Save Me From the Dark

by Edward, Réna

  Yes, I didn’t have those notebooks anymore, but they didn’t need to know that. I didn’t want to have to go through each day with the fear of having to continue to endure the pain from the kids and students. I just want to get my classes complete and get the hell out of dodge.

  The secretary leaves the front desk and walks back to what I assume is to speak to the principle. Hank still stands in the same room as me and it makes my skin crawl.

  “Your father will get you, even with Mr. Muscles. Then you’ll be all mine. You’ll see,” he starts laughing, just as the police walk in the door.

  The wave of disgust this man emits hits me full force and a sudden urge to throw up wracks my body. The police question both Hansen and myself and after talking to Mrs. Waller, they escort Hank out of the school. All the while, he’s screaming at me.

  “You’ll see, Bella! You’ll be mine! You’ll see!”

  Time seems to fly when you’re getting all your ducks in a row. I am almost there too. I’ve been working real hard on my assignments and have actually gotten myself ahead. The past couple of nights Hansen has listened to me as I cry. My heart aches and misses Ace with a vengeance.

  It hurt to watch the television today and see him spending time with another woman and listen as they say she’s his girlfriend. Really? I want to call them and tell them that I’m his girlfriend, but I can’t because right now, I don’t know if I am or not.

  Hansen is an unsaid prayer answered. He’s reassured me several times that Ace only has eyes for me and that the media always makes things look like something they aren’t. As much as I know that’s true, it’s hard to believe that Ace wouldn’t get tired of waiting and leave me behind. After all, I haven’t contacted him once over the week I’ve been gone and I didn’t say goodbye either.

  Tonight, Hansen had gotten a phone call and had to step outside. I sit here and watch another report of Ace with another girl and my heart breaks. Maybe he didn’t really love me as much as he said he did? Maybe it was only the woman in distress and needs help thing. Maybe – for him – it was never really love.

  Of course, that would make sense because I honestly don’t see why anyone would love me. When I said this to Hansen, he somehow managed to list a lot of reasons why it’s easy to love me. When I look at him oddly, he promises that he is not trying to say that he was in love with me. He viewed me as a sister. I had to laugh at him.

  He’s been the angel on my shoulder over this past week. Here it’s Sunday and I’ve moped all weekend about not seeing Ace. Honestly, I thought for sure he’d come to me. Hansen said that I can’t have it two ways. I can’t want him to give me space, but follow me at the same time. But my heart is breaking. Christmas break begins this week and I’m both looking forward to it and dreading it at the same time. Talk about a depression starter. Part of me wants to run back to Ace and see if he’ll have me, the other part doesn’t feel I deserve him.

  What I need to do is deal with my father so I can have Ace back, but I’m just not ready to go back there, to face that. Curling up on my bed, I once again fall asleep dreaming of my Ace.

  My palms are sweating, knees shaking, and if my teeth weren’t so tightly clenched together I’m sure my teeth would be chattering. Standing backstage, waiting to make this speech, my heart just can’t slow down. Never in my life have I ever been one to want to willingly stand in front of a crowd of people and speak.

  Closing my eyes, I picture Ace. He stands on that stage without a care to what they may think doing whatever he feels in the music. For him, I can do this. I will do this!

  A few minutes later, my name is being called and I walk out onto the stage. There’s laughter from some of the people. Nervously, I tap the microphone on the podium. Clearing my throat and licking my dry lips, I start my speech with my head down.

  “Mrs. Waller asked me to speak today about abuse. I have no speech planned because… Well, honestly, I don’t know what to say. A little over a week ago, I assumed I would be sitting out with all of you and listening to others talk about their experiences. I, unfortunately, am not that lucky. I have not been that lucky since I was eight years old and I watched my mom being raped and murdered.”

  Pausing, I take a shuddered breath and try my best to push forward. Talking about it is almost as painful as living through it.

  “My father blames me for her death and because of that he feels the punishment for me still being alive and not my mother has been to beat me. At first, I thought they will end soon. He was just hurting and then he will be back to my good dad that played with me in the mud and built a tree house for me at a cabin he took us to every summer. That day hasn’t come yet. Instead, the beatings got worse.”

  When I hear the collected gasps, I knew that they were seeing the pictures I had submitted to show what he’s done to me over the years.

  “I realized quickly that if I cried or begged him to stop they got worse. He started locking me in my room when I was old enough to get to places on my own. He would drop food inside my door and lock it back when he was done. I didn’t even know what I was being hit for half the time…most of the time.”

  Taking a shuddered breath, I shift my eyes back and forth around the audience quickly before lowering my head again.

  “I have been to the hospital more times than I can count, but eventually they started asking questions on how many ‘accidents’ I could get into. So, he stopped taking me. I don’t know how many things were broken or fractured. I have had more bruises, burst blood vessels, swelling than should be on any one adult or child. I thought to myself after my most recent beating that was the worst it was going to get. I have held this secret for way too long. I told it today so no one else has to go through this like I did. Abuse can come from anywhere and anyone. Please remember one thing, if you are suffering abuse either at home or at school, it is never your fault.”

  Bravely, I raise my head. Just as I open my mouth to speak, it drops open. Standing in the back of the room, smiling, is the love of my life. Before I can think of anything else, I jump off the stage and run up the center aisle right into his arms.

  Ace catches me, hugging me back just as tightly. Leaning back, I kiss him like I’ve longed to feel since I left a week ago. He kisses me back with just the same intensity. Gary elbows Ace in the side causing Ace to grunt in discomfort and break the kiss.

  “I’ve missed you so much, my beautiful Bella,” he whispers.

  “Not as much as I have missed you,” I breathe.

  “Ms. Harris, would you mind coming back up here for a minute,” Ms. Waller’s voice breaks into our moment.

  Sighing, I look up at Ace, sadness filling. “Will you come up with me? I mean if you don’t want to…”

  Placing his finger over my mouth to shush me, he smiles. “I’d do anything for you.”

  Wrapping his arm around my waist, I rest my head against his shoulder and he rests his head on top of my head. This is where I’m supposed to be. This is where I’m meant to be.

  After arriving on stage, Mrs. Waller made me answer questions about my speech and of course most of them wanted to talk to Ace. He graciously steps up to the mic with a smile on his face and his arm around my shoulders.

  “When I met my girlfriend, I never knew what she was going through at home. It wasn’t until six months later when I finally convinced her to go to a concert that I found out all the horrible heart sinking details. Her life has not been easy and I’m in complete awe of her strength to succeed and be better than what she was given. Her mother is a strong driving force for her, but watching her today to the woman that I first met…” He looks down at me and smiles. “She’s even more incredible every day that I know her. I’ll spend the rest of my life loving her and making sure she never feels the way her father made her feel for years.”

  Just as more people try to ask questions, Ace raises his hands to quiet the room. Amazingly it works just like at his concerts, the room quiets and is completely enthralled in what he is go
ing to say next.

  “I also know the treatment that she received here by both the students and the teachers. As we walk through each day of our lives, we leave a footprint behind for our children. That footprint leaves with it a chain that we cannot break. A chain that our children must wear. The only way to keep our children from suffering is by making that footprint one that we would be proud for our children to wear. Now I’m not going to name names or anything because I’m sure you all know exactly who you are because your consciences are eating you alive right now. We can change the way we are to the world but we have to make that change. Please stop the vicious cycle because you never know what someone is suffering with at home. Now, I’m done answering questions. I’ve not seen my girl in over a week. Have a Merry Christmas everyone!”

  We walk off the stage and Mrs. Waller immediately greets us. She practically falls over herself to get to Ace. It is while they were talking that Gary pulls me into a hug.

  “I’ve miss ya kiddo. That man of yours has been a bear since you left.”

  “Seems to me, he was enjoying himself just fine,” I say frowning.

  “Now, this is still the Bella that said she didn’t pay attention to how the media portrayed him right?” Gary smirks as he asks.

  Sighing, “I know, but it hurt seeing him with those other girls. The dancing… laughing… smiling.”

  Just as Gary goes to answer, something catches my attention.

  “Uh, excuse me, Mrs. Waller?”

  She turns to look at me. “Yes?”

  “I’m not going to be here for graduation. I’m planning to graduate at semester.”

  “Oh, you are?”

  “Yes, I’m ready to move on with my life away from here.”

  Her face drops at the prospects of losing out on having Ace at the ceremony. “Nothing I can do to convince you to stay?”

  “For an education or so you can use the fact that I’m with Ace? I’m done here.”

  After a few moments, she finally walks away. Ace pulls me into his arms.

  “I can’t stay long beautiful. I’ve got to leave for an appearance interview tour for the second leg of the concert tour.”

  Nodding my head, I look down at my hands. “Well, thank you for coming by to see me. I’ll see you some other time,” sadness filling me.

  Before he has a chance to reply, I hurry out the side door, down the hall and enter the ladies room. Right when I realize where I’m meant to be, he announces that he’s leaving. The insecure, unworthy, part of me wants to think about all the girls he’s going to meet on this appearance… tour… thing he’s got going on.

  AJ: Baby? Talk to me.

  Me: Why? You’ll just leave me again so it doesn’t matter.

  AJ: What are you talking about?

  Me: I can’t compete, AJ. I just can’t. I knew that something was going to come between us…

  AJ: My music? That’s coming between us?

  Me: No. The fact that you’re not around does.

  AJ: You left me, remember?

  Me: Yes, I’m aware of that. I left because you deserve better than who I was… am.

  AJ: So, because you feel unworthy to yourself, I have to suffer. At no point have I ever felt you weren’t good enough for me. I wanted to be everything for you to prove that I was good enough for you.

  Sighing, I grab some toilet paper and wipe my tears from my cheeks. This is not going the way I thought it would.

  Me: I’m not fighting with you. I know I made a mistake when I ran away, but it was something I had to do.

  AJ: Good, I don’t want to fight either. I love you my beautiful Bella. No matter where I go, where my career takes me, you are first on my list. I’ll always come home to you.

  Me: Don’t worry about me Ace. I’m used to being alone. Take care of yourself while you’re gone. I couldn’t handle you being hurt. We’ll talk when you get back.

  AJ: I love you. If I hadn’t been practically pulled from the school, I’d be in front of you holding you close to me. I’ll be home before you know it until then… I love you beautiful. Enjoy the rest of your day.

  Staring at the screen, I decide not to reply. Shaking off the feeling of loss that is building in my chest, I square my shoulders and walk out to the sink. After washing my face, I head back to the auditorium grab my bag and carry on with the rest of my day as I normally do.

  It wasn’t until almost time for school to let out when I am cornered by three of my tormentors. They shove me, pull my hair, hit me, one even rips my shirt. By the grace of God, I’m able to get one good head butt in on the one holding me and am able to run. They follow, laughing behind me. My heart constricts in my chest.

  This shit is never going to end.

 

  The constant knocking has been going on since I came back home. Hansen had asked for today off because there was some personal stuff he needed to handle. Right now, I just didn’t want to see or hear from anyone. I shut my phone off hours ago because it wouldn’t quit ringing.

  The knocking is getting on my nerves. Flinging the covers off me, I storm out of the bedroom and toward the door. My anger taking over the sadness.

  “What the hell do you want Hansen?” I yell as I fling open the door.

  When I look up and meet his ocean blues, my heart stops. Without a second for me to fully register, he’s gathering me in his arms and holding me closely. Still stunned, it takes me a moment to hug him back.

  My Ace is here.

  “Baby, I’ve been so worried. Why wouldn’t you open the door for Hansen?”

  “Because I don’t need him feeling bad for not being there and shit happening,” I say into his chest not letting him go.

  “What do you mean?” he asks pulling back shocked.

  “Well, uh, um,” I stammer.

  “Tell me,” he pleads.

  So, I do. Caving quickly, but what can I say? I love him. He’s my everything and thinking that I’d lost him… well, I need to be honest with him for my own wellbeing.

  “God,” he breathes as he holds me tighter against him.

  “I’m fine, Ace. I can take care of myself. Nothing really happened. It shook me up, but I’m okay. They just scared me and brought up some flashbacks is all.”

  “Baby, promise me, if something like that ever happens again, you call me or Gary. We’d be here without a moment’s pause. I’m so sorry, baby.”

  “Stop it. I’m fine. I’m glad you’re here though. After our text conversation, I thought maybe…”

  Kissing me lightly, effectively cutting me off, he smiles, “You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

  But what if it was that easy? What if this is… Mentally, I shake my head and force the thoughts from my mind. For tonight, Ace was mine. For tonight… Nothing matters but us.

  “What are you thinking about my beautiful Bella?”

  “I was just thinking that this has to be some kind of dream. Why are you here?” My eyes meet his as I plead silently with him.

  He runs his hands down my cheeks. “Baby? You really can’t believe it, can you? I’m so hopelessly in love with you and you can’t even see it. I’m here because there’s no way in hell that I’m staying away from you this Christmas.”

  “You’re here to spend Christmas with me?” I squeak out.

  He laughs softly. “What is Christmas without being surrounded by those you love?”

  “Wow!” I breathe.

  Ace chuckles as he lowers his head to mine. His soft sweet lips caress mine in a way that I’ve never felt before. We’ve shared some pretty insane kisses up until now. Lowering his hands down to my butt, he begins to squeeze lightly, but enough to pull me into him. My breath catches in my throat and Ace breaks the kiss.

  “I’m sorry. I know. We got a little carried away. Well, I got a little carried away,” he groans.

  Giggling, I place my hand on his chest. “I’m sorry, Ace.”

  He steps away from me and flops down on the couch.
“Oh you sure sound it,” he says right before he busts up laughing.

  Walking over, I sit down next to him. Resting my head on his chest, I take a deep breath. Ace wraps me in his arms and sighs heavily. It is these moments that I long for now. Just lying in his arms with no worries of tomorrow, I wish I could stay like this forever.

  We move into the bedroom. Curling in next to him, we are watching some kind of movie that I can’t even begin to explain what’s happening. The only thing that registers is Ace’s strong, powerful, steady heartbeat in my ear.

  Moments later, the rumble of his soft snores vibrates against my ear. Smiling to myself, I let myself fall asleep with him. Tomorrow will be here before we know it. Sadly, I still had school tomorrow. Hopefully, break will be better with him here at least for Christmas.

  Ace

  Morning comes too early. The sound of the wake-up call is not a welcome sound at all. However, the woman that is currently draped over me with her hot breath puffing against my neck is. Our legs are tangled together and her hand lies awfully close to the very spot that needs her fiercely. But I was telling her the truth a while back when I said I’d wait however long it takes.

  Lifting my hand to wake her, she startles me by talking.

  “Please don’t wake me up.”

  Laughing softly, I say, “I think you’re already awake.”

  “Yes,” she sighs. “But if I don’t open my eyes it means that I don’t have to leave you.”

  It is my turn to sigh. “Sadly, it doesn’t work that way. Remember, it’s the last day before we get almost three amazing weeks together.”

  Groaning, she untangles from me and pushes off the bed. “I know. I’m getting in the shower. I’ll be out in a minute.”

  Nodding my head, I watch as she walks into the bathroom. Once I hear the door click close, I grab my phone to call Gary to make sure that everything is in place for my Christmas surprise. As I wait for it to load up, I grab my clothes and slip them on.