Married Men

by Carl Weber

  “Yeah, Mom, I been goin’ to the doctor and the baby’s fine. I had a sonogram the other day.” I smiled as I remembered seeing my baby moving on the screen. “They told me you’re gonna have a grandson.”

  “Oh, Tracy. You for real? I’m going to have a grandson? Wait ’til I tell the girls in the office. You decide what you gonna name him?”

  “No, not yet. Any ideas?” We talked about names and I could hear the excitement in her voice as the two of us prattled on just like the old times. I hadn’t even brought up what happened at the restaurant or that Jay and I were engaged yet. Suddenly that didn’t seem important. It just felt so good to be connecting with my mom again.

  “When you coming home, Tracy?” Her voice was so soft, and her question sounded more like a plea. “I’m not asking you to come home for good, but just to visit for a week or two. I miss you, baby.”

  “I miss you too, Mom. But Daddy said—”

  “I don’t care what your father said, Tracy. You’re my only child and you’re always welcome in this house. Do you understand me? Besides, he might not admit it, but that big lug misses you just as much as I do.”

  “You think so?” I grinned at the thought of my big, tough daddy with the soft heart.

  “I know so. He’s just worried about you, Tracy. And so am I.”

  “Well, that makes three of us.” There was silence on the other end as my mom processed what I had just told her. She finally cleared her throat.

  “What’s wrong, Tracy? Everything all right with you and Jay? Is he treating you all right?”

  “I guess. We got engaged today.” I tried to sound excited, but I don’t think it worked.

  “You don’t sound too happy about it, baby.”

  “I am. I’m just a little confused.”

  “About what, baby?”

  “I don’t know. I’m just thinking maybe I don’t really know Jay well enough yet. Everything just happened so fast with us, with the baby and all. And now we’re talking about marriage. We can’t even afford for me to go back to school.”

  “Tracy, I wasn’t gonna tell you this ...” Mom hesitated. “But there’s something your father told me about Jay that maybe you should know.”

  “Mom, I already know he’s married. He’s going to see a lawyer tomorrow about a divorce.”

  “That’s not it, Tracy.” She hesitated again before she dropped the bomb. “Your father found out that Jay was arrested five months ago.”

  “Arrested! For what?” I closed my eyes and prayed it was nothing too bad. Something Jay would be able to explain. When Mom told me, I didn’t think I’d wanna hear Jay’s explanation, even if he did have one.

  “He pleaded guilty to soliciting a prostitute.”

  “Are you serious? Mom, that’s not possible.” I didn’t want to believe it, but after everything else I’d been learning about the man, I guess anything was possible.

  “Yes, baby I’m serious. Your father showed me the printout.”

  “Oh, Mom. What am I gonna do?” I started crying as I gave her the news about everything else I’d heard about Jay. “I just found out he gave another woman gonorrhea.”

  I explained everything to my mom about my relationship with Jay. From the day he left me at his house, to the fight at the funeral, to him calling me Kenya, to the scene in the restaurant bathroom. Mom was a great listener. She didn’t say a word ’til I finished the entire saga. Then she asked me something I didn’t expect to hear, but something that made me so glad. She asked me if I wanted to come home.

  When Jay walked in the door, he must have sensed something was wrong. Then again, I would hope that after taking two hours to get some beer he’d know he was in some trouble. He put down the six-pack of Heineken and took slow, apprehensive steps toward me.

  “What’s wrong? Why you looking at me like that?”

  “Where’s my ice cream?”

  “Oh, shit.” He hit himself in the head with his fist. “I knew I forgot something. I’m sorry, baby. I got a flat tire and completely forgot about your ice cream.” He gave me this innocent look.

  “It took you two hours to change a flat? What do I look like, a fool?” I looked at him from head to toe, and there wasn’t a speck of dirt on him. That was the cleanest tire change I ever heard of. Jay must have known what I was thinking, ’cause he had an excuse prepared before I even opened my mouth.

  “My jack was broke so I had to call Triple A.”

  “Yeah, right. Tell me anything.” I rolled my eyes and used my coldest voice.

  “Look, you’re not still mad about that Keyshawn shit, are you?”

  “Yeah, believe it or not, after waiting for you for two hours, I’m still not over it,” I said sarcastically.

  “I told you she’s a liar.” He was starting to sound worried.

  “And you’re playin’ right into her hands. She just wants to mess up what we have.” He tried to reach out for me, but I pulled back. I couldn’t let him touch me.

  “So was my father lying when he told my mother about you being arrested for soliciting a prostitute?” Jay’s bottom lip started trembling and he didn’t answer. Which could only mean there was some truth to what Daddy told Mom.

  “Goddammit! Answer me, Jay!”

  His phone went off and I picked it up from the sofa. My parents were on their way to pick me up, so I figured it was Mom calling to check on me.

  “Hello?”

  “Hi Tracy, this is Wil. Can I speak to Jay, please?”

  “Yeah, hold on a sec.” I tried to disguise the annoyance in my voice. I shoved the phone at Jay.

  “Hello?” After he answered, Jay didn’t speak again. He just listened, his eyes growing wider by the second.

  “I’ll be right there.” He hung up and stared at me with a blank expression. “Look, Kyle’s been hit by a car and they don’t think he’s gonna make it. Can we talk about this when I get back?”

  “I won’t be here when you get back, Jay.” I felt bad if the news about Kyle was true, but for all I knew, Wil’s call was part of some scheme Jay had cooked up to get out of the house again. It wouldn’t be the first time those boys had hooked each other up with excuses for their ladies. Jay had done it a few times to Kenya so that he could spend more time with me. And right now I wasn’t about trusting Jay. I took off the engagement ring and placed it on the coffee table.

  “Come on, Tracy. Don’t act this way. Not with Kyle in the hospital. I can explain all of this to you when I get back. It’s not what you think.”

  “It’s not what I think?” I looked at him, mystified. “Then what is it? When I hear the words ‘prostitute’ and ‘arrest’ in the same sentence with your name, the only thing that comes to mind is I better get an AIDS test. Now I’m sorry about your friend, Jay. He’s a nice man and I’ll be praying for him.” I hesitated and swallowed. “But I mean what I say. I won’t be here when you get back. My parents are on their way here right now.”

  “Please, Tracy. Don’t do this. I love you.” His eyes were actually glistening with tears.

  “Go see your friend, Jay. He needs you. Just like I need to go home.”

  45

  Diane

  I brushed the hair out of my eyes with an aggravated look on my face. I’d been thumbing through the proofs of my son Teddy’s pictures from Sears, trying to decide which ones to purchase, and was getting more and more upset with each one. I was sick and tired of how much that boy looked like his father. It was hard enough trying to forget Wil Duncan and move on with my life. Now every time I looked at Teddy, there was a reminder of his father staring me in the face.

  “Diane, did you hear me?” Lisa startled me out of my daze.

  “Huh? What’d you say?”

  “I asked if you wanted some more tea. Your cup is empty.” She held up the teapot.

  “Oh, tea. Yeah, I’ll take some more.” I put down the pictures and lifted my cup for Lisa to fill. “Thanks.” Lisa poured herself a cup then sat across from me at the table
.

  “You were thinking about Wil, weren’t you?” She smiled at me suspiciously.

  “No, why would I think about that no-good dog?” I rolled my eyes. Lisa didn’t say a word. She just picked up her tea and smiled as she sipped. I knew she knew I was lying, but I didn’t care. I just didn’t wanna get into another long conversation about Wil.

  “What about you? Did you think about Kyle a lot before the divorce?” I decided to change the subject. It was easier to talk about her failed marriage than mine.

  “Well, I’ve only been divorced one day, but yeah, I used to think about him all the time. Who am I fooling? I still think about him a lot.” She took a deep breath, looking rather distant. “As stupid as this may sound, Diane, I love Kyle. He was a good father, a good provider, and a great husband. I just don’t believe he loves me anymore.” She sipped her tea before continuing. “But I’ll tell you what. If I could have things back the way they were a year ago, I’d take them in a minute.” I nodded my head slowly. I totally understood. Seemed like Lisa was always able to express how I was feeling.

  The phone rang and I stopped breathing for a second. It was Wil. It had to be him. It better be him or I was gonna be pissed. I hadn’t spoken to him in over a week. Not since I cursed his ass out when that no-good Jay got me drunk and slipped me a thousand-dollar check instead of the three thousand dollars he’d promised. I’d been expecting Wil’s call all day. Especially since I made sure each and every one of his friends at work were informed that the movers were coming today and that the kids and I were leaving in the morning. I figured it was just a matter of time before he’d come by to try to talk me into staying in New York. Not that he could change my mind, but I still wanted to see him one more time before I left. When I hadn’t heard from him by now, I was actually disappointed. Maybe even a little hurt. I don’t know, I guess I figured he’d fight for his family a little more than this.

  I answered the phone, making sure I had a twinge of attitude to my voice, but my tone was wasted. It wasn’t Wil, it was the driver from the moving company, calling to let me know they were going to be a little late. I placed the phone back on the cradle a little harder than necessary. Where the hell was that no-good Wil Duncan anyway?

  “You all right, Diane?” Lisa patted my hand.

  “Yes. No. I don’t know.” I bit my lip in frustration.

  Truth is, I felt so alone and unwanted I wanted to cry. And looking at my son’s pictures didn’t help things at all, ’cause all that did was remind me of his father. Lisa was right—why the hell couldn’t things be the way they were a year ago? I walked to the kitchen window and peered out to the backyard. It had taken Wil and me six years, but that yard had been the final touch to fixing up our dream house. I was gonna miss this house. Here it was a day before I was supposed to leave, and all of a sudden I was having second thoughts about moving. Lord, what was I gonna do?

  “Lisa, can I ask you a question?”

  “Sure.”

  “Do you think I’m doing the right thing moving to Atlanta?” She was silent for a second.

  “That’s up to you, Diane. I’m your friend. I’m going to support you in whatever you do.”

  “I didn’t ask you all that,” I snapped. “I wanna know if you think I’m doing the right thing.” I wasn’t trying to be mean, but I was frustrated. Lisa always found a way to be supportive, but I wasn’t looking for support. I was looking for an honest opinion. In twenty-four hours I would be in the car, driving my kids to Atlanta. I needed to know if what I was doing was right. Lisa held her teacup in her hands and looked up at me.

  “You really want the truth?” Her expression made it clear I wasn’t gonna like what she had to say.

  “Hey, like the kids say, ‘Keep it real.’We’re friends, right?” I braced myself for whatever it was I was about to hear.

  “Okay,” she exhaled. “I think you’re being selfish, Diane. I think the only person you’re thinking about is yourself and I think you’re hurting your children by moving to Atlanta.” She was right. I didn’t like what she said.

  “How am I hurting my children?” I took offense to that especially. I loved my kids.

  “ ’Cause you’re only moving to Atlanta to deprive Wil of his kids, and that’s wrong. Those are his kids too, and they love him despite the problems you two may have. You’re forgetting that when you punish Wil, you’re also hurting those kids.”

  “What am I supposed to do, Lisa? Let him see his kids when he won’t give me enough money to support them? Please,” I sucked my teeth. “Wil has a responsibility to take care of his family and he didn’t do it. Now he’s got to deal with the consequences.” Lisa shook her head. It was obvious she didn’t agree. I think she was about to drop the whole thing out of frustration, but changed her mind.

  “Come on, Diane. You can lie to me, but you can’t lie to yourself. You know Wil was taking care of his kids, and you know he was giving you more than enough money to get by. You just got greedy. That’s why you lost in court.”

  “You know what, Lisa?” I pointed my finger in her face.

  “What, Diane?” She cut her eyes at me. I wanted to curse her out but I knew she was right. If I really thought about it, she was the only one of my friends who was woman enough to stand up to me and tell the truth. With everything that happened between her and Kyle, she knew her fair share about being hurt. Yet through it all she managed to keep her kids’ relationship with their father separate.

  “Maybe you’re right, Lisa. Maybe I am being selfish. But aren’t I entitled? Don’t six years of my life mean something? You don’t know what those pictures did to me.” I started to cry as once again the image of Wil and those women flashed in my memory. I still couldn’t understand how he could dishonor our marriage like that.

  “I can only imagine what it felt like to see those photos,” Lisa said softly. “But I do know what it’s like to be hurt. I don’t think I’ll ever get over how sick I felt when that bitch told me she was having Kyle’s baby. But for what it’s worth, I don’t think Wil had anything to do with those pictures. I really don’t. That Saturday I spent with Kyle and the girls a few weeks back, when I found out Val was pregnant ...” She paused and grimaced at her own painful memories. “Kyle told me the whole story about how those pictures came about. He swore on his daughters that it was his doing. Wil was passed out.”

  “Please, Lisa.” I waved my hand at her. “I can’t even believe you would fall for that. You know those men will do anything to protect each other. I saw those pictures, and no one is gonna make me believe that Wil was not a willing participant in that shit.” I was pissed off now. Could she really be defending their lying, cheating asses? Thank God someone knocked on the front door before I really gave her a piece of my mind.

  “Expecting company?” I think Lisa was happy for the interruption too.

  “No, but I’ve got an idea who it is. Can you do me a favor and get that?” I tried to compose myself. I knew it couldn’t be the movers yet, since they’d just called to say they’d be late. It had to be Wil. I wiped my tears away, but I was sure my mascara was smudged.

  Lisa got up to answer the door while I tried to do something with my hair and face. When she returned, she was alone. I couldn’t conceal my disappointment.

  “Who was it at the door?”

  “Mailman.” She handed me a priority mail envelope, and the two of us sat down.

  I checked the label before opening the envelope. The return address only read A friend of the family. I pulled a white paper out of the envelope and placed it on the table. Lisa picked up the envelope.

  Dear Diane,

  A few months ago you found some pictures of Wil and some naked women at a bachelor party. Although we agree those pictures should have never been taken, you need to understand something. What happened to Il could happen to anybody. Even you. It’s time to put a hall to all the nonsense. Call your husband. He still loves you.

  A friend of the family

&
nbsp; Yeah, right. Some friend of the family. I wonder who Wil asked to send this. Too bad it wouldn’t work. This letter just reminded me once again of those goddamn pictures and made me madder than ever. Call your husband, my ass. They must be fucking kidding me. I was about to show the letter to Lisa when I noticed her nervously hiding something in her lap.

  “What you got?” I gave her a suspicious look.

  “Nothing,” she said nervously. Which obviously meant something. I picked up the envelope and peeked in it.

  “What was in this envelope?” I demanded.

  “Nothing,” she repeated. She was even more nervous now than at first.

  “Stop lying, Lisa. I could feel something else in the envelope when I opened it.”

  “Diane, trust me. You don’t wanna see this.” I had been sorry when I told her I wanted the truth before, and I’d probably be sorry now, but I was not about to let her keep hiding whatever it was in her hands.

  “Give it to me, dammit!” I reached my hand out, palm up, and waited with a frown.

  She hesitantly lifted her hand so I could see that she was holding some pictures. Probably more pictures of Wil and his whores, I figured as I snatched them. But I was in for quite a rude awakening when I looked at what I was holding.

  “Oh my God! That’s me!” I dropped the pictures like they were on fire, and looked at Lisa in disbelief. My mind could not process what I had just seen. There was no way those pictures were really me. No way in the world.

  “Diane, you all right?” Lisa got up and stood behind me, her hands on my shoulders.

  “That’s not me, Lisa. That’s not me,” I kept repeating. I closed my eyes tight but the image of two of the biggest penises I’ve ever seen rubbing up against my lips like they were trying to apply lip gloss was burned into my mind. Somehow I managed to open my eyes again and look at the rest of those pictures. Each one made me sicker than the last. By the time I got to the last one, my stomach did a flip and it took everything I had to stop myself from throwing up.