The young woman bit her lower lip hard enough to leave crescents, her expression falling. “But I’m not.”
“You are beautiful,” Adam said with conviction.
Despite the way his hand brushed Lily’s elbow, possessive, a hot surge of jealousy choked her. They’d been apart for four years. How many other women had he found desirable?
He’s been faithful. So he had said once, offhandedly. Lily bit the inside of her cheek, trying to contain herself.
For once, she was grateful that Adam dominated every room he entered. Miss Granby beheld him with shining eyes, leaving no room for her to notice the ugly emotion with which Lily did battle.
“I am?”
“Certainly. You only have to remember it here”—he touched his fingers to his forehead, then his chest—“and here.” With a warm smile, he laced his fingers through Lily’s and drew them up to kiss the back of her hand. The admiring look he gave her was entirely for her, no one else.
Certainly not the forgettable young woman hanging onto his every word.
“Lily is beautiful not because of the way she looks, but because of her strength of character. Her resiliency. Her ability to find humor even in the worst of situations. Her intelligence, her wit, and above all, her heart.”
Her cheeks flooded with heat. “I don’t know whether I should be insulted or complimented.”
His smile widened. “Complimented. You of all people should know how admiring I am of the way you look.” As if to demonstrate, he let his gaze fall to her figure, leisurely taking her in.
Emboldened, she whispered, “Prove it. Tonight.”
His smile faded, replaced by something urgent, yearning—perhaps even pained.
Miss Granby cleared her throat loudly. She touched her hands to her reddened cheeks as she mumbled, “I don’t know how any of this pertains to me. I’m not funny and I often trip over my tongue and…”
“Confidence,” Adam answered with emphasis. He dropped Lily’s hand. In the wake of his touch, her fingers tingled. “If you have confidence in yourself, it will bleed from your every pore.”
“Now that’s an image,” Miss Granby muttered under her breath.
Lily chuckled. “He’s right, you know. I was a wallflower when we met. Adam taught me to believe in myself, a lesson I sorely needed. I’m confident he can do the same with you.”
The look he gave her wore none of his usual masks. It was open and honest and it made her toes curl.
No, Adam Darling was no saint. He’d spent much of his time swindling money from the rich he disdained, men who thought themselves above those without prestigious lineage or income. But those who condemned him for it didn’t know how much deeper his character went. He was a man who gave freely to the less fortunate. A man who taught bookish, awkward young women to believe themselves the equals of queens, without asking for anything in return.
And because he was that man—even after all these years—Lily still loved him. Her chest ached for a simpler time, before she’d had her family’s future to consider. Before he’d proven to her he couldn’t be trusted. Had he changed? Did they have a chance four years after their happy life should have begun?
She didn’t know, but she didn’t want to have to pretend this feeling did not exist any longer. She loved him. The only question was whether he loved her—whether he ever had.
Smiling, he beckoned her closer. “Come now, darling. Let’s show Miss Granby how you would catch my eye.”
Lily matched the flirtation in his eyes and gave it her best effort. Little did he know, but this might be the foundation for their future, as well.
Lily held her breath as she peeked through the sliver of the ajar doorway joining their rooms. Midnight had come and passed. Where had Adam been?
Aside from a flimsy ceremony from years ago, she had no ties to him. She hadn’t demanded he keep her apprised of his whereabouts. Nevertheless, after an afternoon spent pretending they were enthralled with each other, without him she felt…bereft. During their demonstration, Adam had reawakened her senses, the long-dormant needs she’d discarded beneath the weight of her responsibilities. He’d made her consider the future.
She’d lived the past without him and proven to herself that she would survive. But somehow, when he was nearby to share the burden, the financial stress didn’t suffocate her. He gave her confidence not only in her abilities, but in a happy ending.
Lily blew out an irritated breath. Don’t be a fool. Perhaps she should climb back into her cold, empty bed and try to forget about him.
That’s worked smashingly thus far.
With a weary sigh, Adam plucked at his cravat, pulling it loose and tossing it onto the foot of the bed as he worked at the buttons on his waistcoat. Lily held her breath, peeking through the crack. Would he notice her watching?
The waistcoat joined the cravat. Lily swallowed hard. If she meant to speak with him, she should do it now, before he peeled off more of his clothing.
But she hadn’t seen his naked body in four long years. She ached for him. She trailed her fingers through her hair, curling a strand tight around her finger as she waited to be discovered.
If Adam knew she loitered, he ignored her. He pulled his shirttails from his breeches and worked at the laces tying his shirt closed. When it gaped open, showing his dark chest hair and defined pectorals, he turned and shucked the garment over his head in a mouthwatering display of rippling muscles. She had always admired the lines of his back, his broad shoulders. She could run her hands over them for days.
Watching him without his knowledge was wrong. Steeling herself, she slipped into the room.
He didn’t notice her. With his back turned, he worked on the buttons to his falls.
“You might want to keep those on, unless you’ve changed your mind about warming my bed.”
He turned. The taut muscles of his abdomen rippled with his breaths. “Lily.” Her name on his lips was a plea.
One she didn’t know how to answer. The last time she’d kissed him, he had walked away. Tonight, she meant only to discover whether he still held tender feelings for her. Or was this only about easing his conscience?
In the rushlight, with both of them in stages of undress, the answer didn’t seem as pressing. She licked her lips as she tentatively stepped forward. Her bare feet trailed along the cold wooden floor, step by step, as she crossed to him. He didn’t move.
She stopped within arm’s length, never taking her gaze off his expression. “Tell me to leave,” she whispered.
He groaned under his breath. “I should.”
Instead, his gaze traveled over her thin nightgown. The rushlight wasn’t strong enough for him to see through it, but if the heat in his expression was any indication, his imagination more than supplied for what the garment hid. The look in his eye gave her confidence. She played with the thin ribbon holding the nightgown together by her throat. His gaze followed the movement, riveted.
“You shouldn’t be here.” His voice was hoarse. It lacked conviction.
She shouldn’t do many things. Where Adam was concerned, should didn’t apply. Stepping up on tiptoe, she brushed her mouth against his in the softest of invitations.
He took it with a groan. His fingers tangled in her loose hair and held her steady as he tasted the seam of her mouth. She opened to him, but he pulled away after the briefest touch of their tongues. He dropped his hand.
“You should go to bed.”
When she took a step back, he looked pained. The disappointment on his face belied his words. Perhaps he, like she, couldn’t decide what he wanted.
“Perhaps I will.” She tugged on the end of the ribbon until the bow loosened and the sides of her collar drifted apart to show the shadowed valley between her breasts.
He flexed his hands as if he needed to touch her as desperately as she needed to tou
ch him. They had had too many lonely nights, side by side. No longer—even if she had to play the aggressor.
“What are you…”
She shrugged the fabric off her shoulders and let it flutter to the floor, helping it along when it caught at her hips. Completely bare, she kicked it away. Her courage threatened to desert her as she straightened to face Adam once again. Her nipples puckered in the open air. She balled her fists at her sides and licked her lips, trying not to show her nervousness. What if he told her to leave again?
When he’d courted her, he’d left no doubt that he desired her. She’d never had to seduce him or make herself vulnerable in this way. Had she grown too lean for his tastes? He’d always reveled in her soft thighs, rear, and belly. She held her breath, waiting for him to react.
“You never stipulated to whose bed I should go.”
Heat enveloped his gaze. He swallowed audibly, his gaze raking her naked body and making her shiver. That wasn’t the look of a man who didn’t admire her figure. An ache started between her legs. She fought the urge to rub her thighs together, awaiting his response.
With a muttered curse, he raised his face to the ceiling, shutting his eyes as if in pain. The muscles in his throat were rigid, as taut as the chest rising and falling with his breaths. His hands fisted on either side of his narrow hips. The bulge behind his breeches left no doubt that he desired her. Why was he fighting so hard to keep his distance?
She perched on the edge of the bed next to his cravat before stretching over the mattress. “Come to bed with me.”
“I can’t.”
She lifted onto her elbows. “Another part of your anatomy tells me that you can.”
He looked down at himself before fixing his gaze on her once more. He looked like a starving man denied a feast. Softly, he repeated, “I can’t.”
Despite his arousal, he meant it. A chill swept through her and she sat up, hugging her knees to her chest. Her cheeks flooded with heat. “Why can’t you?”
He didn’t answer, his jaw clenched so tight that a muscle twitched by the hinge.
Forgetting her modesty—he’d seen her naked before—she shoved herself onto her knees to narrow the distance between them. “Tell me why and I’ll leave. Does it have anything to do with where you’ve been tonight? Do you…” She swallowed hard but forged past the lump in her throat. “Are you trying to remain faithful to another woman?”
The idea threatened to gut her.
“No.” He reached for her, then dropped his hand and stepped back. “I told you, I’ve been faithful.”
“You’ve also been leaving this house every night since you arrived.”
He held her gaze a moment, his mouth pressed together mulishly.
“Adam, tell me why. I deserve to know.”
He turned away. With jerky movements, he opened his wardrobe, found a banyan, and tossed it to her. Cold, she shoved her arms through the sleeves and fastened it over her breasts. It bunched around her knees. She didn’t leave the bed.
He didn’t meet her gaze as he sat heavily on the mattress next to her. Leaning his elbows against his knees, he dropped his head into his hands. It was the posture of a beaten man. Lily had never known Adam to admit defeat.
She sidled closer, brushing her fingers across the unyielding muscle of his shoulder.
He trembled beneath her tentative touch. “Please leave, Lily. This is too much temptation. I want to give you everything you ask and more, but I can’t.”
“Why not?”
If he said something flippant about earning her trust…
“I will not take you to bed if I can’t keep you.”
For a moment, Lily couldn’t breathe. Did he still love her, after all? Tears swamped her eyes, but she blinked them back. She feathered her bare hand over the warm skin of his back, firming her touch as she kneeled behind him.
“Why aren’t you able to keep me?”
When he turned to her, his eyes were bleak. “For the same reason I go out every night. I’m being blackmailed.”
She frowned. “Blackmailed?”
“Yes. Forced to stay away from you, as I was forced to leave the first time. I’m not supposed to tell you this, or he’ll carry through with his threat. But darling, I never left by choice.”
Lily dropped back on her heels. “No.”
He jerked away from her touch, leaving her bereft.
His words rippled through her, gaining in intensity like the tremors foreshadowing an earthquake. She swallowed hard, her mouth dry.
He had left. One moment, they had been blissfully happy, reveling in each other’s bodies, and the next, she had woken to a cold bed and no money. The heartbreak of that day was forever etched into her mind. He had abandoned her.
“I don’t understand.”
He looked anguished as he turned his back again. “You won’t believe me.”
He’s a professional liar, a manipulator. But not with her. With her, he had always been himself. A man who had given her confidence in herself, who never overlooked her. The man she loved.
She laid her palm over his back again, growing bolder. The quick beat of his heart thudded beneath her hand, connecting them. “Tell me anyway.” She hovered on a precipice as she braced herself for whatever lies were poised to fall from his mouth.
Or whatever truths.
Adam breathed deeply, rubbing his hands over his face and through his hair. He didn’t look at her as he began to speak.
“About a week after our marriage, Chatterley approached me.”
“Chatterley?” Lily’s ears rang. “Reid Chatterley?”
Adam hesitated. “Yes.”
He waited, as if expecting her to protest. She wanted to. Her chest ached to think that Reid was the reason her husband had left. But maybe she had misinterpreted. Perhaps he and Adam had become friends, shortly before this entire debacle.
And it will rain shillings.
Lily swallowed twice and whispered, “What did he do?”
Reid had been her friend. Yes, he had protested her marriage, but only because he thought Adam would treat her ill. Adam never had, not while they had been together. And if his departure had been forced…
What had it taken to separate Adam from her? She pressed her lips together, refusing to say another word.
Choosing his words carefully, Adam answered, “He has… Suffice it to say he has information about me that if revealed would ruin not only me, but you by extension. Perhaps your entire family. He threatened to reveal it if I didn’t turn over every penny I had, including your dowry, and leave. I thought…” His voice cracked. “I thought, with your father’s wealth, that you would be fine. I didn’t know…”
“I don’t believe it…”
He flinched away from her touch. She clenched her hand, lowering it onto her knee.
“Reid?”
So softly she almost didn’t hear, he whispered, “I told you that you wouldn’t believe me.”
Her chest ached. She was forgetting to breathe. She drew in a long breath. It cut her as deep as if she’d swallowed thorns.
As if a monocle had been out of focus on her life, everything became clear. No wonder Reid was willing to set her a task that not only went against her morals but might lead to her arrest and death. He had never cared for her, not if he had been willing to cause her this much pain.
Adam surged to his feet, turning to face her. “Forget I said anything. Go to bed, Lily.”
Shakily, she unfolded her legs and eased to the floor. When she straightened, facing him, he held himself perfectly still, as if braced for a blow.
“Reid is demanding you stay away from me. But he’s…” She couldn’t finish that sentence, he was my friend, with any conviction.
What had Reid learned about Adam that was so dire he had abandoned the future they had b
oth dreamed of? Adam wasn’t a saint. His profession—confidence man—might have been enough to bring the entire family to ruin.
“I can’t believe…”
She didn’t finish the sentence. Because she could. She could believe that Reid had done this, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. If not for him, she might have been happy. Tears leaked from the corners of her eyes. Had he ever truly been her friend?
“He bought up my father’s debts with my dowry?”
Adam grimaced. “So it seems.”
She gasped for breath, spots forming in the corners of her eyes.
“Lily?”
Strong, warm arms closed around her and he pulled her against his chest. Wiry chest hair tickled her nose. She burrowed deeper, needing his strength to hold her upright. Tears flowed, overwhelming the dam she had built over the past four years as she had tried to remain strong. Never crack. Never show weakness. Keep her family from poverty or prison.
If not for Reid, she would never have needed to endure these hardships. He had ruined her family. For what? One more expedition to Egypt—the chance to chase a dream he’d been too cowardly to grasp?
Now he’d returned to London to do it all again. He was still using her. Still using Adam.
Hiccupping, Lily tried to pull away, but Adam’s arms tightened around her.
“Hush,” he murmured. “I’ve got you. We’ll set this to rights, I promise.”
She tilted her face up to his, her eyes still blurring with tears. “And what of you?” If he was turning her away from his bed, he had no solution to the blackmail. Reid might be willing to accept his presence for now, but eventually he would leave her. He would have no choice.
Did her family truly have anywhere left to fall? She bit her tongue to keep from telling Adam to let Reid reveal his secret. She didn’t care whether the whole world thought him a criminal. She knew him for the good man he was.
His expression shuttered. “I’ll survive. I only care that you come out of this on top.”
“You’ve never had any ulterior motive, have you?”
He brushed his thumb under her swollen eye, wiping away the moisture still on her cheek. “I only want to see you happy.”
The Price of Temptation Page 21