“Now that I’m here, I don’t know how to start.”
“This is about the fact that I’m pregnant and Ben and I are no longer together, am I right?”
“Yes.”
“I know you may want us to get back together. So does my mom. But I’m not one of those people who believes that two people should stay together just because there’s a child in the picture. I’m sorry if you disagree.”
“I don’t, actually.”
That surprised Mandy, and it must have shown on her face.
“I’m happy you’re going to have a baby, but that’s not the reason I think you and Ben should be together.”
Mandy turned toward Diane and took one of the other woman’s hands between hers. “I’ll make sure that you’re able to spend time with your grandchild, and I told Ben that he could be part of the baby’s life if he wanted to. I don’t think he does, however. I know he has his reasons, and—”
“Mandy, listen to me. If there were no baby at all, I’d still believe the two of you belonged together. I’ve never seen Ben as happy as he was when he was with you.”
Was everyone she knew getting together to coordinate talking points?
“I think you read too much into what you were seeing. Ben broke things off before he ever knew about the baby.”
“Because his birth mother showed up on our doorstep.”
Shock hit Mandy square in the chest, followed quickly by anger and the need to find the woman who’d hurt Ben so badly when he was a defenseless child. “What? Why?”
“Remorse, evidently. She came to apologize.”
“Well, that’s too little, too late.”
Diane smiled. “See there, you’re quick to his defense. That tells me you care about him.”
“Of course I care. No child should have to go through what he did.”
“No, they shouldn’t.”
“I hope he sent her packing.”
“He did, but I convinced him he needed to talk to her.”
Mandy slipped her hands away from Diane’s and stood, paced the few steps to the window. “Why would you do that? He shouldn’t have to ever see that woman again. I’ve never met her and I want to rip her hair out.”
“Because he has let what was done to him prevent him from believing he can have a happy, full future with a family of his own.” Diane stood and joined her by the window. “It was my hope that by finally facing his past, he’d realize a couple of things. One, that he’s not like his birth parents, that there is no reason to believe he’d be continuing some tainted family line. And, second, that he’d realize it was safe to admit he loves you.”
Hope soared within Mandy, but she quickly tamped it down. “He doesn’t love me. I won’t call it a fling, but what we shared was temporary, casual.”
Diane shook her head. “I swear, you’re both self-delusional.”
“Excuse me?”
“Tell me the truth. Do you love Ben?”
Mandy knew she needed to deny it so Diane would stop trying to go down this dead-end path, but she couldn’t force the lie. It was just too big. Instead, the truth tumbled out.
“I do.”
“Then I ask you to just give Ben some time. He’s more stubborn than the rest of my kids put together, and that’s saying something considering Sloane is as stubborn as a herd of mules.”
“I don’t think he will change his mind, even if he cares for me.”
“I refuse to believe that. I have faith that love—for you and that baby—is going to eventually be stronger than all the irrational fears he’s worn like armor his entire life.”
After Diane left, Mandy sat on her couch, staring out the window at the fading light. She wanted so much to believe that what Diane said about Ben’s feelings was true, but she feared allowing herself that much hope. If it ended up either not being true or if Ben never admitted it, she didn’t think her heart would ever mend from the pain of that loss. She had to protect herself, protect her baby. If that meant closing off the part of herself that wanted to believe she’d have a happily-ever-after, she’d do what she had to.
* * *
“HEY, BEN,” HIS MOM said as she put away the last of the leftovers from dinner. “Can you run into town for me tomorrow and pick up some stuff I ordered from the hardware store?”
“Maybe Angel can pick it up for you. I’m behind on work.” Perhaps because he wasn’t sleeping worth a dime and couldn’t concentrate when he did try to work on the saddle for the congressman.
“Angel has plans to go to San Antonio tomorrow.”
“Maybe Arden can get it, then. She’ll already be in town at the paper.”
His mom sighed. “Fine. Neil, can you ask her for me?”
“Sure. She won’t mind, unlike some people.”
What the hell was that all about? He glanced at his older brother and saw a look pass between Neil and their mom. As he suspected, his mom had noticed he hadn’t been to town in days. He was too afraid of seeing Mandy when he still hadn’t figured out the right thing to do.
Needing some peace and quiet, he left the house and headed toward his leatherworking shop. But even the shop wasn’t the refuge it once was since his thoughts plagued him everywhere he went.
He was just beginning to shave the edges of several pieces so he could attach them to the saddle tree when the door opened. He sighed inwardly, expecting to see his mother when he lifted his gaze. Instead, Neil stood there.
Ben nodded in the direction of the house. “What was that back there?”
“I’m just going to pull a big brother here and lay it all out. You’re being an idiot.”
“Wow, tell me how you really feel.”
“Everyone knows Mandy is pregnant, just like we all know you’re in love with her.”
“You can’t know that. I don’t even know that.”
“Yes, you do. You’re just too blind to see it for some reason.”
Ben tossed his skiving knife on the workbench. Obviously, he wasn’t meant to get any work done tonight either. “What do you want from me?”
“I want you to stop standing in the way of your own happiness, damn it.” Neil walked to the other side of the workbench and leaned his hands on it. “What is going on in that head of yours?”
“I’m afraid I’m defective, okay? Mandy deserves better.”
“Defective?”
“You know what my parents did to me. What if that sort of thing is genetic? What if when the kid is crying or misbehaving, I snap and do something awful?”
“That’s ridiculous. Did you ever want to hurt Julia when she was a baby?”
“No, but she’s not mine.”
“That doesn’t matter. You would never hurt a child. It’s just not in you. I don’t buy into that crap about genetics making you a bad person. Decisions do that. You can make the decision to be a better parent than the ones who made you.”
Ben ran his hand over his face as he paced across the cramped space. He had the thought that Mandy’s little house was actually roomy compared to his shop. But soon there would be a baby in that small home, as well.
Could there possibly be room for one more person? Were his mom and brother right? Was he just using his old fears as an excuse because he was afraid of getting hurt every bit as much as he feared being the one to do the hurting?
“I’ve probably ruined things with Mandy. I walked away at the worst possible time.” Walked away just like her father had. He was such a fool.
“Only one way to find out.”
“I don’t know.”
“Do you love her?”
Ben fiddled with a scrap piece of leather as he pondered that question. But he knew the answer, didn’t he? He’d known it for a long time even though he’d been afraid to admit it
even to himself.
“Yes.”
“Then I suggest you start by telling her that and go from there.”
His brother made it sound so easy, but it might very well be the scariest thing Ben had ever done in his life.
Chapter Fourteen
“Sorry,” Mandy said to Devon as she came back out into the busy storefront from the back. “Seems as if all I do now is go to the bathroom.”
“It’s okay.” Devon motioned over her shoulder at the customers milling about the store, filling their baskets with yarn, knitting needles, soaps and handmade cloth napkins in patterns perfect for the upcoming holiday season. “They haven’t turned into a stampeding horde yet.”
Mandy chuckled a little at the image of stampeding knitters as she made her way back toward the front. It was a gorgeous fall day, the kind where the temperature was comfortable and the sky a stunning blue. The kind that evidently made people want to shop.
Devon handed over a skein of yarn she’d gotten from the storeroom to a customer who’d ordered the color special then wandered over to where Mandy was restocking the candle display. Mandy lifted a pumpkin-scented candle to her nose and sniffed it.
“I’m so glad pumpkin isn’t one of the scents that makes me nauseated now. That would have just been cruel.”
“True. Hey, I got you something to celebrate the baby.” Devon pulled an envelope out of her back pocket and extended it.
“Is this you trying to get out of throwing me a baby shower?”
Devon laughed. “Oh, no. I will be throwing the most awesome baby shower Blue Falls has ever seen, but this is a little different than burp cloths and impossibly adorable baby outfits.”
Curious, Mandy took the envelope and ripped it open. Inside was a single sheet of paper. “This better not be a clue in a scavenger hunt. I don’t think my feet or my brain is up for it. This baby is already siphoning my brain cells and I’m not even showing yet.”
“No scavenger hunts, though that is a good idea for a town event.”
Mandy opened the sheet of paper and scanned what was written on it. Her breath caught and she had to read it again more slowly. Even doing so she wasn’t sure she’d read it right.
“This doesn’t make sense,” she said.
Devon propped one of her hands on her hip. “Why not?”
“You can’t give me part of the shop.”
“It’s my shop. I can do what I want to.”
“But—”
“But what? You’ve worked here ever since I started this place. You do every bit as much work as I do.”
“I haven’t put capital into it like you have. Plus, what about Cole?”
“I love him, but I don’t see him running a yarn shop, do you?”
“That’s not what I mean. This would be taking money away from you two and any kids you’ll have.”
“Cole is totally on board. In fact, he said he was surprised I hadn’t done it sooner. I feel ashamed I didn’t.”
“There’s no need to feel ashamed. It’s your store.”
“And now it’s going to be partly yours, and you won’t refuse me if you don’t want to make me mad. I plan to spoil your little one like no child has ever been spoiled by an auntie, so I might as well start before she’s born.”
Mandy felt tears well. That seemed to be another side effect of pregnancy—her emotions bounced all over the place.
“I don’t know what to say.”
“Say you accept, then ring up these lovely ladies. They look as if they have serious knitting to do.”
Mandy glanced toward the trio of women headed for the cash register then grabbed Devon in a big hug. “Thank you. You’re the best friend ever.”
“I know.”
Mandy laughed at that, blinked away her tears and got back to work. After cashing out a string of customers, she turned at the sound of the door opening again. Only this time, it wasn’t a regular customer or a tourist. It was Ben.
Her heart leaped at the sight of him. He looked so good it took every bit of willpower she had not to run to him. But sanity prevailed.
“Ben, what are you doing here?”
“I tried calling a couple of times but couldn’t reach you.”
She’d seen his name on caller ID both times, but thanks to those erratic emotions, she hadn’t answered. She was afraid she’d start bawling like a baby when she needed to hold it together. To cover the truth, she motioned to the filled store.
“We’ve been crazy busy. People are getting the jump on holiday shopping.” She paused to point out to a customer where the cross-stitch floss was located.
“Can you talk?” he asked.
“Not right now. Maybe later.” Why was she brushing him off when she’d missed him so much?
Because she was scared to her marrow about why he was here. Was it to finally tell her in person that he didn’t want to have anything to do with the baby?
She started to head toward another customer who appeared to be seeking and not finding something on the list in her hand.
“I love you, Mandy.”
She stopped, and it seemed as if everyone else in the store did, as well. Slowly, she turned toward where he stood halfway between the front counter and the seating area on the opposite side of the space.
“What are you doing?” She glanced around at all the eyes on them and felt as if she might faint.
“My sisters tell me this is called a big gesture.” Ben took a couple of slow steps toward her. “I’m sorry for so much. For walking away without a word. For letting my past control me. Allowing you to think that I didn’t care about you or the baby.”
“Do we have to do this here?” she asked under her breath, as if that might have a chance of not being heard by everyone in the store.
“Yes, because I want everyone to know what a jerk I’ve been and how I don’t deserve you, but that I hope you’ll forgive me anyway. I won’t lie and say that the idea of being a father doesn’t still scare me because it does. But I hope you’ll give me a chance to try. I’m determined to do right by our baby, to be the kind of father my dad has been for me.”
She knew he didn’t mean his birth father but rather the man who had taken in five kids from different families who needed a home and who had loved them like his own, taught them to be the kind of good, hardworking, loyal people they were. How could she deny her child a chance to be a part of that? But what about her own heart? Did he mean the words he’d said to her?
“And I don’t want to just be a father,” Ben continued as he reached into his pocket and pulled something out. “What I want more than anything is for you to give me a chance to be a husband, too.”
Mandy gasped and brought her hand to her mouth as Ben lowered himself to one knee and held up what looked like a ring through her sudden tears.
“Mandy Richardson, I hope you feel the same. If not, I’ve just made a complete fool of myself and I’ll deserve that. But I’ve never meant anything more in my life than when I say I love you and want to spend my life with you. Will you please marry me?”
Was this really happening? Did she dare believe that something she’d imagined so many times was actually coming true?
“Say yes,” someone called out.
It was echoed by someone else, then another voice, and soon so many she couldn’t distinguish them, though she was pretty sure she heard an enthusiastic agreement by Devon.
But Mandy just stared at Ben, searching his eyes for the truth. And she saw it, the most beautiful truth she’d ever seen.
She nodded slowly.
“That’s a yes?” Ben asked, so much hope in his voice that her heart filled her entire chest.
“Yes, I’ll marry you.”
Cheers filled the store, clapping and shouts of
happiness and more than a few sighs of appreciation at Ben’s romantic proposal. But it was all eclipsed by the beauty of the smile on his face as he leaped to his feet and pulled her into his arms. The kiss that came next made her feel as if he’d rocketed them into space and she was floating weightless. She kissed him back with all the love she still hadn’t spoken out loud. Time to remedy that.
She broke the kiss and whispered in his ear, “I love you so much. You have no idea how happy I am right now.”
He didn’t have a chance to respond because right then the front door opened and every one of the Hartleys filed into the already crowded store. Each one of them wore a big smile. The men slapped Ben on the back in congratulations, and the women pulled Mandy into a succession of excited hugs.
“I’m glad to see you didn’t mess it up,” Sloane said as she hugged her brother.
Mandy must have had a curious look on her face because Ben took her hand and said, “I’ve been practicing that for a week. These two,” he said, motioning between his sisters, “wouldn’t let me anywhere near here until they were satisfied I wasn’t going to muck it up.”
Mandy smiled. “I approve of their instruction.”
Ben smiled back, causing her heart to flutter. Would his smile always do that to her? She couldn’t wait to find out.
“Although he still hasn’t managed to put the ring on her finger,” Angel said.
Without a word, Ben lifted Mandy’s left hand and slid the beautiful ring onto her finger. In what she hoped was a good sign, it fit perfectly.
“That we didn’t help him with,” Angel said. “He picked it out all on his own.”
Mandy looked down at the ring then back up into Ben’s eyes. “I love it.”
Ben pulled her close. “Mind if I kiss you in front of all these people again?”
“Not at all.”
And he did, quite thoroughly.
“I hope we have a dozen kids, a bunch of little girls who look just like their mom,” he said.
She smiled, marveling at how quickly a life could change. “I wouldn’t mind having a few little cowboys who take after their dad.”
Devon suddenly called out, “Fifty percent off yarn for anyone willing to make the happy couple baby clothes or blankets. Sounds as if they’re going to need them.”
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