Midnight Chat

by Jo Ramsey

  I figured I should at least acknowledge Lee-Anne’s reply, so I typed, Thank you, and put down the phone again. Not being able to get in touch with Rob at all really sucked. I couldn’t find out what was happening to him, and he might need someone to talk to. At least I knew he wasn’t in any hospital, but being stuck at home all weekend would be worse for him.

  He might not even show up for school Monday. His parents had always made him go before, but this time they might be too pissed off about the hospital thing. Hopefully not. School sucked for Rob, but it would be a break from his parents, and he would be able to talk to me.

  I didn’t want to think about it, so I went into the living room and turned on the TV, hoping to find a talk show or something to numb my brain.

  Instead, the local channels were all in the middle of a news break. Some kid in Wyoming had gone into his high school with a gun and killed three people before a couple of teachers took him down. No further details available.

  I swallowed hard. Things like that happened way too often. A kid got pissed off about something and went to school with a weapon. Sometimes someone stopped them before they hurt anyone. Other times, people died. Bullying was bad enough. No one should have to worry about dying at school, no matter what they’d done to anyone else.

  Usually when I heard stories like that, even though I hated it for the people involved, I was relieved it wasn’t near me. But this time, all I could think about was Rob. If he went to the hospital, they would make sure he never ended up like the guy in Wyoming.

  I hated myself for even thinking it. Rob was nothing like a guy who’d gone over the edge halfway across the country. Maybe the guy was bullied like Rob, but that was the only thing they had in common. Rob wouldn’t go as far as that guy had. He might talk about it, but he would never actually do it.

  My phone “pinged” in the kitchen, and I went back to the table to see who’d texted. Talia.

  Hope you didn’t get in trouble. You weren’t in class. Neither was Rob.

  As if it was any of her business. Then again, she’d kind of made it her business when she and her friends got in the middle of the fight. I wouldn’t lose anything by answering her.

  Don’t know about Rob. Dad brought me home. He got into it with Cramer.

  Doesn’t sound good. Tell me later? Just wanted to know you’re okay.

  I didn’t really want to talk to her about all the drama, but if she was actually worried, I could cut her some slack.

  I’ll fill you in at work.

  Okay. Talk then.

  I put the phone down again and dropped into my chair. My arms and legs were heavy, and sludge filled my brain. I didn’t want to think, talk, move, anything. The whole day had been a complete mess, and I was ready for it to be over. If I could have gone to bed and slept for a day or so, I would have.

  Dad walked into the room and leaned against the counter. “Everything okay? Did you hear from Rob?”

  “Are you all right?” I didn’t want to talk about my problems if he was still upset.

  “I’m the parent. It isn’t your job to make sure I’m all right.” He smiled, and this time it looked a lot better than the one he’d given me earlier. “Yes, I’m fine. I just needed space. And you?”

  “I texted Rob. Lee-Anne answered. She said he doesn’t have his phone, and right now she and his dad haven’t decided how long he’ll be grounded.” I put my head down on the table. “She said he’ll be in touch when he gets his phone back. I’m not holding my breath. They think I had something to do with this.”

  “Are you kidding me?” Dad frowned. “Something to do with today, or in general?”

  “Both, I guess. I don’t know.” He would be pissed again if I told him how Lee-Anne and Rob’s dad acted toward me, but I was tired of it. Besides, if I told him how they treated me, I could talk to him about the things they said to Rob too. “She thinks the fight was my fault somehow. At least that was how it sounded when she talked to me at school. And they always say stuff like Rob would be in better shape if he had better friends.”

  “Jackasses.” Dad shook his head. “I can’t believe they would say anything like that about you at all, let alone to your face. You’re a good person, Mira, and personally I think Rob would have a lot more problems if he didn’t have you to lean on.”

  “They don’t want to admit anything’s wrong with him, so of course they’re going to blame me if something is.” I shrugged. “I don’t care. I know better. They don’t try to stop me from being Rob’s friend. They just complain about it.”

  “I’m not okay with that.” He hesitated. “I don’t want to get into an argument with either of them under the circumstances, because then they probably would cut off your contact with Rob. I think he needs you, but I want you to promise you’ll be careful. Don’t take too much of his problems on yourself.”

  “I don’t.” I bit my tongue so I wouldn’t yell at him. He had to say things like that because he was my father. He was only trying to protect me.

  “I’m glad to hear that.” He studied me. “This isn’t anything negative, Mira. You’re a kind person, and you want to help others. It’s an admirable quality, but sometimes it means you try too hard and don’t take care of yourself. You’re a lot like your mom that way.”

  “Thanks.” I took plenty of care of myself. He had nothing to worry about.

  “You’re welcome.” He kept looking at me as if he expected me to go on with the discussion.

  I didn’t have anything else to say. I was finished talking about Rob and Mom and anything else unpleasant. “What are we having for lunch?”

  “Pizza?”

  “Yeah. I have to go to work later.”

  He nodded. “I’ll make sure you get there. I’ll order the food now.”

  “Okay.”

  He went into the other room, where he must have left his phone. I closed my eyes. Today had not been a good day, and I didn’t want to even think about Rob anymore. I just wanted everything back to normal.

  Rob’s Journal—September 22, 11:57 p.m.

  THEY’VE BEEN fighting all night. I think they finally went to bed, because it’s quiet now, but maybe they just lost their voices or something.

  It’s about me. It’s always about me. My father keeps telling me if his wife leaves him, it will be because of me. Because I’m so messed up, and I don’t accept her, and I don’t act normal.

  His marriage isn’t my problem. If he can’t keep his wife, that’s because of him. But I don’t believe that sometimes. Sometimes I think it really is because of me. She didn’t like me in the first place. I acted like a brat because I thought she was trying to replace Mom. No one can replace Mom. If they did, that would mean they’re going to leave me too.

  Sometimes I want her to leave, but sometimes I want her to be my mother. But she isn’t. She’s my father’s little minion, always doing what he says even when she knows it isn’t right.

  As soon as he got home from work, he started yelling at me about causing trouble again and ruining people’s lives. I don’t know if he meant him and his wife or those idiots from school. Or both. He doesn’t care about my life. Only about making sure I don’t ruin anyone else’s.

  I told him it wasn’t my fault. I didn’t make those guys grab me, and I didn’t report them. And I didn’t arrest them. He doesn’t care. He gets his kicks yelling at me.

  I don’t know if they’re sending me to school Monday or not. The only thing I know is they aren’t sending me to a hospital or crisis unit or whatever. That’s good. I wouldn’t want to go. They would say I’m crazy or something, and enough people think that already.

  If I go to school Monday, it’s going to suck. Everyone will know what happened today, and they’ll be after me. I won’t even be able to get to the front door without something happening.

  I could do something about it. I could make sure everyone leaves me alone. Make sure they don’t mess with me anymore. I don’t know what to do, but I’m intelligent enough
to think of something. Today is not going to happen again. If I have to spend the next two years at that hellhole, I will make sure I don’t have to deal with bullshit anymore.

  I’m going to text Mira. At least my father gave me back my phone.

  Chapter Eight

  I MADE it through the rest of Friday. At work, Talia and I were friendly when we had to talk to each other. When we first got there, she asked me again why Rob and I hadn’t been in class, and I told her all I knew was that Rob had gone home. She let the subject drop. She probably didn’t even care what happened to Rob. She just wanted to make sure I didn’t blame her for anything else. For the rest of my shift, I avoided her as much as I could.

  After work, I watched TV with Dad and Olin, but I gave up after a while because my brain wouldn’t shut up long enough for me to pay attention to the shows. I was stuck again on the news about the kid in Wyoming. I hadn’t heard any more about him, so I still didn’t know why he’d done it, assuming anyone had managed to find out.

  Maybe he’d been like Rob right up until he picked up the gun. Maybe people had told him to toughen up or had said he didn’t need help. His friends and family might not have noticed anything was wrong, or they might have wanted to believe they were imagining it. Just like I wanted to believe Rob was okay.

  If Olin hadn’t been around, I would have talked to Dad about my concerns. Then again, he might have called Rob’s parents, which wouldn’t have done Rob any favors. Even though he knew how Rob’s father and Lee-Anne were, he probably still believed they would help Rob if they found out other people were worried.

  I knew better. I didn’t want to think about what Rob was dealing with at home tonight. His dad was probably going off on him again, ranting and not giving Rob a chance to defend himself. And of course Lee-Anne would be backing up everything Rob’s father said.

  I finally went to bed around eleven, but I couldn’t sleep. For over an hour, I lay with my eyes closed, trying and failing to shut off my thoughts.

  My phone buzzed, and I immediately grabbed it. It couldn’t have been anyone other than Rob, even though I didn’t understand why his parents had given him back his phone so soon.

  Hi, Mira.

  Hi. Are you okay?

  His answer took a couple of minutes to show up.

  Define okay. I’m home. Father and his wife doing usual. Blaming me. I whine. I’m weak. Same old. Can’t leave my room but still want to see you tomorrow. They gave back my phone at least.

  Good.

  I wanted him to come over too, but I didn’t see how if he wasn’t allowed to leave his room. Then again, since his parents had changed their minds about his phone, maybe they would change their minds about this too.

  You want to see me, right?

  Yeah. Of course.

  Just checking.

  He shouldn’t have needed to check. He knew I was his friend. Nothing would change that.

  Are you still there?

  Yeah. Sorry. Thinking.

  I hadn’t even taken a minute to reply. He was twitchier than usual. I couldn’t blame him, but if he wasn’t going to give me time to type my answers, it would get annoying.

  I’m thinking too. Need to find a way so stuff like this stops happening.

  My chest tightened. I sat up and tried to breathe more easily. He hadn’t said anything threatening. Only his usual thing about wanting to stop the bullying. But all I could think was that the kid in Wyoming might have said the same kind of thing.

  The news story had gotten to me. That was all. I had to let go of it. Rob was only saying he was tired of being bullied at school and pushed around by his parents. He was right. We did need to find a way for him to be safe at school and to not feel worthless at home.

  Are they making you go back to school Monday? I asked.

  I don’t know. They aren’t exactly talking to me right now. Probably. They always do.

  Before I came up with a response, he sent another text.

  Maybe not, though. Cramer pissed them off. Maybe they’ll take me out of school so they won’t have people telling them what to do.

  Maybe.

  Of course Rob’s parents wouldn’t pull him out of school to protect him, but they would do it to cover their own asses.

  Are you okay? I saw you texted earlier.

  Lee-Anne must not have erased my text or her answer from before.

  I’m okay. Dad brought me home. I didn’t really do anything the rest of the day except when I had to work.

  Did Talia say anything?

  She’s glad school is doing something about those guys.

  I didn’t know what else to tell him. He might not like having Talia ask about him. Even though she and her friends had helped us out, Rob probably hadn’t forgiven her yet for the Mrs. Reynolds thing.

  I don’t know if I am. They’re going to come after me, or their friends are.

  Ms. Cramer told my dad if those guys go to court, they won’t be allowed near you.

  What’s anyone going to do to stop them?

  A restraining order?

  Dad had said restraining orders didn’t necessarily do any good, but the idea might reassure Rob. Though even if Craig and Seth had orders against them and actually obeyed, their friends could still get to Rob.

  Apparently he realized the same thing.

  Won’t stop their buddies anyway. Doesn’t matter. Something has to change.

  Maybe this will show them they can’t keep hurting you.

  You’re naïve as hell, aren’t you? They’re never going to stop until someone stops them.

  I wasn’t naïve. I just wanted things to be different. But Rob was right about this too. The bullying had been going on for years. None of the guys had ever had serious consequences until now, so possibly Craig’s and Seth’s arrests would smack sense into some of the others. But even that might not be enough of a reason for all of them to stop.

  I tried to say something encouraging, but my brain went blank. Of all the times for me to stop thinking.

  Maybe your parents will send you to a different school. Then you wouldn’t have to deal with them anymore.

  It’s going to be the same no matter what school I’m at. And my father and his wife won’t change. I should die. Then no one would hurt me anymore.

  My heart stopped. I didn’t believe Rob would hurt anyone else, but he definitely might do something to himself. For all I knew, he was sitting in his room with a bottle of pills beside him. I had to convince him to stick around. Of course he was upset tonight. Probably that was why he was talking about suicide again. If he got some sleep, he would feel better. My job was to make sure he went to sleep instead of doing anything stupid.

  Coming up with a reason for him to stick around wasn’t much easier than encouraging him to think positively about the bullying coming to an end.

  I would miss you.

  You would get over it. I wouldn’t be an albatross anymore.

  A what?

  When his next response showed up, I could practically see him rolling his eyes.

  The old saying. An albatross around your neck. Means a burden. You read a lot. You should have known that.

  I don’t know everything. And you aren’t a burden to me.

  Why do you keep saying that? All I do is lean on you.

  I wasn’t helping him. Not even a little. I wanted to call him, because maybe hearing my voice would do more for him than reading my texts, but Dad would hear me. And Lee-Anne or Rob’s father might hear him.

  This time, at least, I had a response.

  Friends lean on each other. I leaned on you when everyone called me names.

  You made them stop without my help. They’re not going to stop with me.

  We’ll figure something out. Stick around, okay? I need my best friend.

  You’re crazier than I am.

  Amusement and irritation fought it out for top emotion in my brain. I didn’t know how to take Rob’s comment, and I wasn’t thrilled about him usi
ng the word “crazy” after the way Dad had gone off on me about it.

  Neither of us is crazy. Do you want to keep talking? I’m not tired.

  You’re lying, but yeah. If we can talk longer, it would help. And I’m coming over tomorrow, right?

  Afternoon if your parents say it’s okay.

  Assuming I even managed to wake up before noon, I would have to do laundry and some of the cleaning before I had company. That was how Saturdays worked.

  Okay. Hey, I saw the announcement for tryouts for the musical. Are you doing it?

  I will if you will.

  Moving on to talking about the school play was a good sign. Rob enjoyed performing. He’d gotten parts in most of the plays we’d tried out for, and the other theater kids didn’t pick on him. If I could keep Rob thinking about the musical, he might feel better.

  I’ll think about it. I don’t know about wearing those boots if I get one of the lead roles. I don’t think I can walk in high heels. I’m surprised our backward little school is even doing that play. I mean, just think about the title. Some parents will go over the deep end.

  Yeah.

  I let out a long breath and slid back down to lie on my side. Rob would be okay. As long as I kept talking to him, he would be fine.

  I DIDN’T get to sleep until almost five in the morning. By the time I woke up, it was twelve thirty.

  I groaned and rolled over to pick up my phone, which had fallen onto the floor while I was sleeping. That explained why Rob’s latest text a few minutes earlier hadn’t awakened me.

  Father’s wife says I can go to your house. She’s driving me and picking me up. No trust. What time?

  Even though I hadn’t replied, he hadn’t sent any follow-up texts. Hopefully he’d realized I might still be asleep and decided to give me time to answer for a change.

  I looked at the clock again. Two minutes later than when I’d opened my eyes. I still had to at least start the laundry and clean the kitchen, and I would have to check with Dad to make sure he didn’t need me to do anything else. I also had to ask whether he was okay with Rob coming over. After the things Dad had said the day before, I didn’t know if he would want Rob in our house.