Married Men

by Carl Weber

“You really wanna get pregnant before we’re married?”

  “Yes,” she nodded.

  “What about a house? We’re not gonna be able to afford a house right away.”

  “I know, Allen.” She seemed sincere but I was still skeptical.

  “Why the sudden change?”

  “Jesus Christ, Allen! Why does everything have to be so complicated with you? I’m thirty-three years old and I’m getting married in two months, not to mention the fact that my biological clock is ticking like shit.”

  “Yeah, but...”

  “But what?” she asked.

  I could tell she was getting frustrated.

  “Allen, I’m horny and I wanna have your baby,” she sighed heavily. “Now do we have to fight over whether you’re gonna make love to me?”

  I smiled. She was right. Why the hell was I arguing? Just the thought of having sex with her without a condom was enough to make a believer out of me. In the five years I’d been goin’ with Rose, she had never once let me have sex without a condom. I lifted her up and carried her into the bedroom, kissing her the entire way. As I laid her down, I noticed she was holding an envelope.

  “What’s that for?” I tried to take it from her hand.

  “Nothin’. We’ll talk about it later.” She pulled her hand away and placed the envelope on her nightstand. “Com’ere big boy and make me a mama.”

  “Ohhh, Allen, that’s it, baby! That’s the spot. One more time, boo.”

  We’d been at it almost twenty minutes and I was deep inside Rose with her legs wrapped around me tight. She was as close to an orgasm as humanly possible and that was a good thing, ’cause I didn’t know how much longer I could last without exploding myself. It had been so long since I’d had sex without a condom that I’d completely forgotten how much better it really felt.

  “Ohhh, shit! Yes, yes, yes!” Rose moaned loudly. There was no doubt in my mind she was having an orgasm. Her entire body went rigid, then burst into small convulsions that sent me into my own howling orgasm. When it was all over, I collapsed on top of her, totally exhausted.

  “I think you did it, Allen. I think I’m pregnant,” she grinned at me, full of excitement.

  I looked at her doubtfully. How the hell could she still have all this energy after an orgasm like that? I barely had enough energy to move, but I had to answer her.

  “You need to stop, Rose. You couldn’t possibly know if you’re pregnant.”

  “Trust me, Allen. A woman knows these things.”

  “Ya know what, Rose? You’re a trip.” I struggled to roll off her, onto my back. I was starting to feel like she was up to something again. And by the look she gave me, I think she knew it.

  “I’m a nurse, Allen.” She rolled on top of me and looked directly in my eyes. “You act as if I don’t know when I’m ovulating.”

  I had to think about that a second before answering. I guess she’d made a good point. Maybe she had planned the whole evening around her biological clock after all.

  “You’re really serious about having this baby, aren’t you?”

  “Of course I’m serious. Have I ever let you stick your dick in me without a condom?”

  “No.”

  “That’s because I had two abortions before we met. I been tellin’ you ever since we met that getting pregnant was not gonna be a problem. I’m fertile as a damn bunny rabbit.”

  “You had two abortions?” I didn’t pay attention to anything else she had said.

  “Yeah,” she replied nonchalantly as if it was no big deal. “And both times I knew I was pregnant the minute I conceived.”

  “You had two abortions?” I repeated. This time she noticed my tone.

  “Yes, Allen, I had two abortions.” She sucked her teeth and rolled her eyes. “You wanna call the wedding off because of my past sins or deal with the fact that you’re gonna be a daddy?”

  I hesitated before I spoke, ’cause she was right. When my boys told me they’d all had a piece of Rose before me, I’d already made the decision that her past wasn’t gonna affect our future.

  “Am I really gonna be a dad?”

  “Allen, I promise you if I’m not pregnant now I’m gonna be before the wedding.” Deep down I still felt like she was up to something, but the thought of being a father pushed all that to the side.

  “I’m gonna be a dad. God, I can’t wait to tell Ma.”

  “Let’s wait ’til the doctor confirms things before we tell the world, huh?” She wrapped her arms around me, laying her head on my chest.

  “Okay.” I held Rose for almost half an hour before either of us spoke again. The entire time I kept replaying how wonderful it felt to be inside of her with no latex between us. It was like being blind for five years then being able to see again.

  “Rose, you awake?” I whispered.

  “I’m awake.” She snuggled a little closer.

  “Was it better for you without the condom?”

  “Wassss it.” She turned her head so we were face to face. “Allen, that was the best you’ve ever been.” She kissed me and I blushed.

  “Wanna do it again?”

  “Does a crackhead want ten dollars? Of course I do.” She rolled on her stomach, smiling. “But this time let’s try it from the back.”

  17

  Kyle

  It was a little after noon when I walked into the office of the Saint Anthony’s Christian Academy. My daughter Jewel was sitting in a chair outside the principal’s office, and she burst into tears as soon as she saw me. The school called me at work after they couldn’t get in touch with Lisa. I walked over to the counter, ignoring Jewel. She was the kind of kid that only cried when she’d done something wrong, so I was sure she wasn’t sitting there for nothing. I tried my best to hide the disappointment that was building inside me as I spoke to the woman behind the counter.

  “Hi, I’m Kyle Richmond. Mrs. Cottman asked me to come down because of my daughter Jewel.”

  “Yes, Mr. Richmond, she’s been waiting for you.” She opened the small gate and I followed her into the principal’s office, where a brown-skinned woman I recognized as the principal sat behind a desk. “Mrs. Cottman, this is Mr. Richmond, Jewel’s father.”

  “Yes, I know we’ve met. How are you, Mr. Richmond?” She stood to shake my hand. Then gestured for me to take a seat. “I’m sorry you had to leave work to come down here.”

  “So am I, Mrs. Cottman.” I sat down in front of her desk. “What exactly did Jewel do?”

  “Jewel went into the cubby room and smashed all the boys’ lunches.”

  “What?” I sat up straight in my chair. I was about to get up and drag Jewel’s narrow ass into Cottman’s office but there was a knock on the door.

  “Come in,” the principal said.

  A short light-skinned woman entered.

  “Mr. Richmond, this is Miss Bailey, our school social worker. I asked her to join us.”

  I reached over and shook the social worker’s hand, a little apprehensive as I spoke to the principal. “You told me on the phone that Jewel was having a small discipline problem. Why is the school social worker here?”

  “Well, Mr. Richmond, in addition to what happened today, we’ve found that Jewel’s been havin’ some other problems.”

  “What kind of problems?” The principal reached for a file. Then with a very serious look, she handed me a picture from the file.

  “Oh God” were the only words that escaped my mouth as I stared at my daughter’s artwork. The picture was of a man with the word DADDY written underneath it. The word LIAR written at least twenty times surrounding the man.

  “Wh-what exactly does this mean?” I turned to the social worker for my answer but found it hard to look her in the face.

  “We were hoping you might be able to help us with that, Mr. Richmond,” the social worker replied.

  I glanced at the principal then the social worker, lowering my head in shame. I knew Jewel was having problems adjusting to the breakup. Shi
t, so were Willow and Jade, but most of the time they were just vying for my attention. A hug and a promise of a new Barbie or an ice cream cone always seemed to fix that. At least that’s what I thought until now. I scratched my head as the social worker stared at me, still waiting for my answer. I didn’t know what to say, but before I did, thank God, the principal was talking.

  “Mr. Richmond, I’m not going to lie to you. Your wife’s told us about your separation.” Good ol’ Lisa was telling everyone she could that we were separated, probably to get sympathy. “To be quite honest, I was rather relieved when we couldn’t reach her and had to call you.”

  “Oh, why is that?” I lifted my head and stared in her face.

  “Well, for starters, I wanted to tell you how much you’ve been missed. We don’t get to know many of the fathers of our children, and ever since Jewel became a student here, both you and your wife have been our most active parents. You alone have probably been to more functions and attended more field trips than any mother other than your wife. But that stopped a few months ago, and that’s when we started noticing a change in Jewel’s behavior and her school-work.”

  She was right. I never missed one of Jewel’s school functions until after the separation. “Yes, I know she’s been having a few problems adjusting to me moving out of the house. To tell you the truth, I’ve had a few problems adjusting myself. I guess that’s why I haven’t been around as much as I should.”

  “We understand that these types of things happen in families, Mr. Richmond and we’d like to help if we can.” The social worker reached over and patted my hand. Which made me feel like shit.

  “help how?”

  “Well, for starters, I’d like for Jewel to come see me once a week, if that’s all right with you.”

  “I’d have to speak to her mother but I can’t see that being a problem.”

  First I’m seeing a shrink; now Jewel’s going to see a low-rent shrink. What the hell have I done to my family? God, this was exactly what I’d been trying to avoid all my life.

  “I’d also like for Jewel to join a school club called Banana Splits.”

  “What exactly is Banana Splits?”

  “It’s a club for children of divorced and separated marriages that meets once a week during recess. It gives the kids a chance to talk to other children who may be going through the same thing. I’ve found that it’s really helped in cases like Jewel’s.”

  “Okay, if you think it’s gonna help.” I reached in my suit pocket for a handkerchief and wiped my brow. I’d always fancied myself a good father, someone who’d always be there for my girls no matter what. But as I looked back at the last few months, I realized I hadn’t been there for them at all. Sure, I paid child support and I picked them up every other weekend, but I could have done more. I could have been there.

  “I do think it’s going to help,” the social worker said with a smile.

  “Well, I guess the only thing to do now is figure out what type of discipline we’re going to give Jewel for what she did today. Do you have any suggestions, Mr. Richmond?” the principal asked.

  “Whatever you think is fair, Ms. Cottman. I would like to take Jewel home with me today, though. I think the two of us have a lot to discuss. Maybe I can find out why she drew this picture.” I looked at the picture again, shaking my head.

  “I understand. Why don’t we do that, Mr. Richmond, and before Jewel comes back to school, why don’t we have her write a letter of apology to her classmates.”

  I nodded my head with a frown and reached into my pocket.

  “Do you think this will cover the lunches she smashed?” I handed her a fifty-dollar bill.

  “Oh, I’m sure this will do it.” The principal nodded, taking the bill then shaking my hand.

  Jewel and I left the school and walked to my truck without a word. I opened the back door and she jumped in, buckling her seat belt. When I got in the truck, I turned my head toward her. I think she must have expected me to slap her by the way she cringed, but all I did was shake my head, letting her know how disappointed I was. The two of us drove around Jamaica in silence for about twenty minutes before I decided to take her back to the house. That ride must have been torture for her, ’cause when we pulled into the driveway, she was sweating like a death-row inmate. I wasn’t one to brutalize my kids, but I did believe in good old-fashioned spankings, something I’m sure Jewel hadn’t had since I moved out.

  The two of us got out of the car and walked to the side door of the house. I still had keys but I let Jewel open the door with the key she wore around her neck. When we got in the house, I pointed at the kitchen table and the two of us sat down across from each other. Jewel was on the verge of tears so I figured I’d try to be gentle in my approach. Just thinking about that picture she drew made me realize this wasn’t all her fault.

  “Rough day at school today, huh?” I had a serious look but I tried to smile. Hell, I needed to smile—everything I held dear was slipping away from me at the same time.

  “Yes,” she whispered, avoiding eye contact.

  “Don’t worry, I had a rough couple of days myself.” I reached across the table and touched her hand. I had tears in my eyes and I’m not really sure why. “You wanna talk about it?”

  She shook her head no.

  “Why?”

  She shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know.”

  “You know what you did today was wrong, don’t you?”

  “Yes.” I could barely hear her.

  “So why’d you do it?”

  She didn’t answer me. She just shrugged her shoulders again as tears began to stream down her cheeks. I handed her a napkin to dry her eyes.

  “Are you mad at me for moving out, Jewel?” She shrugged her shoulders and frowned. “You can tell me if you are. Truth is I’m kinda mad at myself.”

  “Yes,” she said, nodding her head fast.

  “That’s what I figured.”

  I stared at my daughter, hoping she wouldn’t notice the disappointment building inside of me. I wasn’t disappointed in her but in myself. I’d hurt her—something I never, ever wanted to do. But the way things were going between her mother and me, I just couldn’t think of a way to make things right. Hell, even if I wanted to come home, things were more complicated now than when I left. I was tempted to ask Jewel about this Mike guy Lisa was seeing, but it would have been wrong to bring her deeper into her mother’s and my mess.

  “Why are you mad at me, Jewel?” I asked in my concerned fatherly tone.

  She hesitated, looking up then down. If I had to guess, I would have sworn she was contemplating if she should tell me a lie or not. I decided not to give her that chance, so I reached inside my suit jacket and pulled out the picture she’d drawn. Her eyes told me that she was caught completely by surprise when I unfolded it. “Do you think I’m a liar, Jewel? ’Cause I don’t remember lying to you.”

  “Yes, you did,” she blurted quickly then stopped herself.

  “Excuse me?” I replied, shocked by her response.

  Jewel didn’t say a word at first. I think she was afraid she was gonna get in trouble, but then out of nowhere she lifted her head with an attitude. “You did lie to me, Daddy. And you lied to my mommy too. You promised you would only go away on business and that you would call us every day. You lied to me, Daddy, and now you don’t even come home at all.” She burst into tears as she slid out of her chair.

  “Jewel,” I called after her as she ran out the kitchen toward the stairs. “Damn,” I said to myself. Here I am placing a guilt trip on a seven-year-old child when I’m the one who’s wrong. I knew better than this. I should have talked to the girls about my leaving a long time ago.

  I waited awhile before getting up and following Jewel. Like me, she probably needed to sort things out. As I sat in the kitchen, I thought about the mistakes I’d made over the past few months. I’d never thought about how I would explain to the girls why I left. I guess I took for granted that their mothe
r would do that. I mean, what was I supposed to say, “I’m not coming home ’cause your mother is white”? I might have my problems with Lisa but she was still the mother of my children and I’ll love her for that till the day I die. I could never teach my children that their existence was wrong. Shit, I didn’t believe that. Each and every one of my girls was a child of love. I guess inside I forgot about that.

  “A child of love,” I repeated out loud. That’s when I made the decision that I was gonna do a better job as a father, no matter what went on between Lisa and me. I was going to have to spend more than just every other weekend with my girls. If it meant picking them up from school or just coming to the house for an hour to read them a story each night, I was going to have to spend more time with my girls. I was also gonna have to find a way to get along with Lisa. This whole separation and divorce wasn’t her fault, it was mine, and it was my responsibility to make it work and bury the hatchet between us.

  “Jewel,” I called, knocking on her bedroom door. When she didn’t answer, I opened the door. She was lying on her bed with her face in a pillow. “I’m sorry,” I said, softly walking over to her bed where she was sobbing. “I’m really sorry.” I sat down beside her and stroked her hair gently. “I didn’t mean to lie to you, baby. I swear I didn’t. At the time I wasn’t lying. I meant every word. It’s just that things changed and I had to leave.” She lifted her head, looking me in the face.

  “That’s not true, Daddy! You didn’t have to leave. My mommy said you can stay and that you can come home whenever you want. She even said she missed you and so did Willow, Jade, and me too. So why don’t you come home, Daddy.”

  I didn’t know what to say. I had come upstairs hoping to explain things to her. In some way make them right, but she wasn’t making it easy.

  “It’s a little complicated, sweetheart. But Daddy had a good reason for not coming home.” Jewel buried her face into her pillow. When she lifted her head back up, she said, “Daddy, I’ll be a good girl, I promise. If you come home, I’ll never do anything bad again.”

  “Oh, baby, you didn’t do anything wrong.” I rubbed my hand over my face, hoping my little girl wouldn’t see me cry.