Always You

by Stephanie Rose

  The Father’s Day after Sam and I were married, then seven-year old Bella ran home with the project that she made for me in class. It was a coffee mug with decals on it, and with all the stickers Bella decided to include—baseballs, butterflies, I could make out block letters across the middle that said I love you, Daddy. When she gave it to me, she said the teacher was talking about everything Daddy’s do for their kids, and Bella raised her hand and said her Daddy never did any of those things—but “Lucas did.” She said everyone else put Daddy on their mugs, so would it be okay if she called me that. I said absolutely and have been ‘Daddy’ ever since.

  Sometimes, blood is bullshit. Bella was my daughter in every sense of the word.

  She just turned ten and gets a little more grown up each day, but so far still lets me call her ‘Butterfly.’

  “Want to see the pictures we took?” I sat on the edge of her bed and dug my phone out of my pocket to show Bella the sixty-five pictures I took of the first four hours of her brother’s life.

  “He’s really cute. He looks just like you, same color hair and eyes. Everyone will know you’re his dad.” She looked down and handed me back my phone.

  “Everyone knows I’m your dad too. Is that what this is about?”

  Bella shrugged and stared off into space. “Joey looks just like you, and he has the same last name. You’re supposed to like him better than me since he’s your real son.” Her voice trailed off and she turned over on her side, facing away from me.

  “You’re my real daughter; you should know that by now. Where is this coming from, Bella?” Bella and I had always been close, from practically the first day I met her. Joey may have been my first baby, but in no way did I feel like a first time father today. Bella belonged to me just as much as her brother did. I got the feeling someone was putting things into her head.

  “Grandma Jeannie said that once the baby came you probably wouldn’t have much time for me anymore … since you’re not my real dad.” And there it was. I had forgotten what a miserable human being Marc’s mother really was.

  I nudged Bella’s shoulder until she acknowledged me, then motioned for her to turn around. She reluctantly sat up but still glanced away. I took her face in my hands to make her look at me.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t get to meet you when you were a baby, but that doesn’t make you any less mine. I love you. More than you can ever possibly imagine. There will never be a time that I don’t have time for you. I’m your father—just as much as I’m Joey’s father—and I always will be. Got it?” Bella nodded, and I hoped that meant I was getting through to her. “Just like you’re my Butterfly, and you always will be.”

  I got a smile, followed by an eye roll. Maybe she didn’t love being called ‘Butterfly’ anymore—not that I would ever stop.

  I kissed her forehead and she wrapped her arms around my neck.

  “And I better not see another eye roll,” I whispered into her ear. She giggled and nodded again. “Now it’s really late, so get some sleep and we’ll head over in the morning.” I stood up and pulled the covers over her. “I love you, Butterfly.” I kissed her on her cheek, and she smiled as she settled onto her side.

  “Okay. Good night, Daddy. I love you, too.”

  “He looks like your father. Makes sense his name is Joey.” My mother looked at her grandson with tears in her eyes. She’d been emotional ever since she came to the hospital and saw “Joseph Hunter” on Joey’s cradle. I only had him until I was twelve, but my dad was the best. I always hoped I could be half the father he was.

  Sam and Joey came home after three days in the hospital. Grace went back to New Jersey, and now my mother was staying with us for a few days until we got adjusted. At least that was the story she used. When he wasn’t nursing, Joey was in his grandmother’s arms.

  “I think Dad would like his first grandson to have his name. I hope he looks down on us and likes what he sees.” Mom was rocking Joey in the glider in his room while Sam got a little bit of sleep. I sat on the floor in front of them and kissed Joey’s head. I hadn’t been around babies since my sister, but he seemed to be an agreeable and easygoing guy.

  “I’m sure you make him very proud. You always did. Now, why don’t you join Samantha and get some sleep. There’s breast milk in the freezer if I have to feed him. Go.” Cuddling with my wife in bed did seem like a long-lost luxury. I nodded and stood up from the floor.

  “Yes. ma’am. Good night.” I kissed her cheek and turned to Joey.

  “Be good for Grandma, big guy. Daddy loves you.” His heavy little eyes were closing, so I kissed his forehead and tiptoed out of the room.

  “Lucas? I love you, and I’m so proud of you.” Mom whispered to me through more tears. I turned around and nodded, trying to hide the fact that I was about to cry. Fatherhood and being with Sam for so long had made me a mushball, too.

  “I love you too, Mom. Thanks.”

  I crept into our bedroom and saw Sam sleeping peacefully for the first time since we brought Joey home. I slipped into bed and put my arms around her.

  “Am I dreaming?” Sam’s voice was scratchy. I didn’t want to wake her, but I couldn’t resist getting as close to her as possible.

  “No rock star or vampire, just your husband.” I kissed the back of her neck as she giggled, and she gingerly turned over to face me. She was still sore from the C-section.

  “My husband beats any book boyfriend.” She ran her fingers through my hair and gave me a peck on the lips. “Is Joey sleeping?”

  “Not yet, but my mother has no problem with staying up with him all night. Let’s take advantage of her generosity and sleep for a while. Mom will feed him when he’s hungry.”

  “I should go get him, but I’m exhausted and it feels so good to be close to you, I’ll exploit your mother’s kindness for a night like this.” Sam snuggled into my chest as I wrapped my arms around her.

  “That’s my girl. We need to exploit the grandmothers every chance we get.” I ran my fingers through her hair, and even though it was dark I could tell her eyelids were already fluttering closed.

  “I missed you so much.” Sam ran her hand down my jaw. “I’m glad it’s dark in here so you can’t see what I look like.”

  “Stop that! You’re gorgeous just like your son.”

  “He’s all you. I feel bad for the girls he meets. They’re going to fall at his feet and won’t be able to help themselves.”

  “I’ll teach him to not have his head up his ass when he meets the woman he’s supposed to marry. He may not be lucky like me and get another shot.”

  “I’m not gorgeous, especially not now.” Sam lifted her head off my chest to face me. “Look at me, Lucas. I look scary… and fat. You can say it.”

  “I honestly didn’t hear a word you just said. I was calculating in my head how many more days until six weeks.”

  Sam pulled me into a deep kiss, and I couldn’t help pressing my body against hers. My quick calculations at that point said not fucking soon enough.

  “You always know the right thing to say. I love you, babe. So much.”

  “I love you, too, Baby Girl. Always you. And thank you.” I kissed her forehead.

  “Thank you? For what?”

  “For being everything I need, and giving me everything I ever wanted.”

  “I thought superheroes didn’t need anything.” Sam chuckled as I tightened my arms around her.

  “Superheroes need a girl they can save, so she can save them right back.”

  the end

  Never in a million years did I ever think I would write a book. It truly takes a village, and wouldn’t have been possible without the love and support of some amazing people.

  First and foremost, I want to thank my very own Superman, my husband James. Many nights and weekends were spent looking at the back of my laptop screen as I wrote into the wee hours of the morning. I wore your patience very thin I’m sure. Thank you for believing in me and encouraging me when I just wanted to
burn the damn thing. Not very many people meet the person they’re meant to spend the rest of their life with at sixteen, and for that I will always be grateful. To my son, John - my second superhero. You’re the sweetest yet toughest little five year old I know, and the best part of my day is always your hugs and kisses. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, and you always will be. You both mean the world to me and above anything else, I want to make you both proud.

  To my mother, who always put me first no matter what. One of my favorite memories of writing this book will always be the way your face lit up when I told you about it. Thank you for teaching me what family is all about, and instilling a resilience and toughness in me that has gotten me through some difficult times.

  To my grandparents, not a day goes by that I don’t think about the both of you, and how you raised me with love and patience. You always thought that I could do anything I set my mind to, so I hope you’re in heaven getting a kick out of the fact that I wrote a book. (but hopefully if you’re reading this, this is all you read)

  To my friends: Ann Marie, the toughest and bravest woman that I know. Friends that become family are precious, and you’ve been family from the start. Natalie, you’re always there for me, and the friend I want by my side when the going gets really tough. Your friendship means the world to me. Daina, you did triple duty as friend, beta, and character namesake. I wish more than anything else I could write you the happy ending that you deserve. I’d wrap Lucas up in a big bow and hand him right to you. You inspired the tough single mom in Samantha, and I admire you more than you know. Lisa, thank you for being the best sister anyone could ever ask for. Robyn, your excitement kept me going. Michelle, thanks for always looking out for me.

  To all of my family and friends who supported and encouraged me through this long and crazy process, and got excited for me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I’m lucky to have so many amazing people in my life.

  Stacia Newbill, you were more than a beta or CP, you were my co-pilot and the only one who knew Lucas and Samantha as well as I did. You couldn’t wait to get your hands on more of them, and that kept me going the most when I wanted to give up. You’re an amazing friend and one of the best and most selfless people I know. #loveyoulobster

  Faith Andrews, I owe so much to you. You showed me the difference between being a writer and a storyteller, and I thank you for all the time and patience that you had for me. Who knew when I gushed like an idiot to you about how much I loved Man of My Dreams that I would be making a lifelong friend. I hope to someday be half the writer you are. Love you, friend.

  Jennifer Mirabelli, I don’t think there would be an Always You if it weren’t for you. You told me to try writing and see what happens, and that you thought I “had something”. 74,000 words all began with that one private message. You have the biggest and purest heart of anyone that I know, and I am proud to call you my friend.

  Christine Mateo, one of the luckiest days of my life was meeting you on the line for the New York author signing in 2013. Thank you for taking the time to read and for your awesome ideas that made the book so much better. You are an amazing friend and I love you to pieces.

  Jeannie Bell, thank you so much for taking the time to read, and for being my “morality police”. You are an amazing person and I’m so grateful for all your encouragement and support.

  Roxie Madar, I am so thankful that you were my beta for so many reasons. You whipped my ass into shape and helped me regain my voice after I lost it for a little while, and I owe so much to you for that. You also have become an amazing friend throughout this process, and I feel so blessed to have found you. You’re courageous, strong, and funny as hell. I love you very much, my sticker queen.

  Rosa Campisi, my book buddy and fellow Bronx chick. I’m so glad that books brought us together. Thank you for doing a final read through and enjoying my story.

  Gia Riley, who knew all that time ago when we were just friends that loved to read that you and I would be here today? Thank you for all your support and guidance through this grueling process, and the great feedback you gave me. I’m sure it warmed your heart that I needed a country song in my New York City romance novel.

  Alexis Durbin, thank you for putting so much work into Always You. Your attention and passion for detail meant a lot to me. You have a genuine soul and huge heart, and I thank you for all your support and friendship.

  Jena Campbell, you dug deep, showing me how I could make things better and I am so proud of the end result thanks to you. It helped that you not only gave me great feedback, but truly loved the story and the characters. I wanted to create the best Lucas and Sam I could because of you, and I hope that I delivered.

  Rebecca Yarros, thank you for taking the time to look, and even more time to explain. You helped me get on the right track, and I truly appreciated all your help.

  Angela Page, you are a true friend and an amazing person. Thank you for lifting me up when I was down, and for guiding me through Indie Writer life. You are the best, I would even share Nick Bateman with you.

  B.A. Wolfe, our friendship has saved me lots of money in therapy. Thank you for always being around for advice or just to listen. You help me navigate this crazy writing world, and I couldn’t be more grateful. #justiceleagueforever

  BL Berry, thank you for reaching out to a new author all those months ago, and never getting tired of my constant stream of questions. You are the coolest chick I know!

  Tabitha Willbanks, my cheerleader from the very beginning. Your support meant so much on the days it got really tough. Thank you for being such an awesome friend.

  Alison G. Bailey, you’re a wonderful friend and true class act. This Yankee loves you.

  J.A. Derouen, your Cajun voice messages brighten my day. Thank you for encouraging me and believing in me.

  Aly Martinez, thank you for always being so awesome.

  Mary Rose Bermundo, you are the kindest and sweetest soul I know. I love talking books with you.

  To Brenda Letendre, my beautiful editor. You have truly been my rock. Thank you for your kindness and patience in helping me make Always You the best that it could be. You are now forever my “answer in the back of the book”. Thank you for being one of the best teachers I’ve ever had and showing me how to be a better writer.

  To the ladies of Indie Chicks Rock, I am honored to be a part of such amazing group of talented women. I love the fact that I can share my accomplishments along with my hopes and fears and get amazing support along the way. I’m humbled by the all the talent in that group, and am proud to call you my friends. #FYW

  How freaking awesome is this cover? Najla Qamber somehow managed to draw out the Lucas and Sam in my head. I still get goose bumps when I stare at it. Thank you for being so amazing to work with.

  To my formatter, Kassi Cooper, at Kassi’s Kandids Formatting. Thank you for your patience in dealing with a new writer and all her oddball ideas.

  Thank you to Love Between the Sheets for organizing a kick ass cover reveal, release blitz, and blog tour.

  Finally, a huge thank you to all the bloggers and readers who took a chance on me and read and/or promoted my book. I hope you loved it, and that you found joy and hope in Always You. Lucas and Samantha are the first of many characters I hope to introduce you to, and although their story is done, you may see them pop up in my next book.

  Please leave an honest review on Amazon and Goodreads. It’s the best thing you can do for an Indie author.

  Stephanie Rose was born and raised in the Bronx, New York, and still lives there with her superhero-obsessed husband and son.

  Stephanie has a Bachelor’s degree in Business and a day job in marketing, but she always has a story in her head.

  This lifelong New Yorker lives for Starbucks, book boyfriends, and 80s rock.

  Spending most of her youth watching soaps, Stephanie has an obsession with angsty drama and is an avid romance reader.

  She’s excited to finally bring the
characters she’s been dreaming about to life and loves hearing from readers!

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