was kiss her ex while in a drunken stupor. Why couldn’t she forgive and shake it off?
Her thoughts drifted to her son. She suddenly wanted to die. She had done what she had always said she would never do: she had let herself rely completely on someone else. She was nothing more than a housewife. She depended on Patrick for everything, and without him she had nothing and would have to start from scratch.
Misha couldn’t get out of bed. She couldn’t force herself to move even if the world depended on it. She had no way out, just a son, a cheating husband, and a best friend who she couldn’t stand. Misha was lost, and she knew it.
Cooley woke up and instantly realized Sahara wasn’t lying next to her. She looked up. A dresser drawer had been left open, and it was empty.
“Sahara.”
Cooley ran into the living room. Sahara’s assistants stood in the living room, next to her luggage. Sahara looked at them. They grabbed the bags and walked out.
“Baby, please, don’t do this.”
Sahara could see the anguish in Cooley’s eyes. She pulled her shades off. Her eyes were still bloodshot. She had obviously been crying that morning as well.
“Carla, I can’t do this anymore. We aren’t good for each other.”
“No, Sahara, we are. I was fucked up. Seeing you with her, you with anyone, just . . . it just hurts so bad.”
“Carla, I know. I know that I hurt you and you hurt me. But we both know there’s no way you are ever going to be able to be okay with that leaked stuff. And I’m not willing to take the abuse anymore.”
Cooley grabbed Sahara’s hand. “Wait.” She didn’t know what to say, but she couldn’t let go. “Remember back when we broke up before? You told me then that you weren’t giving up. I’m not willing to give up. I can’t give up on us. You are my world.”
“Carla . . .”
“I can’t lose you.”
Sahara held on to Cooley’s hands. “I couldn’t get that song by Emeli Sandé out of my head. Maybe we have to finally stop pretending that we aren’t both hurting and we don’t keep hurting each other. Maybe our time has come.”
Cooley let go of Sahara’s hand. She couldn’t listen to any more. Her pleas were falling on deaf ears. Sahara was leaving, and there was nothing she could do about it. Cooley grabbed Sahara by her forehead. She kissed her forehead, letting her lips linger, not wanting to let go. She pulled away and walked back to her home office, unable to watch Sahara walk out the door.
Carmen sat next to Denise in Denise’s hotel suite. There were no words. They sat in silence. Carmen had pleaded the case for Lena and for Cooley. Denise listened, not saying anything during the whole time.
Denise turned her head to face Carmen.
“I’m sorry, but I can’t. Not now, not yet.”
“What about my wedding? I need my best friends. It’s no wedding without both of you.”
“I’ll be at your wedding, I wouldn’t miss it for the world. But as far as Cooley and I . . . I’m sorry, Carmen, but I’m done.”
Denise stood up and walked back to the bedroom. Carmen knew from the sound of Denise’s voice that she was for real.
It was an end of an era.
Chapter 35
Lena watched Danni unlock and pulled the door to the side of the birdcage elevator. Lena nodded in approval. Danni’s New York loft was something out of a decor magazine. It wasn’t as lavish as the Atlanta home and was much more minimal, with just a few pieces of furniture. Japanese shades covered all the walls in the bedroom, making Lena wonder what Danni’s silhouette would look like behind them.
“Welcome to my little home.” Danni took Lena’s bag to the bedroom. “Make yourself comfortable.”
Lena sat down on the brown sofa. The seat felt cool to her legs. She leaned back, resting her head. She had had to get away from Atlanta. She had called Danni, who was more than happy to have her come to New York.
“So to what do I owe this pleasure?” Danni said as she jumped over the arm of the couch and plopped down next to Lena.
“I just needed to get away.” Lena cuddled in Danni’s arms. She felt safe and secure from the drama facing her in Atlanta. “It’s been a hard couple of days.”
“What’s wrong, boo?”
Lena sighed, and before she knew it, the events of the past few days started spilling from her lips. She couldn’t stop herself. She sat there while Danni listened to everything with a straight expression, not taking her eyes off of Lena.
It felt good to get it all out. She told Danni about Denise showing up at the house and all the things that had happened afterward. Lena’s eyes filled with tears as she thought about Misha and the loss of their friendship. Danni didn’t move or say a word; she listened with her hand on Lena’s thigh. Lena looked for traces of emotion from Danni when she mentioned the kiss with Cooley, but her face never changed.
“So do you hate me too?” Lena lowered her head.
Danni sat back on her couch and sighed. “Nah. Why would I hate you?”
“Because of the kiss. I mean, I really never meant to, and I don’t want to mess up anything between you and her.”
“Why would you mess up something between us?” Danni asked, curious. Her eyes widened. “Oh, okay, I get it. Lena, we aren’t together. I don’t care what you do or who you do it with.”
The words slapped Lena across her face. It was the honest truth. She was single and free to do what she wanted in Danni’s eyes. The revelation upset her.
“Well, I just figured with how we have been lately . . .”
“We have been doing us. I mean, as far as your friends go, yeah, that was some messy shit you did, but as far as I’m concerned, I could care less.” Danni stood up. “But I will say that I’m a little pissed about the reason why you are actually here.”
Lena’s head rose. “What?”
“Lena, I’m up here thinking you are coming to spend time with me, but really, you are using me to escape the mess you created at home. That’s not cool.” Danni began to walk to her bedroom.
“No, it’s not like that. . . .” Lena struggled to find the right words, but she couldn’t.
“Yes, it is.” Danni’s voice carried from the bedroom. “It’s like you didn’t listen to your friends at all.” Danni walked back out of the bedroom, holding Lena’s suitcase. “Both Carmen and Misha called you on your shit, but you still did the same damn thing. You aren’t taking responsibility for the hurt and pain you caused. Instead you run up here to take you mind off of what you’ve done. That’s a punk move, sweetheart.” Danni walked over to Lena’s suitcase and picked it up.
Lena folded her arms. “So you are putting me out?”
“Pretty much.” Danni put the suitcase next to Lena. “Look, boo, I really do care about you, which is why I’m doing this. Don’t take what I’m about to say the wrong way, but you need to stop acting like a fucking child, grow some balls, and deal with your shit.”
Lena was furious. “You don’t know what I’m going through. You don’t know anything!”
“What don’t I know, Lena?” Danni’s voice rose. “I know you won’t take responsibility for anything. You admitted that you were confused when you were messing with Denise. Well, when will that stop being the excuse for everything? You are a grown-ass woman, so start making some hard decisions before you lose all your friends.”
“So because I made a mistake, I’m a child?” Lena stood up.
“You’re a child because, like a fucking toddler, you walk around allowing everyone els
e to clean up your messes. Instead of trying to be there for your friend and begging for forgiveness, you bring your ass to New York so you don’t have to deal with the shit you did. And let’s not mention your status. Tell me, Lena, what are you? Are you gay, bisexual, or are you taking the punk-ass road and continuing to say you don’t know what you are?”
Lena couldn’t look at Danni. Her harsh words were breaking Lena down, but she didn’t want to show it. She stood still, not blinking her eyes, because she didn’t want any tears to fall. Danni walked closer to her. She stared into Lena’s eyes.
“So tell me, Lena, what are you?” Lena tried to turn away, but Danni grabbed her by her arms so she couldn’t move. “Don’t fucking run for once in your life. What are you?”
“I don’t know!” Lena fought and freed herself from Danni’s hold. “And you are an asshole for trying to make me—”
“Make you what? Come to a fucking decision about something in your life? Sorry, boo, but I’m not Denise. I’m not going to allow you to flip-flop your way in and out of my life. And as long as you want to deal with me, I’m going to call you out when you are doing something wrong, and, Lena, you are dead fucking wrong for the way you are treating your peeps. You should be in Atlanta, helping Carmen with her wedding and being there for your friend Mish. Fuck the bullshit. That girl is going through shit a lot bigger than you, and you acting like such a punk ass, you can’t even be there, ’cause of a stupid-ass kiss.”
“She doesn’t want me there.”
“How do you know? Have you called? Have you tried to see her?”
Lena couldn’t respond. She had called Misha a few times but was always sent to voice mail. She couldn’t bring herself to call again for fear of what Misha might say to her when she actually answered the phone. Danni’s words sank in. Lena was being a coward when dealing with her issues. She fell down on the couch.
Danni knew she had been hard on Lena, but she didn’t care. She sat down next to Lena and put her arm around her, pulling her to her chest. She ran her fingers through Lena’s soft short hair.
“I’m not trying to hurt your feelings, boo. I just want you to wake up and do what you need to do. Make some decisions, and go do right by your crew.”
Lena sat up.
“I’m going to go see when the next flight to Memphis is.” Danni left Lena in the living room to face the music. Lena had some decisions to make before she lost the only real friends she had ever had.
Cooley sat in her empty place. Nothing seemed real. She didn’t want to face the fact that she had lost her love and her best friend. She sat in her oversize chair, staring at the wall. Her mind raced with ideas on how to get Sahara back. She had put Sahara through hell and didn’t know how to even begin with her. The insane amount of flowers and gifts she’d sent had all gone unanswered, until Sahara finally sent a message to her saying that she needed time and to please leave her alone. Cooley couldn’t bring herself to erase the message.
Cooley needed something, but she couldn’t put her finger on it. Liquor didn’t have the numbing effect it usually had. She tried to dive into work but couldn’t concentrate for long periods of time.
Carmen walked into the house. She was worried. Cooley’s face was dull and dry, and she hadn’t fixed her hair since Sahara left. Carmen picked up the empty wine bottle sitting next to Cooley.
“What are you doing here?” Cooley whispered.
“I’m checking on you, my friend.” Carmen smiled, hoping to lift Cooley’s spirits.
“So I have one person left in my life. Thanks.” Cooley ran her hand through her hair.
Carmen sat down on the couch, across from Cooley’s chair. She couldn’t take it anymore.
“I could kill you, Carla! You and Lena!” She jumped up. “How could you do this to us, to our family?” Angry tears rolled down her face.
“I don’t know!” Cooley screamed. “If I could take it back, I would, but I can’t.”
“Carla . . .”
Emotions flooded through Cooley’s body. “I’m dying over here, Carmen. I feel like someone ripped my fucking heart out of my fucking chest, and the fucked-up thing is I know it was me who did it. Sahara won’t talk to me. And Dee . . .” Cooley’s voice cracked. Her best friend entered her head. She looked away from Carmen. She didn’t want anyone to see her. Carmen watched Cooley break down in front of her. Cooley covered her face as she broke completely down. Carmen wrapped her arms around her friend, and Cooley sobbed in her arms.
“Carla, it will be okay. You know she’s not really gone.”
“Yes, she is. She will never forgive me. Sixteen years.”
They both knew the truth. Although Cooley was hurting over Sahara, the truth was she had lost someone who was even more important than any girlfriend. She had lost her best friend, her family, and without Denise a piece of her was missing. Through all the women, and all the ups and downs, the only thing that had ever been stable in her life was her friendship with Denise.
“Carla, talk to her. Go to her and tell her that you are sorry.”
Cooley shook her head. “I can’t, because honestly, C, I don’t blame her. She stuck by me through it all, even when I didn’t deserve it. What I did . . . Hell, I wouldn’t even forgive me.” Cooley stood up. “I don’t think I should come to the wedding.”
“No!” Carmen jumped up. “You guys’ drama is not going to ruin my wedding. My own mother won’t come celebrate my day. And if you aren’t there, I won’t have my other family, either. I didn’t do anything to deserve this, and you and your guilt are not going to fuck up my day!” Carmen pushed Cooley. Carmen grabbed her bag. “Fix this shit, or I’m calling my wedding off. And that can be something else you can add to your guilt trip.” She walked out, slamming the door behind her.
Chapter 36
“Come in,” Misha yelled from the hotel bed. She had found solace in a Love & Hip Hop marathon on TV. The one thing she could say about reality TV was that it could be an escape from your own reality.
“Don’t kill me, but I have a wedding to save,” Carmen said as walked in the mini apartment. She moved out of the way, revealing Lena standing behind her.
Misha turned her head from the door. “What is she doing here?”
“She is here to apologize to her friend, who she misses very, very much,” Lena said as she walked closer to Misha. Lena sat on the edge of the bed, while Carmen leaned against the wall. “Misha, I’m so sorry. I haven’t been a good friend, and I apologize from the bottom of my heart for that.”
“Do you even know what you are apologizing for?” Misha folded her arms.
“I’m apologizing to both of you for taking advantage of our friendship. This is bigger than the stupid kiss. You guys have been there to help me with all my issues, and instead of being thankful, I took advantage of the fact that you would always be there for me. I don’t want to lose either one of you.” Lena looked at Misha and then at Carmen. “You’re my best friends.”
Misha knew Lena was being genuine. She sighed. “For the record, I didn’t really care about the kiss.... Okay, yes, I did, but it was just, Lena, I needed you that night.”
“You did, and I should have seen that when I walked in the door. But I was just feeling so guilty for what I did. I didn’t know what to do, and my guilt blinded me from seeing that you were obviously going through something.”
Misha nodded her head. “My life is falling apart. I’m living in a freaking extended stay. I have nothing, you guys. Patrick owns it all.”
“Mish, that’s not true.” Carmen sat on the other side of the bed. “You have us, so you have whatever you need.”
Tears fell down Misha’s face. “Am I making the right decision? Should I leave him for good?”
“Sweetie, that’s something we can’t tell you.” Carmen rubbed Misha’s leg. “But I know you aren’t the Misha that I met. You haven’t been happy for a long time. If you leave, don’t let it be because of the indiscretion. Think about everything as a whol
e, and make a decision from there.”
“And come stay with me,” Lena interjected. “You know Jaylin and you can stay at my house as long as you need to.”
“Thanks. I might take you up on that, but right now I need to think.” Misha held her hands out. “I love both of you, even Lena’s crazy ass.”
They all laughed as they held hands. Misha knew one thing: in the end everything would be okay as long as she had her girls.
Chapter 37
Lena walked down the long corridor toward Danni’s condo at the W Hotel in Atlanta. It had been a week since the falling-out with Cooley. She hadn’t really talked to anyone. Misha was in her own shell, and Carmen couldn’t talk about anything but wedding details. She had wanted to ask about Denise, but Carmen had made it very clear that the subject of Denise was completely off-limits.
Denise and Farih’s breakup had finally hit the news. They had released a statement that they were ending their relationship but still loved and cared about each other. Lena had watched Farih’s show that morning, hoping for some insight into the breakup. Farih had kept it classy as ever.
“I love Denise. She is an amazing woman, and I feel very privileged to have her in my life. But sometimes people grow apart not by the fault of anyone. We started as friends and will always remain friends.”
Farih was praised for putting on such a brave face in front of everyone. She was hotter than ever, even without Denise.
“Hey, you.” Danni kissed Lena as soon as she opened the door. “Damn, you look good, but that’s nothing new.”
Lena walked into the condo. Danni’s sexiness was messing with her from the jump, making it even harder to say what she wanted to say.