by Bijou Hunter
“What do you cry about?” I ask, wiping my cheeks with the back of my hand.
“Oh, lots of stuff. My parents getting older. My ass getting bigger. Starving children. Abused puppies. Missing my prom because no one asked me to go, and I was too much of a pussy to go stag. Basically, anything that might get the tears to flow. Then I sit back and pour out my old liquids before replenishing them with new, better ones.”
Watching her, I take forever to spit out the painful, although obvious words. “I miss my mom.”
“Of course, you do,” she says, hugging me. “She was your mom, and she loved you like no one else ever could.”
Bianca Bella’s words cut me deeply, unleashing an ocean of sorrow. She leads me to the couch and wraps her arm around my shoulders.
“So many great things are happening to me,” I say between sobs, “and I can’t share them with Mom. Plus, they wouldn’t be happening if she hadn’t died. When I feel blessed to have Chipper, that means Mom dying was a blessing too. It makes me feel so guilty.”
Bianca Bella hugs me tighter. “You could see your current blessings as your mother’s spirit guiding you. She’s here with you, leading you to Chipper so you wouldn’t be alone.”
My breath catches, and I ask, “Do you really believe that?”
“Yes, I do. You and her were close, right?” Once I nod, she caresses my head. “She knew you still needed her. That’s why you found Chipper. Your mom brought you together, so you’d have someone to love you.”
Her words break something loose inside me, and my sobs come in violent bursts. Bianca Bella pats a small pillow on her lap that I rest my head on. Curled up on the couch, I cry like a baby while she rubs my head.
I imagine my mom bringing Chipper into my life. Of all the nights for him to visit Salty Peanuts, he chose the one when I was on a suicide mission. I can’t imagine Mom choosing a more amazing man. Plus, Chipper has a family and friends along with a home and a town he loves. Chipper offers me a new life with endless experiences removed from the one I had back with Mom in Florida.
My tears slow a few times before I see my mom’s face so clearly in my mind. She feels close enough to touch, but I’ll never hug her again.
The dogs stare at us, whining occasionally when I don’t shut up. Their concern finally makes me laugh.
“Big mistake,” Bianca Bella say as they hurry over to lick my wet face.
Still laughing, I gently push them away until they get the message.
“You know, when Cricket got twin-preggo by Poet, my life became a mess,” Bianca Bella says. “It went from easy fun with Chipper and Cricket to chaos. Suddenly, we weren’t The Three Musketeers. There was a new person around and then his family and then the mini-twins. If it weren’t for my mom, I’d have been a complete basket case after all the changes. She and I talked a lot and then we went on a cruise. It allowed me to get my shit together and return to White Horse with a new perspective. My point is that moms are great. So if yours was here to talk to, what would you tell her about Chipper?”
Exhaling unsteadily, I whisper, “I’d tell her he has sexy, full lips like the men she talked about from her romance novels. Also how he isn’t hairy like the men on the beaches that she’d make fun of. The bears with the hairy chests and backs. Chipper only has a bit of hair in the middle of his chest between his hard muscles. She’d like that. She always said hairy men scared her because of a bad date she had as a teen.”
“What else?” Bianca Bella asks in a soft voice I imagine a child would love.
“I’d tell her about Chipper’s confidence. He’s so arrogant, but it’s not a bad thing. It should irritate me how he’s always joking around, but it doesn’t. His confidence creates a strong, safe bubble around him that I want to live inside. Chipper’s so casually fearless. I get nervous in new situations and with new people. I’m overwhelmed by everything, but he just strolls through life with a smile on his face. It’s intoxicating to be close to someone like him.”
“Does he take good care of you?”
“In so many ways, yes. Just his happy demeanor keeps me from sinking too low. I’m like one of those hot air balloons unable to get off the ground without him blowing his hot air. His giant ego keeps me afloat. I know Mom might not understand that because she thought arrogant men were all like Howler. She used to say, ‘Power makes men mean and selfish.’ She’d never met anyone like Chipper, though, and he’s someone special.”
“What would you say if she was worried about you rushing into things with Chipper?”
“I’d remind her that she had such a short life. There were so many dreams she never made real,” I say, crying again. “I’d tell her I was drowning without her, and Chipper saved me.”
“And what if he fails you one day and breaks your heart like Howler did hers?”
Regaining control of my tears, I explain, “Mom said having me was worth all the pain she suffered from Howler’s cruelty. I’d tell her that every minute with Chipper is worth a lifetime of possible pain later. I don’t know if she could understand because she never loved or trusted a man like I love and trust Chipper, but I hope she would see how happy he makes me.”
“I think she does see, Tatum,” Bianca Bella says, running her fingers along my scalp. “I bet she hears your sorrow but sees also your joy. I can’t prove it, and people might say I’m crazy, but that’s what I believe in my heart.”
Smiling, I nod. “I believe it too.”
Bianca Bella and I remain on the couch for what feels like only a short amount of time but must be longer because soon I hear Chipper and Cricket’s voices at the front door. They rush into the room, chatting loudly about karate moves. I lift my head to look at them and catch Chipper’s gaze.
“What the fuck, Bianca Bella?” Chipper grumbles, walking into the room. “I leave for a damn hour, and you break Tatum.”
“Eat a bag of dicks, Chipper Wilburn. I’m a healer, not a breaker.”
“It’s true. She is very healing,” Cricket says, joining us on the couch. “Did she take good care of you?”
Staring up at Cricket, I nod. When my gaze finds Chipper, I smile and say, “Crying is healthy. I heard it even helps you lose weight.”
Chipper takes my hand and guides me into a standing position. “Bianca Bella is a national treasure,” he says, tucking me against him. “You were in good hands.”
Standing up, Bianca Bella frowns at Chipper and shakes her head. “Never doubt me again, peasant.”
He tugs at her hair before she walks to the kitchen and announces dinner will be ready soon. Cricket then checks her phone and says Poet and the mini-twins are on their way home. I’ve barely adjusted to Chipper and Cricket’s presence before the kids arrive to announce they triumphed over evil.
“What evil?” Cricket asks.
“Monsters and stuff,” Murphy explains.
Poet rolls his eyes. “A middle-aged, overweight golfer who likes to touch Hayes.”
“Why can’t Hayes punch him with his monster-sized fist?” Bianca Bella asks.
“The guy has a heart condition and like ten kids. Hayes doesn’t want to kill him.”
“The old man’s gone soft,” Cricket says and sighs. “So sad to see.”
“Turns out the golfer doesn’t like weird kids, so the mini-twins freaked him out big-time. Hayes was very pleased.”
“Grampa gave us money,” Minnow says, pulling out a twenty-dollar bill. “We’re rich.”
Cricket kneels down and hugs the mini-twins. “I’m so proud of my babies for refusing to work for free.”
The chaos of the situation allows me to sit with Chipper and enjoy the show. His hand remains wrapped around mine, and I suspect he’s still bothered by the sight of me crying earlier. I let him keep me close until after we eat dinner. Then I’m on the floor with the mini-twins, putting together puzzles.
The entire evening—from hearing about the silliness at the country club to my time eating Turkish fish stew and finally to sitting
by the fire with Chipper—I imagine my mom watching over us and enjoying the new family I’ve found.
12—CHIPPER
Tatum enjoys a rebirth after her cry-therapy with Bianca Bella. She smiles more, and her eyes always have a little more light behind them. The next day at breakfast, she doesn’t hide behind her hair and even laughs when Mom announces the hardest part of marriage is learning to love Hayes’s hairy ass.
That morning, Tatum makes endless eye contact with Cricket and even speaks to Cap. My brother is the least frightening person in the world yet who managed to intimidate her until now.
With Tatum now embracing life, I decide to drop her into an awkward situation as quickly as possible. I’m a jerk, sure, but I also know she needs to get a few meet-and-greets out of the way before she can truly call White Horse home.
“We’re in Hickory Creek,” Tatum says on the way to lunch. “I’m right, aren’t I?”
“Yes, and look at how you’re getting to know the area. Didn’t even need a GPS, Breezy.”
Tatum’s proud smile warms the SUV. She still feels like a visitor from Florida rather than a Butternut, but every day we drive around, the more her comfort increases. Of course, I’m about to ruin her good mood.
“We’re having lunch at an Italian-style family restaurant. Might be full of kids so you’ll be in your element.”
“Why here and not somewhere in White Horse?”
“They make good meatballs.”
“Should I be worried?” she asks, proving she knows when I’m full of shit.
“Of course not. I’d never make you uncomfortable.”
“Yeah,” she mutters, clearly on to my tells.
“At least, I mean well, right?” I say and leave the SUV. Opening her door, I wear my most casual smile. “You’re so sexy when you give me the irritated wife frown.”
“Who is inside this restaurant?”
“Ruby Fletcher manages this place. She’s a good woman. Don’t be nervous. Now get moving before I freeze off my balls.”
Tatum sighs loudly, sounding too much like Cricket and Bianca Bella. Yep, we’re such fucking bad influences on this poor young woman.
I take her hand and walk inside where we’re seated at a booth between two groups of excited children. Tatum slides in first, and I sit protectively on the outside. Though I’m the one who needs shelter from these loud children. Tatum doesn’t even flinch when the kid behind us lets loose with a squeal so damn loud that my balls crawl up inside me.
“Ours better have a mute button,” I mutter while looking over the menu.
“None of them come with that option.”
“Well, then I hope they look like you so I’ll be too hypnotized by their beauty to notice how obnoxious they are.”
“How did you handle the mini-twins’ screaming?”
“I left the house whenever they got too loud. I’m their fun uncle. Cap is the one who likes to hold colicky babies.”
“Really?”
“Which part?”
“Either.”
I grudgingly smile. “I might have held a crying baby or two. Cap might have an aversion to them. Who can really keep my lies straight?”
“I would think that would be your job, Chippy.”
“You’d think wrong, Breezy.”
Tatum fights a smile before finally giving in. “What should I order?”
“The meatballs are good.”
“Let’s hope they don’t give me lockjaw again.”
Bursting into laughter, I can’t even calm down when Ruby appears to sit on the other side of the booth. Still laughing at the memory of Tatum’s bizarre reaction to dick flavor, I gesture between the women.
“Hi, Tatum,” Ruby says in the soft, warm voice of an experienced mom who knows how to calm a riled kid.
“Hi. Sorry that we didn’t come in that night.”
“That’s okay. We enjoyed our free meal.”
Tatum relaxes a little but still says, “You’re Bonn’s wife and Chevelle’s mom.”
“That makes me your sister-in-law.”
“Chipper didn’t tell me that we were coming here.”
“Of course, he didn’t,” Ruby says, shooting me a grumpy look.
Finished laughing at this point, I only smile at the women. “Ruby runs this restaurant for the Hallstead sisters who are your aunts. Everyone worth knowing in this area is married or connected to each other.”
“I spoke to Clara, Eloise, and Alice about you,” Ruby says while fixing her dark hair slipping from its thick bun. “They’d like to invite you to their yearly holiday party.”
“Will Howler be there?” Tatum asks, sounding ready to cry.
“No. He has no interest in his sisters these days,” Ruby says and leans forward. “Rumor has it that a few years back, he and they got into a huge screaming match and one of them threatened to shoot him if he didn’t leave the house. I guess since then, they haven’t spoken.”
“I very much like that story,” Tatum says, glancing at me. “Can I bring Chipper to the holiday party?”
“Of course,” I answer immediately. “I’m your man, and you need me around to distract people from your awkward silences.”
“Distract how?” Ruby grumbles.
“I don’t know. Flex my muscles. Talk about porn. Challenge someone to a dick-measuring contest. I’ll do whatever is necessary to help out my woman.”
“As charming as ever,” Ruby says and sighs. “I’m certain the sisters weren’t happy to know Tatum was shacked up with you.”
I shouldn’t smile at this news, so I laugh instead. “They’re so jealous of White Horse and Hayes. It’s pathetic.”
Tatum rolls her eyes, but I catch her smiling. If she’s taking sides, no doubt she’ll have my back.
“What’s Bonn like?” Tatum asks to distract from my mocking of the Hallstead women.
“He’s a good man. Strong and self-sacrificing. He loves family more than anything else. His mom raised him basically alone, and they didn’t have much. Even though Howler comes from money and his sisters sometimes helped out, Bonn knew poverty most of his life. It’s why he works so hard for Hayes. He wanted Chevelle and Adric to have everything growing up that he didn’t.”
“Is his mother still alive?”
“No, she passed away almost a decade ago. Not long after Adric was born actually. She’d been struggling with illnesses and depression for most of her adult life. Her death was hard on Bonn because she never got to enjoy everything he accomplished.”
“Does he hate Howler?”
“Most people do. The guy doesn’t do anything to make himself lovable,” Ruby says and then grits her teeth. “Howler didn’t do shit for Bonn. Didn’t care if he lived or died until Bonn started working for Hayes in Common Bend. Once his son had power, Howler gave a shit, but it was too late. Bonn would rather have no father than a shitty one.”
“Why do you think Howler is such a bad person?”
“Howler was spoiled. He’s always had money and power. People feared him even when he was a kid. His sisters babied him and never let him suffer the consequences of his crappy choices. Then he built a club with Mojo Rutgers, so everyone feared them. Howler never once had to suffer for what he did to others.”
My mind wanders from thoughts of yanking Howler’s teeth to how spoiled my little brother is. “Howler’s like what Cap would be if he weren’t an angel from above.”
Ruby rolls her eyes. “Your family is so weird about that angel stuff.”
“Jealous?” I ask. “Do you wish your family had an honest-to-goodness angel in it?”
“You better watch out, or Cap will grow up to be a ten-foot-tall weirdo with a god complex.”
“And the downside to that would be?”
Ruby exhales roughly. “Back to Howler, he’s a loser, and you’re not missing out by having him out of your life. With that said, you being his daughter means you’re Bonn’s sister and the twins’ cousin. You’re a member of our family now
, and you’ll never be alone.”
“She’s a Wilburn now,” I point out.
“Yeah, but she might want more normal people to spend time with too.”
“Why? What’s the upside to normal?”
“I’m not wasting my time explaining that to you, Chipper.”
“Whatever, Mom,” I mumble and roll my eyes.
Deciding I’m a lost cause, Ruby focuses on Tatum. “I hope you’ll have dinner at our house soon. Bonn would really like to meet you. Adric would too, even though he’s a teenager so he won’t show his interest. I know my sisters, who are married to the Rutgers twins, can’t wait to meet you. Like I said, your family got bigger even if Howler will never be worth your time.”
“More family is good,” Tatum says, and I know she’s struggling with her feelings.
I take her hand under the table and whisper, “Your mom would be proud of you for coming to Tennessee and building a new life.”
Blinking wildly to keep her tears at bay, Tatum still manages to smile. She agrees to join Ruby and Bonn for dinner tomorrow. Her voice breaks when she speaks, and I know she’s overwhelmed despite Ruby’s calming personality. The more people Tatum adds to her life, the less present her mother feels.
The night before, while Tatum played with the mini-twins, Bianca Bella and I had a little chat. That’s why she and Cricket are currently hanging up framed pictures at my house.
I can never give Tatum back her mom, but I’ll do whatever necessary to keep Marissa Dole alive in her daughter’s heart.
TATUM
For the first time at the office, I input a restaurant change in the file Chipper keeps. I type in the new employee name and move the old employee name. Wow! I’m so important to the team! Chipper sits next to me, trying not to laugh at my serious expression. He knows I’m unnecessary, but we’re just biding time until our first kid comes along and I get to do what I enjoy.
“You’re the best assistant I’ve ever had,” Chipper says as we drive home in the evening.