Always You

by Stephanie Rose

  Lucas pulled me up by the waist and turned me around until I faced him. He ran his knuckles down my cheek with a sly grin on his face.

  “I want you to be able to walk down the aisle to me tomorrow. If I stay and do everything I want to you right now, that will be fucking impossible.” I whimpered as he kissed my forehead and buckled his pants. I didn’t know what the term was for the female equivalent of blue balls, but I was positive that’s what I was feeling—a dull, unsatisfied ache.

  I pulled the sheet back over me and scowled at my soon to be husband.

  “That’s not very nice.” I stuck my lip out in an exaggerated pout.

  “I can play dirty, too—baby. Get some sleep.” He leaned over the bed and gave me a soft kiss.

  “Stay in bed. I’ll lock up. Sweet dreams, Mrs. Hunter.” He laughed as he backed out of the bedroom. Now he was just being cruel.

  “Yeah, yeah. Whatever.” I lay back down and pulled the sheet higher.

  “I love you.” He blew me a kiss and I giggled.

  “I love you, too—big tease.”

  I tried to sleep, but couldn’t. I was too wound up thinking about tomorrow and not used to sleeping alone.

  “Mommy?” Bella inched the door open and tiptoed into my room. I leaned over to my night stand and turned on the light.

  “Hey baby, it’s late. What’s wrong? You can’t sleep either?” She scampered onto my bed and snuggled into my side.

  “Is Lucas going to be my new daddy tomorrow?”

  How should I answer that?

  Marc moved to Chicago two weeks after the custody hearing, and in the past few months since he left, he hadn’t contacted his daughter at all. Jeannie still called once or twice a week. I let Bella speak to her and see her for a couple of hours at a time, but we weren’t ready to allow her to sleep there again.

  Lucas was Bella’s father in all the ways that mattered. My only hesitation in saying ‘yes’ was that I didn’t want to confuse her.

  “Lucas loves you very much, and tomorrow the three of us will officially be a family.” Bella beamed from ear to ear. I hoped that meant she was satisfied by my answer.

  “Lucas gave me a present before he left. Wanna see?” She bolted up to show me her new necklace. It was a white gold butterfly pendant with a diamond in the middle.

  “Look, it even has my name on it!”

  To Bella, always my Butterfly was engraved on the back. Tears welled up in my eyes.

  “Can I wear it tomorrow?”

  “Sure.” I squeaked out a reply as I attempted to swallow my tears.

  “Don’t cry, Mommy. Lucas left you a present, too. He said to give it to you in the morning, but I’ll just tell him you were crying and I needed to make you happy.”

  Bella jumped off the bed and sprinted out the door. She ran back in and handed me an envelope. Inside was the shark tooth necklace that had belonged to Lucas’s father. Lucas always wore it for good luck, and he lent it to me once before a big presentation in school. Wrapped around the necklace was a letter.

  You told me we’ve been married in our hearts for a while, and today is just a legal technicality. While that’s true, it’s still a huge deal for me. Being married to you, calling you my wife, giving you my last name, you have no idea how much that all means to me. Today you’re mine, in every sense of the word.

  I laugh every time you call me your Superman. You saved me as much as I saved you. I never knew what it was like to love someone so much you couldn’t breathe, that thinking about trying to live without her made you go insane. I think I may’ve demonstrated the “crazy” pretty well a time or two. You saved me from my hollow and selfish life. When I fell in love with you, life stopped being easy. I know what it’s like to live for someone else now, and I’ll always live for you.

  I think you remember my Dad’s necklace. He would have loved you. You’re beautiful with a huge heart but have a little “spunk,” as he used to say. You need something borrowed and something old, and I guess this can count as both. As much as I know you love me, I know you’re a little nervous about today, too. Don’t be scared. We’re going to have the best life together because I won’t accept anything less. For the rest of the time I’m on this earth, I will always be with you. Because I can’t be anywhere else.

  I don’t need the necklace for luck today, because I already have you.

  I love you. Always you. Forever.

  Instead of stopping my tears, Lucas’s letter made them full-on sobs.

  “I’m sorry, Mommy. I thought if you got a present you wouldn’t be sad anymore.” She climbed back on the bed to cuddle next to me. Her gentle hands patted my hair like I usually do when she’s upset. I shook my head and kissed her cheek.

  “Thank you for giving me the present, Bella. Mommy is just a little weird and cries when she’s really happy. I’m mushy like that.”

  “Is that why Lucas calls you a mushball?”

  I laughed again as I wiped the tears from my eyes.

  “Yep, that’s exactly why. Feel like keeping Mommy company tonight? We have a busy day tomorrow!”

  Bella nodded and lay down next to me. The minute she fell back on Lucas’s pillow, she was out.

  It was late, but I had to text Lucas anyway.

  Me: Bella gave me my present and showed me hers. I love you so much. I can’t wait to marry you.

  A minute later, my phone buzzed.

  Lucas: You really are a bad girl tonight. You were supposed to open that in the morning.

  Lucas: But it’s probably better this way, you can get all the crying out now.

  He was a smug jerk, and knew me so well.

  Lucas: I should confess I opened your letter, too.

  I felt silly now about the gift and short note I left in Lucas’s overnight bag. I had wrapped a Lego Superman keychain in a letter that said: You’re my hero and the love of my life. Thank you for making all my dreams come true.

  Me: Not as amazing as your letter, but I meant every word.

  Lucas: I loved it. I can’t wait to start my life with you.

  Me: Me too. Good night, babe.

  Lucas: Good night, Baby Girl. And if it makes you feel any better, I’ve been frustrated as hell since I left you.

  Me: A little. You brought it all on yourself.

  Lucas: I know…I’ll make it all better tomorrow night ;)

  Me: Maybe I won’t be in the mood.

  Lucas: Yeah, right. Go to sleep, seductress.

  God, how I loved that arrogant bastard.

  “I told the girl at the MAC counter that everything had to be waterproof knowing you. You’re worse than your daughter. Sit still and close your eyes.”

  I shut my eyes and did my best to sit as still as possible. Daina used to be a cosmetologist, so when she offered to do my makeup for the wedding I agreed. Had I paid someone, I probably wouldn’t be scolded like a child, but I knew better than to tell Daina no. When she was tense, she was a control freak with no filter, but her heart was always in the right place. If I got yelled at on my wedding day, so be it.

  As it turned out, Lucas’s friend didn’t own a “loft”. He owned a penthouse. I was getting married in a frigging West Village penthouse. The “small space” looked like a ballroom surrounded on all sides by windows. Rows of chairs were set up with a white runner down the middle, which apparently was the aisle I was going to walk down. I couldn’t wait to ask my fiancé what his definition of “small party” was.

  Daina, Bella, and I were in a dressing room getting ready. Even that looked upscale with fluffy red carpet, plush red couches, and a white vanity table. My hair flowed down my back in large curls, the sides pinned back with rhinestone barrettes. My dress was ivory satin and strapless per my future husband’s request, with a silver sash around my waist. And my favorite part—it was tea length. No big puffy dress with a train that wouldn’t bustle so I could barely walk or dance like I had at my first wedding. I didn’t know much about the type of wedding this was going to be,
especially since this place looked nothing like I expected, but I had no doubt it would beat that day by a mile.

  “Okay, you’re done. Go put Bella’s dress on and then we’ll get yours on. Go!”

  “Yes, boss.” I saluted her with a smirk. “Are we keeping to the itinerary, since I know nothing?”

  Daina huffed and walked away. I chuckled at how she was so tense, and I was so calm. It was almost fun not knowing what was in store.

  Bella’s dress had been made for her—white satin with a bow in the back, very simple other than the blue butterflies at the hem. I had to hide the dress all week because she kept trying it on.

  “Look, Mommy! If I twirl, the butterflies look like they’re flying!” The faster she spun around, the more I was afraid she was going to fall or make herself sick.

  “I know, they look pretty, but let’s not get dizzy. Why don’t you sit on the couch for a second?”

  I put my dress over my head, and looked in the mirror. Then, it hit me. I was getting married today—to Lucas. Years ago, this seemed as likely as hitting the lottery while being struck by lightning. I still wasn’t nervous, I was just anxious to get the show on the road. If I was honest with myself, I had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach the day I married Marc—like I was settling because I couldn’t do any better. Today, I was one hundred percent sure I was right where I was supposed to be, with the man I was always supposed to be with.

  “Hey, can I come in?”

  “Sure. Hi, Mom.”

  “Grandma!” Bella raced over to my mother and almost knocked her over. “See my dress. It has butterflies on it.”

  “You look beautiful, Bella.” She took Bella’s face in her hands and kissed her cheek.

  “Hi, Grace! Nice to see you!” Daina said to my mother as she straightened out the hem of Bella’s dress.

  “You look beautiful. Happiness looks good on you, Samantha.” Her jaw trembled and her eyes reddened as she looked up at me. My mother was a smaller version of me with olive skin and bob-length black hair. She wore a silver dress with a matching short jacket on her petite frame. Even in her sixties, she was so pretty. She took my hand and smiled. It was nice to have her around again these past couple of years. Marc’s nasty personality made a lot of my friends and family stay away.

  “See you inside, my beautiful brave girl.” I kissed her on her cheek and she nodded, turning around to leave and sit with the other guests.

  “C’mon squirt. Let’s see who’s already here.” Daina and Bella followed my mother outside so I could finish getting ready.

  “Samantha? Can I come in?” A timid looking Jessica stood in the doorway. I nodded and smiled, knowing Lucas probably sent his sister in here to apologize for telling me to back off.

  “I have a delivery for you.” She had a small black box with a white ribbon around it in her hand.

  “Delivery? From Lucas? He already gave me a wedding gift.” I held up my bouquet of lilies. I’d wrapped the shark tooth necklace around the stems.

  “Well I guess you have another. You know him, always has to do everything big.”

  “Yes, I’m beginning to see that about your brother,” I noted as I looked around the room.

  Jessica wore a black spaghetti strap dress with six-inch stiletto heels. Her chestnut hair was pulled up in a loose knot with curly tendrils trickling down. She towered over me, but she couldn’t face me.

  “So, um, here.” She held out the box and I took it from her hand. Inside were pink diamond stud earrings to match my ring. My eyes grew wide and I shook my head in disbelief.

  “Your brother is nuts. These are too much.” I took the earrings out of the box—they were gorgeous. I put them down on the vanity table and lifted my arms to remove the earrings I already had on.

  “I didn’t know Lucas gave you Dad’s necklace.” Jessica sat down on the couch, still looking down.

  “He let me borrow it again.” I glanced at my bouquet and smiled at the memory of Lucas as just a friend. He was always so sweet and thoughtful.

  “Lucas is so much like our dad was. Dad always seemed bigger than life—at least to me. He’d walk into a room and own it, no matter who was there. Everyone loved him and wanted to be his friend. He was funny and brilliant, and had the biggest heart. I saw the way Lucas looked at you that day. I knew he loved you. I was afraid you’d get back with your ex-husband, and Lucas would never get over it. I was awful to you last summer. I’m really sorry.”

  “It’s okay. You were watching out for Lucas, I understand. Lucas is lucky to have a sister like you.”

  Jessica groaned and dropped her head in her hands.

  “Please don’t be so nice about it. It’s making me feel worse.” I chuckled, and was happy that Jessica and I could wipe the slate clean. I’d hate to be the cause for a rift between Lucas and his only sister.

  “Go outside and tell Lucas you apologized and everything is fine. I was never really upset with you; he was bothered more than I was. He’s a little overprotective of me in case you couldn’t tell.” I gave her a warm smile that I was surprised to see her return. “I guess I walk in soon?” Jessica nodded at me and stood up off the couch.

  “Daina will let you know, I’m sure. Thanks, Samantha.” As Jessica backed out the door, I realized that was as close to warm and fuzzy as she would ever get.

  Not even five minutes after she left, I heard my phone buzz in my purse.

  Lucas: Did she apologize?

  Me: Yes, I told her to tell you everything is fine. Also, are you crazy? These earrings are too much.

  Lucas: I’m crazy about you. You didn’t think my dad’s necklace was your only gift did you? Today is only the first day I’m going to show you what it means to be spoiled rotten. My girl gets only the best.

  Me: I way under-gifted. I only got you a Lego Superman.

  Lucas: I have you. That’s the best gift in the world.

  Even texts from Lucas made me melt.

  Me: I don’t want you to think I’m after your money after seeing you throwing it around today. Still only in it for the sex.

  Lucas: I can understand that. The sex is pretty fucking incredible.

  Me: It sure is ;) I’ll see you soon. I love you.

  Lucas: You bet you will. I love you, too.

  Daina burst in and shut the door.

  “God, the two of you are nauseating. Lucas is texting you outside with the same dopey grin on his face. You have ten minutes, doll.”

  “I’ll sit in the front and hold your bouquet and the ring when you get up there. Bella has a basket of rose petals she’ll drop before you come down the aisle. You ready?”

  I laughed at my feisty best friend. My heart swelled at all she’s done for me over the years, and for us. We needed someone to yell at us to “stop being an ass” a few times.

  “You and I are family today.” I smiled at Daina as she shook her head.

  “We’ve always been family. Today’s just more of a formality, like you said—an extravagant and flashy formality.” She gave me a big hug and I whispered, “Thank you for everything.”

  Daina grabbed my shoulders and pushed away.

  “Try to make it at least partially through the vows without ruining all my hard work. Let me make sure everything is all set before you go outside.”

  Daina rushed out the door. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

  It was time to start the rest of my life.

  I held Bella’s hand as we strode over to the “room.” I didn’t know what else to call it. It looked like a ballroom that was divided in half by a curtain. My guess was that was where the reception would be after we took our vows. This was quite different from the traditional church weddings I was used to. Daina said when the music started, Bella was supposed to walk in before me and I would follow. By the way my little girl was clutching my hand, I knew she wouldn’t make it down the aisle solo, and I didn’t blame her. Now that the moment was upon us, I was a little freaked out myself.

  �
�Mommy, I don’t think I can do it. What if I drop all the flowers?” I knelt down so I could face her.

  “I think that’s what you’re supposed to do, baby. Tell you what, can you walk in with me?” She gave me a big nod, and then I heard music. It sounded like Here Comes the Bride, only a jazzier version, almost like Kenny G was playing it. Yes, this definitely wasn’t a church.

  “Okay, kiddo. Ready?” I held my bouquet with one hand, and held out my other for my daughter. I took a deep breath, saying a silent prayer that my modest silver heels wouldn’t make me trip, and headed down the aisle.

  I marched down the aisle slowly, nodding hello to the people I knew. The room was dimly lighted and the New York City skyline bathed in sunset made for a beautiful backdrop. Jason waved from his seat, and Lucas’s mother wiped her eyes with a tissue. Then I saw him—Lucas—the man I was about to marry—in an all-black fitted tuxedo. I realized right then what the term ‘drop dead gorgeous’ meant, because staring at him made it hard to breathe. This man was real, and he was mine. Lucas gazed at me with glossy eyes, and a slow smile spread across his face as he shook his head.

  “So beautiful.” he mouthed to me as Bella went to sit with my mother.

  Lucas reached for my hand and I quickly handed my flowers to Daina. Lucas took my face in his hands, and it felt as if we were the only ones there. I skimmed my fingertips along his jaw as a tear ran down his cheek. I wiped it away with the back of my hand. Lucas reached up to interlock our fingers before kissing my wrist.

  “Now who’s a mushball?” I whispered as he rested his forehead on mine and chuckled.

  “If it’s all right with you, I think we can get started.” I glanced at the officiant, a white-haired gentleman in a black suit and tie who I’d never seen before. He looked at us with his eyebrows raised.

  “Yes, please.” We both answered together, making everyone laugh.

  “We’re here today to join Lucas and Samantha in marriage. I was given instructions to keep the ceremony short and sweet, so we can head right to the vows.”

  I peeked over at Lucas who shrugged with a smirk.

  “Lucas repeat after me—”