The Kidnapper's Brother: A Dark Criminal Romance

by Alice T. Boone

  Alex wasn’t the monster here; his brother was.

  My neck cracked as my head finally fell to the side, specks of light beginning to illuminate the dark bathroom. Anxiety wouldn’t let me rest, fear stinging every wound I wore. While my body was desperate for rest, thoughts of Toby had kept me up all night, dark fantasies of what could have happened if Alex had been just a second later. I wasted days cursing myself for being so frightened. Now, I missed it. I missed feeling anything at all, and I’d rather feel fear than this sickening sadness, rather pain than nothing at all. Every muscle screamed as I pulled myself into a seated position, and pain ricocheted through my body as I struggled to stand. Though, it was Alex’s attention that seemed to make me feel worst of all. He was up just moments after me, watching my pathetic wobble as though it were his own.

  “Where are you going?”

  “I can’t have a bath?”

  I didn’t look back when he didn’t return my bark with a bite. Alex flopped back down on the bed, probably finding a semblance of rest now that I was out of it, and I forced myself forward. The guilt wouldn’t weigh me down as I dragged myself into his tiny en suite.

  I should have expected the immaculate state, but within this rotting frame, I still found myself a little surprised. Alex’s bathroom was the complete opposite of his brothers— freshly painted, polished to perfection, and unbearably organized. Though, when my head started to compare the two, all I could do was give a weak shudder. Now, memories of Alex running through my head, I couldn’t help but be tempted by the bittersweet numbness. My fading attention turned towards the bathtub pressed against the opposite wall, and in the place I thought I’d find salvation, all I found was another reminder of how weak I’d become. As I struggled to even turn on the tap, my cry of frustration brought a sting to my eyes.

  All at once, the tears I thought were gone found a new way to embarrass me.

  “It gets—”

  Another grunt of frustration drowned Alex out. The touch of his hand was too much to bear. As nerves shot through my body, the lightest touch of his hand felt like too much, forcing me across the room as though he struck me instead of resting a hand on my back. Anxiety ricocheted through my chest, but the pain didn’t really come until I caught the look in the man’s eye, saw the pity and guilt that lay underneath a forced expression. I didn’t really start to fall apart until he looked at me like that— like I was another mess he’d have to organize.

  As the sound of running water filled the bathtub, I drew my knees to my chest, my forehead resting on my kneecaps in an attempt to hide hot tears. Never in my life had I felt so completely humiliated, so stupid, so useless. To know that Alex could only sit there in silence, watching me sob, just seemed to make this worse. Nothing was going to be strong enough to stop this thing in my chest anymore, the hole that had a way of making me feel so empty. The persona I’d adopted in the real world wouldn’t serve me here. Pretending to be strong only ever seemed to result in harsher punishments, and pretending was the only thing I’d ever really been good at.

  “I can’t do this anymore,” I admitted, words mumbled as pain broke through my throat. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do anymore.”

  My sobs didn’t stop until Alex had turned off the tap, deep breaths the only thing powerful enough to slow my heaving. Time, silence, pulled me back into an upright position, and with one arm still wrapped around my knee, I wiped at my hot cheeks. Across the room, Alex sat on the edge of the tub, looking down at the tile grout when he was unable to watch my car wreck any longer. Still, the man stayed quiet, waiting for the opportunity I was so reluctant to give.

  “I was just trying to do something kind.”

  “You did.”

  “Then why doesn’t it feel like it? Why do I keep feeling like I did this to myself?” His jaw hardened at the sick confession, but with the snakes in my stomach, I hardly noticed. All I could do anymore was give a tired laugh, my own pathetic nature giving me at least one silver lining. “I just don’t know what to do anymore.”

  “For fuck’s sake.”

  The sound of Alex’s footsteps, of his snarl of annoyance, were becoming things that would live in every dark corner of my mind. Before I could react, the man was crouched in front of me, our knees barely kissing as he looked down on me. His hand rested on the wall to support himself, and for the first time since we met, I watched dark orbs take in every piece of me. Alex’s eyes scanned my face, annoyance stiffening his chin.

  “You listen to me. That’s what you do,” he finally growled. “You’re supposed to listen to me.”

  “How?” The question came out so airy that I worried he hadn’t heard me, Alex’s eyes focusing on my lips as he tried to decipher it all. “How am I supposed to trust you?”

  A hiss signalled a hurt I couldn’t understand, and the grin that shot across his features now reminded me of the one Toby so often seemed to bring out. Alex stood, and I lost the only attention I wanted. Alex shifted back into ignorance as he wiped his hand on his pants, taking a step away and tightening my chest all at once.

  “Then don’t,” he spat, waving his hand through the air. “Ignoring me has worked out pretty well for you so far.”

  “Wait.” As the strangled cry came from my lips, the brunette couldn’t even bother with a look over his shoulder— another reminder of how useless I’d become. “Wait.”

  The desperation left my voice unrecognizable to me. Though, to Alex, maybe that was the only version he’d ever known. As he passed through the doorframe, the man finally paused, taking a moment to examine the dirt on his shoe before risking a casual glance back at me. Not that it mattered. Not that I’d ever be able to meet his gaze like this.

  “Just—” When the admission wouldn’t come out, I tilted my head down and squeezed my eyes shut. Just spit it out, Lilah. “I don’t want to be alone.”

  Silence.

  Regret.

  Acceptance.

  After a pause, his response came quietly, more obligatory than anything else. “Fine.”

  He wouldn’t look as I got undressed. But then, neither could I. Peeling out of old clothes, I refused to let myself look at the bruises that scattered my body, at the blood Toby so easily drew. His handprints seemed to live so easily along my skin, and when the shame started to pool in my gut, need of something greater pushed me forward. I was tired of doing nothing at all. I was tired of being nothing at all. The last ounces of my strength kept my tears at bay, and covering myself the best I could, I crawled towards the drawn bath.

  As I moved to step inside, another whimper left my throat— a sound that Alex’s soul seemed to understand before I could. Keeping his eyes to the ground, annoyance clear on his face, the man offered me an outstretched hand. Thankfully, my hand in his palm was the only assistance I’d need to get into the bath with a bandaged foot. His help took the pressure off my injury, and as we worked to slowly lower me into the bathtub, Alex took the only position that he could think of. The man pressed his back against the tub, legs outstretched as he faced the sink. My bandaged leg rested along the edge, and as I settled into the warm water, the man wouldn’t move again until my skin brushed him innocently. His features softened as he took my injured foot in his hand, and gentle hands worked to unwrap the bandages he’d so carefully placed the day before. After he’d lowered my foot into the water, a wince of pain shooting through me, Alex settled back into his seat.

  For a while, we sat just like that. Quiet, peacefully settled in that awful place. As the warm water washed away reminders of the past few nights, my chest seemed to lighten, and when I didn’t break out into another sob, Alex’s shoulders softened. All that was left between us was the sound of water, the soothing scent of his soap filling the room as I worked to wash every inch of myself.

  It was stupid to think that I could wash his prints away, but I couldn’t stop myself.

  If I could scrub off that first layer of skin, it would be like he never touched me, wouldn’t
it?

  Suds filled the bath as I worked away, rotating between bar soap and a washcloth, and once I’d washed off the first layer, I started on the second. It was only when he was certain I had distracted myself that Alex tried to speak again, and even that would take two attempts.

  “You wanna make it out of this?” The question tightened every muscle, another moment of silence the only thing that could relax them back into the hot water. When the answer didn’t come, Alex tilted his head to the side. “You wanna go back to your normal life?”

  What should have been a simple question left me tongue tied.

  With Gran dead, I didn’t have much of a life to go back to.

  But purgatory was better than hell, wasn’t it?

  “Yes.”

  The answer was enough to turn his attention forward again. He settled into his seat, and after a hot breath left his nostrils, Alex tried again.

  “Then there’s only two options,” he started. “There’s only two options no matter how you look at it. Either you let this thing change you into more of the person you already were, or you let it change you into something you don’t even recognize.”

  It was the catching of his words, the tightening of his chest, that turned my attention to him. Somehow, Alex had a way of tearing out my lungs without even looking at me. Somehow, he had the ability to make me feel sorry for even him, because the words that were coming out of his mouth now weren’t designed for me. I wasn’t the only beast in the house Toby had broken.

  I started scrubbing my legs again.

  “There’s people who’ll take everything from you if you let them,” Alex stated, arms folding over his chest as his gaze remained forward. “Don’t let him make you feel bad for what you did, Lilah. No matter how this ends.”

  “Okay.”

  Surprise prickled over his skin at the sound of my calm, of my assurance. His brow knitted together just slightly as Alex let his head tilt to the side, stealing a glance at my features before instinctively letting his eyes travel down to my body. When I didn’t find the strength to pull away, to scold him like I should have, Alex’s head snapped forward and his arms crossed back over his chest.

  Was it wrong to be a little insulted, to feel such a painful knot in my stomach?

  The only thing strong enough to calm my stomach was the hot water rushing over it. I slipped a little deeper into the bath, into the suds, into the safety of the warmth. For the first time that night, I allowed my eyes to drift shut and for a moment, I remembered what it was like to crawl into a bath at home. For a moment, I remembered what it was like to hear Gran rummaging through the kitchen at midnight, desperate to make me some new and awful snack after I got out from a late-night depressive soak.

  Peanut butter and banana sandwiches.

  Chocolate cupcakes and bacon.

  Brownies with fudge sauce and French fries.

  “If I get out,” I started, my voice a little lighter with my eyes squeezed shut. “I think I’m going to go to that poutine place downtown.” Silence peeled my eyes open, but I wouldn’t let my gaze dip to the side. My vision stayed glued to Alex’s ceiling.

  “If?” The man snorted, but laughter seemed to come more from feigned cool than it did actual annoyance. “If you’re going to dream, Rabbit, might as well make it a good one.”

  If I hadn’t’ve been so tired, I might have been able to smile at him. My head snapped forward again.

  “When I get out,” I clarified. “We can go together.” Nervousness ate at my stomach— an unexpected twist when his response didn’t follow. Gran’s ring burned against my skin, and as desperately as I wanted to clam up, I found myself spitting out the last words either of us wanted to hear. “I’d even let you buy me one of those dessert fries.”

  Finally, I caught sight of the perking of his lips. Despite myself, I leaned to the side, trying to catch sight of the rarest sight in the house. Alex wouldn’t look to the side, but I was certain his attention remained on me.

  “Let me?”

  “Yeah.”

  His legs crossed and when that didn’t offer the comfort he needed, they re-crossed. Alex settled a little deeper against the bathtub, and hesitantly, he let his head tilt to the side. “Ernie’s is better than that shithole.” This time, when our eyes met, he wouldn’t look forward again. “When you get out of here, that’s where you should go, Rabbit.”

  “You don’t want to take me?”

  The question lingered in the air far too long, knotted our stomachs in ways it never should have. I was flirting, I was sure, but the comment wasn’t supposed to do anything more than lighten the mood. I was just trying to make it easier for the both of us, but when Alex’s shoulders fell, I was certain I had ruined even that. His gaze was torn from me as he faced forward again, and anxiety tore through my system, another insight into the wolf’s den.

  While Alex considered the possibility that I would survive, he knew the truth.

  To Alex, I was the only one who had a chance at escape, at survival.

  “Do that any more and your god damn finger’ll fall off.” My head snapped up just in time to catch Alex’s sideways glance. I didn’t really put the words together until my eyes drifted down to my fidgeting fingers, to the ring I so aimlessly spun across my skin. “Boyfriend?” My brow knitted together, and when his question was only met with silence, his disgust filled the air. “Don’t tell me it’s a fucking fiancé.”

  I couldn’t help but smile at the hint of concern. Not that there was anything funny about no one coming to look for me, about no one caring enough to notice I was missing. I spent so much time trying to make the appearance of a perfect life that there never really seemed to be time to actually work towards it. A long-term boyfriend was out of the question.

  “It’s my gran’s,” I admitted. “From her first marriage.”

  “Granny got around.”

  “Shut up.” The snap had him tilting his head again, a genuine grin finally stretching his features. A grin that had a terrible habit of making me smile back. “Think I just got into the habit,” I admitted. “Whenever I needed her.”

  “Must be nice.” Shifting in my position, the slightest touch of my knee against his back seemed to be enough to alert him to my confusion. Alex didn’t look behind him this time, a simple wave of his hand punctuating his sentence before he could even get it out. “That whole ‘family’ thing.”

  Suddenly, the smile melted off my face. Memories flooded my tired head, connections finally made about the two boys I’d spent so much time hating. During our calls, Toby had never bothered to share Alex’s name, referring to the man more often as a guardian spirit than anything else. To see him now, bitterness not hidden beneath a bite or a bark, it was impossible to miss.

  “When I talked to him—” The thought of Toby choked my throat, but as I imitated Alex’s pained grin, I pushed forward. “When he used to call, he always spoke very highly of you.” The man beside me pretended he couldn’t hear, but at the sight of his ears perking, my chest tightened. “He said you took custody of him when your mom was sick.”

  I didn’t have to see his face to feel his annoyance. While I was desperate to feel some kind of connection between me and the only other living person in this rotting house, Alex seemed desperate to forget I even existed. He’d made it clear that my presence was nothing more than a hindrance, and when he refused to even look at me, I had to find the will to believe him.

  Though, that didn’t mean I couldn’t try.

  “He said you used to make him pancakes for dinner.”

  Alex let out a scoff, and despite myself, I couldn’t help but shoot him a smile when his head peeked to the side. The look in his eye told me he knew exactly what I was doing, told me that he recognized his own tactic even if the words were living on my tongue. The man settled back down, silent for only a second for finally giving me the acknowledgement I craved.

  “Banana pancakes.”

  “Sounds nice.”

 
; Alex’s shoulders shrugged, and he adjusted his position. Crossing his legs over one way and then the other, Alex shrugged again. “Wasn’t always bad.”

  “He said she died pretty suddenly.”

  His shoulders tensed, and in an attempt to hide the weakness, Alex brushed some dirt off of his legs. “To Toby, maybe,” he noted simply. “Mom was sick for a long time.”

  “He made it sound like it was hard for both of you.”

  Again, Alex shrugged, a hiss of frustration escaping his throat. “You do what you have to do, Rabbit.” When all I could give him was silence, Alex let his head tilt again. This time, I wouldn’t let my face scrunch, wouldn’t force any emotion that I didn’t feel, and a moment of genuine intrigue seemed to be all Alex needed. “He’s my brother.”

  “Must be nice.” His face scrunched, and I imitated his poignant wave. “That whole ‘family’ thing.”

  His head snapped forward again, a dark laughter filling the room. “This look like family to you?” Nervously, his hand jumped to the back of his neck, giving the area a squeeze when the pounding in his head threatened to overtake him. His arms crossed over his chest again, and Alex’s firm lips finally parted. “Construction companies used to fly me across the god damn country. I’m good at what I do.” His lips parted again, but this time, all that came was that same awful smirk— the one that had a habit of making my heart hurt the most. “But Toby needs someone to look out for him,” Alex explained with a wave of his hand. “He’s my brother. That’s my job.”

  “Hardly sounds fair.”

  “Nothing’s fair in life, Rabbit.”

  This time, as the silence settled in around us, it was getting easier to relax. Being careful of my foot, I let myself slip a little deeper into the bath, and within a few moments, the only real sound to fill the room was my hum of approval. There was something reassuring at the sight of Alex’s calm, his control. Next to Toby, it was hard to imagine the two were ever related. While one brother had a way of killing off every piece of me, the other had an annoying habit of bringing those awful pieces back to life, of forcing me to look at the things I hated most. Alex’s quiet only seemed to bring to the surface the hurt everyone else had left, and when it was just the two of us, I couldn’t help but let those demons come to light.