When she didn’t fight me, the sickness let me pretend it was a welcomed response. My heart stopped entirely, painful spasms rushing over my skin as my hands drifted down her body. With my left hand pinning her hip in place, my right shifted to the tight pussy I’d dreamed of the most, my fingers trailing over her entrance and feeling her need even through denim. Memories of the night before made my cock ache. Her voice ran through my head the way it had every night since, a designer torture for every moment I needed it. Thirst pulled my head up, and my vision reduced even further as I watched her lips part in the way I hated the most, the way I loved the most, the way I needed.
How the mighty have fallen.
Everything shifted when the door upstairs slammed shut. Whatever warmth I had found was chased away with the sound of Toby’s jovial skip down the hall, the childish way he slid down the banister, and I hardened myself as much as I could. If I starved this need, it would go away. If I refused to touch her, refused to look at her, refused to taste her, then this need for Lilah would be gone within a matter of days, I was sure, and with that, I let my body numb. Lilah’s back straightened nervously and while the brunette focused back on buttering her mostly-cold toast, I moved to grab my coffee from the counter. Shifting away, I allowed myself one final glance at the girl that would never be mine, the lonely heart that would forever be out of my grasp.
“Shit,” Toby hissed, his footwork freezing once he caught sight of the woman in the kitchen. Toby’s hands clapped together and as I spun to face him, turning to get the sugar from its place on the counter, I watched a grin light up his face. “Thought you’d never come out of your hole.”
I suffocated the urge to pull him back when he bumped past me. Though, I wasn’t strong enough to look away when Toby wrapped his arms around her waist, when he buried his face in her flinching neck. Lilah’s features remained calm, but it was the familiar shifting of her grandmother’s ring that told me of the tightening of her chest, of the mess beneath the mask. She hated him. She fucking hated Toby, and the worst part was, I still thought I hated him more.
“I missed you, Bunny.”
“It’s Lilah,” the brunette noted kindly, slipping out of his grip in order to pour herself a cup of coffee. “My name’s Lilah, Toby.”
“Shit,” Toby hissed, as though he had any idea what he was apologizing for. “Baby, I’m sorry. You know I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine,” Lilah noted, another nervous smile punctuating the sentence. Though, whatever peaceful memory she tried to lean on wouldn’t be strong enough to keep her from the dirt of this world. Before she could even finish making her coffee, Toby’s arms were around her again, the sight of his pelvis grinding against her ass a memory that would be impossible for me to suffocate.
“Gotta let me make it up to you, baby.”
“Toby.” Her stern voice faltered when his hands made their way to the spaces mine had only just left. She wanted to emulate the force that seemed to control him, but Lilah wouldn’t be strong enough for that. She was still far too alive to deaden herself the way I had.
When I watched his hands shift to her breasts, watched Lilah’s hands jerk up to pull him off of her, cowardice filled me again. I slid across the kitchen, a gulp of coffee doing nothing to drown out the sickness in my stomach. I wasn’t strong enough to do it all anymore. I wasn’t strong enough to watch another storm I was unable to stop. Though, I wasn’t convinced it mattered anymore. Whether I was looking or not, my imagination had always been worse than reality.
“Fuck, baby.”
Another shiver ran through my system, my brother’s voice heavy with lust.
“Stop,” Lilah commanded, clearing her throat when her voice squeaked.
“You’re so fuckin’ wet.”
“Stop, Toby.”
The knocking returned before my heart could piece together the broken statement, another painful slam against the cage of my chest. My abs spasmed as I struggled to keep myself upright, my jaw weakening uselessly as I dared to look over my shoulder. To see her fighting him off now, to see her shoving him back so forcefully, I felt something shift. Footing became weakened as the truth struggled to seep into my blood. Every piece of survival tried to convince me of the convenient lie, tried to whisper that Lilah had just gotten excited at the very thought of Toby’s hands on her. To see her now, to lock eyes with her in this state of panic, those age-old instincts grew useless.
I would have been okay thinking that she was addicted to the violence.
Part of me was fine with hating her, with needed her, with lusting after her.
There was something unsettling about the idea that she wanted me, too.
A priestess had no business falling in love with a corpse.
There was no looking away from her, no breaking that all-knowing gaze. Not even when the skin prickled on the back of my neck. From behind her, Toby’s attention piqued, and a familiar growl filled the room.
“What the fuck’s going on?”
“Nothing, Tobe.”
It was Lilah who looked away first, who brushed the hair behind her ear before taking an innocent bite of her toast. Once the spell broke, it was easy enough to shrug off the accusation, to take another swig of the coffee I so desperately needed.
“You’re fucking her?”
A hiss of pain left my lips, and I shot the man a stern look. “No.” When anger didn’t seem to calm him, outrage doing nothing to assure him of my lie, I tried a different approach. I shifted my annoyance into a soothing smile and gave the man a wave. If I could make him believe it was in his head, then we might make it out of this mess alive.
“Relax, Toby.”
“Don’t tell me to relax,” he hissed, a step forward boxing his shoulders, his frame. “Don’t fuckin’ tell me to relax when you promised me.”
I wouldn’t let my jaw stiffen when I noticed his hackles raising. I wouldn’t let my eyes wander to the cowardly dog that had scurried back to my feet, an obligation that I couldn’t understand as his face pressed into my kneecaps. Any sense of fear was enough for Toby to pounce, and as I landed myself in his gaze, I didn’t wouldn’t breathe, wouldn’t blink, wouldn’t give him the chance he needed. At least, not until Lilah forced her way between us. When the tension tightened her chest, Lilah made a rookie mistake— she confused stupidity for bravery. When every instinct told her to run, Lilah stepped towards Toby, her hand on his chest as though his hadn’t just forced his fingers down her panties.
“I forgive you, alright?”
“Get the fuck off me,” Toby snarled, his eyes still glued to me as the storm darkened.
“This is just—” Lilah raised onto her toes desperately, tapping her palm on his chest as she forced a commitment to this new life, to this new lie. “Remember that time you missed my call? And you kept calling me and then I missed your call?” Finally, the man’s eyes shifted, if only for a moment, to the woman in front of him. “Just a crossed wire, Toby. It’s nothing.”
His false peace came with a sharp inhale, a heavy exhale, and his hand on her cheek. From the back, I couldn’t help but focus on the way every muscle in her body tensed, an echo of the bullet she swallowed for me, and a new kind of appreciation washed through me.
The rabbit stole my best tactic, and with that pout, she’d already become better at it than me.
“I’m sorry, baby,” Toby murmured, brushing her hair out of her face.
“It’s okay.”
“I know you’d never—” When the very thought of Lilah and I entered his mind, Toby’s face darkened a little. The words strangled his throat, and Toby offered her a slick smile. “You know better than that.”
The slamming of a door pulled everyone’s attention to the side, and at her first sign of escape, Lilah took a step away from my brother. As if I wasn’t already in enough agony, I threw back the rest of my scolding coffee with a single swig. One scrape with death wouldn’t be enough for this morning— not when Jax squeezed through the fuckin�
�� front door. When his shit-eating grin filled the room, Toby all but abandoned the deity he’d been praying over in the kitchen, and a hiss of frustration left my lips.
“They’re delivering assholes now?”
Together, Lilah and I stood on the outside of the sickest exhibit I’d ever had the pleasure of watching. Toby crossed the room in a flash, greeting Jax as though he was the one to watch over him for nearly three decades, and tossed me a glare over his shoulder. Toby wanted me to pretend to be warm, to pretend to be as welcoming as I used to. Instead, all I could offer was a sour expression and a lazy gesture to the duffle bag on the table. For two days, I’d kept enough chemicals prepped to blow the god damn house clear across a fuckin’ county line, relatively harmless in their current state, and as Toby moved to show Jax the bomb he’d been cumming over, I took the chance to place my body between Lilah and the new threat. Again, we watched Toby transform from a snarling beast to a sniveling child, desperate to gain attention from the older man. Another coke-fueled version of the brother I used to love.
“Told you I’d come through, man,” Toby grinned, slapping his hands together childishly before shooting a pointed look over his shoulders. “Drinks. Now.”
Lilah peeked out from behind my bored stance, curiosity spiking within her, but Toby’s welcoming wave only seemed to send her back behind me. None of this shit was a good idea, and even Lilah’s skewed sense of danger seemed to know that. Her finger nervously shifted the ring on her hand, and when the woman stepped to move around me, I tugged her back a foot. The new warmth wouldn’t force me to waver. My head tilted lower, my lips brushing over her ear as I whispered the only kindness I could think of.
“Not a fuckin’ chance, Rabbit.”
Lilah didn’t tilt her head towards me, fear keeping her vision trained forward, but her nod was more than enough to soothe my soul. It was only from our position on the edge of the abyss that we finally felt the dark eyes boring into us. From across the room, Jax’s grin grew, and his attention only brought Toby’s anger. A familiar guilt knotted my stomach, a warning I recognized immediately.
A cold wind from the east was challenging the storm I thought I could control.
“I knew he liked sloppy seconds,” Jax hissed, his elbow landing in Toby’s side. “Those sick pricks always look the same.”
From his place in the living room, Toby’s brows knitted together and my heart skipped. “Alex?”
There wasn’t time for indecision anymore, wasn’t time to second guess the self-destructive nature of my heart. My hand dug into my pocket immediately, tugging out my set of keys before placing them in Lilah’s hand. Shoving past the trembling brunette, I waved Toby’s curiosity away and slipped towards the living room.
“I heard you,” I snarled, squaring my shoulders and tilting my head in an attempt to buy Lilah a few precious seconds.
Not that seconds would be enough. Not under Toby’s smothering obsession.
“Lilah!” Toby’s shrill cry wouldn’t twist my face, wouldn’t let my attention fall to the hesitant creature behind me. All that would do was give him the ammunition he craved, but maybe it didn’t matter. I’d lost control of Toby the second Jax walked in the room. “Lilah, baby.”
Fear shifted my adrenaline, and when I caught the slick grin on Jax’s face, I shifted my plans with it. As I spun on my heel, I let Toby’s snarl fall on deafened ears. My hand was on the small of her back in an instant, and I wouldn’t let fear reach my muscles as I walked her towards the base of the stairs.
“Alex.” The hints of nervousness knotted my stomach, added to a doubt that was already creeping into my bones, but I allowed myself to fall into her deeper divinity.
Lilah wasn’t worried; she was worried for me.
“Lock the door behind yourself,” I ordered, my calmness drowned out by the sound of Toby’s pained scream. The woman stumbled as I forced her up a few steps, managing a final command before the sound of Toby’s footsteps grew too loud. “Don’t come out for anyone.”
“Lilah!”
Her eyes widened, darting to the force behind me before catching on the sternness of my features. Hesitation, mistrust seemed to be Lilah’s only survival instinct, but as her gaze caught my own, I watched a new urge wash over her. The brunette stiffened her jaw and gave a nod— the last piece of her I hoped I’d see for a long time.
Fortune favored the bold, and boldness seemed to be the only thing I had left anymore. If I’d been a little slower to turn around, I wouldn’t have been able to duck the scarred fist flying at my head, but lack of sleep wouldn’t dull my reflexes. Not when there were so many eyes on me, not when everything depended on being able to talk the man off the ledge he’d climbed up on. With me out of the way, I watched Toby take a step up the stairs, but as Lilah’s cry of concern shook the hallway, Toby’s sights changed. Now, his eyes had darkened, and his attention was only on me.
“The fuck did you do?”
“Christ, Toby,” I hissed, straightening and maintaining the distance between us. If he lunged for Lilah again, I’d have to be close enough to intervene. If he lunged at me, I’d have to be far enough to escape. When Toby’s hunter gaze remained pinned to me, like I was more a game prey than I was his tamer, I squared my jaw. “Nothing happened.”
“Always keep your house a mess, kid?”
“Fuck off,” I snarled, allowing my narrowed eyes to catch Jax’s grin for only a moment.
The reason I hated Jax now was the same reason I hated him when we met, the same reason Toby thought he was something to marvel at. Jax tore down buildings just to watch them fall. Calmness didn’t come to creatures like that— not until the outside matched whatever fucking mess they were muddling through on the inside. Nothing irritated Jax more than a person searching for peace, than the once unwavering love between two brothers, and while I had thought Toby’s trust in me would be strong enough to keep our structure standing, the look in his eye cast a shadow of doubt.
All Toby wanted to do anymore was impress Jax— and I was just another hurdle in the way.
“Toby, calm down,” I demanded, attempting to keep my tone gentle, even. “Nothing happened.”
“Don’t tell me to calm down!” Toby hissed, his face darkening as his attention reduced to this new world, this place where a lifetime of kindness amounted to nothing. “Don’t fucking tell me to—”
As he lunged for me again, a battle cry echoed through his chest. Another warning for the mess I had created. Quick footwork carried me out of his reach, but Toby was hungry, another lion led into the coliseum. When he lunged for me again, I did my best to keep my focus on the defensive. A sidestep took me out of his reach, and grip on his collar redirected his charge into the heavy wood of our kitchen table. Toby’s cry of pain, screech of humiliation, was drowned out by my name on Lilah’s tongue, and another shudder ran through the room. I wouldn’t let myself look up at her— not when I was busy watching another awful transformation. Another pained cry hunched his body forward, and guilt flooded my system.
“Take charge!”
Jax’s snarl twisted my stomach, dried my lips, brought another painful beat. Before this mess had even begun, I knew I’d lost. If I’d let Toby get to this point, let Jax attach himself to my brother, then I’d already lost. Snapping my head to the side, I stole a final glance at the woman cowering on the stairs, the one who looked just stupid enough to throw herself on my brother in this awful state.
“Get back in the fucking room!”
My scream only solidified whatever position the room held on me, but with destiny already written, lighting myself on fire didn’t seem to matter. I was dead one way or the other, going down without ever having put up a fight. The least I could do was scare her into submission, scream just loud enough to get her to safety. When I watched her muscles twitch, her frightened footwork in a rush up the stairs, I turned my attention back to the beast in front of me, to the memory of the man I used to know.
“Toby,” I tr
ied, but the name felt foreign to him. “Toby, listen to me.”
I wanted to spit out some lost memory that would remind him of the kid he used to be, the one that he kept locked away in his chest. I wanted to do something to make this better, and maybe that’s why I couldn’t find the strength to speak at all.
At 25 years old, Toby had never looked at me like that. Never in my life had I felt frightened by him, had I been concerned that this bloodlust would thirst for me the way it thirsted for so many others. I had thought that the guilt he always sobbed about, the hot tears that stained his cheeks with every midnight burial, would be enough to keep him from me. But I was wrong. Lilah was supposed to be the final sacrifice to this beast Toby had become. If she could satiate him for a few days, a few weeks, then the rest of us would be safe. She was supposed to buy the world some time, but maybe I was stupid to ever believe that.
You couldn’t toss a priestess into this hellfire and not expect divine wrath.
When he came at me again, the static in my head quieted, my chest finding ease only when its beating stopped all together. I deadened myself as my eyes squeezed shut, weakened myself when Toby’s fist finally collided with my jaw. The pain that shot through me only brought a wave of relief, a wash of redemption. I could taste blood already, and as desperately as I wanted to open my eyes, I couldn’t. The table had collapsed under the weight of my body, and my brother’s snarls of gluttony filled my head. I couldn’t smother the cry that left me when his boot collided with my stomach, couldn’t hide the bloody smile that stretched along my features.
Toby wouldn’t feel satisfied without this ritual release, and when the high of his victory mixed with the numbness the cocaine brought, he’d return to the docile state Jax found him in. For a few hours, my bloodied lip will have brought the house peace.
The Kidnapper's Brother: A Dark Criminal Romance Page 9