On Thursday, I felt much better. The worst of my symptoms seemed to have passed, and instead of throwing up the contents of my stomach, I was ravenous. I go up before James had woken and decided to cook us both a proper breakfast. I noticed that James had managed to sneak some meat products into my freezer, so I added them to my pile to cook.
I had finished frying the tomato and bacon and was about to remove the eggs from the heat when James finally wandered out to join me. Even half asleep, he looked incredible. He stood beside me and appraised the spread of food.
“Morning, sweetheart,” he said tiredly. “It’s nice to see you vertical.”
I kissed his shoulder and he hugged me from behind. His lips pressed to my neck.
“I was going to bring you breakfast in bed as thanks for looking after me for the last couple of days,” I replied.
“We’re not keeping score. I haven’t minded.”
I rubbed his arms with my free hand. “There were animals in my freezer.”
“Sorry.” He chuckled. “I didn’t think you’d mind.”
“I don’t. Actually, I like that you’ve made yourself comfortable here.”
James stepped back. “Yeah, it’s been a whirlwind.”
“There’s still time. We still have time, James.”
“Not a whole lot.”
I dropped the spatula and turned to silence him with a kiss, then rested my forehead against his.
“But there’s still time,” I whispered.
He kissed my forehead. “So, is breakfast ready?”
“Yes. I think so.”
“Excellent, I’m starving.”
James found plates and I served up. My stomach growled as we went to sit at the table to eat. I rested my hand on my stomach as the wave of hunger was followed by a ripple of nausea.
“Are you okay?” James asked. “Do you need to go and lie down?”
I shook my head. “I’m fine. Let’s eat.”
James had only eaten half of his food by the time I finished mine. I looked over at his plate and he pushed it towards me.
“Aren’t you hungry?” I asked.
He smiled. “Apparently not as hungry as you.”
I bit my lip and considered the leftover egg, then frowned at the bacon.
“Sorry, I should’ve eaten the bacon first and left you the tomato,” he said.
I smiled. “Yes, why didn’t you think of that?”
“Have you ever eaten meat before?”
“Yes, when I was little.”
“You didn’t you like it?”
I shook my head. “I don’t remember necessarily disliking the taste.”
“So what changed?” he asked.
“My, um… my mother left,” I said slowly. “That’s what changed.”
“So your father a vegetarian too?”
I scooped a spoonful of egg into my mouth.
“No. But, um, I guess I just took care of him when she left,” I replied. “Being so young, I wasn’t allowed to use the oven or hotplate, so I stuck to vegetables and cheese.”
He frowned. “Weren’t you four when your mother left?”
“Yeah. You remembered.”
James thought for a moment and then cut the bacon into pieces. He stuck them with his fork and directed it at me.
“Try it,” he said.
“No, James.”
“Alice, please just try it for me.”
I wrinkled my nose and then allowed myself to smell it. It actually smelled quite delicious. I opened my mouth and closed my eyes, and was pleasantly surprised at the flavour as it hit my tongue.
My eyes opened and James smiled at my expression.
“Delicious, right?” he whispered.
“Yeah.” I nodded. “This is actually incredible.”
He laughed, and then we were both laughing.
A moment later, there was a knock at the door and James rose to his feet.
“I’ll get it, you finish eating,” he said.
I speared the remainder of the bacon and glanced up as familiar voices filled my hallway. Maria and Scott appeared.
“Hi, guys,” I called.
“Ciao, Alice,” Maria replied. “How are you feeling?”
“Hey.” Scott grinned. “You look better.”
Before I could answer, Maria gasped.
“Mamma mia, do my eyes play tricks? Is that meat?” she asked.
I glanced at my fork and shovelled it in my mouth.
James chuckled. “That would be my influence.”
Maria’s eyebrows lifted. “You got her to eat bacon?”
James nodded and I put my fork down.
“To answer your questions, I’m feeling a bit better,” I said. “And yes, I am eating bacon. It smelt good.”
Maria blinked. “I do not even know this girl.”
James chuckled again.
“So what brings you both by?” I asked.
“We wanted to see how you were,” Maria replied.
“And to ask you, James, if we were still on for tomorrow night,” Scott added.
I frowned. “What’s tomorrow night?”
James sighed. “Oh, I completely forgot about the gathering.”
“Gathering?”
“It’s a farewell thing for James our place,” Scott explained. “It’ll just be a few drinks with the guys and whoever else wants to come.”
“Oh, that sounds nice,” I answered, then looked at James. “Of course it’ll still be on. Your friends need the opportunity to say goodbye to you.”
James looked down. “I can see them Saturday morning.”
“No, Friday night is good. You haven’t seen them much this week. They’ll think you’ve already left.”
“You’re invited too, Alice,” he said with a smile “If you want to come.”
“Okay,” I replied. “But what if I’m still not well? I don’t want to spoil things for you.”
“The only way you’d spoil things is by not coming. It’s my last night in South Coast. It won’t be the same without you.”
Scott and Maria exchanged a smile that I’m sure I wasn’t supposed to see.
“Okay,” I whispered. “I’ll be there.”
James looked back to Scott. “Okay, we’ll be there.”
“Great,” Scott replied. He looked at Maria and she smiled.
“Well, we will leave you to it,” Maria said. “And we will see you both tomorrow.”
I nodded. “Thanks for coming by.”
“I’ll see you guys out,” James answered.
When he returned, he stood in the doorway and just stared. It was almost as if he was taking a mental picture – as if he was already starting to say his goodbyes.
But James never said goodbye.
“Don’t do that,” I said.
His head tipped. “Do what?”
“Don’t look at me like this is the end already.”
“I only have tomorrow, then it is the end, Alice. Then I’m leaving.”
“Yes, James, but this is now.”
He sighed. “I really don’t want to hurt you, so if you don’t want to come tomorrow night, I’ll understand.”
I stood up and walked over to him, then rested my hands on his face.
“Let me worry about me, okay?” I whispered. “We’ll worry about Saturday when we have to.”
He nodded. “We will have to, Alice.”
“I know. But not yet.”
He took a breath and ran his hands up and down my arms.
“So, how would you like to spend today?” he asked. “How are you feeling now?”
“I feel good enough to walk, but maybe not good enough to hike,” I answered. “Any ideas on what we can do?”
“We could go to South Coast Zoo?” he offered. “I haven’t been there since we went in year eleven human biology.”
I laughed. “You want to go to the zoo?”
“Yes, if you want to go with me to the zoo.”
“Sure,” I r
eplied. “I’ll go to the zoo with you, James.”
He grinned. “Great.”
**
We went to the zoo and it was just like I remembered. James held my hand as visited the different animals, the different kingdoms, and the different worlds. They were different, but somehow able to coexist together, just like us.
After the zoo, we drove down to the foreshore to watch the sunset on our second last day together, and suddenly it felt like time was really working against us. Too soon, today would become yesterday, and tomorrow would not exist for us.
“I’m going to miss South Coast,” James said, staring out at the city overlooking the Waning River. “It’s small, but it’s pretty great here.”
I nodded. “I’ve always liked it.”
He looked over and smiled as a shiver moved down my spine. He shuffled towards me and put his arm around me. I rested my head against him. It was all I had ever wanted, him here with me like this. It was almost ironic that I should get everything I wanted mere hours before it would all end.
“What do you think is going to happen when you leave?” I asked. After I’d said the words, I instantly regretted them. James sighed and tightened his arm around me.
“I thought we weren’t going to talk about that,” he whispered.
“I know. I’m sorry.”
He frowned, and then leant forward to drag his phone from his pocket. It was buzzing.
“Sorry,” he said to me, then lifted it to his ear. “It’s James.”
I looked up at him as he listened to the voice on the other end.
“Right…” he sighed. “Have you called him? What did he say? I see. No, I wasn’t planning on it. Is there anyone else?”
“What’s wrong?” I whispered.
He pressed his fingers into his eyes. “Right… yep… okay.”
I waited and he dropped his phone.
“That was Eclipse,” he answered. “One of the guys didn’t turn up for his shift. There’s no-one to cover it so I’ll need to go in to help out.”
“Oh, when?”
“Now. I’m sorry, Alice, if there was another way…”
I shook my head. “It’s okay. You’ve spent the whole week with me. I shouldn’t be selfish.”
James smiled. “Come with me.”
“To your work?”
He nodded. “Sure, come and eat. There is a restaurant there, you know.”
“Wow, you’re serious.”
“Why not? What else do you have to do tonight?”
“Well, nothing,” I answered. “But are you sure you want me there?”
He chuckled. “Why wouldn’t I? Besides, it’ll only be for a couple of hours – just for the dinner rush. What do you say?”
“I say what’s on the specials menu tonight?”
James kissed my head. “Whatever you like.”
**
The restaurant at Eclipse was packed, but James got me a table in the VIP area. He didn’t take my order, but the food didn’t stop coming. He said that he wanted me to try everything now that I had an appetite for meat. It was all tasty, but I really just felt like macaroni cheese and bacon. I was too scared to tell James in case my request offended the internationally renowned chef.
“How is it?” James asked as he stopped by my table. He looked over the plates of food that were mostly untouched, then grabbed a fork, and ate a few mouthfuls.
“It’s great,” I replied. “But some is a bit decadent for my stomach right now.”
He sat down. “Oh, right. Crap. Can I get you anything else?”
“It’s fine, there’s enough food here without wasting more.”
“It’s not a waste, Alice. I’ll box it up and use it for the gathering tomorrow,” he answered. “What do you feel like?”
I bit my lip. “Well, I have this weird craving for mac and cheese… with bacon.”
He chuckled. “Really?”
“I know. I’m a five-year-old.”
James nodded. “I’ll see what the kitchen can do.”
“Thank you,” I whispered.
His hand stroked my cheek.
“Hey, hey,” a voice said. “Butler, I didn’t think you were working again before you left.”
I looked up and saw Greg standing over us. James sighed and rose to his feet.
“I hadn’t planned on it,” he replied.
Greg nodded then glanced at me. “Hey, Alice. This is my girlfriend Kylie Swift.”
“Hi, Greg. Nice to meet you, Kylie,” I answered, and glanced at the petite girl beside him. She was very pretty, with bright blue eyes and long dark hair. She looked a lot younger than Greg did, but she looked like she could hold her own.
“Hi, Alice, was it?” Kylie smiled. “Greg didn’t mention that James had a girlfriend.”
My mouth fell open because I didn’t know how to answer that. As it turned out, I didn’t need to.
“Alice isn’t my girlfriend,” James said. “We’re just seeing how things go.”
“Babe, you know that James is leaving Saturday,” Greg whispered, even if it was loud for a whisper.
Kylie nodded. “Oh, right. Sorry.”
James stepped back. “I’ll go and see the chef about that request, Alice.”
I watched him go and pressed my lips together.
“You’re still hungry?” Greg asked. “Some of these are barely touched.”
“Yeah, I know,” I replied. “So what brings you two out on a school night? I mean, sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.”
Kylie laughed. “It’s our anniversary.”
“Oh, how long have you been together?”
“This time? Three months.”
I smiled. “This time?”
She looked at Greg adoringly. “We’ve been together for a year, but we were apart for a while. We always seem to find our way back to each other though. I guess some people are just meant to be.”
Greg kissed Kylie’s hand and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.
“Well, I hope you have a lovely dinner,” I said. “Congratulations.”
“Thanks,” Kylie answered. “You too.”
“Are you here all on your own?” Greg asked.
I shook my head. “No, I’m here with James.”
“Isn’t he working?”
“Just for a little while.” I shrugged. “I’m okay though. You guys enjoy yourselves.”
Kylie sighed. “Well, we can’t leave you all alone.”
“No really, I’m fine,” I said. “James won’t be much longer.”
“Kylie’s right.” Greg smiled. “We can sit with you until James is finished.”
“Or we can have a double date,” Kylie offered.
I couldn’t even fake my excitement.
**
James returned with my macaroni cheese and bacon less than twenty minutes later. He smiled sympathetically at me when he saw that Greg and Kylie were still there. Greg had begun picking at the food, but Kylie couldn’t seem to cram anything but words into her mouth. She was a nice enough girl, intelligent, but barely came up for air. It was exhausting trying to get a word in, so Greg and I ended up just nodding to whatever she said.
James came back another thirty minutes later and came straight to my side to take my hand. I stood obediently.
“Thanks for keeping Alice company,” James said. “We’ll see you guys tomorrow night. Dinner’s on me. Enjoy.”
Kylie’s mouth opened in surprise as Greg’s eyebrows lifted. Before either of them could reply though, James was already leading me from the restaurant.
“I’m sorry about those two,” he whispered. “I didn’t think they’d stay and bother you.”
I laughed. “They were no bother at all. I like your friends.”
“It looks as though they like you too,” he replied. “Was the macaroni cheese to your liking? The chef nearly collapsed when I requested it.”
“It was delicious. I hope it wasn’t too much trouble.”
He shoo
k his head. “Not at all.”
“Thank you,” I sighed, then yawned.
“Are you tired?” he asked. “I should get you home to bed.”
“Can we sleep at your place tonight?” I asked. “I’ve always wondered what it would be like to sleep in James Butler’s bed.”
He laughed. “Always?”
“Pretty much.” I shrugged. “Is that okay?”
“Okay. Whatever you want.”
What I wanted was for him to stay, but was that an option?
We both drifted off to sleep tangled in each other, ignoring the fact that in a little over twenty-four hours, we would be oceans apart.
I tried not to think about it too much because I couldn’t bear the thought of him not being here with me. I knew that it wouldn’t last because nothing ever did with James, but I couldn’t deny that a part of me still hoped that it would.
I loved him, and maybe that love was too big to exist in this world, but I knew now that this was my purpose in life – to love him as no-one had or would love him. I loved him in spite of and because of his flaws, even if one of those flaws was that he would never love me.
“Alice isn’t my girlfriend; we’re just seeing how things go.”
We were seeing how things go because that’s all we could do. We were always seeing, waiting, lingering – always coming back to each other and waiting for it all to end.
I suppose the day after tomorrow, it would.
Chapter 10
Lingering
I woke up Friday morning wrapped in James’ arms, and the first thing I thought of was how lucky I was. Then I remembered that it was his last day, and the feeling of fortune turned bittersweet. I turned my head and saw that James was still asleep, so took the opportunity to try to memorise everything about the moment. I knew that, too soon, the moment would be over.
I could hear Maria and Scott talking in the kitchen – Maria spoke to Scott in Italian, and Scott repeated it back to her. It was sweet, but it reminded me of the ticking time bomb I held. As soon as I got through James leaving, then I would need to prepare for them leaving too. I couldn’t think of it now.
I watched James as he slept and considered how peaceful he looked. I hadn’t seen him that relaxed in a while, and I felt a bit responsible for the reason why. He had really stepped up in looking after me in the last week, and his care and concern were unwavering. It gave hope that maybe he would miss me at least a little bit when he was gone.
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