The Road Ahead

by Amanda Radley

  By the time the nurse arrived, Allison had closed her eyes again and drifted off into an endless sleep.

  Arabella hadn’t known what to do. She’d never been in that kind of situation before, she didn’t know how to act or what to say. She stood uselessly in the room, watching as Rebecca flopped into a chair and stared helplessly at her mother.

  They remained like that for ten long and agonising minutes. The low sound of Christmas music continued to stream through Arabella’s phone. It seemed utterly surreal.

  The head nurse had entered the room and started speaking to Rebecca in hushed tones. Arabella had taken the opportunity to get some fresh air. Remembering that she was still wearing a thin party dress and knowing that snow had been falling thick and fast, she had grabbed Rebecca’s jacket.

  She had hoped that the fresh air would give her a sense of clarity. That things would seem better, that she would be able to figure out what to do next.

  Sadly, it was too much to ask of fresh air. She felt just as confused, lost, and helpless as she had inside the hospital.

  She felt guilty. She worried that she had overexcited Allison, that her desire to create a perfect Christmas had resulted in the woman’s premature death. The nurse had explained she could have passed at any point within the last few days. And that it was just bad luck that it happened to be Christmas Day.

  Arabella hoped that was true. She certainly hoped that Rebecca would see it that way. She wondered why on earth she had stayed. Had she just ended up making things worse?

  The automatic doors slid open. Arabella looked up to see Rebecca step outside. Rebecca rubbed her arms in protest at the chilly air, she wore jeans and a thin sweater.

  Arabella immediately started to remove the jacket from her shoulders, but Rebecca held her hand up.

  “It’s okay,” Rebecca reassured her.

  Arabella paused. “Are you sure? It’s freezing out here.”

  “I’m sure.” Rebecca rubbed her hands together. She stood beside Arabella, leaning on the wall.

  “I don’t know what to do,” Rebecca admitted softly.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I have all this paperwork to fill in, and I should probably go home. But I don’t want to. I feel like I should stay here. It’s so weird to try to understand that I don’t need to be here anymore. And I don’t want to be home either. I feel… untethered.”

  Rebecca stared out at the white blanket of snow, lost in thought.

  “Rebecca, I’m so sorry,” Arabella said.

  She slowly turned to regard Arabella, a frown on her face. “Why?”

  “I shouldn’t have done so much, it was all just too much. I wanted to make a perfect Christmas. Clearly, it taxed your mother.”

  Rebecca shook her head. “No, no, don’t think this was your fault. It’s amazing that she even got to see Christmas Day. She’s had good days and bad days for the last few weeks. There’s been many times when I thought I’d lose her. The fact that she got to see Christmas Day, and that you made it so amazing, means more to me than I can ever say.”

  Arabella looked into Rebecca’s eyes, unable to detect a hint of a lie.

  “I will never be able to thank you enough for what you did today. I think today was the first day in a long time that Mum forgot that she was ill. She had fun, she had a great day. If I could… if I could choose which day would be her last day, then it would probably be this day.”

  Arabella felt relief. All she wanted to do was help. The thought that maybe she had caused irreparable damage had been too much to bear.

  She looked at her watch, it was six o’clock in the evening. She hadn’t heard from any of her family all day. Alastair had clearly said something to prevent them from getting in touch. She didn’t feel like going home either.

  “Let’s go somewhere,” Arabella suggested.

  Rebecca looked at her in confusion. “Like where?”

  “I don’t know. Let’s go somewhere, see something. Away from here.”

  Rebecca turned and gazed out at the heavy snow falling on top of cars. She looked so lost. Arabella’s heart clenched at the sight.

  “You know, when my grandmother died… I went to the cinema,” Arabella said.

  A disbelieving smile crossed Rebecca’s face.

  “The cinema?”

  “Yes. I went with my two cousins,” Arabella explained. “And we went to see some children’s movie; we were all in our late teens. It was two-fifteen on a Tuesday. We heard she’d died and just had no idea what to do. Everything seemed so strange. She’d been ill and in hospital for a while. It was just a matter of time until she died. I think we’d all grieved her for a long time before she died.”

  Arabella took a few steps forward, leaving the safety of the canopy and now stood directly in the snow. She held out her hand and watched as snowflakes began to land and dissolve in her palm.

  “We didn’t want to eat, didn’t want to stay home. We didn’t know what to do. Nobody ever really explains to you what to do when somebody dies. Especially if you’ve been mourning that person for some time. You’re not going to burst into tears, throw yourself on top of your bed, and be inconsolable for a few hours. And yet you’re not just going to get on with your life either.”

  Arabella watched as the snowflakes melted. She let out a sigh. She lowered her hand and turned back to face Rebecca.

  “And so, we did something utterly bizarre, and went to the cinema. We bought tickets to the only thing that was playing at that time of day. We walked in and doubled the audience. And all six of us watched some mind-numbing children’s film, I couldn’t tell you what it was even about now.”

  Arabella chuckled and shook her head. “At one point, my younger cousin leaned close to me and whispered in my ear that our grandmother just died a few hours before, and now we were at the cinema, and how weird it felt. And I agreed with her, but neither of us could think of a single other thing to do.”

  Rebecca slowly nodded her head. “I understand what you mean, I’m not ready to grieve. I’ve been grieving on and off for months. And, as much as I hate myself for thinking this, there is a small part of me that is relieved that she is no longer in pain.”

  She started to cry. Arabella rushed forward and pulled her into a one-armed hug.

  “It’s going to be okay, we’re going to get through the rest of this day together,” Arabella promised.

  Rebecca sniffed and nodded her head against Arabella’s shoulder.

  “I just don’t know what to do,” she mumbled.

  “And that’s okay. There’s no rule book for these situations. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

  Arabella tightened her arm around Rebecca, grasping her crutch in her other hand. Soft sobs shook the younger woman, and Arabella knew she’d do anything to make everything better.

  “I have an idea,” she said. “Do you trust me?”

  “Of course,” Rebecca answered without hesitation.

  She paused for a moment. She didn’t think she’d ever heard someone have such faith in her, especially someone she hardly knew. She swallowed and cleared the wayward thought from her mind.

  “Good, then I have an idea.”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Rebecca looked around the familiar interior. A few hours ago, she would have given anything to have been out of the car. Now, she was almost relieved to be back in it. Although, she was going to have to have a word with Arabella about driving to the hospital with her foot in the cast.

  She rubbed her face with the palms of her hands.

  Everything seemed blank. Confusing didn’t begin to cover it. She felt like she was waking up from a long, deep sleep. One where her life had been indefinitely on hold.

  She didn’t know what normal felt like anymore. It had been replaced a while ago. Life had been surreal for so long that she now struggled to remember the real world from the fake.

  She couldn’t believe that she had burst into tears on Arabella’s shoulder. She knew sh
e could be forgiven for crying, her mother just died. But it seemed like Arabella was the only thing holding her together at the moment. It wasn’t fair on Arabella. Fate had thrown them together, nothing more.

  The passenger door opened. Arabella bent down and poked her head in.

  “Could you open the boot?”

  Rebecca pulled the lever.

  She noticed three hospital orderlies standing behind Arabella, all carrying boxes. Arabella directed them to put the boxes in the boot, reminding them not to damage her precious luggage that was still there.

  In a matter of moments, they were done and walked back towards the hospital. Arabella slammed the boot closed and took her seat in the car.

  “You drove here?” Rebecca chastised immediately.

  “No, I flew here,” Arabella replied. She pulled her seatbelt around her, clicking into place. “But, look at me, I’m wearing my seatbelt.” She smiled.

  Rebecca rolled her eyes and shook her head. She put her own seatbelt on.

  “So, what did, um, what did they say?” Rebecca asked hesitantly.

  Arabella’s face turned serious. “After you said goodbye, I sat down with the head nurse and filled out the most important paperwork as best I could, based on what you told me. The rest is in one of the boxes. There is a leaflet explaining what you need to do, and someone from the hospital will call you in the next three days. All of her belongings are in the boxes.”

  Rebecca swallowed. “Thank you for dealing with that.”

  “My pleasure. I’m a lot better at dealing with paperwork than I am with people.”

  “You seem to be very good at dealing with people,” Rebecca commented.

  Arabella smiled wryly. “You wouldn’t have said that two days ago.”

  She was right. Two days ago, Rebecca would have considered throttling Arabella without feeling much guilt at all.

  “I’ve gotten to know you. You are a lot softer than you would have people believe.”

  Arabella chuckled. “I deny everything. Anyway, I have an idea about a place to go. If you’re up for driving?”

  “It’s Christmas Day, isn’t everything closed?” Rebecca asked.

  “Asked by someone who has clearly never left their house on Christmas Day. The country may have ground to a halt on Christmas Day forty years ago, but not these days. Now, are you going to drive, or do I have to?”

  Rebecca started the engine. “Where to, O navigator?”

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  “This is freezing,” Rebecca complained.

  “It certainly is,” Arabella agreed. “I’d offer you another drink, but you insist on driving.” Arabella sipped from her plastic wineglass.

  “Do I need to remind you again that Jose would not be happy with you invalidating his insurance by driving the car?”

  “Jose isn’t here,” Arabella pointed out.

  Rebecca laughed. She leaned on the handrail and looked out over the front of the boat. She regarded the pretty, twinkling lights of London. Lights that she would have been able to appreciate more if there wasn’t a strong wind filled with snowflakes blowing in her face.

  The idea of taking a cruise ship on the Thames had seemed like such a good idea. Right up until the moment they actually did it.

  Luckily, Arabella had stopped off at her house and picked up a thick winter coat and scarf. Arabella’s house was a smaller but no less impressive mansion than her father’s the night before. The lights had been off. Arabella said that Alastair would probably, and hopefully, still be at her father’s house.

  After the short stop, they had driven towards the City, looking for something to do. Much to Rebecca’s surprise, the roads were quiet but certainly not deserted.

  Arabella was right, Rebecca had always assumed that everybody was indoors with their family on Christmas Day, despite knowing that London was a large and diverse city, consisting of many different cultures and religions. Somehow, she’d never stopped to think about the countless people who didn’t celebrate Christmas, or those who just celebrated Christmas in a different way to herself.

  As they had driven deeper into the City, the crowds had started to grow. Bars, restaurants, and shops were open. People scooped handfuls of snow from fence railings and parked cars and threw them at one another.

  Seeing other people just doing their own thing helped Rebecca to not feel so alone.

  Arabella had directed Rebecca to park in what was clearly a no-parking area. The older woman claimed that no parking enforcement officers would be out on Christmas Day. She also unexpectedly made a big deal of her cast and her sudden inability to walk too far.

  A few moments later and they were at the dock, awaiting the cruise ship’s arrival with a few other partygoers. Rebecca had asked Arabella if it was booze cruise. Arabella had chuckled, asking if she looked like the kind of person who would frequent such an event.

  The second they got on the boat, Rebecca remembered why she didn’t much like boats.

  It wasn’t that she got seasick, in fact she loved the feel of being on the water. It was the elements, in warmer climates, the sun would beat down mercilessly. In colder climates, like today, the biting wind felt ten times worse on open water.

  But, despite the discomfort of the cold wind and the flakes of snow, she had to admit that she felt energised and alive. Something that she hadn’t felt a couple of hours before.

  Never in her wildest dreams would she ever have considered getting on a cruise ship on the Thames on Christmas Day.

  “This is nice,” she admitted.

  Arabella blinked in surprise. “Aren’t you the person who was just complaining about how cold it is?”

  “Oh, it’s cold, freezing. But this, this is nice.” Rebecca pointed to the view.

  Arabella leaned on the railing and smiled as she looked at the unique mix of old and new architecture.

  “Yes, it is. London has always been my favourite city. Obviously, I’m biased. I live and work here. And I was born here. But there’s something about London, the architecture, the people, the soul of the city.”

  “Aw, that’s quite poetic,” Rebecca said.

  “Of course it is, I’m a saleswoman. It’s in my blood.” Arabella gestured to the buildings with her hand. “I could sell you any one of these.”

  Rebecca laughed. “You may be the best saleswoman there is. And you may well make me want to buy one. But I could never afford one.”

  Arabella shrugged. “That’s what loans are for.”

  “Buying office blocks?” Rebecca asked.

  “Why not?”

  “Oh, I see, and what do you think I should do with this office block you just sold me?” Rebecca asked, a smirk on her face.

  “Rent it out, make a profit. Buy another, from me, of course.” Arabella winked.

  “Of course,” Rebecca agreed. “Until I own half of London?”

  “Absolutely. And then you’ll have your own private yacht to take night-time tours on Christmas Day. And appreciate the view of your empire.”

  “I don’t think I’m an office block kind of person.”

  Arabella looked at her with a wistful smile. “You’re right. I think you need to build a portfolio of apartments instead. Residential. Not as much profit but more security.”

  “Do you have a portfolio of apartments?”

  “A small one, yes. Not as many listings as I’d like. I’ve often forgone good deals to sell them to my clients. A tactical decision while building up Henley’s.”

  “You really love it, don’t you? Work, I mean. You talked about it a lot in the car, and I can see how passionate you are about it now.”

  Arabella looked down at the water.

  “I do love it,” she admitted. “But, I don’t know, it’s complicated.”

  “That’s what people say when they are scared of the truth,” Rebecca said.

  Arabella chuckled and looked up at her. “Oh, is that so?”

  “Yep.” Rebecca nodded her head. “People only ev
er describe something as complicated when they know what they want isn’t what other people want. Like, when someone is married but they want a divorce. They’ll tell someone else that it’s complicated. Because they know that they want a divorce, but they don’t want to get a divorce because that will be messy and scary. Complicated is a great word to stop people doing something that will end up being really messy.”

  Arabella regarded her silently. The smile slipped from her face.

  Rebecca felt dread run up her spine, colder than the icy winds bouncing up from the waters below. She wondered if she had gone too far, if her big mouth had got her into more trouble.

  “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have—”

  “No, no, it’s fine,” Arabella reassured her. She tore her eyes from Rebecca and looked down once again at the choppy waters below them. “I was just wondering why I don’t have a friend in my life who is as honest as you are.”

  “Self-preservation?” Rebecca guessed.

  Arabella grinned. “Most likely.”

  A waiter made his way along the deck, expertly balancing a tray of drinks. Arabella stood up and turned to face him.

  “Can I have another champagne, and can my friend here have a hot chocolate?”

  The waiter nodded and hurried away to get their orders.

  Rebecca looked in surprise from Arabella to the departing waiter. It had been a while since someone had ordered for her. Especially ordered exactly what she wanted.

  Arabella looked startled.

  “If you don’t want to drink it, you can hold it and get some warmth from it,” she explained.

  A slight blush appeared on Arabella’s cheeks as she realised that she had ordered for Rebecca without asking what she wanted.

  “I like hot chocolate,” Rebecca said, eager to quell Arabella’s embarrassment.

  Arabella turned to face the water. “You’re right, I am scared of the truth. I am using the word complicated as a shield of sorts. It’s not complicated at all, if I’m honest with myself.”

  Rebecca was surprised to hear the admission. It was so softly spoken that it was nearly eaten up by the engine noise and the waves.