Banished : Surviving My Years in the Westboro Baptist Church (9781455518470)

by Drain, Lauren; Pulitzer, Lisa (CON)

  Thank God, I was able to transcend my emotions and respectfully appreciate those other religions and cultures for what they are, and realize that their existence doesn’t threaten my own Christian beliefs. I am grateful to be able to overcome things, even if it’s a small step at a time. I really enjoyed traveling, visiting new countries, trying local food, and spending time with great friends. It was an amazing trip, and I’m looking forward to taking many more with David, my best friend and now fiancé.

  The church’s message that God hates everyone no longer rings true. To me, that is a narcissistic distortion of the highest order. But I do hold out hope for the WBC, as well. God will make His decision about each of them when their time to meet Him comes. Who am I to think that I have the power to say there is no hope for them? I only know that God is not the angry God of their fears. I believe He wants people to love Him out of their own hearts.

  I miss my family with all my heart. I miss Taylor, and I wish she knew how strong my sisterly bond with her still is. I feel enormous sadness when I think there will come a time when Faith doesn’t know who I am, or Boaz condemns me as if he were a little clone of my father, but there is nothing I can do about that. I love the God I now have. My relationship with Him is not based on fear. It is similar to a human relationship, described so well in Song of Solomon 8:6: “Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death.”

  God will answer you in the end. You don’t have to live on the block in Topeka, Kansas, or be a member of the Westboro Baptist Church. I will never go back. I have no desire to be treated like a wicked sinner and endure their hatred. It isn’t worth it, and I don’t believe I am evil. I don’t believe that God rejoices in tragedies, calamities, disease, pain, and grief. In my faith, He has better things to do.

  Though I wasn’t able to take much of anything with me when I left the church, here are a few photos which are the only physical mementos I have from my childhood.

  Dad and Mom married on May 5, 1983, just after turning eighteen.

  Mom and Dad just married.

  At age five with two babies: Taylor is on the left, a cousin is on the right.

  Taylor and me dressed up as bunnies for Halloween before trick-or-treating with our parents.

  Family Christmas photo taken at a portrait studio in 1993.

  Opening presents on Christmas Day in Kansas (from left to right: Mom, me, Taylor, and Dad).

  Family Christmas portrait at home with our dog, Buddy, 1995.

  Taylor and me at an indoor adventure park.

  With my mother’s side of the family one Christmas (from left to right: Mom, Grandma Stout, my cousins Dena and Brennen, Taylor, my cousin Amber, and me).

  At age thirteen at a family Christmas party.

  At my Grandma Stout’s house (from left to right: Aunt Stacy, Taylor, me, Brennen, and Mom).

  Collage I made of pictures of Taylor and me.

  Hanging out with our cousins at Disney World (from left to right: Amber, Taylor, Brennen, and me).

  At the hospital with my family on the day Boaz Abel was born, August 8, 2002.

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  I would like to acknowledge just some of the people who encouraged me, worked with me, or inspired me to tell my story. This has been a whirlwind of a journey for me, from my first days on my own, devastated by the loss of my family and suffering a broken heart, to building up my self-confidence and happiness through my newfound friends and family. These acknowledgments are not in order of importance, but rather chronological.

  In May 2010, when I was first approached by Kelsey Myers, editorial producer of ABC News 20/20, to appear on a special, “Raised to Hate,” I was not so sure I was ready to publicly expose my time in the church. I would like to thank Kelsey for being so supportive and believing that my story was important. He had the foresight to see that sharing my experiences could be an extremely therapeutic and empowering process for me. Thanks to all the people at ABC News who made this possible, including Chris Cuomo, for his sincerity and genuineness in interviewing me, and for exposing the dangers of raising your kids to hate.

  Kelsey Myers also put me in touch with Elisabeth Dyssegaard, editor-in-chief of Hyperion, who introduced me to the amazing Lisa Grubka, my literary agent. Lisa understood that writing my story would not be easy for me, and she did an incredible job of bringing me out of my shell and connecting me with people I could work well with, including Jen Schulkind, who helped me with the proposal. Lisa guided me, explained what was coming next, and provided continual emotional support at every step of the crazy publishing process. I would also like to thank everyone at Foundry Literary and Media who supported the book.

  Despite my instant confidence in Lisa Grubka, she continued to surprise me and impress me with her belief in my story. She sold my proposal to Emily Griffin at Grand Central Publishing, who was instantly just as enthusiastic. Emily was extremely professional and had an incredibly sweet nature, which made this process all the more comforting. I would also like to thank Amanda Englander, Liz Connor, Sonya Cheuse, Carolyn Kurek, and everyone else at Grand Central who made the book possible.

  As part of her continuous support, Lisa G. found me my coauthor Lisa Pulitzer, to whom I am forever grateful. Lisa P. knew that telling my story was going to be incredibly emotional and at times confusing for me. She did an amazing job of drawing out my experiences and feelings and putting them to paper so eloquently. Working with her didn’t feel like work at all, as she has become a trusted friend and like a family member. I would also like to thank Lisa P.’s quirky, fun-​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​loving writing associate, Martha Smith. The two of them, with their Lucy and Ethel–like dynamic, made our work fly by, and turned any sadness I had into happiness. These two made every step of the way enjoyable, as they helped me realize I wasn’t an outcast anymore.

  All along this incredible journey, I had the love and support of my now-fiancé, David Kagan. From our third date, where I had asked him half-jokingly if he had Googled me yet, until two years later when we became engaged, he has loved me for who I am, never judging me for who I used to be. When he first heard the idea of me writing a book about my past, he said, “Let’s go to New York,” without caring that one day people would know everything about the girl he was dating. He encouraged me to open up, despite my hesitation and fear of being judged. He has guided me through moments of shame, fear, and sadness and helped me develop ways to cope, see things differently, and make new friends, all of which have led me to my newfound happiness.

  I am ever-grateful to the extended family members who reached out to me during my time of weakness, including my dear aunt Stacy, my trusted childhood cousin Amber Parker, and my sweet Grandma Stout. Although I had lost touch with them for almost eight years, I had been close to them in my formative years, and their love and support has rekindled my sense of family and hope. I carried around a lot of pain and guilt until they reached out and filled that void with love, forgiveness, and understanding.

  I would also like to thank all the friends who have supported and continue to support me sincerely. There are times I needed somewhere to live, a shoulder to cry on, protection from those who would harm me, motherly advice, or just a good time. To my friends—you know who you are, and you are fantastic! Just to name a few: Angela H., John and Mel C., Dima and Jen B., and Maria K.

  I have dedicated this book to my siblings, whom I still hold incredibly dear to my heart and who were my inspiration for writing this book. Although I will never again hold up a sign judging another person, I want you each to know that I have not lost faith in God. I believe love of family is one of the most incredible and precious things in life and a gift from God.

  I will forever miss and love you, my sweet Faithy Marie, who I know I will never get to know as I deserve to, being your eldest sister. To this day, I can hear your cute little voice in my head saying “I love you, Sissy,” as you hugged and kissed me before be
d each night, as if it were yesterday. I wish I hadn’t missed a single day of you growing up, as it was such a pleasure to watch.

  Boaz Abel, you are my only brother and have the sweetest little personality, always wanting to take care of young Faithy and protect her, even when you were as young as a toddler. I remember you always running around the house, dressing up in costumes, begging me to take you to fun places, and sneaking down into my room when I was studying. I will never forget the look on your face when I came back to the house after being kicked out, or that you grabbed me tightly when we both knew we wouldn’t see each other again. You are such a sweet boy with tremendous potential, and I hope one day you will see that God’s love is not celebrated through hate.

  Taylor, you are a grown woman now, but I can honestly say I will always see you as my little sister and closest friend for sixteen years of my life. The sadness I have over our separation is beyond what words can express. The things we have been through together honestly surpass any bond I have achieved thus far in my life. I remember you sitting every day in your cute little crib always smiling at me when Mom and I came to visit you at the hospital. You have always been incredibly smart, and I remember studying in high school and college and realizing your potential was beyond mine. I wish I could have been there for you on every special occasion, birthday, and graduation to show you how proud of you I am.

  I hope you do not hold regrets against me and know I will always be here if and when you are ready to pursue the real love of God and discover the love of family. I love and miss each of you.

  ABOUT THE AUTHORS

  LAUREN DRAIN works as a registered nurse. She lives with her fiancé in Connecticut, where she enjoys outdoor activities including endurance races, hiking, dirt biking, and camping. This is her first book.

  LISA PULITZER is a former correspondent for the New York Times. She is the author and coauthor of more than a dozen nonfiction books, including the bestselling Stolen Innocence.

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  Contents

  Welcome

  Dedication

  Prologue

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Epilogue

  Photographs

  Acknowledgments

  About the Authors

  Newsletters

  Copyright

  Scripture quotations are taken from the King James Version of the Bible.

  In the text that follows, the names of individuals identified as Will, Brian, and Scott have been changed.

  Copyright © 2013 by Lauren Drain

  All rights reserved. In accordance with the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, the scanning, uploading, and electronic sharing of any part of this book without the permission of the publisher is unlawful piracy and theft of the author’s intellectual property. If you would like to use material from the book (other than for review purposes), prior written permission must be obtained by contacting the publisher at permissions@hbgusa.com. Thank you for your support of the author’s rights.

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  First e-book Edition: March 2013

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  ISBN 978-1-4555-1243-0