Midnight Marriage

by Victoria Bylin

  She hoped so. Even now, she could feel his lips on her throat and his hands caressing her breasts. But desire alone hadn’t caused her aching heart. He was intelligent and funny, a man with dark insights and a sharp wit. He respected her abilities and was even proud of them. He was the man she wanted to marry.

  He hadn’t asked her to leave with him, but she had seen the question in his eyes. Last night she’d imagined how it would feel to say goodbye to her family. Going away to school had been different. She’d come home for the summers and had always planned on settling in Midas. If she left with Rafe, she might never see them again.

  Tears pressed into Susanna’s eyes. She had lost the first fourteen years with her father and didn’t want to give up the future, too. She and her mother were best friends. As for her brothers, she’d miss their jokes and the nieces and nephews she’d never see.

  Closing her eyes, Susanna prayed for God’s hand to touch her life with Rafe, but she felt no peace. Whether Susanna chose Mexico or Midas, she knew that her heart would be torn in two. She could only pray she wouldn’t have to make the choice.

  Chapter Fifteen

  “You’re wrong. That’s all there is to it.” Rafe put the dinner plate on the shelf with a clatter. They were in Susanna’s tiny kitchen where, for the third time, he had tried to explain why she couldn’t send a wire to Thomas Smith. Other than the pleasure of a good supper and laughing with Nick, nothing about tonight had gone the way he had planned.

  Three days had passed since Smith’s departure. In spite of Susanna’s confidence that they had been granted a reprieve, Rafe had laid low. Years on the run had given him good instincts, and his nerves were humming with the sense of being watched. She had visited a few times at the parsonage, and each visit had made him more nervous. He would have asked her to stay away, but he hated the loneliness. She had also asked him to help Melissa. Rafe had been glad to write a letter to the nuns in New Orleans who ran the home for unwed mothers. When that task had been completed, he’d had nothing to do but think about the future. Every road led to disaster—except for one. Tonight he had come to Susanna’s apartment to ask her to elope with him to Mexico.

  He hadn’t made the decision easily. He’d be asking her to give up everything—her friends, her practice and especially her family. In exchange she’d get a man with a past, but one who loved her and wanted to make her happy. Nick would benefit, too. Someday the boy would have brothers and sisters, and Susanna would have a dark-eyed girl. Rafe couldn’t shake the worry that it wasn’t enough for her, but it was the best he had to give. Surely that counted for something.

  The other choice was to stay in Midas and face Thomas Smith. But Rafe saw that option as certain heartbreak. He’d go to prison or hang. The only thought more troubling than Susanna waiting for him for twenty years, was imagining her at the foot of a gallows. Either way, she would grieve. At least by taking her to Mexico, they had a shot at a life together, but first he had to convince her that contacting Smith was a fool’s errand. So far, he’d failed miserably.

  He was gritting his teeth when Susanna touched his back. “We have to get more information,” she said. “We don’t really know what he wants.”

  “Like I said, I don’t care.”

  “But it could change everything.”

  Not in Rafe’s opinion. Alive or dead, Garrett was a ghost he didn’t want to confront. As for his father, Walter Albright had ruled his home like he ruled the Santa Fe Railroad—with an iron fist and no mercy. Just the thought of the man sent bitterness coursing through Rafe’s veins.

  Susanna had wrapped her arms around his belly and was hugging him from behind. As she nestled closer, he thought about sleeping like spoons. They needed to talk, so he turned to hold her in his arms. As soon as Nick dozed off, he’d ask her about Mexico. Kissing her forehead, he decided to change the subject. “Let’s go in the other room. I’ll read out loud until Nick falls asleep.”

  Her eyes clouded with irritation. “All right, but you’re not leaving tonight until we decide about contacting Mr. Smith.”

  “That’s fine.” The sooner they left for Mexico, the better.

  Together they went into the front room, where they found Nick already asleep with the book on his chest. Susanna dimmed the light and then led Rafe into her bedroom where they could talk in private. She lit a lamp and turned it low, while he pulled up a chair so she could sit on the bed. Moonlight fell across the floor, making the room as silvery as the night he had kidnapped her. When she sat, he took her hand. “I’ve been thinking about Smith a lot.”

  “I have too,” she said. “Rafe, this is our chance. I know you think he wants to do you harm, but I’m not convinced. If Garrett’s alive, you’re not a wanted man.”

  Rafe couldn’t believe his ears. “You forgot about burglary and attempted murder.”

  “You won’t know unless you confront him.”

  “I won’t do that.”

  “But I can do it for you.”

  “How?”

  “I’ll write to him. Maybe your father and Garrett want to bury the past. Just think—you could stay in Midas.”

  Her eyes glistened with excitement. “My parents are due back in a week. I can hardly wait for you to meet them. Nick could go to school with my brothers. Your engraving is beautiful. You could start a business. It would be perfect.”

  Rafe thought so, too. But he knew a false hope when he heard one. “What if you’re wrong? What if Smith wants to haul me back to St. Louis for a trial? That night was more of an accident than a crime, but we both know I was in the wrong.”

  Susanna nodded slowly. “You have to make amends. I know that.”

  “I’m as sorry as I can be, but I don’t want to hang for a mistake.”

  When her eyes dimmed, he lifted her hand to his lips and kissed each of her knuckles. She smelled like cinnamon from the apple pie she had baked from her mother’s recipe. When he looked up, he saw the wall calendar with her father’s birthday marked for a Tuesday in November. Earlier she had told him how excited she was about a new stethoscope that had arrived and how someday she wanted a bigger clinic.

  Rafe felt the call of Mexico in his belly, but Susanna belonged in Midas. Blinking, he flashed on the day he’d been ripped from New Orleans. He knew about roots and how it felt to be torn away like a weed. Was it right to ask her to come with him to Mexico, knowing she’d grieve for what she had given up? Or was it more loving to protect the life she had?

  Last night he had read a story about two women claiming to be the mother of the same child. They had gone to the king and asked him to decide who was telling the truth. In his wisdom, the king had threatened to cut the baby in two and divide it between them. The real mother had given up her claim to save her child’s life.

  Until he’d met Susanna, Rafe couldn’t have understood that sacrifice. But looking at her in the moonlight with her ivory skin and contented smile, he knew what he had to do to protect her. He’d leave just as he had arrived—alone in the middle of the night. At least she’d have Nick and the boy would have her. He’d leave them each a letter explaining his decision. It was cowardly to vanish without a face-to-face goodbye, but he wasn’t strong enough to walk away with her broken heart in his hands.

  Susanna dragged her fingers through his short hair and smiled at him. She had a way of making him hope for things, which meant he had to leave tonight.

  “I love you,” she said. “We’ll find a way.”

  “I love you, too.” Knowing it was the last time he’d say the words, Rafe kissed her mouth with tender longing. With the feel of her lingering on his lips, he pushed to his feet, pulling her up with him. “I’d better go.”

  “Are you sure?”

  Her voice had turned seductive, but he didn’t dare kiss her again. He wanted to make love to her all night long. He needed the release, both from the tension in his body and the pain of leaving, but making love was a promise he couldn’t make. They’d end up sleeping like spoons
and he’d never leave. Instead he kissed her forehead and whispered, “Don’t tempt me, Doc.”

  Leaning against him, she laced her fingers behind his neck and smiled. “But it’s so much fun. Are you sure you have to leave?”

  Rafe managed a low chuckle, but a knife to the gut would have been kinder. After kissing her once more, he walked out the door.

  Three hours had passed since Rafe’s departure, but Susanna hadn’t changed out of her clothes. Too restless to sleep, she was sitting by the window in the front room when she heard a squeak. It sounded like her office door. Chills shot through her body, but she wasn’t foolish enough to rush downstairs. Her apartment was locked, so she stayed at the window where she could see the street.

  She had never been burgled, but she’d heard of opium addicts stealing laudanum. After several minutes of silence, she decided it was safe to check the office. Not bothering with a coat, she walked down the stairs and saw that the door was ajar.

  She considered fetching her Colt, but the office was dark and still. The intruder had probably heard the squeak when he entered and opted to leave the door open when he left. Confident she’d be safe, Susanna entered the office, lit the lamp and saw a sheet of paper tucked under the blotter. Someone had written, “Check the bottom drawer.”

  Susanna sat in her chair, opened the drawer and gasped. In addition to a white envelope, she saw a stack of hundred-dollar bills. It was enough for a new horse and buggy, a coat, everything she needed. With trembling fingers, she opened the letter and began to read.

  For your sake and Nick’s… You have a life… I want to spare you the sadness… The money is a gift… Tell Nick I care… I’ll love you forever.

  Susanna dropped the letter and bolted for the door. If Rafe thought he could leave now, he was crazy. Praying that he hadn’t already vanished into the hills, she ran to the parsonage where she saw a beam of light pouring from the kitchen window. Chilled to the bone, she burst through the back door and felt a blast of heat from the stove. Rafe was sitting at the table with a fountain pen and another sheet of paper.

  “How dare you leave like this!” she cried.

  He pushed to his feet and stared at her. “It’s for the best. You know it as well as I do.”

  “I don’t know any such thing.”

  He turned his back and poured a cup of coffee at the stove. After gulping it down, he spoke to the wall. “It’s freezing outside. Where’s your coat?”

  Susanna positioned hereslf between the lamp and the stove. She couldn’t make Rafe look her in the eye, but he had to see her shadow. “You should have told me you were leaving.”

  “Why bother?”

  “That was mean.”

  He set down the cup and glared at her. “I’m sorry, Doc, but this is all wrong. I’m headed to Mexico where the sun’s warm and the women are willing.”

  Susanna saw red. “You’re being a jackass.”

  “That’s me, all right.”

  His voice rang with bravado. Praying that he’d stop her, she walked to the door. “You’re a fool, Rafe. Enjoy the tequila.”

  “I will, thank you.”

  She gripped the knob and turned it. When he didn’t move, she opened the door wide. Cold air blasted into the kitchen.

  “Damn it!” he shouted. “Get a coat.”

  “No.”

  Leaving the door ajar, she stood shivering on the threshold. Fresh air made the lamp burn even brighter and caused him to pivot on his heels. His eyes burned as bright as a flame, glistening with a longing she felt in her own bones. Mercy made her step into the kitchen and close the door without being asked. “I’d like some coffee, please.”

  He turned back to the stove. “Help yourself.”

  It wasn’t the welcome she wanted, but neither had he sent her away. After opening the cupboard, she picked a familiar mug, stepped to the stove and held it out so he could fill it. She saw him hesitate, as if by filling her cup he was promising to do it again, but then he picked up the pot and poured coffee into her mug. Steam rose in a mist and then vanished into the cold. Still chilled, she took a sip and swallowed, feeling the heat all the way to her belly.

  Rafe broke the silence. “You shouldn’t have come.”

  “You didn’t give me a choice.”

  “That’s true,” he said. “I made the decision for us. Earlier tonight I’d planned to ask you to elope with me to Mexico. I had it all figured out. We’d find a church and get married on the way. But I can’t ask you to leave Midas.”

  “Isn’t that my decision?”

  “Not entirely.”

  “But neither was it yours, Rafe. Not to make alone.”

  His eyes burned into hers. “What would you have said?”

  Yes…no…maybe…

  She’d been asking herself that question for days. Standing in the kitchen where she truly felt at home, she tried to sort her thoughts. They were a jumble, but one feeling was stronger than all the others. She loved Rafe and wanted him to know it. After setting down the coffee cup, she laced her hands behind his neck. “I just want you.”

  Her meaning wasn’t clear. For tonight? For always? As he peered into her eyes, Susanna felt like a woman poised on a cliff. Another step and she’d be flying with him into oblivion.

  He put his hands on her hips and held her a foot away. “I want you, Susanna. I have since I first saw you, but I’m leaving. If not right now, then soon. Do you know what that means?”

  She forced herself to nod. “It means we have tonight.”

  “And nothing else.”

  He stayed still, giving her time to weigh the cost of giving him her body for a single night. Looking into his eyes, she couldn’t think of a thing. Vaguely she recalled dreaming of a real wedding night and a lifetime with one man. Her mother had told her that sex was like glue. It bound a man and a woman in a way nothing else could, but it also had the power to shatter a woman’s life. It’s a gift, Susanna. Enjoy it wisely.

  That’s what Susanna had always intended, but she hadn’t bargained on loving a man like Rafe. He was the husband of her heart. But the risk… Susanna knew she was gambling. Almost two weeks had passed since she’d had her monthly. Any day she’d feel a pinch in her side as her body released an egg. She hadn’t felt the signs yet, but she would soon. In a week? An hour? She wasn’t always regular, so she didn’t know.

  She took a breath to steady her nerves. What were the odds of conception? Not very good, but not as low as she would have liked. If she made love to Rafe, she’d be gambling. But if she didn’t, she’d regret saying no for the rest of her life.

  Crazy or not, she stepped into his arms. “Let’s go upstairs.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “I’m positive.” But she had answered two questions. She wanted to make love to him, but she was equally certain of the risk.

  With his hand on the small of her back, he guided her up the stairs and into her bedroom. Moonlight pushed through the window, giving the air a silvery glow. Leaving the door open, Rafe pulled back the blanket and faced her. Unsure of what to do, she raised her hands to the top button of her dress. By the time she reached the third one, her hands were shaking.

  He covered her fingers with his. “There’s no need to hurry.”

  “But I want to.”

  His focus felt warm on her face. “First times shouldn’t be rushed.”

  One by one, he removed her hairpins until her braid tumbled down her back. Next he untied the ribbon holding the ends. Using both hands, he started at her scalp and worked his way down until her hair was loose and free. He gave her a lazy smile. “I’ve wanted to do that since the first night.”

  “I figured as much.”

  “You were furious with me.”

  “And with good reason.”

  But so much had changed. She loved this man. Truly she did, but the risk…don’t think.

  Satisfied with her hair, he went back to unbuttoning her dress. When the last button had given way, he pushed the
garment off her shoulders so that she was standing in her chemise in the middle of the room. The air held a chill, but Rafe’s gaze burned through the cotton. She felt naked and wished she was. Feeling brave, she untied her drawers and let them drop on top of the dress with Rafe watching her every move.

  “You’re not shy, are you?” he said.

  “No, just a little nervous.”

  “Trust me, I like what I see.”

  He kissed her sweetly on the lips, then lifted the sheet and guided her under the covers. She rolled to her side, while he sat on the edge and tugged off his boots. Leaning forward, he blew out the lamp and then shimmied out of his clothes. Wearing nothing at all, he rolled her to her back and kissed her.

  She felt his hairy legs against her calves and the heat of his bare arm against her side. Tantalized by the mix of muscle and skin, she stroked his back, slowly moving down his ribs. She’d seen plenty of male chests, but she had never explored with a woman’s curiosity. With her fingers on the side of his waist, she brought her hand to his belly and followed the line of hair to the middle of his chest. What she found delighted her. He had a patch of silky hair, hard muscles and sensitive spots that matched hers. When a pleased sigh spilled from his lips, Susanna touched some more.

  She wanted to feel free to enjoy this moment, but her thoughts were clanking like rocks in a can.

  What if…what if…

  To fight the worry, she concentrated on Rafe—the taste of him, the scent of his skin, the flex of his thigh as he draped his leg over hers. He was fully aroused and hard against her hip. She loved him. She wanted to show him how much. But all the desire in the world couldn’t block out the simple truth that a child could come of this union. Still kissing her, he caressed the side of her breast. Susanna tried to relax into the mattress, but she couldn’t. If she was going to change her mind, now was the time. Horizontal or not, a kiss was just a kiss.

  “Rafe, I—oh Lord.”

  He had taken the tip of her breast between his fingers and was making exquisite circles, whispering sweet words in her ear. A moan hummed in her throat as he kissed her, caressing her relentlessly and making her squirm. She didn’t want him to stop—not now, not ever. Tomorrow she’d think about the risk. Tomorrow…