The Road Ahead

by Amanda Radley

  “I’ve not seen her for a few days, she’ll probably be up at the hospital with her mum.”

  “Hospital?”

  He frowned, his face suddenly a stark contrast from his jovial sweater. “Oh, you don’t know? Allison took a bad turn a couple of weeks ago. They didn’t think she’d last the night, but she’s a fighter. Scary how it can come back, isn’t it? One moment you’re in remission and the next…” He shuddered.

  “Yes, frightening,” Arabella agreed.

  The ground felt shaky beneath her feet. Her constant nagging to get home for a work party suddenly seemed pathetic. Rebecca was racing home to her sick mother. And she hadn’t said a word about it.

  “Anyway, she’s up at the Royal Victoria.”

  “Thank you,” Arabella said softly.

  She started back towards the car. Her mind was spinning as she analysed conversations they had shared on the drive home. Some fresh perspective on Rebecca’s words made her rethink so many of her assumptions about the girl. A girl who was going through so much, seemingly on her own.

  “Merry Christmas,” the neighbour called out.

  “Merry Christmas,” Arabella called over her shoulder without much heart in it.

  She got into the car and threw her crutch into the passenger footwell. She remembered Rebecca’s implosion on the ferry. Suddenly it seemed very clear why she had acted the way she had. Arabella had practically told her that her Christmas party was more important than Rebecca getting home to her mother. With no idea that her mother was sick, dying by the sound of it.

  “So stupid,” she mumbled to herself.

  How had she shared so much time with Rebecca and not known something so important about her? Rebecca had obviously not wanted to discuss the matter. But Arabella couldn’t help but feel that if she had tried a little harder to connect, she might have noticed something was up.

  But she’d been so swept up in her own drama that she hadn’t given a second thought to Rebecca’s life. Getting home to the party and dealing with Alastair’s inevitable sulk had been her entire focus.

  She’d assumed that Rebecca was worrying about getting back to her mother to put on a ridiculous party hat and eat a Christmas cupcake, nothing more.

  She wondered why Rebecca hadn’t said anything.

  She felt cold at the knowledge that she knew for sure that she would have. She would have instantly mentioned her dying mother to anyone in earshot. Not for sympathy, but to expedite her way home. If she felt that playing the dying parent card would have got her the hire car, she would have used it in a heartbeat. She placed a hand over her stomach, feeling sickened at the knowledge.

  But Rebecca hadn’t said a word.

  In fact, she seemed to go to lengths to not mention it at all. And now Arabella felt like the most horrible person in the world. Complaining about getting back to her champagne-quaffing associates when Rebecca was going through serious mental anguish. Stranded in Portugal away from her dying mother, a mother who apparently wasn’t due to last the night two weeks ago.

  Royal Victoria, Arabella mused. She knew where it was. And she still had the lens cap. She’d pop in, give the cap back, and offer Rebecca her sympathies.

  That way she wouldn’t feel like such a monster. It was selfish, but she wanted to alleviate some of her guilt.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Arabella had always wondered how some ideas could go from great to terrible in a matter of seconds.

  Seeing Rebecca had seemed like a great idea on the way to the hospital. Even when she was parking the car and then entering the main entrance, she’d felt good about her decision.

  She’d roamed the hospital corridors for ten minutes, looking for the cancer wards. All the while she’d been assured of her plan. It had never crossed her mind that she might be doing the wrong thing.

  But the moment she overheard Rebecca’s voice through an open doorway to a hospital room, she’d wondered what the hell she was thinking.

  She stood awkwardly outside, now adding eavesdropping to her list of crimes, and realised how stupid she was being.

  Rebecca didn’t want to see her, she meant nothing to the girl. Rebecca had most likely been ecstatic to get rid of her after the journey from hell. Being forced to share a car with, and financially rely upon, a woman who must have seemed like an absolute monster.

  And now she’d effectively stalked her. Photographing her driver’s licence, going to her house, speaking to her neighbour, and now roaming hospital hallways. For what? A camera lens that probably cost less than five pounds.

  It had been an excuse, and she knew it.

  She just needed to escape her own life for a while. Because she couldn’t cope with her privileged lifestyle. Because champagne gave her a headache and her millionaire fiancé was being problematic.

  So, she wanted to see Rebecca. She wanted to revisit the recent times where she didn’t have to think about her own problems. Times where she could freely joke and not worry about what the future would bring.

  And that was how she found herself clutching a lens cap, standing in a hospital corridor, eavesdropping on Rebecca’s hushed voice. Wondering what the hell she’d been thinking, and wondering if she could get out without being seen.

  She started to turn around and saw a nurse looking at her with a curious expression. To escape, she’d need to walk right past her. There would no doubt be questions. She wondered if she could be arrested for entering the hospital without good reason. She wasn’t eager to find out.

  There was little choice, she had to go into the room. She swallowed. She’d have to style it out, walk in with confidence like she was doing something natural. Something that anyone else would have done.

  She took a couple of steps and crossed the threshold. The room was dim. The harsh ceiling lighting was off, and a couple of smaller lamps gave a softer light. Rebecca sat in an upholstered chair, her legs under her, a warm drink in her hands.

  The older woman from the photographs in Rebecca’s wallet sat in the bed. She was propped up with cushions. She looked extremely pale and thin, but she smiled the same smile. A number of wires slipped from under the bedding and into a variety of machines lined up by the bed.

  The bedside table held countless cards and flowers. A couple of miniature Christmas trees and poinsettias were included in the mix.

  Arabella realised she had been there a few seconds and needed to announce her presence before the situation got even weirder. She tapped on the open door with her knuckle. Both women looked at her.

  She looked apologetically to Rebecca. “I’m sorry, I—”

  “Oh, is this Lucy?” Allison asked excitedly. She looked groggily from Arabella to Rebecca a few times. “See? I told you she’d make it. Everyone comes home at Christmas.”

  Lucy? Arabella wondered. Who’s Lucy?

  Rebecca quickly got to her feet, placing her mug on a side table. She looked panicked and raced to stand beside Arabella.

  “Um, yeah, yeah, this is…” Rebecca stared at Arabella meaningfully. “This is Lucy.”

  Arabella instantly knew that saying she wasn’t Lucy would result in immediate and painful loss of life.

  She looked at Allison. “Yes, I’m Lucy. Nice to meet you, Mrs Edwards.”

  “Mum, I just need Lucy’s help with something, I’ll be back in a second,” Rebecca said.

  Arabella felt herself being dragged out of the room, something she knew she fully deserved. She struggled to keep up and not trip over her crutch.

  Rebecca dragged them across the corridor and into an empty office. She slammed the door behind them.

  “What the hell?” Rebecca demanded.

  “I’m so sorry,” Arabella said quickly.

  “How? How are you here?”

  Arabella picked the lens cap out of her bag and held it up. “You dropped this, I thought you might need it.”

  Rebecca stepped into her personal space and stared coldly at her. “Do you have some kind of tracking device on me?
Did you microchip me? How are you here, Arabella?”

  “I saw your driver’s licence, I went to the address and the neighbour said you’d be here.”

  “Fucking Steve.” Rebecca shook her head. She plucked the lens cap out of Arabella’s hand. She took a step back and raked her fingers through her hair. “You’re really telling me you left your party to deliver this? After telling me multiple times that the world would probably end if you didn’t get to your party in time?”

  “Who’s Lucy?”

  Rebecca nearly growled. “None of your business.”

  Arabella raised an eyebrow. “Well, as I am Lucy, I think it is my business.”

  “You need to leave. Now.”

  “Won’t your mum wonder where Lucy has gone?”

  “Are you enjoying this?” Rebecca asked in exasperation.

  Arabella paused for a second. She’d slipped right back into bantering with Rebecca without a thought as to the serious situation they were in.

  “No, I’m sorry. That was uncalled for. I… I don’t know why I came. I had to get away from the party, and I found the lens cap and wanted to return it. I didn’t stop to think about how inappropriate it might be until I actually got here. I’m sorry, I know this is really strange. I don’t have an agenda, I just genuinely wanted to return your property.”

  Rebecca leaned back against a desk, her arms folded over her chest. She looked at her feet and let out a sigh.

  “I’m sorry about your mum,” Arabella said. “Really. I realise now how selfish I must have sounded during the trip.”

  “Thank you,” Rebecca said after a few moments of silence. “It wasn’t that I didn’t trust you. I just… didn’t want to talk about it. You know what I mean?”

  “Not particularly,” Arabella admitted. “I’m lucky enough to never have been in such a situation.”

  Rebecca slowly nodded her head, still not making eye contact with Arabella.

  “Lucy is the name of the girlfriend I made up. My mum, she worries about me, you know?” Rebecca mumbled as she looked up. Her eyes were red and her cheeks tearstained.

  Arabella wasn’t sure what to say. She opened her mouth, and then closed it again. The last thing she wanted to do now was say the wrong thing and ruin the tentative truce that had formed between them.

  “I had a breakup,” Rebecca confessed. “A really bad one. My mum was worried about me, and then she got sick again. So, I made up Lucy. I just wanted to tell her that I’d be okay, that I had someone who would be there for me and look after me when she couldn’t be here anymore. It helps her.”

  Arabella slowly nodded. “So, she’s never met Lucy?”

  “No, there was always a good excuse. And Mum has been pretty sick, so she doesn’t always remember stuff. I feel bad for lying to her. It is for her. I want her to know that it’s okay to let go. Know that I’ll be okay.”

  A thick silence filled the air.

  “I’m sorry that I got involved,” Arabella said.

  “It’s okay,” Rebecca said. “At least now she’s seen Lucy. I’ll just tell her you had to go again. Mum is pretty out of it, the nurses say that it won’t be much longer. They were surprised that she’s lasted this long.”

  Arabella couldn’t believe they were having such an honest and heart-breaking conversation. As if they were talking about a breakfast order. She’d never been good at emotional conversations. She never knew what to say. She often wondered if she should say anything at all.

  “Are you here on your own?” Arabella finally asked.

  Rebecca frowned in confusion. She slowly nodded.

  “Would you like me to stay?”

  Rebecca looked stunned. For the first time in the short time she had known her, Arabella saw Rebecca lost for words.

  “I don’t mind,” Arabella added.

  “Why would you do that? What about your party? And what about Alastair?”

  Arabella just shrugged her shoulders. Suddenly everything seemed so insignificant. So pointless.

  The very idea of returning to her party and drinking champagne and discussing business deals seemed ludicrous. How could she possibly return to that knowing that Rebecca was alone in hospital with her dying mother?

  “I have nowhere else to be,” Arabella said. “If you’d like the company, then I’ll stay. I don’t wish to intrude more so than I have already. But I don’t like the idea of you being here on your own. I’m happy to pretend to be Lucy. I just think some company might be a good idea?”

  Rebecca shook her head. “I can’t ask you to do that.”

  “You’re not asking, I’m offering.”

  Arabella realised that she wanted to stay. Even though it felt like it might just be the hardest thing she’d ever done. She’d mercifully never spent much time in hospital. Her health and that of her family had always been good. Heart-wrenching hospital scenes had been nothing more than on-screen entertainment.

  She shivered slightly at the thought of spending time in a hospital room, visiting someone she didn’t even know. Part of her wanted to take the opportunity not afforded to everyone else in the building and leave.

  After all, who willingly chose to spend Christmas Eve in hospital?

  But the bigger part of her wanted to stay. For the first time in a long time, Arabella was thinking about someone else other than herself. It felt good, but it also felt terrifying.

  “What have you told your mum about Lucy?” Arabella asked.

  Rebecca’s eyes scanned her face, looking for any hint of a lie. She tugged her sweater sleeve down and rubbed the wetness from her cheeks.

  “Not a lot, not anything important anyway. I just mentioned dates we’d been on. Stuff like that. But you don’t have to do that, I don’t want you to have to do that—”

  “It’s my fault. If I hadn’t barged in, it wouldn’t have happened. And if I just left now, then surely that would look odd?”

  Rebecca slowly nodded. “Yeah, I suppose it would. It just feels so weird.”

  Arabella snorted a laugh.

  “It is weird,” she assured. “But it’s been weird ever since I met you.”

  A grin started to form in Rebecca’s face. “I suppose it has,” she agreed.

  “So, tell me what I need to know.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  It seemed insane. But then, lately, everything seemed insane. Over the last few years, Rebecca’s life had been turned upside down.

  She would never forget the terrible moment when her mother told her the news of her cancer diagnosis. It took weeks for the news to properly settle in Rebecca’s mind. During that time, she just went through the motions. She was as strong as she could be and did whatever needed to be done.

  Eventually, she understood and accepted that her mum was fighting a horrible and invisible illness. And for a brief while, it made her stronger. But her real strength came from a listless state where she ignored the reality of what was happening. She lived in a place where a fake smile was her best friend.

  She wasn’t denying the truth of what was happening. She’d accepted it and decided to push it to one side.

  The news of remission wasn’t as joyful as Rebecca had imagined it would be. In the back of her mind, she had always wondered if it would ever really be over. She celebrated and made fanciful plans with her mum for the future, but she knew they’d never really come to pass.

  When the cancer came back, it was stronger than ever, shocking Rebecca with the ferocity with which it dissolved her mother’s personality right before her eyes.

  But Rebecca had made her mother a promise, to never let cancer win. The first day that she sat Rebecca down and told her the news, she had pleaded with Rebecca not to become sad, not to let the cancer define her.

  And Rebecca tried her best. Every time she started to feel sad, she would think of the good times. Knowing that soon her mother would be gone, and she would have a choice between remembering the good times or remembering the end.

  It wasn’t easy,
but Rebecca had luckily inherited her mother’s positive personality.

  Her mother didn’t want to talk about her illness, but she had little else to say. And so, Rebecca had become the focus of conversation, her job, her life, her relationships.

  Endless questions about finding someone new had caused Rebecca to create Lucy. Lucy embodied reassurance that Rebecca wouldn’t be alone.

  It was a lie, but a kind one. One that Rebecca could happily live with.

  Now she hoped that Arabella would be able to keep the lie alive.

  “Mum?” Rebecca whispered softly.

  Her mum slowly opened her eyes. The beginnings of a smile curled on her lips. “Is it still Christmas?”

  Rebecca smiled and nodded. “Yeah, you didn’t think I’d let you sleep through Christmas, did you?”

  A glimmer of a memory shone in her mother’s eyes. “Did I… was Lucy here?”

  Rebecca took a step to the side, she turned and looked Arabella. She prayed that Arabella would be able to carry off a decent performance.

  Arabella took a small step forward and smiled. She looked scared.

  “Hello, Mrs Edwards,” Arabella said.

  “Please, call me Allison. It’s so nice to finally meet you. Rebecca speaks about you all the time. And I must apologise for the way I look.”

  Rebecca opened her mouth to speak, but before she got the chance Arabella replied, “There’s nothing to apologise for.”

  “Look at you both, standing over me. Pull up a chair,” her mum insisted.

  Rebecca dragged the chair that she had been in earlier and positioned it by the bed. She gestured for Arabella to sit down. She crossed the room and retrieved the other chair from the corner and placed it beside Arabella’s.

  “Did you do something to your leg?”

  Arabella balanced her crutch against the side of the chair, using the opportunity to give Rebecca a questioning sideways glance.

  “She slipped,” Rebecca said. “Nothing serious, you know what doctors are like.”

  Her mum laughed. “That I do,” she agreed.

  “I’m very sorry, Lucy, but I can’t seem to remember what it is you do for a living?”